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Jul 2021 · 494
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charles Jul 2021
all our screens are on fire,

make our lives so much lighter,

if you're covered in gas,

would a flame make you brighter.
Jul 2021 · 132
breakup
charles Jul 2021
she chose to chase her demons,

while i stayed to fight mine.
Jul 2021 · 226
cut
charles Jul 2021
cut
i couldn't explain if i tried,

sometimes it's at fourteen,

or for a life time,

running out of places to hide.

when i said i was alright,

i was not,

every time.
Jul 2021 · 175
maker
charles Jul 2021
soft suns sail across,

a red star-crossed sky,

and some night,

i won't know what it is.

souls shine, no less beautiful,

then those lights lost in their height,

came to me in tiny dreams,

the kind that try to let me breathe,

when the morning comes,

i wont know what they mean.

i could love a million things,

but not a single one would love me.

that's the maker's mark,

it's meant to be,

if only sober men could repeat the sea.

but surely that man isnt me.
Jul 2021 · 82
healing from an accident
charles Jul 2021
I dont know what to do,

with these memories of *; (you)

i could crawl in a hole,

i might paint the whole room.

i could drink till i cry,

live my life in a monsoon.

i could find someone else,

relive something new.

i could find the guts to get sober,

or wrap my life around a tree.

i could make another mark on my arm

but until i saw you did the same,

because of me,

i didnt know a thing, about self harm.
charles Jul 2021
paint the room,

I write my restless unkempt

worried lemon taste

but you see the tide in my face.

shooting, drinking, hoping high,

relate to patients at work,

no space for my hurt

you just wanna be heard.
charles Jul 2021
searching for finality in words,

not a single one can soften a curse,

letters wont bring me back to her,

or the moments addicts bite for lures.

i pray each night I'm well deserved,

bury thoughts i cant cure,

life is neither left or right,

just a pin in time,

a lesson learned,

when nothing brings me back to her.
Jul 2021 · 96
ten years of self harm
charles Jul 2021
some things dont change,

"live without a chance to walk away'

maniacally, i try to be okay.

some days its fine that way;

some days i dig a knife in my face,

driving drunk,

then be grateful the next day.

i can't stand the day.
Jul 2021 · 106
soberiety
charles Jul 2021
would it matter if i remembered how you sang when I wasnt looking?

the way my mind screen shot the moment I fell in love with you at McDonalds

the time i drove you through the greenest woods

your shirt i wore while i was losing you

six months i spent chasing you just to end up a fool?

does it matter when i drink to a black screen and sing to the moon?

i dont want to know where you are,
i dont know where you've been,
every second i breathe is just another reason to be
charles Jul 2021
pass me a drink, im too anxious to sink in this social setting.

give me a drink, I'm twenty one with twenty one mistakes to make.

I'll only have a couple drinks,
enough to drive home. it's only down the street.

i want to drink, push these feelings far
away from me, for a moment I'll feel

free.

i need to drink, my throat will paint this comfy ditch of things I didnt mean

i cant stop drinking, holding a thousand angels on my ***** wings, fighting my course of destruction and replacing my actions with false apologies.

i dont want to drink, my life is my own   and beautifully alone, counting the hours that my drinking is done.
Jul 2021 · 192
concealer
charles Jul 2021
find consolation in such broken eyes,

like another sea of disrepair,

in a moment it's gone,

in the morning it's there.

two dark, perfected circles,

slide around the window of souls.
Jul 2021 · 100
I'll see you when i see you
charles Jul 2021
they never write back,

left alone without my life back,

i cant keep my life on track.

i love mistakes that lie on their back,

but no amount of love,

could ever win my love back.

so i sit in sin seeking what i lack.

leaving thoughts in the ground,

while the future attacks
Jul 2021 · 477
sugar
charles Jul 2021
this sugar-coated knife in my heart:

only night reveals my worth,

always wanting her,

waning war on the hurt.

nightmares with no control,

heavy weight on my soul,

I'll be fine, while my body

only does what its told.

what hurts most,

i might never know.
Jul 2021 · 80
your best friend
charles Jul 2021
i turned off the lights in my head,
Jul 2021 · 76
i'll never drink again
charles Jul 2021
if i could say sorry,

or bear to see your eyes again

I'd still curl like a coward

never knowing where you went

no matter how many hours spent

i still find comfort in sin

i dont know why

or where i went.

i only hope i see him again.

when i never drink again
Jun 2021 · 235
10 31 19
charles Jun 2021
drunk driving

broken furniture

bad relationships

friends i really miss.

knives in my arms

and my face.

