my heart is genuine
it cannot lie nor hide
an artist at core
saying what other fear
this is me
the real me
thank you for seeing me

the moment I realized that you can see me. you see the real me. pass my skin, blood vessels and muscles and see my soul, my heart and my spirit. I rejoiced! for so long I have wanted to be seen. I did everything "they" did and was not noticed. I did the opposite and was ignored I then just gave up. disappeared into the black ground, but my soul was reluctant putting words to fire, ice to emotions an clarity to thought

and now, unimaginable to me i was noticed. i am no longer just glanced over but thoroughly investigated and probed about why i write as i do. you see i write from the heart, my emotions laid bare on paper for all to explore. ( maybe someone can fins solace in my words ) instead of finding critic i found comforting words accepting and understanding of my words.

one word plus one make a sentence

two imperfections can complete the art work and create perfection

you gave me thee most precious gift of all
the be seen through the eyes of a pure heart
a fellow soul in hardship
we are more alike than plausible
honestly , to me, unimaginable
i desperately need sleep
my fluttering soul keeps me awake
my mind a live with words
words i can't control
they have a life and mind of there own
i cant remember the last time i felt this alive
and i did not write tragedies
yes we are flawed
but we complete each other, so
the flaws are made perfect

truly there is a god
praise his holy name
and grant me forgiveness
i questioned they plan for me
for so long, so very long
but now i see
lessons i needed to learn
now i can recognise my diamond
you made me wait and beg
big is my reward
a real diamond
i didn't think it possible
he don't judge me when i loose against my demons
he don't criticize when i loose faith in me
instead he build my believe in me , encourages me
the biggest cheer leader to date
when i loose he slays my demons for me
rescuing me from the dark depth of depression
i pray to god he is real, always

love you babe

why do I keep wanting what I cant have?!
my every action is being taken over by this desire
my actions are no longer my own
my thoughts, my thinking, my future
all swallowed up and devoured by the constant empty feeling in my chest
my human chest no longer filled with a heart and lungs
just-a-void
always hungry needing to be fed
but nothing can ever reach the bottom
it is an endless cilinder
the bottom of a bottle
the end of a needle
the warmth of tobacco
sure looks good
will silence the voices

like the girl said
wake-up,
wash,
get dressed,
eat,
work,
home,
eat,
wash,
sleep,
next day repeat
in between find time of music, poetry and chats
hi, hud, im gud and you, wud, jc, l2m,
endless routine stuck in endless crap
is this all there is to the 21 century

How many more times do i have to repeat this pointless exercise of crying my eyes red and swollen due to a broken heart torn apart by grieve and regret.
How many times am i gonna dress in agony and despair and wait for the day to end. I'm glad when night falls. sleeping brings relief perceived. keep telling yourself this ****. The universe no longer listens to my repetitive crap of pain and lost glory days. I am 27 and long for my youth. How pathetic can someone be. Wallowing in self pity on the net for all to read. Is this my scream for help? this is the wrong platform don't I think.
How many times have i told myself the lie. I almost believe it. Just almost. Reality always brings me right back. Being in my twenties. I am plagued by indecision  fear and not knowing what to do. Feeling pressured 100% of the time. Finding no rest for a weary soul screaming for mercy. No, not love just mercy. You heard right. I will settle for the lesser and easier of the two. My God why have you forsaken me? I have asked this Q so many times. Still unanswered. I keep telling myself just make it to the next day time will heal my wounds and time will teach me how to beat my chest correctly without letting depression drag me down into the mud. Just make it to tomorrow. Be honest how many times have I thought about suicide only thing that stops me is what if i fail and i am left with a broken body. Lets be honest cutting sound real good now.

my fancy writing and good choice in words
are perfect in camouflage my deep devouring pain
if my soul could bleed it would be drained
oh how i miss my glory days
in youth i thought it will last
the only lasting thing i have is pain, questions and regret
i fear the end of the nightmare
who am i if not lonely and in pain
what awakens my muse and clothe my mistress
pain, regret and questions is all I've known for so long
me malformed
humanity wont take me back
all i know is exile
i dream of better, but then who will i be