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Kaylin Martin Oct 2012
When I'm having a bad day,
a day where I know everything will go wrong,
but I have to get through it anyway
I ask to wear one of your sweatshirts.

And all throughout the day, I feel like I might be protected,
just by having the letters of your name on my back.
Even though wearing your sweatshirt is false security,
and even though everything through out the day still goes wrong..

When I get home, I put on some yoga pants and a pair of comfy socks;
I throw my hair in a bun and find my glasses,
sit down and watch TV while wearing your sweatshirt..

And finally,
I am safe.

I can smell your shampoo in the hood,
I can smell the soap that you use to wash your hands,
mixed with the smell of your lotion on the sleeves.
It seems like the warmth of your body is held in the soft cotton fibers,
and is now radiating back into me.

I can see all the times you've worn it on the couch watching movies,
or all of the times you pulled the hood around your face to escape the rain.
I think it may be a little sad that I am so grateful for a piece of clothing.

But it is yours,
therefore,
**it is mine.
Kaylin Martin Oct 2012
One day you'll see me.
And the best part-

I will have finally found the strength,
*to not even turn around.
Kaylin Martin Oct 2012
It's funny to me,
that I used to think that you were my everything.
And I,
was your nothing.

But after a few years of
always
protecting,
and trying,
and loving you..

I honestly am exhausted.
I am so tired of always being there for you,
when you are never there for me.

You have seen me so broken,
so miserable,
so lost- and maybe once upon a time,
you would have taken me into your heart,
and let me hide there,
hearing the repetitive thuds;
breathing in the same air,
wrapped up in your warmth.

But one day,
something changed.
And you no longer care for me,
like you said.
You just leave me to fend for myself;
and honestly I am okay with being strong.
But there are days when
I need you.

And I know you need me too.
Because what will you do without me in 8 months when I go?
You will have no one there;
protecting,
and trying,
and loving you.

All of these thoughts are playing through my head;
the street lights are gliding over my windshield too slowly;
the music is up loud,
but I'm not even singing;
and my eyes, well shamefully they cried for you,
the car swerves and I have an epiphany...

You are not my everything.
I am yours.
I am not your nothing.
You are mine.
Kaylin Martin Sep 2012
If you saw everything I've ever thought about you,

you'd either love me or hate me.
Kaylin Martin Sep 2012
What would you say if I took my own life?
Would you ignore me then like you ignore me now,
would you sit down and cry?

What would you do if you saw me lying on the bed.
Drenched in a pool of red sticky mess,
lying down where I had bled.

Would you come to a conclusion,
that you loved me like before.
Or would you turn around and walk on out,
because I mean nothing to you anymore.

Would you remember how my hands felt,
wrapped around your waist.
Would you remember how we'd hold each other,
always feeling safe.

And then would you think of how you left me,
to hurt all on my own.
Never sending a kind word my way,
never picking up your phone.

Would you regret cancelling plans,
or fighting on that one day.
Would you regret leaving everything unsaid,
would you have anything to say.

Would you kiss my cold forehead,
like I kissed yours once warm.
Would you feel like your whole world was crashing around you,
can you feel your heart being torn.

Would you realize that I loved you,
always putting you before.
Would you realize that you loved me too,
and wish you'd given more.

I think of all these scenarios that go on through my head.
The saddest part about it all is you wouldn't care if I were dead.
Kaylin Martin Aug 2012
S.
he kissed my forehead.

he held my hand.

he grabbed my waist.

And then....






*I woke up.
Kaylin Martin Aug 2012
I cling to your clothes,
left on my floor in a hurry.
I press them into my face,
and breathe in deep.
A thousand memories rush to my eyes,
crystal clear as you travel through my senses.
Sometimes I put them on,
pretending I can feel the warmth you left in the soft cotton fibers,
pressing against my waiting skin.
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