you see her
at least the shell
she allows
she builds it up
there are no cracks
there are no fractures
the perfect human
she's never rude
she's never frowning
and only when she is alone
can she breath
a breath of relief
and let down her shell

maybe you chose me based on the convenience
but i wouldnt have given you a second look
had i known the way we wouldve ended
i never wouldve chose you
i wish someone had written me a summary
because i had no idea
i had never seen the signs
i was to young to know any better then your hand
smacks so hard they couldve cut paper
bruises sprinkling my cheeks
yet you still called it pretty
like the bruises you left on me were just your prize

sometimes i let my mind wonder
to the times when i was less fortunate
to times that were much
D A R K E R
and then i see you
i think of your voice
just a subtle reminder that you are
T H E   R E A S O N

he waits at the bank
his hands on the dry dirt
she flows by him
in a river that jumps
and changes often
uncertain of her course
he reaches for her hand
for he is rooted in the ground
and she has never seen roots before
as she had always traveled
but only with the water
her ever changing ways interested him
her lack of plans made him question his
she found his steady hand calming
and in his touch she found
that even her waters so unpredictable
could be calmed even for a second

i found a boy
he told me i was going to be a star
opened the door
helb me through the dark
and hes perfect on paper
but hes lying to my face
i think he
somehow thinks i need to be saved
and there's someone else
hes from my past
tried to fall in love
but it never seemed to last
because the second i let him in he pushes me away
and i cant fight for your love
if you cant meet me halfway

T H E S E    W O R D S
spill of my tongue
like promises that could never be kept
T H E S E    W O R D S
run out of my mouth
like pain that could never be properly explained
T H E S E    W O R D S
flow past my lips
like the screams that escaped my mind but couldn't be voiced
T H E S E    W O R D S
stick in my throat
like the story that i kept hidden in the back of my mind
T H E S E    W O R D S
are silenced
by the men who take everything from the women
who suffer everything for the love of a father

S T E P 1
he smiles at me
a smile i've never understood
we spark a conversation
and it becomes a kind of flow
to step of the bus
and search for his smile
S T E P 2
our conversations become more personal
we relive our pasts
and each savor the moments we spend together
and each brought closer
and then you ask me to be your girlfriend
S T E P 3
you say a word
it has four small letters
but for the first time i believed them
i was surprised that it rolled off my lips
and that i meant it
S T E P 4
we go on dates
we fall in love
we laugh
we go to a parade
we watch movies
and i realize i do truly love you

the sun will rise
even when your in pain
even when your broken
even when the emotions welling in your stomach start to strangle you
the sun will rise

there is a tree
that lives on my
G R A S S
it was planted the day
that i was born
and during the
Y E A R S
it grew tall
with leaves bright
and dark bark protecting its
I N S I D E S
but as years went on
the insides rotted
O U T
until it fell to the ground
shattered into a million
P I E C E S
and i worry that soon
i will begin to
F A L L O W

Grey skies turn to blue now
My eyes turn to stars now
And I'm in love
We are nine clouds high
And I know we won't fall down
We don't need to hide
We let our feelings show now
I don't mind telling you the truth
Because the truth is
I love you

Its funny
I've been noticing
On the nights
That I'm supposed to feel the most weight
The most sadness
I don't because I stare
At those misty blue eyes
And that smirk
The one thats only been captured
In three of the pictures I have
That they bring enough comfort
To lift my sorrows away

Looking back
I wish I could've seen the end
Wish I was sure I made the right decisions
Because leaving you
Was the worst decision of my life
But maybe I'm right
Maybe we weren't ment for eachother
Infact I know we weren't
I knew we wouldn't work
But there where so many words
I had wished I said

when i met you the world i knew
melted away and surrounded around you
and now in my future
i see happiness in you
i see a family
i see smiles
and love so bright
so happy
that i will never let
the world i have with you disappear

the things you
S T O L E
weren't mine for you to
T A K E
and for that you are a
T H I E F

if you got 20 minutes
if i had 30 minutes
i could change your mind
i could make you understand make you
T H I N K
if you sat down and took the time to listen
if i could get you to hear my reason
because if i told you anything
just a sample of a long story
A B O U T
me, if i let you in
if you let me show you a clip
of what the people around you have gone through
maybe if i could get you to pull
Y O U R
head of the pedestal you put it on
if you could stand in the shoes
of the people you dont even understand you hurt
with the horrible statements that you say are just
W O R D S

