dear lover,
during my moments,, when i drive you up the wall
take my hand,
remember my gentle heart surrounded by tough armor
hold me close, and whisper, it is ok, to be weak
watch my tears as they fall and listen to my story
don't give advise
just be present and tender
in a while i will pick my sword again and march on to battle for adventure calls
but every once in a while i need to be weak

broken heart mended from outside
hiding terrified inhabitants
staring, watching from one way windows
afraid to venture beyond the door
a heart remake into illusions from impractical pinterest
to hide the truth of pain
pulling people closer, desire love and friendship
push way for fear of destruction when leased expected
overspend budget on security
life inproper but needed for survival

Courage does not answer every call with a roar
But with sincere heart
That knows pain and disappointment
That says tomorrow we will try again
Don’t worry i am here to help
I will hold your hand

a very nice lady
that greets me with hugs
asked me to prepare a final thought over you
a last summary for as long as forever can last
you have been the subject of s many poems
the pain you cause has been inspiration for many pen paper relationships

i think of the unspoken promise between your heart and mine
of love un-wavered for eternity
to create and keep a safe haven
teaching me to sail rough seas
i'm left holding this promise letter
it will never be fulfilled
it leaves me longing, endless searching for comfort
makes me gullible
that have lead me to the gate of hell more times than i care to remember
you never gave me a home
just emptiness,pain and endless regret
a bitter price to pay for not my actions

the best gift you ever gave me is strength
from taking beating after beating
yes i am an abuse survivor and i am proud of it
i made it this far
crawling and scraping, thanks to god
with him by my side i will keep going

Left behind
Disgarded and broken
Quickly forgotten
Yesterdays favourite
Was called cool, funny and honest
Good quailities, i thought
Months of hardwork
Brick by brick
I thought
Building a strong friendship

It hurts, a differant hurt than i am use to
Unknown to me
I really care
Was proud to know you
No longer
Curse the day we met
You used me
Now kicked to the ground
Bruised and hurt

fairy-tales, i blame my UN-satisfaction on fairy-tales
bright fancy color mixed with glitter dust and smiles hiding behind innocence was the perfect idea of exsistance engraved on my child like mind ensuring i will always strive for that level of perfection and when unattained i will turn on myself in viciousness known only by cannibalist

who is to say in this world filled with endless illusion and unrealistic drama that the life i lead is unperfect and not as good as it will ever get

for so long i have been fighting this demon that has entangled me in chains so strong it seems unbreakable
it gives just enough release to make me think i am free, laughs sadistic and reigns in the chains
i grab and claw to keep from loosing ground, to no avail
who do i call when my worst enemy is my own body and mind
who can set me free from this prison i call me
most days i'm misinterpreted, it has become so routine, a habit
i also want to move on, move forward, know endless days of joy, not having to carry my buffer in pill form