In a locked box
In a dark room
A love letter
A lock of hair
A photograph
Brilliant  Black

In a locked box
In a dark room
A wedding band
A babies glove
A valentine card
Brilliant Black

In a locked box
In a dark room
A lipstick tube
A woolen glove
A broken heart
Shattered in pieces
Brilliant black

The coffee cup swirls
clouds of memories.
All about you
only you.
I should forget you .
I should let you go to that place
where memories exist only as ghost.
Instead you remain
Haunting me for no good reason.
I miss the smell of you
the stains we made together
the sweat in heat of passion.
other have tried to replace them
but they are just imposters
dancing the choreography of love.
Your fragrance too strong
you ghost too vivid.
our stains indelible.
I sip the strong coffee
it's aroma fills my nose
but all it does for me
is to make me
want to see you
again
just one more time.
just once.

sometimes I sit alone in our floral garden.
We have travelled so very far together.
The large pretty home and expensive
cars in the driveway attest to our success.
But my thoughts drift back to the start of us.
fFnishing college together
making love in our bare
of furnishings single room.
We dined at our picnic table
Slept on an inflatable matrass.
Ate frozen pizza and drank cheap wine.
made love as the moon bloomed its light
through our undraped window.
talked the night away after *******.
I remember thinking how much I loved you
How I would never be able to get enough of you.
I would give everything we have today
to go back there with you my love.
for without knowing it
we had everything back then.

It was wednesday evening as always..
Like clockwork the old man
Took his regular seat in the mostly empty
basement bar fuull of yesterday's
so out of place
living in a lost time.
he ordered two glasses
Of white wine
and put a quarter
Into the old wurlitzer jukebox

Patsy Cline always patsy
no one else.
Her sentimental tones filled
The room in gentle sweetness
From another time.
the new patrons
knew he was back.

To spend one night with you,
in our old rendezvous
And reminisce with you,
that's my desire

It was here he had  always taken her
dancing talking falling in love.
Every possible wednesday.
Right upto the time that heavens
Whispers called to her she
followed their haunting sounds
And they took her away from him.

So long ago now so very long ago
Patsy crooned softly as always

To meet where gypsies play,
down in that dim cafe
And dance till break of day,
that's my desire

he felt her hand slip nto his as usual
He stepped into her arms as always
And they were young once more
and so in love.

They danced alone
on the small dance floor.
The outside world faded away.
Patsy joined them singing
So beautifully their song

We'll sip a little glass of wine,
I'll gaze into your eyes divine
I'll feel the touch of your lips,
pressing on mine
To hear you whisper low,
just when it's time to go
Darling, I love you so,
that's my desire

he looked into ber beautiful eyes
Tilted her chin upward
And kissed her softly
Then as he sat down
tired and old.
She faded into the nightglow
He whispered softly
See you next Wednesday
My darling

As he left the café
He could hear patsy
Almost whispering
The last refrains
of his favorite song.

**That's my desire
That's my desire

I am burning my candle at both ends.
Filling the night with wonder love and friends
I Know it will burn out before the night
But what a beautiful wondrous light.

At last we are here at the dance.
Not the pretty school dance from years gone bye.
But the raw dance bereft of preconceived movements.
The dance of life immortal.
Where the answer is yes you may
go as far as you like dance.
where the raw night touched the morning.

At last we are here at the dance
Not the shy shuffling slow dance.
Or
The mirror balled waltz of romance dance
But the dance of passion and wants and needs.
Where our skins are shed
and sheets are ruffled into *****.
The in the need of our souls dance.
Where skin and heat melt into one element.

At last we are here at the dance.
where bodies and sheets and flesh
Burn in the dark night of life.
where hallelujah screams from souls.
Where our raw needs flow unhindered
Unfettered and free.
At last we are here at the dance.

In my dreams it is never winter
I remember so long ago
My father said
There is a time in life
You are more of yourself
Than ever before or again.
He was fifty one then.
Was it something about the maples?
That made him say that.

There is a time in life
You are more of yourself
Than ever before or again.
I wonder for me
Is it now?
I know so much more than before.
Was it something about the maples?
That made him say that.
Yet only a single leaf is vermilion.

I know so much more than before
I always thought he would live forever
Yet only a single leaf is vermillion.
Even his lifeblood had secrets.

I always thought he would live forever
My mother his perfect companion
Even his lifeblood had secrets.
I thought I was ever their child

I see my mothers face at my age
Is this when I will be most myself
I remember my fathers words.
In dreams it is never winter.

When will I be most myself?
I remember Dads words
In dreams it is never winter
He was fifty one then

I am a drifter of the heart
finding new towns.
Feeling that this is the place
the one I need.
But always moving on.
it's inevitable
it's written in my poetry
like a sailor's death
is weaved into
his sweater
knitted by his wife.
I know I will leave..
you asked me to
settle with you
raise a family
and build a home.
I love you
I will try
I will try I promise.
but deep in my chest.
my restless heart
refuses to unpack its bags.

