According to the movies
Americans
Love fighters and hate lovers
We push our values... and we
Value our pushers
We believe in helping the needy
And yet... We need help in believing
We freely express our opinions
BUT...
.....WE still have opinions about free expression
So we're quick to compromise
Compromising ourselves to the quick

We still pride ourselves on the price we paid
For our hard fought independence and freedom
Yet it's our pride and independence
That's still our hardest fight
Our freedom is the price we seem
Willing to freely pay--
We've gone  from:

"JUSTICE FOR ALL"
   To
"ALL FOR JUST US"

The police are here to protect and serve
Not just to protect those who serve the police

Still , we believe everyone
Has the right to be free
But not everyone
Is free to be right

Just like we believe in GOD and country
We seem to believe we're a country of gods
We're always feeding the needy
While acting like we're always
In need of a feeding

BIG BUNCH OF BABIES
IT'S TIME TO GROW UP !

Its not what you're saying
That needs defending
Its not what you think
That you need to explain
Its not what you know
That gives you  knowledge
Its not what you hear
That you need to retain

It is what you're saying
That you need to retain
It is what you think
That does  give you knowledge
It is what you know
Thats in need of explaining
It is what you hear
That you need to defend

It was what you defended
That needs to be said
It was what you explained
That shows what you're thinking
It was what you acknowledged
That you need to know
It was what you retained
That needs to be heard

It never was saying,thinking....
...knowing or hearing
It never was retaining knowledge
That you need to defend

It was only in explaining....
...That got you in trouble
Because IT never was IT
Its not IT IS IT--was it?
Never was saying you think
Never was saying you think
you know thats what you heard
SAY YOU THINK
SAY YOU KNOW
SAY YOU HEARD
SAY YOU DEFENDED..YOU EXPLAINED
SAY YOU ACKNOWLEDGED..YOU RETAINED
THAT needs to be said
SAY YOU need to know
That SHOWS what you're thinking
THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID!
Your need to defend
Thats in need of explanation
You think
That does give knowledge
You say that you need to retain
YOU HEAR!! THAT you need to retain !

What you KNOW
THAT gives you knowledge
What you THINK
THAT you need to explain

Its not what you say
That needs defending
Its not what you SAY
That needs defending
It's not what you say
Its what you KNOW
And you know
That what IT IS...isn't always IT

YOU know that's what IT is
And thats always IT
THAT IT!! So tell me....
Is it what it is that you thought...
........That it was?

THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID !

You somehow got the notion
That you know who I am
But the picture that you've painted
Is nothing short....
         ......Of a sham
Abstract interpretations
Has absolutely --resolutely
No resemblance to me
No image of anything
That I'd ever....even.....want to be
So where did you get
Your Information
Certainly wasn't from
Any true observations
Reliance on opinions
Outside of your control
Gives a SLANTED view
That you used to find a clue
So what you finally created
In your mindless revelation
It's probably more like
A  self -portrait
Than you would ever
Want to admit.....to yourself....
....much less ...to anyone else
Look..... look....look....I say
At the picture
Ain't it getting clearer
Funny how it.... Suddenly
Feels like you're staring
Into a mirror
NOW THEN......
....Do you get the picture?
Do you see the flaw?
It's in your inability
To think outside the box
Those four walls that surround you
Really don't exist
Unless they're something
That you need
To help you to resist
Seeing beyond the boundaries
Opening up your mind
Moving past the mundane
Realizing that
You've been blind
To the bigger picture
To all the colors that exist
Besides the black and the white
That right now
Is muddled into a grey
That surrounds you......
.........JUST... LIKE....A...MIST !

They say money can't buy happiness
So maybe .....
.... I could lease it for awhile
Maybe I could try it on for size
Or test drive it for a mile
Not that I would want it
To be eternal
Not on this earth I must say
For without pain
What do you gain?
Without darkness
It would always ..be ..the same ...day

So maybe that is the answer
That comes creeping thru the night
When shadows dance and evil grants
What would never survive the Light
STILL...Some things are never hidden
No matter how black the ink
That stains the pages
Of our history
Those times
We've tried so hard
NOT ...TO...SINK...
SO ..Happiness is not to be granted
For money, Lust or FAME
It can't be rented , leased  or purchased
But it can  be yours.. just the same

It doesn't cost that much you see
A sale can be arranged
No credit cards or LARGE sums needed...
.....All it takes........is a little change.

Restless rainyday feelings
Alone in my room
Peering out of the window
At the gathering grey gloom
Left in the darkness
With nothing to do
I open up my memories
To think about you
Like the raindrops that gather
On a clear window pane
The drops run together
Like the thoughts in my brain

And I'm floating along
On a foggy grey day
Peacefully dreaming of sunnier days
When we walked and we talked
Without ever even thinking  about time
Restless rainyday feelings
Alone and  wasting my time
At the depths of my remourse
On a steep uphill climb
As I'm climbing so hard
Just to get to the top
My thoughts........they just scatter
Like the falling raindrops

As they all run together
Like the lines on the pane
Running together much like
The thoughts in my brain

And I'm floating along
On a foggy grey day
Peacefully dreaming of sunnier days
When we walked and we talked
Without ever even thinking about time

Restless rainyday feelings
Alone as  I'm thinking of you
I find that it's so hard
To know just what to do
When left with an emptiness
That goes so amazingly deep
To the depths of my heart
My soul and my deepest desire
Those thoughts that inspire

These restless rainyday feelings
All alone  -- much too soon
So I'm just  floating  along
Through the gathering grey gloom
All alone....alone in my room !!

I'm a pale and washed out version
Of the me I used to be
So I feel Its disconcerting
The reflection that I see
So I try to change the lighting
Maybe shadows are what I need
A place to hide
From the rising tide
That keeps washing me out to sea

Do we.,...
.close the doors
Open the wars
Raid the stores
Even old scores
Is that what its coming to

Do we...
Man the oars
Roar the roars
Say goodbye to the ever mores
Is that what we're to do

WELL I DON'T THINK SO....NOT ANYMORE
So ........shake it off !

I'm a pale and washed out version
Of the me I used to be
But no more........NO MORE !!