all i do is think about you
and every little thing i love
like the way your eyes crinkle when you smile
like the way you look at me when I'm being annoying
like the way u can play any instrument you pick up
like how you brighten every room you walk in
just to list a few
i don't know how I'm the only girl inside your head
but I'm never going to let you get me out of it

we grew up on
pretty thin white lines
but now there breaking apart my life
splitting what i need and want
throwing me
int this sea of sadness
this sea of broken
if only i knew how
to slip through the lines cracks

before i met you
they where just three empty words
that i overused never understanding the meaning
but now they feel met to you
i know see me overthinking
even the tiniest of moments
even though you tell me i don't ever have too
and i know that you will always answer my call
but i can never pick up the phone
and tell you the three words
that are so brimming when i see it to you

When I asked her
Why she loved thunderstorms
I was genuinely surprised
By her saying
"Because,
It shows that even the world
Has to scream sometimes
And so when the lightning strikes
I too scream
With the world"

T I M E,
you say i wish we had more
T I M E
like the minuets could stop ticking
like we could hold each second for
H O U R S
so we could stay close in this moment
F O R E V E R
i laugh before saying
if only i could stop the clock and freeze
T I M E

im sixteen
got a lot on my mind
i've got a few friends
that take up my
T I M E
people tell me i should smile
that im a pretty girl
its just taken me
A W H I L E
and im stressed out
but i cant describe
all the things i feel inside
but people say
it will all be good with
T I M E

how do i explain it
my words fall flat
before they can even pass my lips
because how do you tell someone
you burn for them
without scaring them off
how do you explain the deepness
you've fallen for them
without losing them before it even started

today in my life
many years ago
was they day i lost hope
that are people are good

today in my life
many years ago
my mother took his money
willing him to do what he wished

today in my life
many years ago
i could still feel the burn of the
bruises tat he placed on them

today in my life
many years ago
i closed my eyes tight as if it
could make him and the pain disappear

Locking up the cabinet doors
I've been battling
With food since I was four
Tell me its for the better
That starving will make me happier

Cameras on the kitchen door
Don't just eat because your boerd
Couldn't tell the difference
Between hunger and an inference
I'll just wait until it hurts

Now every bite is like a chore
Feeling nauseous with each more
But if I need food to live
Why would you make ut impossible
For me to eat

when i was a little bit younger
i was scared to fall in love
the idea of taking a
F A L L
the idea of loving someone
D E E P L Y
but then my eyes met his
his arms held me tightly
as we fell together
and in his eyes i found myself happily
D E S C E N D I N G

hey have you missed me
its been years since we've talked again
and each time i hear your name i swear i melt away
and every dream i have runs right back to your arms
sometimes when i miss you
i sing a song that we would listen to
wondering if you ever do to
and on the nights when im cold
i remember the way you felt around me
and i realize how much i needed you

tomorrow is an
A N N I V E R S A R Y
the memories cloud my
M I N D
his smile
his dark eyes
the tears i
C R I E D
seeing myself
curled in a ball
holding my stomach as
P A I N
serged through not only
my body but my
M I N D

i break the ice
so they dont see how i break inside
i have to be kind
or they'll make fun of my size
i get told I'm to loud
and i have to keep busy
I'm sorry if i don't respond please don't forget me

i let them keep me around
so there flaws just seem silly
i say I'm okay
or they wont listen to what i need to say
i get told I'm not pretty
and i refuse to be to proud
I'm sorry if i think i sing well when you cant

You screamed that i take up to much space
Half an inch from my face
Even while i slumped in the corner of the room
Because we all knew there was no escaping you
No escaping the drink
The nights youd go to far push me to hard

You said i take to much space
Half an inch from my face
And i just cant shake those words from my brain
On repeat over and over
Like a song i cant stop replaying
Your voice made me shake in the worst ways