Mother was controlling.
hard,self centered, spoiled and rich.
I forgot beautiful but I suppose
to the outsiders looking in
she was perfect.
I think she hated me
I was the quiet one
my brother handsome and wild
was the apple of her eye.
you will amount to nothing
she told me from being a child.
why can't you be more
like your brother
she cried at me.
she prepped my brother
for fame and fortune.
he will be the next mayor
of this city she said.
I could not take any more
I left the house
living rough in the inner city.
I got a tiny apartment
above a cobblers store.
one night a woman banged
on the door at a late hour.
she was a *******
her **** had beaten her.
I let her in.
she stayed with me.
we did not have ***.
I figured she needed
a break.
My mother found us.
and insulted the lady
calling her a *****.
she did not know her story
about a husband who
was shot by a passing car.
Losing her home her dignity
More to spite mother  than because
I loved her I married my *******.
There was a strange change about her.
she cleaned for me.
fixed nice meals.
washed my clothes.
I still never touched her.
But she was somehow in love with me.
one night she bought a bottle of wine
we could ill afford
I got a bit tipsy.
She took me to her bed.
and I felt a warmth
I had never felt in my life before.
it was ****** stupid love.
I did not want it or seek it
but it found me.
mother offered her money to go away.
But I told her I needed her.
my job as an accountant
at the city took off.
I became the city treasurer.
then when the elections came up
I was put forward for Mayor
against my brother.
they leaked my wife's background
as a call girl out in the press.
But she stood in front of the media
and told her story truly
and mine.
We gained a large lead in the polls
the women related to her plight.
on election night
it was a landslide
I became Mayor
She became the first lady if the city.
we have four children now.
I am being put forward
to run for Governor.
and my sweet lady will become
the first lady if this great state.

a year later

the four kids
myself
and my beautiful wife
kissed as we entered the governor's mansion.
she whispered I love you so much my husband.
I whispered back not as much as I love you
my lady.*

.

When the stones speak
they speak in the old language
of time itself.
they speak of endless tides
that wash them smooth
for infinity.
sometimes they whisper of Changes
where their roughness was polished
by the sands of time.
they whisper to me
my soul will be washed
like they were
smoothing its mperfections
until it will glow in the
rivers of forever.
to spend infinity
in a new perfection.
and to be blessed
by a life well lived.

The year was so long ago
far too long to remember.
I can feel the breath of forever
on the nape of my neck.
Still in silence between then and now
you materialize again.
I never believed in love then.
I was too young
dreaming in forever's.
then I saw you at the opera house
the sounds of your voice invading my heart.
Each single note cutting me like a knife.
I waited outside your stage door,
in the pouring night rain
wet to the soul.
waiting until you came out.
you noticed me
under the bloom of the gaslight.
you saw my need my want.
And touched my cheek softly.
Why are you here in the cold wet you asked.
I had to see you I whispered.
You took me in the Hanson cab with you.
The horse clip clopped on the cobblestones.
We arrived at your flat in London
And you led me to the bathroom
ran a hot tub for me.
And then placed me in it.
Have you eaten you whispered
you look so thin.
I do not know Miss I answered
you dried me in your towels
and fed me .
why do you wait every night
after my show she asked .
because I love you
I looked into her beautiful eyes.
So many men have said that she said.
I look t the ground
She needed warmth
and held me to her breast.
You are so young
so young she sighed.
Softly we made love
She was quiet
tears in her beautiful eyes.
Its your tenderness
where did it come from.
From my heart I whispered.

A year later

The royal command performance
was a success she was magnificent
She held my hand tightly in hers.
You were beautiful my Love I said.
I love you so much Milady.
We must not stay late she said.
In a voice that leaked
promises into my heart
Our baby is waiting
for us to tuck her in.

Again the trilling song
of the night bird calls.
In dulcet velvet like the darkness.
My heart in tune with its melody.
My soul in unison with it mourning.
I call your name to the new stars
the ones that are born from great loss.
I feel you among them
Looking to the earth
to find me.
To light my way.
Again the trilling song
of the night bird calls.
And my soul is weeping.

I want to whisper
I love you.
but settle for goodnight.
For I love you
means I'm falling.
and I am terrified
of heights

I know why we split up.
The constant drama
and arguments
the thrown plates.
The fighting
you hit me twice
once with a rolling pin.
but oh my the make up ***
wow! there was nothing like it.
I know I am gasoline
you are a open flame.
I know we should be apart
we will drive each other crazy.
But now is not one of those times
come back my love
come back tonight.
Set me ablaze with your fire.
God! how I miss your ****** heat.