I'M GONNA START.....shining
Shining like ... the.....Light of ....day
I'm gonna stop whining
About the one that got away
I'm gonna start designing
With color instead of washed out grey

AND I WILL NO LONGER JUST LINE UP
TO face the disarray.
NO MORE !!!

She left him at the bar table
Resting there all alone
With a cold beer there beside him
And a copy of Rolling Stone
She often called him pinky
But his real name was Bic
For a year now he had been her steady
Always ready to do his trick

He always lit up for her
And brightened up her nights
How many flicks had they seen together
How many shared cigarettes
In bed on sleepless nights

But shes out there on the dance floor
Having a good ol time
While he waited at the table
Wondering ...
If he would be left behind
She tried it once before
At a party for some guy
She left him in the corner
Forgotten and feeling discarded
Without even saying goodbye

It wasn't that pinky was jealous
He wasn't built that way
He had a job -that was his life
And he would do it to his dying day

Then she came back to the table
Bringing some guy along
They sat down - ordered a round
Lit up a smoke told an old joke
Then he used his cricket lighter
To check the watch that he wore
Saying he had another few minutes
If she'd  care to dance some more

The cricket was left on the table
Half hidden behind a pack of lucky strikes
A blue cricket and a lost pinky
There something out here she likes
But she knows they can't be together
So Bic was content to just wait
Then THAT GUY returned to the table
Putting the cricket and poor pinky in his pocket
And together now they found each other
And thats the lighter side of life.

I don't think its broken
But it sure is bruised
The runaround I'm getting
Has left me so darned confused
I told you I loved you
And it left you so cold
I feel like I've been beatin
Kicked ,stomped on, and rolled

HELP ME I'VE FALLEN
And I can't give up
One broken heart .....is
.....One too much
So now I lay here
On this cold dance floor
I just keep on crawling
Coming back for more
I've fallen ....but I just can't give up!!

Topic of the day
As I walked in the store
Was  the military going gay
Storekeeper ready for war
I liked the guy normally
So I hated to spring my trap
But its what I do ...regretfully
I listen to people and see past the crap
It doesn't make me many friends
But I'll.trade that for any light I create
In those dark and dingy corners
Where no reason or reality has...
          ,,,,,,been able ......to ..penetrate
Ever notice how people resent it
If you really listen as they speak
So sometimes I pretend to be vapid
So I won't be considered some kind of freak

It doesn't work either
Cause they always see it in my eyes
And say "WHAT ?  ,You really think I'm wrong.?"
And I get the job for which noone else applies
Somewhere in my DNA is a madman gene
Where I say if 2 x 2 is 4 then 200 x 200 is 4
The zero is a distraction if allowed to come between
Reason and  abstraction the surface and the core

So I jumped right in that day
When any normal person wouldn't dare
"Whats your objection Mr. Appleton
You don't think all things should be fair
And he pulled out the playbook to find a quote
A book that is a cover and a cover not a word in between
Censoring out all reason means that  thats "all she wrote"

Then out it came all the same a 7 with 4 zeros trailing along
"They shouldn't be allowed to be in the military cause ...
I'm  thinking don't use the zeros no  no .. I FOUGHT IN VIETNAM
                  Click ...click ...CLICK....
SO YOU"RE  SAYING YOU WENT AND FOUGHT FOR FREEDOM?
HE AGREED So I let him keep the zeros (a couple more seconds)
And they have a right in a free country to be who they are? I asked
He nodded as I reclaimed the now sad little zeros CLICK....
IM CONFUSED Sir they get freedoms men FOUGHT and died for
He again nodded  O.M.G. but they don't have to pay for it.? Right?
I just went ahead and took all his playbook stash of zeros CLICK
Click click .I  leaned and whispered "Thats a hell of a deal - how you were willing to fight and die click click click click so gay men
Could stay here where its safe while you pay for him to ****......
     Click click click click.... Needless to say I had to find a new store to shop at.CLICK.

I knew from the start
It would be a hard road
What I didn't know
Is how you would lighten my load

I was walking alone
Tryin hard not to think
About the places I've been
And how low one can sink
When I looked up again
I saw you up ahead
Then I knew....
....That the road always knew
That to you I was led

You lightened my load
When you took a hold
Of my hand and I knew
All roads always led back to you

For such a long time
People just came and went
And every dime I've ever had
Was gone before it was spent
I didn't know who I was
I got to where I didn't care
But you lighten my load
And you took me somewhere

Now you are all that I need
Truly more than I deserve
You are the last straight stretch
When my whole lifes been a curve

And you lighten my load
Helping me to move on along
So when I'm feeling so weak
You keep me going strong
YES ..when I'm feelin so weak
You keep me goin on ....
....goin on strong.

I been lookin  I been lookin  I been lookin..
......for myself
For myself  for myself  for myself
A poor man am I
In a world of wealth
Wealth.......wealth
I may be ...crazy
But I've got my health.....health
A penny for my thoughts
Will get you change as well

Color blind....with an open mind
Leads me into the grey..grey...grey
Fog my mind as if l'm totally blind
Watching the colors fade away

But I'm still lookin lookin lookin
Looking at the future
As the past slowly crumbles
Echoing like the distant thunder
Under a grey sky
That always rumbles
rumbles  rumbles rumbles  ruMBLES
RUMBLES  RUMBLES.......RUUUMMMMBBLLLEESS

Bought me a ticket on a subway train
Took me a trip that circled around my brain
Went right past the point
Of being sane....so now
I'm never never ever coming in from the rain
Rain rain rain
Rain falls down like everything  will
Will?  will will will ?
I lost my will
When I fell from the hill

I should have just run down...
...run down--run down- r u n  d o w n
Just like any clock will
Tick..Tick.. Tick
Tock..Tock..Tock.....Tock
Like any clock...will
I lost my will ....when I fell ...
....from the hill.

If you're just walking
When you should have run
Then you'll have lost the race
Before it even has begun
If you're still talking
When the time for that is done
I wonder....do you really want to know?
Or was it all just for fun

Are you......
....just going through the motions
Of trying to join the race?
Trying to convince the world
That you fit in someplace
Always crying that you never had a chance
All the while - up your sleeve is an ace
Are you ever going to measure up
To the you you're trying to trace

Are you ...
....just a carbon copy?
Of someone you try to be?
Or are you just the opposing picture
Of what it is that you see?

