I broke my own heart --
I felt it quiver and shake with a fear unknown
Slowly, I pulled it apart
It bled and bled but I let it bleed
Pieces of you drained from under my skin
Drops of what we had landed on the bathroom floor
And I, I did nothing to stop it
No bandages, no sutures
It continued for days
And I, I did nothing to stop it

Without your hand in mine,
I feel loneliness seep in.

I have the power to destroy a person's life.
What does that make me?

You have me flying high,
finally feeling free.
Teach me how to use
these newfound wings.

None of you know
None of you have any idea

Love...*
It makes creases in the corners of your eyes.
It throws stars into your smile.
It ignites an unquenchable fire in your soul.
It travels down your legs and curls your toes.
It opens doors and windows and hearts.
Will you let it?

I'm sorry that I couldn't stay,
but I'm not sorry for leaving.

What folly of yours
is wisdom of mine

I'm trying.

Fake for loving you?
You're **** right.

Where I'm supposed to be:
Pressed against your side,
your warm hand in my cold one.

Queen. ******* Queen. Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Adam Lambert? Christ, I couldn't believe it. It was going to be amazing. I had been listening to their music the whole eight hour car ride to Houston. One song that had been on repeat was the ballad "Love Of My Life". Every time I listened to that song, I cried. My love for you was so strong then, probably the strongest it had ever been. It reminded me of you. It was six o'clock by to the time we got to Houston. God, that ******* car ride was hell on my back, barely a month post-op. It was worth it. As we walked to the Toyota Center, I thought of you. I ached to have to with me, with your arm around my waist and mine around your neck. We made our way to our seats and patiently -- or not so patiently -- waited for that Q curtain to rise and for the music to spill from their legendary instruments. The curtain rose, the crowd went wild, and I felt my heart climb into my throat. Something's wrong. I looked around but everyone was cheering and singing along. I shrugged it off. That feeling continued for the next hour. The only time it subsided was towards the end of the show. Brian May walked onto the stage alone, his acoustic guitar in hand. He told the crowd that he "wasn't much a singer", but he would sing "Love Of My Life" for Freddie. As the first chords rang out, I sat down and I wept. Disgusting, silent sobs. Why? At the time, I thought it was for Freddie.
Later, I realized that it was for you.

***** you and your moral high road. Don't pin that **** on me. Nine months later and I can still see through you like you're a ******* window. Did you want what was best for me in July? How about August? Or January? Or March, when you thought that I opened my legs in order to open my heart? *******. I don't want your God-given *******. Take what He gave you and stay out of my life.

And you, so blinded by your lust, forget to love.

Steal the air from my lungs
Watch my ribs crack inward

No one told me that at seventeen
I would risk everything for my freedom
I would have my heart shattered into pieces
I would learn to regret
I would learn to let go
I would find love in a stranger  
I would find my place  
...so what's waiting for me at eighteen?

I see your smiling face and weep silently, all along wishing I could bring your son back to you.

I want to mark your skin blue  
I want to leave my scent on your sheets
I want to press and scratch and bleed
You've brought out my possessive side
...Who knew?

Wasn't it fear all along?

My life, your life
Don't cross them lines
What you like, what I like
Why can't we both be right?
Attacking, defending
Until there's nothing left worth winning
Your pride and my pride
Don't waste my time

I don't wanna fight no more

Take from my hand
Put in your hands
The fruit of all my grief
Lying down ain't easy
When everyone is pleasing
I can't get no relief
Living ain't no fun
The constant dedication
Keeping the water and power on
There ain't nobody left
Why can't I catch my breath?
I'm gonna work myself to death

I don't wanna fight no more

No, no, no, no

I don't wanna fight no more
I don't wanna fight, I don't wanna fight
I don't wanna fight no more

Why didn't I have the courage to ever say no?

I can't promise you tomorrow,
but I can promise today.

I will never hide love again

I'm trying so hard to be everything you want me to be, but in reality, I'm not any of those things

You have no idea what you do to me.
A simple touch of your hand sets me aflame.
*I am pushing you away in order to resist the temptation of pulling you closer.

Do you talk about me? Do you tell them who I am? Who I was? What I mean to you? What I meant to you? Do you mention our love that will never die? The times we shared? The music we listened to? The early morning kisses? The late night tears? Does my name even pass your lips?

Sometimes I think of your smile
and the way it would slowly spread
across your tanned face.

Sometimes I think of your laugh
and the way it would caress my ears
in the loveliest of ways.

Sometimes I just think about you
and the way you were almost mine
on that sunny day last summer.

I want to smash every mirror
with these bloodied knuckles
so that I never have to bear
the sight of my own
pain

The timing was all wrong...
so I made it right.

We used to spend lazy days in bed, listening to the birds wake restless sleepers. The sun would cast shadows over us and in moments like those, I thought I couldn't love you more...
The glory of morning is for fools entangled.

Shaking hands
Stuttering excuses
Empty bottles
Endangered bodies
Repressed memories
Unspoken words
Open windows
Wrinkled shirts
Stained sheets

You have no trouble joking about boyfriends with everyone else,
so what's wrong with me?
Why can't you be that way with me?
Now that I have someone I can share with you, I want to be able to.
But you ignore and scream and become paranoid.
What's wrong with you?

PASSING stranger! you do not know how longingly I look upon you,
You must be he I was seeking, or she I was seeking, (it comes to me, as of a dream,)
I have somewhere surely lived a life of joy with you,
All is recall’d as we flit by each other, fluid, affectionate, chaste, matured,
You grew up with me, were a boy with me, or a girl with me,          5
I ate with you, and slept with you—your body has become not yours only, nor left my body mine only,
You give me the pleasure of your eyes, face, flesh, as we pass—you take of my beard, breast, hands, in return,
I am not to speak to you—I am to think of you when I sit alone, or wake at night alone,
I am to wait—I do not doubt I am to meet you again,
*I am to see to it that I do not lose you.

If someone even dares to say your name around me,
only one word comes to mind.
It's the best word to describe you.
The basic definition?
Miserably inadequate.
Synonymous with your name.
I pity you.
Truly, I do.
I cannot imagine what it's like to not be able to help yourself.
Isn't that the goal of humans?
"Help yourself in order to help others."
But you can't.
How sad, how miserably inadequate.

Bright blue eyes of youth,
for who do you search?

Anger --
Spit in my face
Rip up our photos
Burn all my love letters
You're just one step closer
Go ahead
End me

I am remembering

If the eyes are the windows of the soul,
then the shutters of my windows are
*permanently sealed.

I burn for you and you alone;
Your love lights a flame
that will not dim
nor extinguish.

I've learned to love you like I never have before -
with my whole self - body, mind, heart, and soul.

You, my first real love, will always hold a place in this heart.
Whether you choose to remain is completely up to you.

Maybe you became
the girl
who wears black
because your mother
told you
that no color
looked "good"
against your
pale skin
and
bleeding heart.

I've set fire to what you left behind -
The embers singe the vanilla perfume inside my lungs
   and new life bursts through the flames.

"Familiarity breeds contempt."