I remember the first time she said it.
I was fixing a bike for the kid upstairs.
It was in a soft voice almost a whisper.
She said " I love you honey."
I was dumbfounded.
Getting oil from the bike chain
all over my shirt.
Say it again
I whispered please
say it again.
"I love you"
she uttered quietly.
I looked at her
so unsure of herself
almost quivering in fear of
my unknown response.
But there was something
about her that grasped my heart
and I knew I would want
to hear her say it forever.
Then she got braver
I Love You. I Love You, I Love you
she shouted at full voice.
Like the words had been
on her tongue for a long time.
waiting to be said.
waiting to be heard.

All About Us

When You said to me
You wanted to be happy
I always made you laugh.

When you said to me
You felt so sad
I always gave my shoulder
for you to cry on.

When you said to me.
I am so cold
I covered you inside my coat
And hugged you
Sharing my warmth.

When you said to me
I need to feel close to you
I always rested your head
upon my chest so you could
feel my heartbeat.

When I said to you
I needed to feel
You kissed my lips.

When I said to you
I needed beautiful dreams
You gently kissed my eyelids

When I said to you
I need to make love.
You took me
to your bed.

When I said to you
I want to marry you
You slipped my ring
upon your finger.

When we both said
we wanted
a lifetime together
filled with love
a happy home
and children.
We gave it to
each other.

Cherie
An Old Fashioned Break Up

When love's last words are spoken…. Cherie.
When tender hearts are broken…. Cherie.
Now our dream of love  is far away
Now lost in the mist of yesterday.
When love's last kiss has faded …..Cherie
When loving hearts are jaded ….Cherie
Once love blossomed
with the bright moon
Now it  plays  a sad tune for me.
Now my heart is broken …..Cherie
when love's last words are spoken…. Cherie
when love's last words are spoken…. Cherie*

Based upon a beautiful Melody written in 1934
LOVE'S LAST WORD IS SPOKEN [CHERIE]
Cesare A Bixio (m) Bruce Sievier (l) 1934

The romantic ending to a love story I wrote
Jude Kyrie


He married me because
I was pregnant I am Sure.
Well double pregnant really
it was twins.
I never thought that he could love me
or that I could dare to love him.
It just felt the right thing to do.
But it changed when the twins arrived
I have never seen anyone as happy as him
well unless you count me in that is.
He was so good looking so gentle
What did he ever see in me?
I was always cheating and losing
on diets to keep myself a size fourteen.
My hair frizzy and wild.
But he made me feel beautiful.
How did he do that?
We went for a Sunday evening walk
It was fall in central park.
We walked the twins
in their double stroller.
The leaves had turned
red and amber
under the chilling winds
of late New York autumn.
The late fall sunlight
lit up the park in reds and golds
against the grey outlines of the old city.
A city that had seen many such love stories.
I see Michael holding the twins in his arms.
I could see the love he had for us all
in his beautiful eyes.
The same eyes that had
some major optical defect.
An aberration that
I had no understanding of.
Because he saw me as
beautiful and worthy of his love.
And in that single moment
There in central park on a red carpet
of rustling autumn leaves.
I felt him walk in into my heart
through a door I had always
left unlocked for only him.
As he entered inside me
to a place on this earth
that was destined for him alone.
I closed the door quietly behind him.
Locking it with the only key that existed.
Then throwing it into the urban woodlands
never to be found again.

The Time Traveller's wife.

Time is a confusion to me these days
is it today or twenty years ago?
My mind in my old age
is a time traveling machine.
Where will I be when  I wake?
A thrush warbles its tune
through the open bedroom window.
I turn to Mary and say
It’s going to be a wonderful day my love.
Then as I touch her hair
her undisturbed pillow
reaches my fingers.
Then it is now again
I know she is no longer here

How strange the instant of our loss
never loses its pain?
I read the notes my daughter left for me.
The six cartons of milk
in the refrigerator
A testament to my time travels.

As I eat a bowl of cereal
Mary joins me for a chat once more.
We talk of our retirement plans,
the travel, the exploring the joys of freedom.
Old age will be our time, she smiles.

I am as fascinated with her sparkling eyes
as I was the first time
I. ever  saw her so very long ago.
I have an overwhelming need
to tell her
" I love you Honey"
But she has gone
lost in the mystery of times ether.

My daughter arrives to fix my lunch.
She asks me.
"Have you considered
the retirement condo Dad
"don’t you get lonely here ?"
I answer quietly.
No kitten,
never lonely.
never lonely.

War at Home and Away
lessons from my father


It was such a long time ago.
A time when being born black
in the South was a hard thing.
I was only a young boy.
My father seemed permanent then
Hiding from me his fragile mortality.
I did not understand
that we were so poor back then.
or why we were hated so badly.

my father taught me how to survive.
Always feeling warm and safe near him.
The world was to become
more dangerous than usual.
Darkness and fear hung from the sky
like ghostly spiders webs.