Open up the blank door
To liquid thought
Pour out ideas over the hollow earth
Watch plastic people as they get caught
For violations of their birth
Crawl into your hole of fiery dirt
Close the door upon your fears
Stay inside so you don't get hurt
And lose the delicate years

Slide back
The swinging  pendulum
That's tied to our lives
Swinging too fast for many
Not fast enough for some
The time soon arrives
With ringing  bells
And singing chimes
The minutes tick away
Like so many other times
It's now another day

I really shouldn't drink this
Its gonna **** me dead
But who's to say.... that ...
....That ...would really be so bad
So.. Until they prove otherwise
I'll have my little drink
It doesn't really taste too bad
And yes.. I realize its pink!

They worked really hard
To make it
Think of all the time they had
Takes a lot of ****'d persistence
To make a drink that bad

I resisted for a long time
But temptation got the best
So now you know the story
Its just like all the rest
I tremble now with withered hands
That slowly turn to dust

I write this down while I can
While my sanity I still trust
I found a shade  -- a rarity
In this barren land

I lay my bones on the ground
To make my final stand
Can't get up to go again
I have this evil thirst
I've really gotten rotten
Since I took my first

I know it's true
What at the first I said
About how this evil liquid
Is gonna **** me dead

But ..still
I lay here in the shade
As the days get dry and hotter
BUT...at least...I have
An ample supply
Of that GLOWING HOT ...PINK WATER!?

Its the little things they say
That makes our lives complete
Little thoughts-little deeds
That small gesture ...
        .....offering up a seat
To someone you see in need
And the smile you get
Offer accepted or refused
That says "Thanks friend...
           ...that helped to raise my spirit
That the day had abused
Maybe some small gift you get
Just to let you know
Not only are you appreciated
We wished to make sure and tell you so

Its those little smells
That can raise titanic memories
And those little angry words
That can dredge up titanic agonies

Its those little bitty battles
Fought with nasty little words
That leave those little tiny scars
You get from hearing what you heard

Its just a little color
On a grey and dreary day
That can take some gigantic problem
And just melt it all away

The force of the words
Nearly knocked me down
Pouring over me
I tried to run in
Into the midnight sun
But they just wouldn't let me be
Someone said
Its all in your head
So its always up to you
I changed my mind
Now I'm running blind
I don't know what to do

I see no light in the light of day
And I see no dark at night
Nothing seems to matter now
Its as if I've lost my sight

A chill in the air
Nearly stopped me cold
Settling to my bones
Slowing me way way down
Putting me in the ground
Leaving me all alone
I felt the trace
Of an evil taste
As I tried to wriggle free
No-one heard my last muffled words
So I guess that's all  from me

The world split open
And the tears poured out
Love all around me
And it's all about
Things I know
Things I see
Things that are going on
Inside of me
And I look
And I see
And I feel
What I feel... What I feel
Its all real really really really really real

Doors will open
Doors will close
Life has its highs
And life has its lows
The course of a river
Is the course that it chose
And it keeps on living
As long as it flows  ....
And it flows ....and it flows ... And it flows
On and on and on ...it goes

Look at the world at large
See how they all do barge
Noone can see right now
The way I see
My eyes do look inside
Reason finds a place to hide
Nothing frightens me besides
What nothing really is
Something rings a warning bell
They've opened up the gates of hell
Maybe... Its just as well

No need to close the gate
All done a bit too late
Something to set me straight
Nothing gives
Stop there ...don't go too far
Never know where you are
CLOSE THE DOOR
SET THE BAR
EVIL LIVES

A breakdown in the system
Doesn't seem to bother me
I'm too busy payin the bills
To worry about others misery
Revolutions have to wait
Till all the parties get in line
But they're all still waiting on uniforms
That noone has yet .....to design

Working at cross purposes
From a thousand different ways
Just makes a working stiffs ....
           ......eyes go dull
Like they're walking in a haze
They hang like meat at the end....
                  ....of the day
Shuffled along with all their toys
That shields them from the real real world
Behind a great wall of constant white noise

It will bring the world together
Said the spider king one day
And the world changed in a second
A thousand years faded away

While smoke hung like a curtain
And lightening lit the sky
Buildings crumble with ferocity
As people continue to die
Bringing the world together
Seems to push us more apart
Somehow it seems that every end
Is just another new start

False starts beg the question
Is this the final dream we've sought
Cash in for what your buying
Cash out for what you've bought

Revolutions have to wait
For all the parties to get in line
I'm still too busy payin the bills
And now I'm working off my fine

A breakdown in the system
Doesn't seem to bother me
A breakdown in the system
Hope you're not counting on me
A breakdown in the systemmmm
A breakdown bre bre  aaakdoooo........
In the syyysttteeeeeerdm.....

Well I walked a fine line
Between hope and the hopeless
And I tried to distinguish
Myself
From those who just accept
What they're given
I want more than the basic
Requirements
That goes along with
The idea of just living
It may be hard to discard
The shackles of the mundane
But it's easier than wearing
The weight of a rusty chain
That stretches back
To the beginning
Of when I chose
Losing over winning
When I listened to those
That I believed
Were smarter than they really were
Who told me that
I'd have to be practical
With a power to their opinions
That seemed to be
Totally intractable

Now I know it wasn't all
Just for my own good
Somewhere in the mix was a jelousy
I never quite understood
Give me time
To find my own version
Of peace of mind
And I will try to design
The person that I am
Supposed to be

I don't know
What I know
But I'm willing to admit
That I'm never gonna quit
Searching for myself is a way
For me to be myself
After all it has to be me
Whos doing all the searching
I don't know who else
Would ever even want the job
Cause theres no reward
For looking for the person
That you're not
You would need to be crazy
To ever even really contemplate
The fine line it would take
You to walk
On your way to such a fate
So I'm taking a new path
I'm taking a new path
Before its way way
way too late

If in your eyes I've begun to lose
A little bit of my luster
And you think you can crumble
The mortar from beneath my feet
With a feather duster
Just remember
Who put me up here
Who put me up here

I didn't say anything
Or ask anything at all
To make you want to put me
Up on a pedestal
But you did and you built it
A hundred foot tall
Its a hell of a.. hell of a...hell of a...fall
From perfect to human
In no time at all.

