the sky seems grey almost taunting me bringing me down in its misty plumes pushing me down forcing me back into bed forcing me to feel worthless as memories crash against the walls of my mind dragging me back down into my seasonal depression
sometimes i couldn't hear myself S C R E A M I N G couldn't feel the pain you were I N F L I C T I N G like i had put myself away
and sometimes i catch myself D R E A M I N G couldn't stop the flashbacks from C O M I N G O N like i wanted to feel something other than pain
everytime i look back on my C H I L D H O O D i see your face in the B A C K G R O U N D like out of the corner of my eye i see your face lingering still and know i know what to call it just a little S E C O N D H A N D S M O K E
the clock keep moving but it feels as if time is F R O Z E N because when i was younger i that that I S how time worked freezing sometimes bt i learned that wasn't how the T I M E we are so used to works
you keep them you tell them but what kind of S E C R E T S do you try and keep are they C R U E L do they hurt the person or are they the kind that the two of you S H A R E
when you feel it the first time you wont have a clue what your even feeling is it love is it lust you will ask yourself if you are okay and of course you arent why would you be your shattered your broken your body seems lifeless and yet you will want it again because its the only way he shows love
I wanted to give you me in full Except I cant Because I was born to be just a Silhouette Tried to find me But lost it in the writing Now im nothing but The Silhouette of what others have made me
like a *** Just before the water B O I L S Or a person Just before they E X P L O D E It feels like My brain is about to E M P L O D E Because I'm expected To smile like nothing is W R O N G But I have to Sit in the living room and try not to S I M M E R
i have been told that D I S T A N C E is relative, and relative if you asked me right know i would say that your relatively F A R and if you asked me just yesterday i would have told you im relatively C L O S E to breaking down because for now i feel so alone i have missed all the elements wishing they weren't so D I S T A N T from me now i guess its to say that i miss you most at six feet A P A R T when i see you at my window but cant drive you in my car it feels like miles with you six feet A P A R T
like the blue summer S K Y your eyes gleamed in the S U N L I G H T but when the sun began to set the M O O N did not reflect the person you actually W E R E
slowly i fall into your arms allowing you to take over my mind slowly i fall into your heart allowing you to hold me close slowly i fall for a person allowing myself to fall in love with you slowly i fall for a man allowing myself to finally marry
S M I L E it makes you look more P R E T T Y S M I L E it makes you look more Y O U N G S M I L E it makes you seem H A P P I E R remember to S M I L E
Smoke me out I'm begging you Let me feel that high Know what its like Even just for a moment To escape my mind Taking hits off ivory buds The smoke stuck in my lungs Holding tight As if that will make it last a little longer But I just need some silence And maybe an escape From my relentless mind
his heart is snowflake to some hes as cold as snow icy and reserved but if you look closely you see how special he is because he is and he is beautiful and he is kind but he is fragile and easily broken and i have promised him to always take care not to ruin his snowflake heart
all i want is nothing more then to hold your hand forever more cause your the one i love the most and if you love me will you leave me i hope you want me i pray you want me and all my dreams are and all my wishes go to you because i think that i need you
somewhere in america there's a girl being felt up in the subway shes still in her uniform that's part of the appeal its hard to R U N in a skirt and mary janes and her teachers know it is too somewhere in america a girls trying to find the perfect prom D R E S S well im looking in the lost & found cause winter's coming and that's the only coat i have cause mommas working for the government momma only gets paid once a M O N T H somewhere in america
At first when we met I danced to my own beat To my own toon That whistled in my ears But then as we kept talking Kept growing closer You became the song That was evermore stuck Dancing on the walls Of my head
i miss your calls for months it seems i forget that to you i never have to be mean i will never forget you or your mother that i promise but im S O R R Y to my forgotten lover S O R R Y im not good enough S O R R Y i just cant believe that anyone could love my broken and damaged heart my forgotten and lost soul S O R R Y to my unknowing lover
His eyes are the stars Shining an guiding me through the darkest night His lips are the waves Pulling me in and crashing into my embrace His hands are the sun Reaching me warming me through the day His love is the breeze Blowing through my hair dancing lightly against my skin His smile is a fox Coning and brilliant as he zips his way through the trees His happiness is a river Flowing through me like its an addition of my soul