Noises that came in the dark
were not from bogymen
and monsters in the closet.
They kept my father from sleep that night.
The white pointed heads of the hooded
klansmen on horseback passed by our home.
I knew at that moment
he may not always have the power
to make the ghost go away.

I remember a few years later
in the jungles of Nam.
Lay on my belly in the undergrowth.
I heard each crackle of gunfire
and the nights jungle chatter.

My trigger finger on guard
sleepless and in silence.
holding my breathe.
I learned then that all my father’s lessons
were alive in me.
And that in such bad places
a boy needs his father with him.

Billy

I watched him leave the orphanage today
It is unlikely we will meet again.
He would spend countless hours
building objects with an old Lego set.
Mostly spaceships, never skyscrapers.
He told me they were too hard for him.

What was hard he could not understand.
Un-accepting parents who could not see the
astounding beauty that his scrambled
chromosomes and forever child’s soul possessed.
Nor did he know why the other children stayed
clear of him.
Not comprehending his gentle ways,
His only blessing from the angels.

The system had slowly spun
its complete cycle.
Foster homes special schools
came and went.
He had seen them all.
Eleven years old and feeling
lost and forgotten.
As old as a senior citizen.

They moved him to a home
for the mentally challenged this morning.
I heard the nurse say to the social worker.
“He will be better off there
we can’t handle them here when they
get to be older.
And we just don't have the budget”

He quietly smiled softly as he left
A resigned look on his innocent face
Wishing only to be
Reassured that the new place
had a Lego set.

Someone is playing a Spanish Guitar
By
Jude Kyrie

Sat alone at the edge of the warm ocean.
Nighttime illuminated brightly,
by a candelabra of moon and stars.
This hot humid night of summer
overpowering me dragging my spirits
Into its sultry mood.

In the distance
someone is playing Spanish guitar.
Its melody almost mournful.
Bringing back my thoughts of you.
Memories that scar heart and soul.
Wavelets lap the shore like your kisses
The night breezes are your sweet breath.
Reflections of a life half lived visit me once again.
.
far into the darkness
Someone is playing spanish guitar.
Note by note burning into my soul
reviving the lost feelings of desolation.

Morning is creeping over the horizon
This night is sinking into me.
Sleep now is only a distant memory.
You fade away with advancing light of morning.

Note by note in the distance
Someone is playing Spanish guitar
And my soul is weeping

Even when I was  a boy
I alway thought  I knew
what love  looked like.
She was curvy soft and blonde
wIth beautiful blue eyes.

I looked for her for years
and she finaly showed up.
When she showed up
she was brunette wore glasses
that hid her brown eyes .
she hated my music
hated my freinds
and in the end
she hated me.

It was ten years
before  love returned again.
This time she had a
short blonde pixie cut.
Green eyes and a perma smile.
She taught me that when a
woman is smiling it does not
reflect what she is thinking.
She played music all the time
that someone  else bought her.
she did buy me
my favorite ice cream though.
But she would eat it all
in midnight food binges.

I am waiting for love
to come again.
It's been five years
but I know love
will show up.
I am sure of it.
when love left I asked it to
leave my door open.
I kissed love softly goodbye.
And there were no tears.

I whispered softly to love.
thanks for coming to visit me.
I love it when you are around.
Dont be a stranger love
come back and see me soon.

Hands

I think back across the ether of time
measured in long ago faded years.
I think of Mom and Dad
and My older sister.
What I miss about
them is their hands.
Hold my hand
as we cross the road said Mom.
Ride your two wheeler
I will hold the seat
with my hand said dad.
Your hairs a mess let me
give you a hand said my sister.

They are all gone now
Just a bunch of
memories in my heart.
Sometimes they come back
in dreams at all kinds of ages.
Just to pay me visit.

I try to remember they are gone
only here in my dreams
but they are mostly so young
I forget that.
And I think
they are still here.
So much so I forget
to say goodbye
and I love you guys.

Sometimes when I wake up
alone in my bed
after the dream has faded.
I feel a tear falling
the moment of loss
is as fresh as the morning.

I then say to them softly
I love you guys so much.
When its my time to join you all.
Mom hold my hand as I cross over.
Dad make sure I learn how to fly
with my new wings
hold me with your hands
so I dont fall.
And Sis give me a hand to
learn the ropes up there.

Pearls

I usually do not wear pearls.
But today is my birthday
they will stay around my neck
all through the night.
He was hopeless at presents.
He always brought
me one of course.
For birthdays,
anniversary and Christmas.
For some reason
he never got what I wanted.

It did not matter, I do not care.
He was the only gift I ever needed.
He always made me laugh
when my dark moods came.
How did he always
make me feel so beautiful?