I've never spent too much time
Worrying about the future
Then suddenly you came along
And I began to feel I was late
I was late
I was late
I was late in growing up
I was late in finding success
I was late in everyway a man can be
I was late in noticing
How much my life was a mess
I've tried to change
The way I live my life
I've tried to rearrange
The strange....way
My priorities were arranged
As they seem to be
Suddenly painfully
Stacked up against me
Constantly blocking my way
Wasting my day
Making me stay
Here ...Living like
Some poor stray
I never have worn a collar
Or been led around
I never would save a dollar
Or even think too far ahead
I never did let myself
Be kept for very long
I never saw....how
Just a little bit of security
Could have really set me free
Not till I met you
Did I do.... That thing
That everyman should do
Straighten up
Fly right....and become a man
A man with a plan...A future
A hope a dream and a thought
A cause --a reason
To make life seem like
It can be more than
Just acting like some silly pup
That's trying so hard
To spend an entire life
Playing in the yard
Just rolling in the grass
Letting time pass
While chasing his
Or someone else's tail
Giving no thought
To where life is going
Trying so hard to stop himself
From ever growing up
So say... NO no no no bad dog!
Its time boy .. For you
To make a man out of what
Is no longer just a pup
And hasn't been for a long long time now

I never was the kind to
Spend too much time
Worrying about or thinking
Very far ahead
I had no future
Not until you came along
Not till then did I even notice
That it was a fenced yard
That I was happily living in
Not till then did I realize
Just how late I've really been
Once I did...I did then see
That the fence also had a gate
So yes babe....I knew just how late
I am
One day you came along
And seemed to notice me
You opened the gate calling to me
By my name
So I hope
I hope it's not too late for me
To start living...my life again
Living right
And to start right
RIGHT from the start.

I was sitting there uncomfortably satisfied
Amid the discarded flotsam
Of fast food wrappers  and paper cups
At the crossroads of my life
An oddly familiar stranger just offered me a ride
Although I could use one I heard myself decline
And I had to ask myself "Why .. Did ......you ..do that?
So I fixed my mind
on that
unexepected response
Emanating from beyond the confines of my consciousness
Was it the fact that I
don't know
which way to go
Or haughty pride
at them not being around earlier
When I trudged along
the rough shoulder of life
Tired ...
...hot and thirsty
hungry for more
than just food
I could have really used
a lift
from just the offer itself
I like to think I'm not  ...
not that shallow
but I.D.K. I really don't
Maybe that's the riddle
The answer to know
What I need to do
to figure out
which way I need to go
That's what I want to believe is the reason I didn't leave
But like I said earlier
about sitting
uncomfortably satisfied
Among all those things people
choose
to discard these days
it seems like
Everyone I know
anymore
are oddly familiar to me
So for a while
right or wrong
I'll hang out here
as it appears
to me
to be ...where
I think that I belong

No time will heal this gaping wound
In the flesh of humanities dignity
No words will ease
The crushing weight
Of hope
As it tumbles into pity
No pain will subside
For all of those who's lives
Are now left
To only memories
No healing words or soothing hands
Will take the place of all those plans
All those hopes and all those dreams
     -----------     THAT DIED    -----------
The day AMERICA died
That day we all cried and cried
As we watched the stumbling masses
Building up that wall of lost souls
        ----------   THOSE PICTURES    ---------
PICTURES of people that we all lost
  Holding up
Those images
With hope against hope
     And yet.....
It can be seen in the faces
That hope is all but gone
DAWN COMES---DAYS PASS
SUNS SET----NIGHTS FOLD
RAINS  POUR while  COLD WINDS BLOW
Still on and on the work goes
Because until everyone is found
And everyone goes home
WE really don't-any of us
TRULY have a home
Not anymore
At least not one -that-anyone of us
WE AMERICANS
Can recognize right now
SO WE'RE DOWN....
....for the countdown!

Written 9--20--2001

Years ago down in Alabama
Working on  a dinosaur hunting crew
I found myself all alone in the woods
When I heard a sound coming out of the blue
Started so small I hardly noticed it
But it grew and grew and grew
Till it seemed to fill the air with its intensity
And suddenly around around around me it flew
So close it triggered my natural propensity
  "I'll KNOCK YOU OUT OF THE PARK" I said out loud
And as if it heard and understood every word
Slammin the brakes stopping on a dime right in my face
   " WHAT THE ......" this fat yellow and black bee
Was  hovering six inches from my nose - and staring at me
I literally ,literally, literally imagined a tiny spacecraft
  A crew of beings behind those ******* cockpit eyes
As if they were measuring me up and taking notes
A minute or two went by I stared at it as it hovered there
I had the urge to reach out and touch it with a finger
But that buzz powerfull as it was, I wanted to but didn't dare
Then it spun around -hit the hyperdrive and was gone
Hearing it as it faded into the distance  for a minute or more
" WOW . I NEVER SEEN NOTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE"
Then I went on my way to find the legacy left from old T-rex
                     I didn't find any.
That night in the hotel the crew sat around shootin th... Talkin
Suddenly I remembered and as some of the crew were locals
" Hey," I said "today -- out In the woods while I was walking
A big yellow and black bee like thing came...
"Did you hear it comin out of the woods for a long time first"
    " Yeah I did " I said " never heard nothin like it before"
"It come an stare at you? "two of them asked as if rehearsed
This was now getting weird but it didn't stop there
I sorta nodded as they continued "did you stick out a finger"
"You know I wanted to -that's so weird- but I didn't dare"
"We call em good news bees   they come and check you out"
" you put out your finger they land on it ya get good news"
Thirty years back and more and more these days I think about
How we dont have them here but if we did I'd stick out a finger
  "THE WAY THINGS ARE TODAY GOOD NEWS I COULD USE"