your not a person your a S O U L R I D E R you ride so ******* a H A P P Y soul, until its so drained, so broken, that the person is L O S T inside of there minds but i will not let you ride my soul into O B L I V I O N
These woes are my canvas baby Do you get what I means These words have built my army Filled with my colors and dreams I try to rest easy But they wake me up early They bounce around me restless Till they feel like there honest Even when there spiraling out of control
i am here because i chose to and so i will chose to stand by you i know we can make it through even if we both breakdown we will rise from our ashes because we can break through and even if we cant find heaven i want to walk through hell with you and you will never be alone because i swear to stand by you
when you were younger you were my R E D G I A N T and as you got older you became my S U P E R N O V A but as we met our teen years you became my B L A C K H O L E stealing my light and leaveing me in darkness
His eyes hold oceans His lips hold seas His heart holds a kindness That I'm so happy he shares with me His laugh holds dreams His words hold wisdom Some of which I could never speak I'm just so glad he shares that wisdom with me I'm so in love with him I just hope he knows I'm here till the end of time I will stay in his life
my father i remember his eyes they weren't kind they were dark like a rats i cant use words he stole from me things that i didn't know could be taken fro me at the age of five i had seen more pain and destruction than many would see in there lifetime yet you stole the only thing i was holding onto something i wanted to save for the man who would oneday fall in love with me i wanted to wait till marriage but know i may not ever be able to because of what was stolen from me by you
wait a minute can we just stop the clock from ticking on and on the hands turn you hold me close but you will soon be gone so can time stop so you can hold me just for a few minutes can we please stop the clock
the summer sun beats on my head my shoulders burn my arms sweat but all i focus on is the thought of losing Y O U because to me the only way i felt the summer breeze was in your arms you were my mountain in the valley and you will always be my S U M M E R
the summer before high school after we had met i knew id never tell you cause we weren't even friends but then when i turned sixteen we got matching schedules and now i know that i can call you at like 2am talk about our weird dreams and the places we'd go and i wished i told you before i wish i said it before but now you are my life i know you will stay we'll keep all our promises the world in our own hands
my skin was B U R N T in the bright summer S U N and it amazed me how yours T A N N E D but i suppose you were just a tad more S U N K I S S E D than i would ever get
i just i can feel it i can feel his hands i can feel his nails digging deep into my skin the bruises that rose to the surface still hurt my lungs burn because im gasping for air so sharply that it almost feels like he is still there like his grip is still around my neck like my mother's voice still laughs in the corner like i'm still focusing on the black fuzz that stains that mattress trying not to focus on the pain in my stomach and i hear people they say not to blame myself but i can't help feeling that's maybe if i had just put up stronger defenses maybe if i had done something to protect myself i would never have been in this situation like if i could have screamed a little louder pulled my wrists from his grip a little harder maybe i could have saved myself from being broken but instead i feel like my body is in a slaughterhouse and like a pig i was cut open and savaged for any man who could pay the right price i shake like a small dog and barry the truth and i get what they say i get i cant blame myself but i don't see anywhere in any place where this isn't my fault and all i want to do is cry but us survivors we are supposed to be strong aren't we but when does that kick in when does the sour feeling that is stuck in my stomach leave i still feel like my body isn't mine
the hardest thing i ever did was take a shower its easy to let them **** me its easy to fade its easy to slide into the back of my mind like i was never there like that wasnt me but it was me and i know its not my fault but how can i not blame myself when i was three years old my mother said she needed me to do it that i was the only money she had and when i was six i watched her do so many drugs that it stole her from me and i wasnt sure how to live because what do you do after youve been ***** ten times a day for three years straight when thats all youve ever been good for when your convinced thats all you will ever be good for it took my father ten years to finally learn the truth learn why i was so scared to open up why i locked the door when i showered why i checked the lock four times why i constantly peered out of the shower and washed myself as quickly as possible often not bothering to rinse the soap from my hair because if you took to long you where joined or worse she would yell tell me how much of a waste i am my dad always wondered why i hated showering and it was always because the hardest thing i ever did was take a shower