When the illness came
he tried to hide it from me.
But I knew ...I knew

Even now after all this time
I have danced
the practiced movements of love
with other impostors.

But when the dark of night
fills my bedroom
Its you honey
only you.
Only you knew how fix me.

Tonight I will sleep quietly
dreaming of you my love.
As I am wearing
your pearls for
one more time.

Its sunday morning.
outside the open window
church bells lilt an old hymm.
i am wearing your shirt again
sipping a coffeee.
All seems familiar
even your smell is with me.
It is the only thing that
brings me comfort
since the sickness
won the final battle.
I pick up the telephone
dialing our number
again and again.
Just to hear
your voice once more.
I savour every nuance
and inflexion of you.
for a brief moment
you are with me again.
And comfort falls
like down feathers.
you ask me
to leave a message.
i whisper
i miss you honey.

In between the delphiniums
and the hollyhocks.
Beside the potting shed
with creeper walls.
Rested the old wheelbarrow
dented rusted and aged.
Thoughts of my childhood
when I was  just a girl return to me.
Daddy would sit me in the wheel barrow
and give me a ride.
All around the garden
as I squealed in delight.
suddenly I am overwhelmed
I have a need to see
his kind eyes once more.
Hear his soft gentle voice
so mellow and kind
so sweet to me.
I want feel like
his little girl once more
safe and secure.
The need to find him
is beyond anything.

I look all over the gardens for him.
Then I see him stood by the maple tree.
He is wearing his old knitted sweater
that Mom knitted for him.
With  his corduroy gardening pants.
In his mouth his sweet aromatic pipe
that was always an extension of him.
the smell fills my soul.

He said softly
"Hello Kitten"
my eyes misted
no one but my Daddy
ever called me that.
I said Hello Daddy he took his pipe
from his mouth
His smile lit up the place
For a single moment
I felt secure and safe.
I was six once more but he faded.
into the ether of infinity.

My childhood was long passed
replaced by my womanhood.
All that was left was the
indelible memories
of long ago  times past.
Tears fell from my eyes as I
wept to go back,
even for just  one moment.

Then a noise as I looked around
at the arrival of the new owners.
A young handsome man and his wife
with thier  little son.
Who shouted in delight.
"Daddy there’s a wheelbarrow,
can I have a ride?"

Meet me tonight my love
Meet me in the middle
Between today and yesterday
Where breaths were sweeter
And the sky was bright with hope
The music was old and melodic
The passions were strong and endless
The end was the last line of a movie
Now I know the needs of life
Its hunger for things of passion.
Looking down a tunnel
I seek the light
So meet me my love
Come meet me
Between today and yesterday
For today is too cold
And yesterday too warm
So meet me in the middle.

Today I am sitting in the church
it is first of May.
It is pungent with the fragrances
Of flowers blossoms and incense.
All the children are taking their
First communion.
I tell myself I am coming just to see them.
So beautiful with time an uncharted sea
lay before them.
Full of romance and adventure.
full of life's joys.

the idea is fine but
I tell myself
that but I know it is a lie.
I came here to stop the wailing of
The monsters in my chest.
To find peace where only
thier Innocent purity exist.
I want to return to the child I was
Before I had
broken my body and spirit
with the storms of half of a lifetime.
To return to simple things
and my childhood innocence.
To repair the damage to my soul.
Perhaps looking forward again
to a uncharted future.
But I know it cannot be so.
That war is over
The battle fought and lost
and some battles
can never be won.

Tonight I am breaking promises again
The ones I made to my heart.
That I would not write
poetry to you ever again.
To lock the doors to my heart
Throwing away the keys
Into the deepest ocean.
To exercise the ghost you left
haunting the ruins of my soul.
As if I was still your home.
As if I was ever enough
To keep you here.
I promised I would let you go.
Surviving and breathing
Even with the dagger
You left in my heart.
I promised I did not need thoughts
of you to write my poetry.
But here I am again.
Writing to you more poems.
Because you are at the base
of every one of my thoughts.
And without you
There is no poetry left in me.
So because....because of that.
This is better,
this is better
.this is better.
Than nothing at all

Not All precious things have a value
Not all in the dark are lost
The tree that is strong does not wither
Its deep roots lie untouched by the frost

Like the phoenix from the ashes has woken
Like the rose under snow in the spring
Like the heart that forever was broken
Will soar like a bird on the wing

Annette

A Poem
By
Jude Kyrie


*The remnants of the smoke rings
from a thousand cigarettes.
Fill my mind with memories
that my heart just cant forget.

I know that life’s a journey.
Its the only one we get.
But when I dance among
old memories
its always you Annette.

I fell in love the instant
of the first time that we met.
We were both married to another
but it was always you Annette.

We could have spent a life together
but that's a chance we did not get.
I had a life of stolen moments
with you my sweet Annette.