Well I can make faces
And I can make room
I can make promises
To the man in the moon
I can make time
And I can  make friends
But I don't know how
I'll  ever make amends
So tell me how to start
To heal a broken heart
And tell me how to forgive myself
Like I try to forgive someone else

I can make memories
And I can make changes
But I can't make up
For the way life rearranged
The pieces of the puzzle
Or  for the pieces that are lost
And I'll never be able to make up
For the trouble or the cost
Still I can make an offering
I don't have to make myself grieve
I hope I can make an opening
To help me find a way to believe

Lucid moments give no relief
To the age ravaged carapace lying there
Suspended in a time warp conundrum
As fragile as last nights dreams become
Once the eyes open --triggering delete
But not for this carapace
For last nights dreams don't retreat
Vivid is the absolute epitome
Of dreamloop interlocking reality
Dead reckoning eyes beckoning
For a listener of the silent air
To look past the myopic rheuminations
And see the plea desperately flashing
While the lucid light is lit
Flickering like a candle in the wind
True ........but it's there to be seen
As the morning nurse rehearses
The stale and staid routine
Of caring for -without caring about
The warehouse stock beyond the count
The silent ones or the ones that shout
All add up to their final amount
To that
Someone is alway paying attention
Its a hell of a world were all so busy building

"Help me ..please help me...please ...
....Its not a dream"
The eyes scream
As the tears begin to stream
"Look you stupid *****
Can you not recognize
Do you not realize I'm still in here
I still exist
I can't resist ... I CANNOT RESIST."
The neon eyes stop flickering
As they watch the potential savior
Continue the daily routine
Out the door and onto more
Beseaching eyes in the next room
The next ward
Taking stock
Assessing the value of
The mechanism---as a whole
No thought to the poor soul
Suffering beyond the loss of body control
And in lucid  horror the terror
Suddenly
Appears in the doorway
White garbed attendant -cigarette smell in tow
Leaning in to show a sickly grin
Whispering to the carapace
"I'm going home now...no need to cry
I'll be around to see you tonight."
Then looking straight into her eyes
"You can't tell nobody
And I know you really like it
Don't you.? Yeah you do! "

Amazing how opinions
Suddenly become facts
When the court becomes a minefield
And no one ever backtracks
They just keep on marching forward
Stomping all over the sanity
Of those who have no hope of any reward
For keeping a check on their  own vanity
They don't scream it from the rooftops
They pace themselves like a funeral dirge
Slow and steady till everyone's ready
For the real persona to emerge

Hyperdrive.... man alive
Where the hell did that come from
It was hiding in the darkend corner
Waiting for the time to be right
To emerge upon the senses of those around
Who absolutely positively haven't got a clue
That imagination is not ...just
An abstract situation
Where part timers can go to feel
Some sense of satisfaction

It's a full time job
Where the verbal grenades that you lob
May make a point or get a laugh
Or blow up in your face
But if there is dedication
To the value that you accepted
As a reward
For your part and expanding the mundane
From small talk and small thinking to....
Revelations and education and new paths
To be explored
Where the minefields have become diffused
And reality has become... so confused
By an opinion that has suddenly become
Chiseled into stone
Where you and you alone
Know the combination to
The lock........ You possess
To a strong box
Full of small talk and small thinking
That you are always finding is impossible
Impossible....impossible.....
IMPOSSIBLE.....
   ............TO  DISPOSSESS

I wouldn't mind you cutting me down
If you use the knife in my back
To give the rope some slack

They've told me to be myself
For as long as I can remember
But as I watch the fireplace blaze
As I contemplate the ember
It was-what it was-a feeling
And it is what it is--revealing
That at any moment
At any time
As the clock ticks
As the hours chime
Nothing really changes
EXCEPT-- the time thats left
To do that for which you're suited
And to do your best
An ember is an ember
But only in its name
It started life as wood or coal
It will still be the same
Until It turns into dust
The FINAL stage of life
And it will as everything will
Do what it must
To fulfill its destiny
With all its many changes
Dealing with how life rearranged
EVERYTHING and EVERYONE
Every second of every day
THAT my friend....
....is how you be .....yourself...
... In every BLESSED WAY!

Roaming around the outskirts
Of a ghost town in my head
Somethings in there ..that I fear 
Like the others who all fled
I watch all day and listen at night
For the tell--tale sign
Sometimes I hear the hollow thump
Of a heartbeat other than mine
So I know its close
I can smell its breath
As it hovers over my trembling core
So close to death is that load of ****
Each time I draw it into my lungs
And my will is gone....
As I am drawn
Back to my weary watch
Of the ghost town in my head
One by one they all walked away
When they saw I chose **** instead
Of those I used to love.
Shhhhh... Did you hear that?

I lost my way just the other day
On my way back to where I been
No hint or me was there to see
As the world continued to spin
When I turned around
I hit the ground
Like I fell from some great height
I knew all along
That something was wrong
When the darkness
Lived in the light

They hold our fate's
At the starting gate's
While the lifetimes tick away
As the signs of the times
Are the bonds that bind ....us....
To the coming day

When we'll look in vain
At the passing train
No way to get aboard
Can't stop time
In a haunted mind
Where the shadows of the past
Are stored
The open doors
Of your ever mores
Beckon to your very soul
As if to scream
ITS ALL JUST A DREAM

As you struggle for control
You ride the rails
On the crimson sails

Dyed from the flood of your blood
On a futile search
From up on your lofty perch

FOR YOUR BODY..
...FOR YOUR BODY ...LOST ..
...IN THE MUD.
YOUR BODY...LOST IN THE MUD.!

I'm a bit .....overwhelmed
And I had no way of knowing
I put my nickel down
And the PEERS started flowing

Suddenly
It seemed to me...that I had
Hit the motherlode

Every heart sent and every poem read
Is worth more than gold to me
As the honesty sparkles like diamonds
        With every word you've said

So if you would indulge me -my ramblings
While I WANT to stay awake this night
To answer all
Alas I've hit the wall

My brain and my eyelids are having
One heck of a fight

One thing I WILL not do
For love , money or fame
Is rush through the precious words
That you've given life to
Your babies

So in closing --my eyes closing--
Becoming one with the night
I want to say...that I have been welcomed
As a new kid(old man)
Onto this site(i love it here) onto your block

Much  like when I was a youngster
And the cool looking dude said
"Hey kid  You wanna play?"

