dear somebody
what great tragedy have befallen you
a tragedy so powerful you folded under the weight
a tragedy you gave all your power to
a tragedy that **** the life and joy from you
a tragedy that left me a broken, bitter, cold and empty father that is incapable of accepting and loving me
i have never known the safety and security of a dad
i have never known the joy of having a confidant in my father
i have never known the pride of knowing i'm your daughter

this brought mum so much heartache
she often just shook her head saying he was not like this before
she made so many excuses for you
ashamed that she could not save you
she lost to mammon
i don't believe you are save-able

thanks to all your "fatherly love" . . . . .

happy fathers day

one man cannot bring a nation to its knees
but a nation can bring one man to his knees
we are trapped in slave mentality
we created our own royalties
not chosen by the content of character
the fruits of labour speaks clear n loud
corruption greed small minded

South Africa's royal family
chosen by the public
serving themselves
what a shame
on national television "nogal"
if ever i was ashamed to be South African
he and he alone
gave rise to freedom
called father of the nation
fed his children to the wolves of corruption and greed
yet we honour and praise him

Mommy wrote me a letter, a personal letter
To read on her passing, something special just for me
A last us, reminder of her last thoughts about me
Dad stole it and copied it, from my room
Without permission, how dare he!
Now when he wants to control me, he uses mommies last words
And asks did she raise you wrong?, something wring in the sentence
Should it not be did we raise you wrong?
This is how he choose to love me, with guilt filled words he stole
The letter no longer special, it was meant to be
I don’t even have mommies ashes, her sister took care of that
In the end everyone fights over pieces of her
It was not enough when she lived
They have to tare her memory to pieces
Greed the master of my family
Lord help us

found you hiding in the bathroom stall
devastated tears just running
i pity you, will never show it
your insanity to much to stomach
grovelling for grown boys attention
they broke their toys as children
now they brake fleshy hearts served with drama directed by cowardly ego
you eagerly walked the line
very well knowing fairytales do not exist
fairytales do not exist
the prince more dangerous than the dragon
the dragon protects against the world
in return you turn on the scaly animal who love you so
who love you so, it pledged forever by your side
protecting, loving and caring for you
but you wanted smooth skin wrapped in wit and charm

people pretend to care far more than what they really do
we play these mental and emotional games with each other
endangering the self while living an emence high
how ironic
when we crash and burn
we wallow in self pity and expect our victims to run and help
how twisted the human mind can be
400 years of evolution living at the top of the food chain

i honestly thought with you on my side
i can write a new book, you promised
then why am I back here again!
where tears form words on paper
emotional ramblings become poems
each word describe my bitter sweat pain
that inspire my best poems
worst nightmares
blood cried eyes
and no-one cares
no-one would look for me if i ran away
no-one would cry for me if i died
no-one would morn for me
i have tried so very hard
poured my soul and heart into it
but no-one human wants me
left outside in the cold
wandering, looking for shelter

pent up emotions boil to the opening
i'm helpless to stop it
i'm afraid to cry
what if it never ends
what if i never stop
i miss my mom so god awful much
i am afraid to tell people and show it
i fear being shun
whats wrong with you?
it's been two years, pull yourself together
get over it
my heart hurts
i struggle to put my emotions in words
having to feel and write in secret
i fear people's reaction
they always say it will work out alright
what great nonsense
i want mum to hold me tight

my favorite lie: i got your back

this is pent up loss, grieve mixed with betrayal
boiled with anger and pain
i don't know who i am anymore
i can't even master up a smile, a fake smile
avoid people all together