I look up from the table
you are stood there sweet Annette
Even after forever I love you
with a love I can’t forget.

My heart is full of shadows
and I am aching with regret.
You say Harry are you crying?
your eyes are red and wet.

I smile and whisper softly.
I’m alright my sweet Annette.
It's just the smoke rings rising
from my forgotten cigarette.

Dance me through love warm and tender
With glitter ball lights in your eyes
Dance me through all I’ll remember
in the glow of a million soft sighs

Dance me through children and laughter
in a place where true love never dies.
Dance me before and then after
as I drown in the pools of your eyes.

Dance with me every day of our lifetime.
Dance away all heartaches and pain.
When I am old and my eyes lose their bright shine.
Dance me until they glow once again.

Oh my Love!
I know we are damaged and broken
with the razor slashes of life
scaring our hearts.
I am not the first lover
you kissed with molten passion.
You are not the first woman
to whom I uttered a heart full
of always and forever’s.
Love came to us from the shadows
unnoticed and unexpected.
when neither of us
was looking it took us both.
We thought love had called before
and left us to find others,
that our time of love was past.
But this miracle of revelation
this joy of the soul
is how we will heal.
The open wounds
of loss will be soothed
by our passions.
we will press new joys between us
like orchids in a book.
The scars of loss will fade in our eyes
and we shall never see them again.
I know you are still afraid to show
me your deepest scars..
But know this my love.
when you lie with me
broken and damaged
from a thousand cuts of past  sorrow.
I see only the most beautiful thing
my eyes have ever cast upon.
Konw this.
I will love you
when you are
a becalmed ocean.
Or when you are
the cresting waves
of a tempest fury.

1918
The Italian Campaign
The last days of word war 1


*He had made the journey
across the Swiss mountains.
The war was far behind him now
just Catherine lay ahead.
As he reached the hospital ward
the old nurse shook her head.
What of the baby?he asked,
her sad eyes looked down at the floor.
Catherine lay pale and weak
on the hospital bed.
Somehow
she managed a smile at his arrival.

"Oh darling,
I am going to die.
Don’t let me die.
Hold me in your arms!
Hold me tight.
Don’t let me go.
When you hold me
we cannot be parted
If you stay with me
I shall not be afraid."

As she left him the church bells tolled.
Declaring the Armistice
The war had ended for some.

He carried her in his arms
to the window.
The crowds below
Cheering the wars end
had released white doves into the air.
They fluttered by the hospital window.
As if to carry her soul to heaven,
He kissed her still lips
And whispered
peace, peace
at last my darling.

There's an angel in my heart.
She is beautiful and so loving.
I can hear her weeping sometimes.
She wants to come out of me
And to let everyone see her.
But I keep her imprisoned,
She is my very private angel.

People can see only
the worldly tough me .
the one who doesn't
take wooden nickels.
The one who never cries.
With a Missouri
show me attitude

But sometimes
When the night is long
and quiet.
And the Moonlight blooms
through the window.
you are Lay with me beautiful
and full of softness.

I let her out
Just for you to see her.
She changes the glow
of the gentle light
that outlines your body.
She frames your hair
like a halo.

She softens my voice.
Almost to a gentle whisper,
I say stupid things.
That Tough old me
would never say.
Like
I love you
you are the most
beautiful thing in my life.
And I love you
so very much honey.
and
I was blessed the day
I found you.
She makes me
gentle and loving.
It must be some kind
of Angel trick.

But then as the morning
yawns sunlight into
our bedroom window.
I put my angel in prison again
And get ready to face
the garish world.
For just one more day

It was so long ago
so many passing years.
I did not know If
I was happy back then.
Always working
never enough money.
children coming each year.
It was Springtime
I remember the lilacs were abundant.
We sat together on our old porch
a rare moment of us time.
our children were asleep
the youngest new as the spring.
seemingly ours forever.
hiding from us thier shallow roots.
that would be so easily transplanted.
This spring  morning early and quiet
I had no idea
I was happy then.
we drank hot coffee on the porch.
the newspaper folded untouched
full of war and drama of the day.
I remember looking at you intently.
Not as a wife or mother of our children.
But as that beautiful woman
I could never get enough of
when we first met.
The flowing golden hair of your head
tousled sofly in the morning breeze.
I was thinking only how soft it would feel
flowing onto my bare chest in our bed.
For a minute I was full to the brim
of you.
only you.
If only I could have
captured  that moment.
put in a jar
like a child collects insects.
to open again and again
through the passing years.
to breathe its sweet fragrance.
If you asked me now.
were you happy back then my love?
In that long ago glowing morning full
of the promise of springtime
and its flowering carpets
drowning in the fragrance of lilacs.
that proliferated the lattice
I would have whispered to you
Yes, my love,
very happy
so very happy.