"ME ?  SURE!  THANKS.)
And so I .......put my nickel down.     HELLO.
THANK YOU ELIOT YORK.

I looked into an hourglass
And watched the sands of time
Racing on their downward trip
And blowing cross my mind
With each falling grain
That mountain grows higher
Time remains the same...
...Don't believe it
I'M A LIAR!

Time is an old man
With a sturdy cane
His body bent with age...but
His eyes remain the same
Those eyes
Have seen everything
In so many different ways
To flash by all ..that he has seen
WOULD PUT YOU IN A DAZE

I'M A LIAR ...WHEN I SAY...
TIME...REMAINS THE SAME..
every second is
a different link upon the chain
I'M A LIAR...A VILLAGE CRYER
SCREAMING
In the night
Carrying a message and a light
The MESSAGE is to guide your steps
The LIGHT,Is to guide mine

If we walk together
There no telling
What
We may find

The hourglass is empty now
The sands have blown away
Time like everything else
Was not.....
......HERE ...TO ...  stay.

They cry out their confessions
Seeking vengence in the name
Of the one above who protects them
In the name of love who neglects HIM
No remorse for the bitter course
That led them to this place
Where love is lost at a human cost
In the name of GOD -- they do disgrace

BLOODSEEKERS  in human form
Forgetting just who they are
Vengeance --seeking --a little warmth
In the cold godless emptiness
THE HEART... land of a mercenary

"Let em die---let em die"
"I want to pull the switch"
"Let em fry--they SHOULD fry"
"I need closure--I need death"
"I NEED to play God and
                Take away their breath"
"I need to have mine.... MINE and
Forget  all the rest"
"Give me MINE...GIVE ME MINE!!!"

The  message is plain to see
This anger that I will admit
Lies deep in me
As it does in all of you
Brings to mind something once said
"FORGIVE THEM LORD for they know not
What it is that they do!

Sometimes the hard road ahead
Is the easy way out
A whisper is often easier to hear

Than is a shout

Calculations don't always
Add  up to solutions that you seek
There are times when we are stronger
By accepting that we're weak
That doesn't mean that you should
Try to cover up every scar

Scars can be badges
Awards
for living a life
Scars are reminders
Of lessons once learned through
Trouble and strife

Sometimes the easy way out,
Is the hardest path you can take
Denial
becomes the weight you bear
That your body just can't take
A monkey riding on your back
That you just can't seem to shake
So ....
If you carry it throughout your life
Don't complain to me
About how much you ache

Everyone sees
What they see
Through the prism of light
That makes up their spectrum
Parameters of vision
Equals
Parameters of sight
Are any colors
Not envisioned
Missing or non--existent
Is that red that you conjure up
The same as mine
I've heard those people --so insistent
Who will argue
That they know it is
And those who are just as certain
That they know--definitely
That it is not
Every time...I just shake my head
At that entrenched thinking
Without any real thought
So there you go --isn't that the point
Can thinking be a concept?
Twisted up like a knot
So place the opposing distance
Whatever your insistence
Where absolutes often grow roots
So often in the wrong spot
I'm pretty sure I believe.....hmmmm
That there ARE absolutes
In science, math and measurements
To many;  religion makes the list
Where the faith that they insist
Is the only one that makes sense
I always ... Without fail
Accept the rigid positions
At each end of the scale
Really do exist
Without a doubt
I can say I remain
Somewhere in between
That is always my domain
And I would never tell you that
You're wrong or if your right
Should it come to that
No matter what I will sincerely agree
To get along
So six inches or six miles distance
For me ...
... Doesn't change the point at all
They mean exactly the same
IF...you can accept that expansion
Equals Parameters of visions...
....Parameters of sight
Darkness is only darkness to those
Who can --truly ignore the light
So I shake my head when
Entrenched thinkers do
What they always seem to do
Saying things like.....
...If you fall off a cliff in a dream
And hit the ground
YOU REALLY DO DIE!
And I say ..what I always say

"YEAH ! WHO TOLD YOU ?"


SAD THING IS'- a few people get it...
.......but not all.

We know what reality
Becomes .....when the banality
Of everything
Has gone stale from overuse
Try to find  a spark of life
In what is rapidly
Becoming rife
Nothing is worth fighting for
EXCEPT.....FOR A TRUCE
But if you will
Just take a pill
And let it conquere every ill
Feelings ...that you
Just can't comprehend
And in this state of blissfullness
You miss your stop and then you end...up
Coming to the conclusion that you are lost

None of this will harsh your bliss
Unless you find ...that what you miss
Is destined to
Never ever .. Come Back Around

So if the army that you've enlisted in
Doesn't care if they lose
Or if they win
Is that the reality you think
That you have found

Because if it is then what it says
Is nothing but....
A pack of lies
Staring down the open pits
You realize that it's
What used to be your eyes

Then everything comes crowding in
Pushing you to defend
The status
That you never --felt
That you had earned
And then you find
You can't unwind
The tangled mess that you possess
Thats commonly  refered to as
Your daily grind

INDUCE ME TO GO CHEMICAL
REDUCE ME TO IMPERICAL
AS I THROW REASON
STRAIGHT..
... OUT THE DOOR
ANY SUBSTANCE I CAN FIND
TO HELP ME TO ERASE MY MIND
WILL SURELY HELP ME
FIND MYSELF A CURE

For all the pains that I have chained
To myself and noone else
Ever really knew ..that I
Even carried it around

The weight of the world
Wrapped around me like a steel cocoon
The only hope I can see
Is that someday --a better me
Will rise up to take what life will bring

Chrysilis is at the heart of
All my hopes and all my dreams
But chemicals keep putting holes
Chemicals keep putting holes
In all my future wings