more importantly the things i dont say

the way i drink

deteriorating my brain

i wish i still wanted to stay.
Jun 2021 · 455
restless moon syndrome
charles Jun 2021
if i could bring you back to me,

I'd be the perfect fool,

to tear the night sky from you.

if my hurt became craters,

i would revive them for you.

when my eyes become oceans,

sudden suspects of truth,

i would lay down my life,

just to pull them from you.

when you're done,

and each night carries through,

i would pull on the reins

bringing light back to you.
Jun 2021 · 119
salud
charles Jun 2021
too drunk to drive and so are you.

i drive us home

think it's the right thing to do

on that night i make a move.

your face felt so confused.

foreshadowing six months with you,

my stupid self thought i knew you,

then i found out i could cheat on you.

nothing short of what you're used to.

i still walk by the bench,

where i explained myself to you.

now I drink myself to death,

trying to find the truth.

salud
charles Jun 2021
some nights,

i wish i wrapped around that tree

cutting lines against my life

just so strangers later could see.

a silent addict without hope.
Jun 2021 · 94
backwards
charles Jun 2021
i will never see you again in the night

or whatever could have been our life

our souls remain random fireflies

inside that iron sight

whatever is left of the light

i wont find you there

I'm just man with two hands

holding a hundred lives.
Jun 2021 · 133
wherever you went
charles Jun 2021
maybe you're still scared of germs,

and movies, still, your nightly mantra,

may be you still smoke ****

with friends that removed me.

maybe love was the enemy

my life might change at twenty three

but i threw away my family

remembering the fireworks

against the front yard tree.

but my soul says whatever

whatever happens,

wherever you went,

i guess it's a part of me.
Jun 2021 · 161
my life in eleven lines
charles Jun 2021
goodnight to every breath that i took,

after begging to be where you stood

all the drinks i drank in the day time

all the pain too scared to be loud

the pain i put you through

i somehow allowed.

swallowed pride never hides

everything's in our eyes,

swearing i loved yours at one time.

but your flawless facade

masked your private despair.
Jun 2021 · 1.2k
guiltcomplex
charles Jun 2021
bury me with spirits i betrayed

ill fall wherever your name is laid

every second that I breathe

i will chip my life away.

i will drink

i will smoke

holding words never spoke.

redemption, ascension always slow.

self harm like a mark on a stone,

im proficient in being alone,

loving walls like my life's on a reel,

but all that's real is already done.
Jun 2021 · 87
dive
charles Jun 2021
the fire made the mess,

but i still love you,

dont know why I miss you,

something missing from my soul.

is it addiction

or all those bottles on my floor

empty shells I adore

but our life always meant more.
Jun 2021 · 88
without you
charles Jun 2021
im alone,

im a drunk,

something less,

than the one that you loved.

im a mess and much more,

I'm a son, was a friend,

im a stubborn door.

I loved more than myself,

but i still wanted more.

i am sorry and spent,

and my heart still pays rent,

but I'm moving without smiling,

slowly crawling to life.

but i dont know what I'd do,

if i ever saw your eyes.
Jun 2021 · 132
if
charles Jun 2021
if
if i could make you the glowing moon,

tying heart strings to a fool,

holding a thousand chances,

i'd still chain myself to loving you.
Jun 2021 · 621
idk
charles Jun 2021
idk
i loved you when my sky had greyed

before our bodies laid

before my feelings had a say

when every word I say

attempt to take a step away

from things my family couldn't be

with what i painfully couldnt be:

a sober soul from noon to eve

i miss the things i leave

i want some things I couldn't see

but bring me morning

I dont know where to be.
May 2021 · 241
child of mine
charles May 2021
if the sky falls,

I'll watch the clouds fall with you.

see what the sun turns into,

wait for the moon to rise too.

but no season could sever me,

no winter would tear me from you,

i know not who you are,

but my child to come too soon.
May 2021 · 110
nightmares
charles May 2021
the nights you would drink,

special seconds you spent sinking,

instead of dinner or simple truth;

never knowing i cant love you.
May 2021 · 102
settle down
charles May 2021
twenty-eight,

twice in love,

now only in love with twilight,

where I'm not your guy.

not a drink or your word,

could appease what i should,

screaming, scraped up walls,

said i did what I could.
May 2021 · 275
death of a medium
charles May 2021
words are not cages for demons.

all the pain you don't write,

is the reason you do.

the real help in your room is you.
May 2021 · 106
when god comes around
charles May 2021
maybe, let him stand by my side,

let him tear you from my mind,

**** me apathetic,

when i cant keep you from my sights.

maybe all that turns is a little time,

or turns my torment into lifetimes.