I remember her always.
She was the cornerstone
of my life.
In my eyes always so beautiful.
She lay in the bed upstairs
Old, Weak and frail.
Almost without breath.

A quiet whisper for water
Or tea in her old china cup.
Lay like a bird
with a broken wing.
Helpless without her family.

Remember so long ago.
You taught me
how to ride a bike.
You let go of the saddle
and I rode away
to independence.

I whisper now
let go mom
Let go
the rivers of death will
keep you afloat
let go.

The seasons pass on
without us.
Summer turns to fall.
And the trees let go
Of their tired leaves
So quietly

Old Trains

I remember back then
We were so young.
I wrote love poems for you.
They were beautiful just like you.
And I wrote them only for you.

I waited at the old railway station.
For your train to arrive from the city.
The noisy trains and ***** station
Went unnoticed when you
Stepped to the platform Your
Bright yellow dress like a sun.

God! I loved you so much.
And it is cruel that I still do.
You threw yourself
into my arms then
and into my heart forever.

You want your freedom now
I do not beg of you to stay.
Blowing flames from the ashes
Of what was once us.

Leave me then
take all we have.
I do not want it anymore.
Make a final journey
to the old railway station.
Board the next train
to the city lights.

I shall remain here forever alone.
Writing beautiful love poems.
Still all for you.
poems that I know
you will never understand.

All Thats Left Of Me

I sit in the dark barroom.
The smell of whisky
sings like a dirge.
It’s a room where
hearts go to die.
I know why I am here.
Its my burden.
I know why she left me ….I know why
I remember the wedding.
I pull a creased photo
out of my pocket.
My God she is beautiful.
I must not go there anymore.
I am out of tears
now just the pain stays.
I look at myself in the picture.
So young and handsome.
My uniform white and gold
I am the brave soldier
she always wanted.
We look like movies stars.
Then I went to war
I can still see the carnage.
The roadside bombs
Children bleeding in the streets.
Women crying for dead
husbands and sons.
They followed me home
like ghost.
And when I slept
next to her beautiful body.
They came in my nightmares.
And made me scream
and weep like a child.
I lost my soul
In that war.
And one day
I lost her as well.
The bartender leans forward
and shows her cleavage.
But all I want is another drink.
Perhaps one more
Will stop me thinking.

To all who served and suffer with PTSD .
Blessings
Jude

In The Night Garden

Tonight a slight breath of summer wind
sways gently the hanging branches
of the willow tree she loved.
On such nights as this
my heart aches for you.
Loss is so permanent so lonely.
A wisp of a breeze passes by my face.
It touches the flowers
blooming in our garden
first azalea honeysuckle
fragrant jasmine
and yes gardenia
your favorite.
In the magic of nature’s alchemy
it melts them together,
I breathe your perfume once more
it is filling all of my senses.
Mixed in the breeze
yet remembered in my soul.
I know you are here
with me in the night garden.
a shaft of moonlight
falls onto the blue
forget-me-not’s at my feet.
a speckle of rain
Kisses my cheek softly.
I whisper quietly to you.
“welcome home my love”

Ellen’s like a daisy
Jenny’s like a rose
Mary is like a dahlia
colorful and smart
But Angels like a lily
the nicest flower that grows
The lilies sweet white flowers
Just like the purest heart.

Three girls in my garden
I count them one two three
But only one a lily
And she’s the one for me

Sam is like a hollyhock
She stands so proud and tall
May is like a sweet pea
That grows upon the wall
Jane is like a gardenia
Calm and fair of face
But she is not a lily
And can’t cause
my heart to race

But my Angel she’s a lily
And the fairest of them all
One day I will marry her
when we are tall not small.

It was so long ago
So very long ago
he was an ordinary man.
Not handsome at all
In fact not really my type.

But he wore me down
Waiting outside my small flat
In the pouring Seattle rain just to
Catch a glimpse of me.

Why I married him
I shall never know.
Perhaps because he cried
In sad movies.
Or because he was gentle
And would never try to
control me.

He always knew
how to make me laugh.
To get me out of my many
dark moods.
How on earth did he always
Make me feel so beautiful.?

Then the sickness came.
He tried to hide it from me.
But I knew…..I knew.
Then when I lost him
the world became a sadder
place.

There have been other imposters
Over the passing years.
I danced the choreographed
movements of love with them.

But when the shadows of night
Covered the fading twilight.
And I was alone in my bed.
It was always you honey.
Always you.
Only you knew
how to fix me,

September 11 2001

As a little girl in grade two
he sat next to me at school.
I always liked him.
no much more than that.
Later in high school
we walked home together.
He would carry my books.
At graduation he was my date.
We even went to college together.
That was when we broke the chains
of friendship and he became my lover.
My first and only love.

We married young
it was no surprise
to our parents
they were expecting it.
Before I knew it
we had three kids.
Two girls and a boy.
Our son looks just like him.

