tears ridden with salt
fill our seas
tears fallen from ***** chreaks
filling our oceans
my dad used to say
as we sailed on the waves
water water everywhere but not a drop to drink
i finally see why i think

if you were to read me
like i was some book
i wonder what it would say
would i be a tragedy
or maybe an inspirational story
what would you write in the margins
which quotes would u highlight
is it even worth reading
i wonder what pages would make you cry
i wonder what would happen
if you where to read me

I find myself pacing
Running through the memories
Racing around my head
Choking on tears
Remembering the warmth of your hand
The way mine fit perfectly
The way you held tighter when i was anxious
The warmth of being in your arms
Every inch of my being
Curled into you
But then the flashes come
The screaming
The pain caused by those calloused hands
The anger
My lip split, bleeding
The soreness of the bruises
The tears rolling down my cheeks
Those flashes bring me back to reality

It brings me back
To the wooden cabin
To our warm smiles
And our fuzzy pajamas
To the warmth in of the crackling fire
To the way you hugged us
To the way you were before
Warm water stained ***** brown
Filled with bitter beans
Sweetened by glistening white powder
Lightened by white cream
It takes me back
To lightly wrapped presents
And the excitement of christmas
A half eaten plate of cookies
That was when your breath smelt of coffee
The one thing we had in common
But now it reeks of whisky
Now are smiles are faked
And the presents aren’t wrapped
When its just us you don't bother hiding it
And i'm the only one who still drinks coffee

breath
a simple task
but something that broke me
when you told me he was dead
and instead of comforting me
you decided to say
breath

i wish i hadnt rushed my childhood
i wish i had savoured the minuetes
the hours
even the seconds
just a little more
i wish i had been safe to do so
i wish i had been enough for them
i wish i could have smiled more
because now im here
the chains of adulthood weighing me down
unable to move
unable to play
unable to make simple mistakes
like choking on his words
like letting pain into my life
like allowing it to fester
now that im grown
i wish i could undo it

It was supposed to be a promise
just like every other one of your words
all the lies you spewed at me
every song you whispered into my ear
every dream I let you control
now lost in shatters
like ice breaking into a flowing river
like the tears that won't stop
constantly blurring my vision
like I've even let u steal that
and maybe I have
because I let you steal everything
with words like
i love you