i'm scared of the future
of opening my wounds
tearing up my sutures
of what's coming soon
of anything i don't know
can't tell where i should go
how long will this last?
am i going too fast?
the pacing of the show

if i think too hard i'll just freeze
and get pushed down by a single breeze
i don't have enough people who believe
such a short list that it doesn't include me
wish i could just run and be free
but nothing's that easy
afraid that this plane won't take off
too many tails to shake off
and i don't have insurance
so i choose avoidance
every time and always
until i run out of ways to say
sorry, not today.

sometimes i sit there and stare at a wall
thinking if all of this matters at all
trying and failing, losing, prevailing
shutting out the wailing inside my head
making sure that i'm alive and not dead
where did it go wrong?
why is it that you're gone?
come to think of it, we were a pretty bad couple
a couple of bad choices, didn't hear each other's voices
wanted more than we could give
and once we're done we couldn't forgive
thought i knew what i needed
thought it was true
but the right answer was never you

Been reflecting some things
Been affected by feelings
I came out wiser
But sadly not smarter
I'll always make the same mistakes
At least now my heart won't break
Not as much as it used to
Now I'm watching out for you too
I wish I could be a better person
I know that I'm flawed
I can't cut off my yearning
Sometimes I want it all
Didn't share, didn't care
and it left me with no one there
Learned it the hard way
By being a runaway
Now hopefully I'll be the reason
That you're gonna stay
And through all the seasons
We either change, or stay the same
Leaves turning gold, I'm getting old
And all the walls start to grow some mold
I'll always look back and remember
When we were together, and try to be better
So goodbye and farewell
To the guy you knew that came from hell

everybody wants to feel good
everybody says that they would
but sometimes life just doesn't play nice
and all they do is complain they don't get treated right
what happens when you run out of people to blame
what happens when you run out of hearts in this game
hate to be caught in a hall of mirrors
hate to be caught where your exterior is inferior
when you know your interior is superior
or to be more exact, you think that you're better than this
you think that you're worth it, you think you deserve it
but do you really if you don't work for it
not everyone understands what it is to feel like you can't
to feel like everything in the world is out of your hands
feeling like whatever you do won't amount to anything
when all you have to lose is everything
what's the goal? a wedding ring or a home?
or a six figure job? would that make you feel whole?
guess you'll never know. you'll never realize until you grow old.

thanks for the times that you spent with me
thanks for the smile that you never gave to anybody
i wish i could say what you needed to hear
cause you know i was always all ears
but things didn't go as planned
i wish i had taken your hand
and did all i could
i would, i should
but it's all over now
you're gone, to some far away town
somewhere i can't get to
worst part is i can't forget you
but i need to let you go
cause you of all people know
sometimes you just have to let it snow

i was sitting in the dark
just waiting for a spark
scrolling through my phone
asking if there's someone home
it's real empty up there
it's all air down here
they don't care about fears
they just stay and chill
they just want a thrill

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
while i'm alive
while i survive

i was looking through my scrapbook
never really liked how my cap looked
the faces they have faded through the years
yet i can still hear my peers sneer
a disappointment and i know it
afraid of choices and i show it
i don't know how to be okay
what do you all want me to say
i know you're watching, watching
my ship's sinking and i'm the ******* captain
so hold on fellas and don't let go
it's about to be one hell of a show

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
while i'm alive
while i survive

i think it's fine
i just need 8 hours or 9
some shut-eye will do me good
but right now i don't think i would
got too much on my mind
but i'm fine

i've been losing my mind
i've been wasting my time
i've been lying for awhile
i've been faking several smiles
i've been worked up over nothing
i've been craving for some loving
but i know i'll never get it
i know i won't forget it
that's if i stay alive
that's if it's not a lie

Look you in the eye
Tell a perfect lie
I'm not feeling blue
I just feel like the sky
Empty and open, with my arms I'm hoping
Sometimes I wish you'd notice
I know that it's hopeless
Why do I do this
I feel so useless
Put my heart on my sleeve
Just leave it out to bleed
I wish I knew how to let go
If I knew what I know now
It would've been better from the get-go
Let's go, what's the problem?
Can't tell, there's a lot of 'em
So afraid of what's at the end
that I never try again
I can't be more than just a friend
I'll just stop at that I guess