It was just like any other day
He came home from work
Cooked burgers on the barbeque.
We got the kids to bed
drank a glass of wine
went to bed at ten.

He wanted to make love
but I was exhausted
the kids had been terrors all day.
The next day he kissed me goodbye
With a see you later honey.

I got a call from my friend
She said put on the TV
I saw the towers fall
Turning to ashes
Like my life did that moment.
All I could think was
I wish I had made love
to him last night.

September 11 2015

The children are all grown up now
He would be so proud of them.
I look at my strong handsome son.
He looks like him exactly
We stand at ground zero
and say a prayer.

I whisper it was always you honey
Only you.
As if by magic he answered me
A giant beautiful rainbow
Circled over New York
And I know for sure
it was for me.

Tranquility

The edge of the lake a jewel in the blue light of the late day
My feet washed by the purity of its waters
The two loons mated for life by nature’s fidelity
Cease their relentless search for food to drink in the sunset’s beauty

As the sun falls delicately to the end of the earth
A fire of reds and magenta overtake the distant horizon
Patterns of of wild geese silhouette in the magical vista
This miracle is the moment in time I have searched for

A ghost of a breeze lifts a wisp of my hair from my forehead
As gently as a mothers hand to her child
Just the incantations of nature’s sounds permeate the lake
Granting me the copious bounty of our beautiful planet

Finding my Heaven
a letter to my grandpa

I remember you when mom died grandpa.
I was so small and frightened.
You took me to your home.
I remember your unshaven face and
brown hard working hands Grandpa.
you fixed everything with your hands.
But you fixed me with your love.

you gave me mom's old room.
You told me it was her safe place
and she would visit me there.
When she was settled in heaven.

I told you I did not
believe in heaven Grandpa.
You said it's alright I will one day.
Heaven was a different
place for everyone.

When I got hurt
you always picked me up
in your huge arms Grandpa.
it was always so safe.

I never told you Grandpa
I lied when I said
I don't believe in heaven.
You and grandma were my heaven.

I know you have gone
now to your heaven.
Sat in a kitchen up there
eating food from the old country.
Grandma at the stove
mom on your knee listening
to stories of Europe
before the war.

My heaven was
with you all grandpa.
I think I will
change my heaven
to yours after all.
That's all I want Grandpa
just our heaven.

I only wish
there was a post office
in our heaven
and I could send
this letter to you.

All My Love Grandpa

Jude

I know we are different
you and I.
you chasing everywhere
me standing perfectly still.
you move about your world
so different from mine.
your dreams are tainted
blue from the sky.
you are so close to the sun.
Yet I know how grounded I am
perhaps too close
to the roots of green earth.
I know you scare me.
but I will swallow my fears
like a pill.
and climb onto your flight.
we will soar upon
thermals from heaven.
Gliding like gracefull swallows.
And if ever I should fall
I will look into the
vastness of space.
And know that
I have been there
and it was you
who took me

We laughed all day
at a silly song.
You threw my homework
In the pond.

We laughed so much
I peed my pants
In a pool upon the floor.

Our childhood passed
so fast, so fast.
I wished it would never end.
We were more than best of friends.

After finals you threw your *******
from the window of the car.
And then I threw out mine.
We got a ticket from the policeman
And laughed as we paid the fine.

The we both got wedding rings
Our bellies grew and grew.
How fast the time did fly
You laughed and laughed
And said at last
We finally learned how to multiply

In business you laughed
your way to the top
Who would have guessed
You were to be the big success

Then on 9/11 the planes came down.
And the towers turned to ash
You died and my world
is now a sadder place
Oh God!
How I miss your laugh.

The man with no name...an excerpt from a love story I am too lazy to write

Sat in the window seat
of the olde English cottage.
The open bow window
providing natures salted
air conditioning from the sea.
Breaking waves below the cliffs.
the only noise in the starlit night.
I turned to see your face
the one that takes
my breath away and
Fills my heart
with hopes and dreams.
Your lips open slightly
the words
I love you
are on the tip of your tongue.
They have no need to be spoken.
Because I can feel your heart
beating with mine and I know it.
You found me and rosebud cottage.
I know one day your memory
may return
that you may have
a wife and children.
And the loss of you
will be too much
for me to bear.
So we sat there
with the sea below us
and the stars above us.
I whispered
"I love you darling."
And for now
for this moment
I am happy once again

behind the churchyard grey and low
a stone wall where fragrant  Jasmine grows
its burnished green and tiny blooms
light up the darkness and the gloom.

away from noise of crowds and cars
the tiny white Jasmine stars
show joy and life and love like ours
oh! tiny bright sweet Jasmine stars

my heart once darker than these walls
answered the cry of your Jasmine calls
in our hearts  we joined never to part
blessed by lovely Jasmine stars.