You screamed i take to much space
Half an inch from my face
Because i ment nothing to you
The space that i took would just get in your way
so youd scream
Like if i didnt enable it the end was on me

naive is to young
as grass is to green
if someone taught me this sooner
i think i would have grown happier

smile is to fake
as sky is to blue
i wonder if i learned this sooner
if i would have been able to save you

each time i see you
my heart melts a little bit more
i am yours to take

i am yours to hold
in your eyes i see your strength
each look completes me

when your playing guitar
i wish i was in your arms
as you draw me in

i am like a moth
drawn to you a dancing flame
your voice pulls me closer

each time i hear you
each dream you interrupt
seeing you is calm

hugging you is joy
each smile you pass me
growing across my lips

i cant ever leave you
for you are my one true love
our story has no end

I hate the word victim
It's like you are ignoring
All of the surviving a person has done
Like you are looking at the trauma
And saying you are a product of this
But I'm not
It's like you don't want to acknowledge
The fact that we did survive
And don't think your helping
When you say it's not my fault
And in the same breath ask me
why I didn't scream loud enough
Or ask for help
But you will never understand
What it's like to be so manipulated
That your scared to lose your abuser

Tie me a tournaiquet
Around my heart
Before you stab me in the back
Maybe then I won't fall so hard
Bleeding out in your hands
It feels like I've neglected my blood
Forgotten about the body it ran through
**** trying to save you
While I bleed out on your shoe
So tie me a tourniquet
Around my heart
Before you stab me in back

I won’t say I hate you
Because no matter how much
I wish I never met you i don’t
But your love didn’t grow flowers
It built coffins
And I know it’s wrong of me
But I don’t forgive you
I can’t just forget how you
Burnt the house you called a home
to the ground
Was that just to excuse
all the pain you went through
I remember when you would start fights
Just to have the control to put tears in our eyes
Now there soaking through the floorboards
And I could always tell
When the liquor was to strong
I could see it in your eyes
I don’t think I can ever understand
what you did to me
Are you better now that I’m gone

would you have apologized
would you have cared
i guess not
but i know there was a time
when i had your heart
when i felt you
when you where safety
but then you broke me
and i crashed through the seems
while you crushed me down
until i fell so far
that i became trapped

Your trauma made you stronger
You can tell me that all you want
But that didn’t make me stronger
It gave me sleepless nights
It left me in tears
I made me stronger
Because I had to deal with the consequences
That weren’t even my fault
I did that
Don’t give trauma any credit
For my strength

his breath smelt of whisky
and his cloths of cigarette
S M O K E
his hands were rough
as he stole from my
B O D Y
and when he had taken
what he wanted
he left me in the
T R E E S

if your like me
than you can
make your own mistakes
and you can be extraordinary
because if they cant except you
than do you really need them
be who you are
and the ones who are still there
the ones who stay
the ones that ride through the storm
with you and make it out
no matter how hard the wind blows
or were the lightning strikes
the ones that matter are still there
keep them  as near as you possibly can

i hate to get personal
but my mind is a bowl
catching drips
from her problems,
from his problems,
i can solve there's quickly
but refuse to solve my own
i pray if i don't think of it
maybe i can make it disappear
because god knows
i can't deal with them
i'm too scared
that if i tell them to you
you will leave
and desert me
like what happened
with my very own family
so inside i hide
from you
from him,
from him,
but its not because i don't like you
but because i simply can't trust
because inside i'm broken

you said i love
you, i was your only one
and so we kissed recklessly
lett     ing   the   rain  so  ak
o        u         r       c      l    o
        th
        s
       an
       d
        ou
        r
   lo     ve
    fill us

I, as a person, knew nothing
about our kind
about how we work
how are brains speak to our bones
how are minds can fracture
that was until
I tore apart a human for myself
disected the body
disected there minds
and now I understand
humans can never be made sense of

you need not look to far
for if you have ever even the slightest question
you needn't wait for an answer
for all you shall ever need to do is
glance to the vastness of the sky
you need only glance the multitude of the stars
to know the infinite depths of our love

wishing i could see you
isn't the same as missing you
its just wondering if i could ever
build up the confidence
to finally vocalize
the words that are swimming under the surface
everytime i see you
but i think they will always stay
U N S P O K E N    W O R D S

Your not who I wanted
Your not who I needed
But Your who came
When I was crying in the night
So I guess I will stay
But only for the next few days

when i was a young girl
i was scared of growing
O L D
i didn't understand it
but i was terrified of
L O V E
felt likei had no choice
now i know it was out of my
C O N T R O L
i wish someone would have saved me
i was going crazy on my
O W N