Rocking myself
Back and forth
Back and forth
Rocking myself better
Feeding myself love
Tryna self medicate
My close people look puzzled
What cause this severe reaction of depression
Truth i fell inlove
Completely
Unplanned
For 2nd time in my life
I have someone i cant be without
I fear your loss
Leaving me dead
The fear cripples me
Poisons me slowly
Help i think but dont speak
How to handle
How to get better
How to rebuild stronger

My jaw hurts
Locking and clenching
My voice has become silent
Behind pearly whites
Strange
An extrovert with nothing to say
In the dark of night
My dreams roar to live
A film of my darkest fear
No words
Only images that scare

You declare your love
My scares tell my story
Lost faith
Broken trust
Hopeless hope
You declare your love
I hesitate
I believe you unworthy
Unexplained
My demons are back
They influence my perspective
The noise is overwhelming
Only my ears hear
Internal battle rages
You declare your love
This include my demons?
Cylift straight jacket them
Numbness bring quite
Makes me not me
You stil wanne declare your love
I cannot seperate my demons from me
We are the matrix
All one
Connected and the same
Do you still want me
Will your arms be my cage when needed
Will your chest be my embrace
Will your voice console me
Will your touch comfort me

on the journey back
being more present in the now
not numbing out time
respecting the space between
respecting time
most importantly giving time, time
cry, shout, yell
let it all out
let my voice be heard
a dream was promised
a nightmare was delivered
trust is broken
i learn to live in your absence
i learn to grow
feeding of droplets of love from others
soon your absence will not be felt anymore
then you will miss the space i appointed you
your presence will be disruptive to me
the journey ahead is long
i welcome it
my strength will be tested
but i am ready

A perfect emotional storm
Perfect ride for the thrill seekers
Born from the union of insecurity and lies
Mistress to loneliness and bitter silence
Fueled by hormones and chemical imbalance
I can stand it anymore
Welcome back my happy pills
Sorry i evicted you
Please make this your home
Mutual co existance will begin
Pain despair and grief
To keep me grounded
Joy excitement and love
To keep me high
Everyday emotions, in between all
To keep me level
That were me and i and cylift stay
Welcome home.......

So easy
They leave
They forget
They become known strangers
Their words of praises barely cold
Was it all an illusion
To shape to their need
To manipulate me to their whim
I feel like an old rag
Passed around

i wish upon no-one
desolate heartache known by me
i desire to protect others from
to ease there pain where able
you took advantage of my golden heart
not my blame for being desent
you will pay a price
i will not see my retitution
karma will not forget you

In an unmarked grave
At the back of the graveyard
Where the sunlight never reach
I wish to bury my emotions
Neatly folded in a casket
Nailed down
These have brought me nothing worthy
Nothing but shame and tears
Never to be trusted or seen again
The frost in winter
The dense leave canopy in summer
Never again to be warmed to life
Death to emotions
Forever
No loss
Nothing to miss