niemand behalwe ek ken die krag van jou hartklop van binne. dus die eerste ding wat ek gehoor het. dit het my gekalmeer en gese moenie bekommerd wees nie ek is hier, altyd. gevolg deur 'n rustige stem wat die wind kalmeer. die het gesing en gebid oor my. gesondheid was die meeste gevra. die stem het baie gepraat. dit was goeie tye vir my. al wat ek graag vergeet is die tye wat jy en die ander stem gestry het. dan het jou stem verander na hartseer en bedroef. trane het jou wange gevul terwyl jou arms my omvou het. al stywer en stywer. so belangrik was ek.

die groot dag, jy het gese jy gaan jou hare eers was, maar toe versnel die hartklop en dinge gebeur wat ek nie begryp het nie. jy het ernstig siek geword en nog alleen by die huis. jou arm om my hospitaal toe. ek is gebore saterdag 25 mei 1985.

skielik was ek alleen en weg van my geliefde klop. jy was in 'n diep slaap. mense gehardloop om ons om als weer reg te maak. ai opwindende oomblik. Maar geen arms wat omvou en rustige stem wat bekend is nie. net vreemdheid.

a praying family . . .
only are person decides what to pray about
the usual, a rhyme, well known and nice
covers the basis
but does the listener listens
no, she stopped long time ago
busy with the mice in her head
k nibbling at fantasies, a free world
childhood habit, stills works
my brain remembers
it empty prayers
no conviction

a family that prayers together  . . . to keep the peace
what about peace of mind, soul and spirit
they don't count, unimportant
just peace to the prayer, he is happy
                          feels he did good
                          he kept all inline
                          they know there place

hora, a great head of the family

Dear C, you are a good friend of mine
but you will never know how much i despise your skin
your soul is pure and love flows
your skin resembles all i hate about my country
you will never understand the yellow monster
his eyes tell it all
you are not human, no soul
just a peasant born to serve
how dare you breath what about speak
unthinkable that you can think
once you have seen the monster
innocence lost forever
no turning back
an anger that build in the chest
energy build in the muscles for action
action fueled by the pounding anger
action against my oppressors

God safe me from this anger, only you can.

thee oppressed hold on tight as death
to God, now i know why

now i understand mum and dads anger
yes i also joined that group now
question each nice gesture from a goose
'the only good goose is a dead goose'
now i understand

stuck in a life i don't want
working a dead end job
surrounded by people i don't trust
hungry status dad
no close bonds
back covered in stab wounds
stuck in a cycle 8-5
day after day no roses, no coffee, just hell
what a mess of an existence
wish someone can give me directions
mum would have known the right action plan

one death, one life
left me defenceless directionless
punishment for unknown great sin
oh God, dad freed to relive youth misled one
. . . .  twice
i never got a change for care free youth
what great sin that cannot receive mercy?

mum married her love
rose covered eyes
ended serving an ungrateful master
finding fault with fault finding
inglorious *******, his mother should have strangled him at birth

it cost her, her life
she loved him to her dieing breath
she fulfilled her duty to the T

now you want me to forget and grand you a 2nd marriage
oh my God repeat of the 1st grant performance
a new opera will be build
new players and costumes to make you scream and cry at once
you will be deliriant with joy and pain
equal amount competing for your soul
all to serve the god if status and money
no. i do not grant thee anything
you owe me a childhood of love
              teenage years of caring
              grown up years of leading
instead you work as fault finder
all day, all night, over consuming

talent truly follows hard work and dedication
re-reading the words of my soul
i could have been great by now
non the less i found my voice again
hidden among the dust of time
entering from the cold night
field of forgotten memories at the back
running forward the future calls
may i be great with hard work and endurance

its scary people will see my soul
the words will echo my struggles
my demon relived and revealed
over and over and over
is this really what i want?