Having denied my spiritual side
For so long its very existence becomes suspect
While a worthiness in question
Opens doors to a trail of deception
That takes on a lifelessness of its own
Slowing  not growing
The humanity within myself
That wants to believe
It existed and still resisted
The very thing that was needed
Yet ;has always succeeded
In deflecting
What it was reflecting
As if it was something
You might see
In a funhouse mirror
Distorted and deceptive
Easy prey...for any soul
Willing to be receptive....
...to any negativity--real or imagined
As if ....there is ...
Absolutely no difference
From one to the other
POSITIVELY NEGATIVE
Withdrawing from all contact
Unable to interact
Convinced
That this path
Is the only one
That will lead me to my sanctuary
When in a convoluted reality
Its a lonely road
Always leading me around in circles

Where I perceive
That i achieve
Success
With every loop l make
Convincingly denying
That I've ever been here before

NOONE CAN LIE TO ME LIKE I CAN

Because I  KNOW that I'm lying
And simply refuse to accept it as fact
--------SO------
While the miles keep adding up
Time is the one constant
That denial can't ...
....erase, distort, deny, detract or subtract
A path that goes nowhere
Will always be
An empty, lonely and forgotten road
No loud, cheering crowds to greet you
Once you succeed in crossing the finish line
No satisfied feeling of exhaustion
That normally accompanies
Any endeavor
Worthy of its own inspired revelations

ACCOMPLISHMENTS need to be acknowledged
Or they wither on the vine ...so yes..
...there is noone that can lie to me
Like I can lie to myself

Having denied my spiritual side
For so long its very existence becomes suspect
I've come to the dishearted conclusion
That the depths of the confusion
Exists
In the very illusion
That that  mirror reflected
A totally, realistically  distorted vision
Unworthy of any sincere inspection
As if its being
Primed for rejection
As a portrait of the you that's been
...worldly inspired  
By all thats been desired
All thats been spiritually denied
By the things you once put aside
So now -- to feel totally unworthy
Of any salvation
When maybe --just maybe
I only saw what I wanted to see
Then lied to myself
So convincingly
That I came to believe
That I can only be
What others.....have always ....
Allowed me to  be.

It wasn't like I was really innocent
The trouble I bought
Or the time I spent
I don't know what I got
For the price I paid
I kept moving on
When I probably should have stayed
I know that now
But its a bit too late
That's the trouble you get sometimes
When you hesitate
But I can't go back
And do it all over again
I've seen way too much
In all the places I've been
To ever be-the person that
I once was

No second chances to get it right
No reason to believe that even if
I had held on tight
That it wouldn't have
All worked out
Just the same
Things happen in life
There no reason to try
And find
Someone to blame

I wonder sometimes
Where it all went wrong
Did I come off too weak
Or come on to strong
Did I make it too hard
To find a compromise
Where we could open up enough
To look into each others eyes
And see the pain that existed
That we always resisted
To bring to light
I don't know why
But it seems like I
Always knew the truth
But wouldn't turn it loose
To let it fly

I caged it up and closed the door
I said my piece and nothing more
Then let silence hang ......
......like so many times before

As we both just sat there
   Miles and miles apart
And watched compromise
Walk out the door

I believe each time we really tried
Still things worked out just the same
So like I said...things happen in life
There no reason to try and find
Someone to blame.  Someone.... .
......to..........blame.

Well I was human when I woke up this morning
But I'm not sure what I am at the end of the day
I took a long walk down down a short cut
Till I made sure that I had completely lost my way
There are places that you find yourself
That you never want to remind yourself
Was somewhere that you ever allowed yourself...
                                                  ...­...to stray
So when  you look back - at the tracks you left
You try to distract yourself
From thinking it would have ever been
A good place for you to stay

I'm not sure you're qualified
To be the judge
That you've denied  
Is someone that can be relied...on
To go the distance
Without the resistance
That seems to be a big part
Of the human condition
Where they so often give up
Halfway through the mission
Backtracking always lacking
The fortitude
To keep on cracking

Once the going gets hard
They simply discard
Any values they confessed
That they had once possessed
As if they were only rehearsing
The act of being ....a good person

I'm not sure the protocol
What to do when you fall ....short
Of your own expectation
That were never anything ....except
Your own creations

The stumbling blocks
Life on the rocks
Where nobody listens
And everybody talks and talks and talks

So I think I was human
When I woke up this morning
Then the crisis started
Without Any warning
When I had to interact with entities
That just do as they please
Who think they're entitled to circumvent
What is to the rest of us ....the realities
Of living life as a human being

Open to the opinions of others
And looking deep into their world
To try and visualize
What it is that they're seeing

Do that and at
     The end of the day
You may ......
You may ..still...be human!

Why  do you keep trying to
Fake me out
Make me doubt
What I see is what it is
Without that
Attempt at
Sleight of hand
You might have
Gotten through to me
But as it stands
I'm closing down
Any of MY avenues
That you think that you can use
Just because you write the law's
Doesn't mean I'll even pause
Long enough to even....
.....wave as your parade
Will cruise on by

I live down close to the ground
Where I can smell the dirt
That I so proudly wear
While you ride high
Up in the lofty air
Where you find it easier to breath
Without the stench of sweat and grime
Of those of us
Who have to work overtime
Just to make it to another day
So as you RE-reexamine
Roe  v. Wade or BEHN(****)GHAZI
Because doing nothing beats the other party
Into the corner of the ring
So that you can sing
Your own praises-for maintaining stasis
Meanwhile those that you rile
Are getting tired of hearing
Your promises are growing thin
Your actions are just short of sin
You postulate and agitate
To fill your QUOTA of....
.....The seeds of hate
That must be planted
Must be grown
Must be watered
Must be shown
Must be cherished as a thing of beauty
Those rows and rows
Of your successful duty
Those miles and miles of fertile fields
Thats been oversown and overgrown
Overflowing with complete emptiness
If this is what you call
Your plan for complete success
Then any RISING tide
That you so proudly quote
Will leave us ALL
In that flooded extremely muddied field
And it won't matter if ....
...We do or if we don't
Have a boat

(time to get out the shovels)

Sometimes I wish
That I could write
Those soft.....ethereal poems
That create dreamy escapes
Words that paint
Those pastel landscapes
You know.......Like..
As the cooling sun
Settled softly into
The rainbow hues
Of another day gone
As the slow velvet darkness
Diamond encrusted night
Gently descending
Like a warm soft blanket
On a chilly night while I lay......
                              ...dozing
She silently tiptoes away
My eyes reluctantly open
Just in time to see ...as she glances back
And I smile...that sleepy motion
And as...A different darkness descends
Where I dream of her
With warm and pristine
Memories and scenes
Then... Later... When I wake
Stiff and cold in the chilled air
Realizing that  I have ... fallen...
Asleep .....again
In my easy chair
The room is cold,empty and lonely
As I realize that nothing covers me
Except for my regrets....that its only
In those....my ..sleepy moments
That she is still here
To do for me
What she used to do
Before she....and life
With my wife... Our life...that
She has now ...passed on thru.

