why do i always have to fall in love with the people who will never love me

I fell for a poet
An expert with his words
By night a whisper,
By day unheard

I fell for a poet
A hazy, giggly dream
A little boy in a teenager's body
A life ripped at the seams

I fell for a poet
Who's writing love poems I'll never read
For someone else in his life,
Anyone but me.

I fell for a poet
So I'll wait, quiet as the sea
For this feeling to fade
Or for him to fall for me

Who should i be
When i am gone?
When i have lost,
And his words won.
When what comforted me
Brought me pain,
A rapid fall,
After a gain.
To repeat this over and over again.

Life feels too heavy.
Too many worries.
Too many pressures.
Too many responsibilities.
Too many hardships.
Pain.
Despair.
Hope turns to despair.
Happiness turns to numbness.
Calmness turns to pain.

Too fast.
So bleed.
Bleed.
Bleed.
Till everything is silent.
But it’s not silent.
It’s not working.
Making me panic.
Why isn’t it working?

Hi so this is a bit different from what i usually write but yeah.
Thank you so much to all of the people that were worried, i wouldn't be here without y'all (i'm serious, you guys were the reason i didn't go through with it). Basically i had a random breakdown from bottling stuff up and i was trying not to off myself, which ended like this. I'm somewhat fine now and i'll talk to my therapist and all that. Again, thank you all so much.