please pick up. . . the phone rings
i'm trying to make a call to heaven
please god answer i need to speak to my mum please
i want to tell her all that has been happening
about my aching heart for love
the gnawing feeling that i am a failure
the hurt watching other people live the life i want
no gate keeper to my memories
silence on the other side of the line
god does not take direct calls
i have no one else to call
it was always mum
every action or drama that occurred she was the front row spectator

dear god
today is one of those days
your the only one that understands
the days are being counted down to mother's day
i miss my mum so terribly
i see people around me connecting
sharing hugs and love, they have homes
all i have is a house and determination
i lost my appetite again
i commit suicide in silence everyday
1 teaspoon of sugar at a time
some times i wane live long
days like today i wish the sugar would work faster
as connected as we are in modern life are we unconnected
today i miss my mum so very much

if i could i will give all my days
i don't want the comfortable life she gave me
just her in all her wrinkles and moans
just my mum, no other will do

he takes her hand in his
her hand is shivering
desperately he seeks her eyes
stubbornly she refuses to look into his eyes
finally he speaks
low and controlled
my mistress, why do you question your place in my house
yes you are not as beautiful as the others
no you cannot awaken my member as easily as them
yes i buy them expensive clothes and jewelry and not you

my mistress
you never sleep alone
you dine with me the finest each night
i took your last name
your name is written on the family door
a house that does not leak and know no draft
you travel the world with me
i dress you identical to me
each day i comb your hair
we even have identical tattoos
all this to see you smile
my mistress do not question your place in my house

finally i give way
a deep low moan
my arching back relaxes
satisfaction flushes over me
sealed with a warm passionate kiss
a new moon begun
a dash of color added daily
new hair style, off with the old
accessories a must, compliments my manicure
dark short and eye catching
all i need is the perfect pair of shoes

a women matured
savored for my chosen
the nape of my neck
small of my back
the tip of my *****
a knowledgeable lover
brings fire to my belly
stopping only at sight of satisfaction
the kind young girls fantasize about
old women relive in memories gone by
stories and poems inspired

my words covered in lace
awakens passion
my lovers eyes burn at the thought of me

:) :) the mind a powerful gift

pictures of past lovers are looked through the eyes of a woman scorned
dragged down into the depths of hell
by a fiery monster that mishandles me
striking yellow eyes
each breath felt on my bruised skin
he mutilates me for fun
my screams echos through the empty corridors of hell
all the while having to watch my past over and over again
made to relive each moment magnified
torture would have been a far lessor punishment
my face has to remain neutral as i look at pictures of lovers past under the careful gaze of others

the anger in my ever grows
these men they toyed with me as if i was not human
in there eyes my soul did not breath
i was no more than a second thought
i run through the corridors
trying to open doors while trying to stay out of the clutches of my captor
i need the find the door to mercy
i stumble
broken the monster finds me

once i dream t of living a quarter mile at a time
conquering land after land
nothing to hold me back just endless fields of dreams
each night i worked the field
my wings knew flight and soared ever higher above trees
when something went wrong the undo button fixed it
life would be continues perfect moments
staring at the white roof colored by my own world
always the same
tragic love poem written in eternity
two people meet over hot coffee
empty cafe, rainy night
casually chatting and laughing
instantly connecting
she sells herself for a moment
desperate to feel love
he buys her moment to hide his own need to lick his wounds
wounded people searching for love struck a deal
she never knew it was her smile that convinced him
no women has ever graced him with that honor
what follows is some time for adjustment, the drama
brutal fighting with his father, the action
she is not spoken for, the ******
eventually he realizes his deep seeded love for her
defend her honor
make babies and raise cattle

a perfect ending

closing my eyes i sea them
across the big water
they wait for me
not sure to welcome me or shun d me

early morning the river pulls back into slumber
revealing faint but visible tracks
the dead crossed over and visited
who did they visit?
standing outside the windows watching
never moving
all you know is the airy feeling you get

they promise you peace on their *****
against the backdrop of a cruel world
it looks so inviting
what a mirage
i force my eyes open
red blood shot
i wash my face and stair into the eyes of the one looking back
lost in the world reflected