i still see you as a lifeline.
May 2021 · 147
just a room
charles May 2021
walls can hold the stars,

if you stay there long enough.

in the corner there's a sun,

and another has a moon.

when you put them all together,

all you have is just a room.
May 2021 · 271
seventy times seven
charles May 2021
i can never say sorry,

or see your soul trembling,

dying not to meet my eyes.

no goodbyes on another side,

without closure after all the time.
May 2021 · 121
walls adapted
charles May 2021
i see love held tenderly,

my two parents on a couch.

all the souls i won't let in,

every soul i squeezed out.

and too many break downs.

a comfort i cant keep secret,

with a moonful regret,

a sun full of self bitterness.

an artist without entitlement.

locked in the grey eyes of cement.
May 2021 · 104
sometimes its about you
charles May 2021
write my life away,

knowing,

nothing could ever make you stay.

cold as steel, while life stays the same.

i'll move side to side,

but i still stay in my place;

waiting for yours,

or another new face.
Apr 2021 · 90
only as high
charles Apr 2021
your soul haunts my mountain,

though no height will replace you,

but i think that i loved you,

though i don't know if its true.

only as high as love let me be,

but I loved my bottled demons,

and no loss could change that feeling.
Apr 2021 · 143
a fool and his drink
charles Apr 2021
a scary thing in my side,

could be you,

could be all of my lies,

ive been walking through all my life.

is it my liver crying out,

trying to get out alive?

ill never know,

while the alcohol flows,

through a poor soul, it roams.

where my loved ones are there,

but my heart's always here,

and what stands in between,

is some simple self care.

but its never so simple,

with a life insecure.

but i loved you the way,

that would keep you right here.
Apr 2021 · 102
why i write
charles Apr 2021
it takes courage to turn words,

into something that may be unheard,

but i hope it gets you through a night,

gain a battle in a losing fight,

ring your soul to make it light.

stop a gun or knife upon your life.
Apr 2021 · 99
trigger
charles Apr 2021
i cant replace your face in clouds,

or burn the thoughts that i allow,

or **** a soul so loud.

like a cut i dont repair,

i hum to watch it stay and sear,

then drink and hope it reappears.
Apr 2021 · 888
rushing
charles Apr 2021
i could have left you there,

with that nostalgic air,

of someone playing with my hair.

but i was too daring,

rushing into feelings i fear.

just to see some souls,

see me wasted and not care.
Apr 2021 · 391
make believe
charles Apr 2021
crooked rainbowed in your life,

i wasn't simple or easy,

but i found you,

and for once, you didnt need me.

but you stayed because you could,

loving things my soul should.
Apr 2021 · 114
balloons
charles Apr 2021
tie me up and watch me float,

shoot me down when my soul wont.

loved you with my blank eyes,

paralyzed, twenty-seven,

i should have died.
charles Mar 2021
i will drink you, black poison,

till you take me from me,

when my soul is not free.

and they won't know what it means.

sleepwalk in their dreams,

while im here, I'll still lean,

like a soul with no leash,

but they wont know what it means.
Mar 2021 · 130
you in reverse
charles Mar 2021
like a storm in reverse,

you're the best that I heard.

not the thunder and flash,

but the sound of your love,

like a tin-roof crash.

I'd trade my life for it to last,

so many times until it passed.

and it should pass.

but it should pass.

will it pass?
Mar 2021 · 94
take care
charles Mar 2021
i flew into your life,

a painful soul on fire,

swallowing steam for your smile.

relief that only i desired.

i would have died in your eyes.

if i knew what to do with your life.

but im alright

though my future isnt bright.


I love you.
Mar 2021 · 84
love without eyes (2)
charles Mar 2021
whatever you want,

so long as you spare me.

all the pain history taught me.

like a pilot without eyes,

i'll fly right by your side,

if you give me a room,

where i can lose myself at night.
Mar 2021 · 646
addicts & diatribes (1)
charles Mar 2021
my soul on a screen,

that no one will see.

all eyes towards the restless,

the fake apathy fiend.

let me say what they cant,

all the things they dont mean:
Mar 2021 · 92
infinite resignation
charles Mar 2021
there is a place in such loneliness,

when your loss is your life.

trade your feelings for your wife.

feel the ground for some sky.

when a door is your weapon

with a life without friends.

with a life without warmth.

in a field of corn.

every lie that was sworn.

just to hide behind doors.
charles Mar 2021
i won't plunge headfirst,

at the first sign of relief.

i won't love cause i'm lonely,

but i will when I'm sober.

i won't stare through your eyes,

out of fear from their light.

i wont linger in darkness,

when my soul isnt right.
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