it was never the right time so i broke my heart by staying with you and refusing to let us fizzle out i knew you would break me knew this would hurt so why did i let you make me take the fall
form on my cheeks just like D I M O N D S i shouldn't cry for you but i cant help when i do is when your words hurt the M O S T like when you finally said G O O D B Y E like to you i meant nothing but these are not your T E A R S
tell me the truth were you ever H A P P Y or was i the cause of so much P A I N of so much A N G U I S H that even the smile i loved so much soon became just as F A K E as your idea of parenting
Tell me your name And I'll tell you my D R E A M S Tell me your aspersions And I'll search for your H E A R T Tell me your happiest moments And I will work to R E C R E A T E all of them
have you ever been in a house wit so much T E N S I O N that you feel like the ceiling is C A V I N G I N like the walls are resting on your S H O U L D E R S and you cant just L E T I T G O even though everyone wants you to and you feel like your on the verge of E X P L O D I N G
I wish this time Didn't feel like a memory Like your hours of lectures Because I'd never be good enough Never be thankful enough But what could I tell you How could I thank you When you provided the bare minimum And used gifts as manipulation Just to take them away before they derived any joy How could the isolated child That never asked for you To take your trauma out on them To be thankful
welcome to thanksgiving lets sit around the table and pretend we don't know that your not about to E L O P E the marriage that you've had for seven years and lets pretend your not about to blame it on M E
welcome to thanksgiving lets sit around the table and pretend we arent trying to ignore the ever growing A N X I E T Y that has been banging in my chest and lets not talk about the trauma i hide U N D E R N E A T H
welcome to thanksgiving lets sit around the table and pretend that we are all so overly H A P P Y as we eat food to avoid the conversation and lets not talk about the people who have caused us P A I N
but i promise i will sit around your table and play nice and be a part of this F A M I L Y
the lights flicker on the lights flicker out i can still hear her voice bouncing off these empty walls can still see her shadows on the walls can still smell her
The lights flicker on The lights flicker out im almost forgetting the doctors words she cant be dead that cant be true He lied the doctor had to Shes going to see me soon walk through that door laughing
The lights flicker on The lights flicker out But she is dead i know she is Why would she do that Why would she drink Why would she drive Didn't she know how much that would hurt me She had to why couldn't she just called someone Why did she have to die I hate her for that
The lights flicker on The lights flicker out I don't even care honestly I have not showered for five days have not been able to leave my bed for 10 But i don't care abut her I don't need her And i'm fine I don't need anyone not even myself
The lights flicker on The lights flicker out Why couldnt have been me I would have rathered it be me Why couldn't i have ran in the car I would trade my life to go back To tell her not to go Its all my fault why didn't i warn her I could've please trade my life
The lights flicker on The lights flicker out Its been two months now I'm okay Shes gone i cant change that No one can change that Its not my fault I'm not mad I will find love again It still hurts when i think of her Still breaks me down But i'm okay But i'm moving forward because i have too
i want to trust that we are okay but then you cut them with your words they are my parents and yes i argue with them and yes i cry over them and yes they do alot i dont agree with but no you cant cuss them out no you cant threaten her no you cant yell at him and no you cant take your leader position into this relationship if you want me we are equals i hope you understand that if not i worry we will be morning the loss of each other
goodbye see you later I LOVE YOU bye see ya o the many ways we said goodbye I MISS YOU i wish you were near me now the tears that stream down o the many ways we said goodbye I H A T E Y O U i never want to see you again your words sting how could you say that when just a month ago you loved me but know your gone o the many ways we said goodbye i hated the last one the most
she was the moon shining bright in the darkness and he was always there to make sure she shined bright but he wasn't the sun no, he was far from that he was the darkness that makes sure she shines all around him
a flutter in my chest ive never felt this before ive never felt such love never been so close to a person never felt myself give my heart so quickly it used to scare me to dive in the ocean we call L O V E i thought i would drown but you showed me that its easier to survive the waves from deep within the waters burning depths of the ocean we call L O V E