We passed along the trail
My little boy and me
And as we made our way along
To where his friends would be
As he kicked his step extra hard
Trying to keep up with my pace
And I glanced down without him seeing
The smile creeping up on my face
Up ahead paradise loomed
In the form of merry- go-rounds and swings
And the fantasy land such as these
To a child mind brings
I felt the fingers straining
Wanted to be racing  up ahead
So just to be a little rascal
I hold on just a second longer
Till I felt his gaze fall on me
I said "it's alright...go ahead"
I watched my little boy five......and a half
Musn't  forget that as if he'd ever let
So I sat down on this bench watching
It was a place as familiar as
The ever growing creases in my face
Living my childhood over vicariously
Through the eyes of my little boy
Dad and I used to come here
So many years and lives ago
And he would sit on this very bench
While on top of the slide I would be
Beating back lions or tigers below
Maybe pirates whatever I created
Right up to my  preteen years
Then I did what my little boy
Will do someday. a parents greatest fear
They grow up
I can remember like yesterday
As dad and I would start for home
We would pass by the water fountain
I would try without success day after day
Dad would lift me up that mountain
So now that had become a little routine
We go through now two generations so far
Dad would say "what do you want to do son ?"
As we were  traveling that sidewalk
Approaching The fountain as I would say
"Dad I want a drink of cold water from that spring"
"But son," he'd say "that's so high up on that mountain"
And my son will say just as I used to say
"Someday dad you won't have to hold me up
that mountain cause I'll climb it on my own."
Now its become a little routine
"Why would you want to climb way up there? "
I would say "gotta do it today
It may not be here to stay
Nothing lasts forever .....never know when..
It will be too late"

"HEY DAD " I yelled as I came running in
Shredded envelope floating around my head
Like some crazy parade float
In a ticket tape parade -as I read
"You've been accepted ..... Its the college I wanted
Ain't that great dad .. Ain't it GREAT DAD?"
"Yeah it is son but why do you want to go so far away?"
"Gotta go ..go now ..tomorrow may be too late
Nothing lasts forever... No really Dad ain't it great?"

First time I told my wife ..."Hey hon
Look what I've  got here in my hand"
"Whats that"s ?" she asked
Asked as I held two tickets half hidden
"Its two tickets to Hawaii three weeks of sun and sand"
She stopped dusting--turning so quickly
A little cloud of dust swirled around her head
She said"WHY....." as a smile replaced
Any words she might have said
"They say the oceans are rising
So we better go now and not wait
Nothing lasts forever--another year ..it may be too late"

"Hey DAD. Are you ready?"
As I yanked myself back from the past
My little boy stood before me
"Oh .yeah. I'm ready. Did you have fun son?"
As he turned to look back at the swings
And whatever it may be he saw
A smile grew along his face as he said
"Oh yeah dad .....
....l went around the whole world?"
"Really !  That's a lot to do in one day"
"Yeah I know dad ..but nothin lasts forever
Tomorrow it might all be gone
Nothing is here to stay dad"
Thats right son I said tryin' not to cry
So proud of what I just witnessed as a tear..
...Escaped my eye
"You ready to go climb that mountain
And get a nice cold drink?"
He took my hand-as one
we passed through that land
Toward that magic mountain my boy
Was just beginning to grow
in body,soul and mind
As I just got a glimpse of his humor
his faith and his glory
As he put all together-as I  watch
him learning to think

When our babysitter showed up that evening
And then my wife looked into the den
"Hey there ...are you ready to go?"
She was dressed for a very special evening
As was I but being a man I had been done for a while
So since then I had been ...sitting here in my den
Letting the day I had wash across me like a soft wind
There a reason women take longer
"Oh my god" I said "you.. Absolutely beautiful"
Taking her in my arms "Where are we going again?"
A playful laugh "To the play and a late dinner...
Is your tux or tie too tight..cutting off blood to your head.?
If you don't feel like going...its alright
Whatever you want to do is fine with me"
And I saw her searching my eyes....
....As she instinctively understood
"Well... If you don't mind I'd trip up to 'MOUNT FOUNTAIN'
Its been awhile since I've seen dads smile"
And in perfect harmony we said

"NOTHING LASTS FOREVER ..YOU NEVER KNOW....
WHEN IT WILL BE TOO LATE"

As they move
Like the shifting sands
They cast their shadows
Across new lands
Creating fear ,mistrust and hate
Warring against our ways
To which they just can't relate
But they're here ....
               ......Here to stay
The best we can hope to do
Is to try and keep them at bay
And they're wise ....wise to our ways
Our very technologies
That they use as a maze
Isn't that ....whet they've said
That they hate
Our long standing freedoms
That allows us to create

And they will win
If the shadow they cast
Puts the light out
On that flame made to last

That flame that was made to last
Till the very end of time
That name ..stands for freedom itself
So if we just give it away
Its a shame..its a shame

As they hide --dug down deep inside
As they await the call
The call to end it all

As they eat our foods
And they watch our t.v.
What do you think they think
About what it is that they see

Do they try ....try
To even suppress
A smile , a laugh or a tear
Do they think..as they reach
For a cold drink
How nice it is to have it so near
Or do they ever--really think at all
Spending their lives.....waiting
Waiting .. On that call
To end it all
That call ...call ...call
They want us to make
Where they want us to break
Those promises ...promises ..promises
That we've made,  made,  made
MADE TO OURSELVES

Back ......back before ..
The shadows fall
Back ....when we thought we had it all
Way back .. Before that shadows fall

Thats when.... We thought
We had it made..made ..
Made made made made MADE!!!
Made in the shade.