Melanie Jackson

Melanie Jackson Sep 2021

Water rushing above me
The surface breaking and folding
Bubbles floating escaping my lips
Vibrating out of my nose
Floating above my hair
Burning in my chest that seems to keep growing
Reaching toward the light
Just out of reach
As hundreds of hands rush down
Pushing me further
Taking me deeper
Until my lungs stop
Until i feel the buzz of oxygen
Until i remember how to fill my balloons
Until i remember how to float
Until these fake bladders
fill with amber liquid
Until my breath comes back stronger
And the images of me drowning fade
into the back of my skull
Like distant memories
And i realize that i'm not in water
But a hospital bed
Drowning in fluids i produced
Realizing that my body’s slowly killing me

Melanie Jackson Sep 2021

will i ever

will i ever
i find myself asking wondering if i can
if i deserve
if ive done enough
and maybe i havent
theses thoughts weaving there way in
taking over my mind
until im brought back
to a place of mistakes
and incompleations and lost causes
and i wait until i forget my
will i evers

Melanie Jackson Sep 2021

enough

i admit im broken
i can point out all my flaws
but i know what i deserve
because im not just another lost cause
and i make mistakes
because im human
im not something else
and i refuse to be scared to mess up
and i dont need anyone there
to hold me up because
ive finally realized im
enough

Melanie Jackson Aug 2021

if im gone

Broken.
Shattered, like glass
Shards spreading to far
Out of my reach
Out of his
Lost.
Missing, but no amber alert
Cant call on someone
Who's standing in front of you
But still i'm gone
Without cause
Hurt.
Pain, coursing through like a bullet wound
I don't mean to be cruel
Or cold
But my pieces are gone
Found.
Sitting on the edge
Ready for the fall
Memorizing the rocks at the bottom
Watching the waves crash wondering
If its deep enough to drown
Wondering what they would say
Attention.
Thats what they will say i want
Except i don't
They will say i'm crying for help
Except i'm hopeless
They will say i'm faking
Except i want out
They will say i'm a coward
Because they don't see all the missing pieces

Melanie Jackson Aug 2021

god save

God save the prom queen
She might be 18
But shes more broken
Then the window pane
That she stares out
When she cant escape
On the days when the bruises are to dark
When the rain is too strong
When the scent of liquor
Spilled on her in a fit of rage
When the broken bottles cover the ground
with to many shards to step around
When daddy finally comes home
Save her from herself

Melanie Jackson Aug 2021

well

well maybe i i smiled more
i would be pretty
well maybe if i cared less
i wouldnt get so hurt
well maybe if i did more
i could one day be enough
well maybe if i was louder
i could drown out these thoughts
well maybe if i screamed
i wouldnt have been hurt
well maybe if i was better
he would love me
well
well
well ......
but when do they stop
when do my hundreds of wells turn into
A C C E P T A N C E

Melanie Jackson Aug 2021

Dear someone

Dear dad,
I hate you
I hate that you lie
I hate that u break things
Like this relationship
That's shattering infront of your feet
Dear mom,
How could you
Let your daughter be so bruised
So battered and broken
To then leave the pieces
like she was never yours
Dear woman,
Thank you
For coming into my life
Showing me what real love
How a real mother treats there daughter
Dear sister,
I wish I didn't know
You change your name
And spit on our legacies
Molesting not only me but our past
Dear love,
Why won't you come
When I lie on the on the ground
Tears streaming down my face
Asking myself where you are
when I need you the most
Dear tears,
You always betray me
When I want to stay strong
When I need to be okay
When I want you gone the most
Dear someone,
Somewhere reading this
I hope you glimps at my life
Not with pity
Not with sadness
But with understanding
that we are alike
Weather you can admit it or not