My greatest fear
Loving a wrong somebody
Loving for the wrong reason
Being controlled
Forced to bend to others whim
Loosing my identity
Uprooted independence
Being not good enough
Being used and mislead
Being left broken and abandoned

Having to walk a difficult road of recovery
No one can recover from a love like this
Wrong or misleading
Right or true
Its deep to the inside of my bones
How will i recover from broken bones
The heart has no bones
No visitors
No get well soon
Nothing
Only silence
Broken by tear drops
Only on inside

We talk about marriage and children
I should be ecstatic
I find only fear and confusion
When my eyes fall upon you
I am complete happy and confident
The great devide of absence
Steals my confidence
Worsen by my gemini personality
Over thinking
over analizing
Constantly observing detail
Right or wrong
Plotting
Planning
Two sides of a coin
Im drowning in my head
I cannot trust myself
My mind
My heart
My gut
They all lie to me
No one knows
The turmoil hidden in my jaws
Clenched teeth
Energetic laugh
Clowning jokes
No one knows
No one sees

I question my sanity
Do i see truth
Or am i fabricating my own truth
Its easier to believe your guilt
Its unbelievably hard to keep your truth
You and me
True love
Faithfull love
Trustworthy love
Real passionate love
When with you
I feel the intense love you radiate
When you leave i fall in the void
Not water
Not fog
Not cold
A void
Black
How can i be so lucky to have been found by you
How can i be so lucky that you chose me and only me
All this is to good to be happening to me
The dark sorrowful one

Tormented by deceitful thoughts
I keep seeing ghost
Ghost unknown to me
You promise you are clear minded
I Cant shake the feeling
That you already belong to someone
My soul pleads
My eyes reveal the torture
I smile to redirect
Inner turmoil
What to do
How to do it
I feel trapped by my love for you
Weary of your manipulative skills
How will it end
In horror or in joy
This fear born from past wrongfull lovers
I thought this wound healed
Only a thin scare did i see
Now it is a festering wound
Spilling blood
Bulging infection
I am disgusted at the sight

What to do
How to do it
Lost
Utterly lost
Fear creeps in
The shadows are alive

Never before
The depth of my feelings
Frighten me to shiffers
If you were to be revealed a lie
I would succumb to the pain
Breathing but dead
You are a beautiful dream
Waking
What horror

I pray love is true and faithfull
I am lost to you
Lack of confidence
Birth doubt
Unneeded doubt
I am so afraid
Petty fight
Short temper
Rolling eyes
Sass and attitude
All walls
To protect
No to hide
My shame
My fear
My terrified heart

My bibo
Please be only mine,please

Im so scared
So very scared
The sun will rise
And You
Dissolve like mist
I swear im not seeing ghost
My gut feeling mostly right
I pray im wrong
This conflicting thinking
Internal monologue senseless word slinging
God help me
I am convincing myself to believe you
My trust have issues
We will be unavailible till further notice

A wirlpool of ideas
Moving at unthinkable speed
Each thought thread
Intertwined in new vines
Sprouting new growth
A maze
Created high and wide
All from you stirring my deepest fear

You say only me
Your actions proof it
Your a mastermind with planning
Clever manipulator
My bibo
Why is she found on your phone
Leave this relation
I will cry
I will tear myself to pieces
When the dust settles
I piece myself togethe again
And live