Try to please too much and you'll lose who you really are

Please don't make me talk about it  
                      make me repeat the cruel words she wrote
                      make me take you step by grueling step
                      make me say the words I'm struggling to spit out
                      make me explain my depression
                      make up excuses
                      make me lie
                      make me fall for you

Dip your finger in the wine
and let me taste the fruit
of it's vine

Black cloud crossed my mind
Blue mist round my soul
Feel so suicidal
Even hate my rock 'n' roll
Wanna die yeah wanna die
If I ain't dead already
Ooh girl you know the reason why

Hidden away from the wind and rain
Block them out, we're alone again

I can't speak my own mind because everyone is too ******* worried that you'll slit your wrists

So selfish  
So unsuspecting
Who will be there for you
when you're done projecting?

Please don't leave me alone with my thoughts. Not now.

It was so real.
Do you remember?
Don't you see?

I feel as if I've known you forever --
your lips, your hands, your heart.
What is this? Who are you?
A past Love? A past Lover?
From where did you come
   and why show up now?

We met in the middle,
like two lungs that had
suddenly joined
and realized that
they weren't
properly functioning
before.

No free verse
         haiku
            or sonnet
could ever portray
the amount of love
this beating,
bleeding heart
holds for
you.

I used to cry for you
But now I only cry for me

Your bones shift under tanned skin
and I want to melt into you, to morph our bodies together until neither of us know who is who

Your presence is a  
humming in my ear,
reminding me that you're
here
that you're
alive
and that you're
**mine

Dear Amy,

Look at me.
Please.
Just one acknowledgment will help.
I hate having you angry at me.
Our petty fights have never lasted past a day...
but I realize that this isn't one of those fights.

...I'm not sorry, not one bit.
I don't regret this at all.
But here's what you need to understand:  
I can't help it.
I can't change my heart and my feelings and who those feelings are directed towards.
I don't see her body, I see the person she is.
Yes, I realize she's one of your closest friends.
Yes, I realize it was wrong not to tell you immediately.
Yes, I realize that this changes the way you see me...

But I am still me.

My heart is just more open now.
I'm so happy, Amy.
Really happy.
Don't you see that?
You were the one who said I was acting differently...
Apparently, you knew why.
Why didn't you come and talk to me, just ask me yourself?
I'm not turning this on you, promise.
Just wondering why you didn't want to talk about your suspicions.

I was going to tell you, just didn't know how to yet.
Sorry you had to find out from two people I don't even consider friends anymore.
(And if both of you see this, I hope you feel like ****.)
Now that I know how to tell you, you won't speak to me.
Maybe I'll just print this out or send you the link...

Until you start speaking to me (and Rachel) again:

I love you.

All my love,
*Leigh

Love sought is good, but given unsought better.

Looking back, I realize that I "forgave" you too quickly, too easily.
I allowed your lips to touch mine when really, I wanted you no where near me.
I let you into my bed weeks before I was ready to.
Revolted.
Disgusted.
Ashamed to be yours.  
My heart was cracked and bleeding.
What a ******* idiot I was.
I should've ended it then.

you ruined it for yourself.

Over the past seven months,
you've taught me to be selfless --
That I should value other's needs and feelings over my own.
Who better to practice it on than you?
Your happiness and your well being are far more important than mine.
After all...
How could I be happy if you aren't?
How could I be "fine" if you aren't?
There is nothing I wouldn't do to make you
a
better
*you.

what is it that you're so afraid of?

if it's your feelings, why?

if it's my feelings, why?
you know how I feel.

or do you?  

do you know what I would do for you?

I'd go to the ends of the earth for you.
I'd die protecting you.
I'd lay down my life for the sake of yours.

why?

because I love you.

I weep
because your love
overwhelms me
and
I cannot contain
the feelings
that pour out of
my open heart.

Would it be impulsive to stick my hand into the flame and let your fire consume me?

Does the night haunt you like it haunts me?

Never had I felt so unwanted in my entire life. For the first time, you gave me an inkling of doubt. That inkling later turned into a stain that covered my entire heart, blocking you from it. You didn't want me. You wanted someone else. I was barely a month post-operation. My self confidence was frighteningly low. Did you notice? You always called me confident, but I wasn't. Not then. It only got worse after I read those text messages. I'm sorry I did, but I knew something was wrong. I was right. You had wanted someone who wasn't me. In a way, it felt like cheating. You would've, had there not been a strict "no touching" rule. You would've. As I read those texts, I jumped up, ran down my grandmother's hallway, and locked myself in her bedroom. My hands were shaking and my knees were weak. How could you? I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest. How could you? God, it ******* hurt. It hurt it hurt it hurt. You destroyed any trust I had in you. From then on out, my trust was lacking. It never returned. Never.
One thing I've realized looking back on things is that you didn't care. You barely cried while my pain was pouring down my cheeks. You hardly blinked. You thought that I would welcome you back with open arms. You actually got upset when I wouldn't kiss you, three days after having my heart broken. *******. ******* for hurting me like that.
I should've ended it then. I should've broken your heart.
Then maybe you would have understood.

I've found I hate the word manipulative
It's synonymous with your name
So the hate is just the same

Take me to the mountains
where the air is crisp
and the water is clean.

She looked at us today and made a face...
My God, she knows.
Of course she can see right through me.
She doesn't miss much around here.

I only stared back and closed the shutters.

I want summer --
no stares from kids I don't know,
no glares from kids I unfortunately do.

It was terribly awkward.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and without warning,
placed his chapped lips on my virginal ones.
I pulled back and scrunched up my nose.
"That wasn't too good, was it?"
"No, not really."
"Can I do it again?"
The second time was better.
He had run his tongue over his lips this time.
It didn't matter anyway.
He wasn't the one I wanted to be kissing.
It was always him.
Maybe it always will be, in some part of my mind.

Your fingers traced stars against the galaxies of my mouth and I forget to listen to the dark and the celestial.

can't you see that perfect picture?
you and me?
you don't.
so here I sit,
waiting
on
you.

How does it feel?
How does it feel
To be without a home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?

I have no voice if I don't speak my mind

I miss you in this
space between my lungs,
though it's not my heart...
I don’t know what it is.

Isn't it funny
how we go to school
after spending shiftless nights
reading each other's poetry
and act as if
we haven't seen a small fraction
of souls
so well hidden
under white shirts
emblazoned with the school crest?

I always stop myself when the thoughts arise
because I could never let my father
find me that way.
Surely, he would die as well.

I'm a sunbather, basking in the light you emit

It's been a month full of
permanent smiles, resonating laughs, sleepy voices, and open hearts.
You're changing me everyday
and I couldn't be more grateful.