I feel Lost in time.
Between today and yesterday.
Music lost in the cacophony
of memories.
Trying to solve puzzles
Made of enigmas from the past.
Please Just a clue to help me forward.
A single silk thread of a spiders weave.
To guide me through the maze.
Strong enough not to break in my hand
and leave me lost once more.
I look into mirrors of pools
and see no reflection.
Even when I look for me
from a distance
I am missing.
Forever lost.
Perhaps at last
I am a ghost.

Father’s advice to son
(Sorry Mr. Hemingway)

Never trust a lawyer
Or a money lender too
Read fine print in every contract
Never buy it used but only new
Don’t sign up for the army
Only marry one good wife
Never write on Facebook
It will come back and ruin your life
Always despise the latest war
Only seek out  sweet girls with a smile.
Never buy or rent a *****
Never trust a gambler
He will steal your very last cent
Your landlord will evict you
Cos you can’t the rent.
So lead a good and wholesome life
And outlive all and every friend
See them all in the great beyond
When you’re prosperous old life will end.

It was out of the blue.
Really why would he talk to me.
I am pleasantly plump.
size fourteen if I lie.
my hair is wild
and terminal frizzy.
he has a cut glass
English accent.
like a BBC newscaster.
I am from the Bronx.
we drank too much wine.
he took me home to my place.
I had to pay for the cab.
But it's not like paying for him
to...well...you know.
I could not walk the next morning.
he told me I was Beautiful and
the best time he had had in America.
me can you believe that.
He was a botanist from the UK
working on the nesting habits
of the speckle throated warbler
or something.
All I knew was he had ice blue eyes
a sweet accent and grey specks
in his blueness that made me
want to undress for him.
He was beautiful.
when he left in the morning
I gave him my number
on his phone.
call me I said.
but months went by.
not a word.
then when the morning
sickness came.
I realised he was still inside me.

The eclampsia came at seven months
I was hospitalised the doctors told me
I and the baby could die.
I went into a coma.

when. woke up my belly was flat
the baby I cried.
I opened my eyes and he was there.
holding my hand.
my baby I wept
they are fine Kelly
he said.
they?
you had twins a boy and a girl.
I looked up into his eyes
with the grey fleck's.
Micheal how?
I was sent back to the UK
I lost my job at the university.
I tried to call you
but no answer.
I came back on a visitors visa.
your neighbor told
me you were here.

six months later

we went for a Sunday evening
stroll in central park
it was fall the trees
were red and amber
leaves of gold
russeled under our feet.
new York was grey in fading light.
A city that hadwitnessed
many such love stories.
I looked at Micheal
his beautiful eyes
that held some kind
of optical aberration.
For they saw me as
worthy of his love.
He lifted the twins
over his head.
they laughed in delight.
I never seen anyone
as happy as him.
Unless you
count me in that is.
He said I love my family Kelly.
I whispered I love you Micheal.
Then at that moment
in the urban forrest of Cental park
on a vermillian autumn evening.
I felt him walk into
the door in my heart
that I left opened or him.
As he entered
I closed it quickly
so he could never leave.
locking it with the only key
that existed.
Then throwing it into the brambled
undergrowth of the woodlands
never to found again.

Big boys don't cry

You must know this
I was just a teenager back then.
I was not a safe place to be called home.
She was even younger than I was.
We were not just ready—for---marriage.
Since that long ago day
I have always wanted a daughter.
I sat in the beat up old car
In the car park of the clinic.
Whilst she went through ---with ----it.
I am a mans man.
I never cry ever.
But the tears flowed
down my face relentlessly.
My breath was spent by sobbing.
I could not stop the tears.
I know now I should not
have tried to stop them..
For I was in mourning
for the daughter
I want so badly now.
On quiet summer days
when the lake shimmers
in the sunlight.
I see a young teenage girl
nubile and innocent.
swimming in the
lakes calm waters.
And for a moment
those tears fill
my eyes once more.

My Wounded heart
will beat each day
against all odds.
Just as the ocean snuffs
out the sun on the horizon
every nightfall.
it will always carry on.

Losing Jenny

It started right after Jenny died
I had a hole in my chest
where she had always been.
when she sneezed
I could feel it
when she Laughed
and when she cried.
I knew.
first I chose alcohol
but it made me
sleepless and sick
then Zoloft and ativan.
then counselling.
I still could not sleep
and spent the nights
trying to dream of her
and ask her why?
months then years
went by.
Jenny never called me
or comforted me in my dreams.
the hole in my chest
grew thin skin over it.
but never healed.
they say losing
a twin makes part of
the remaining one die too.

Sometimes love can absorb
all of the moisture
that is held in your heart.
leaving it dry like aged paper.
even a single spark can ignite it
and burn it to ashes.
the fires of the world
sense your dryness
the follow you everywhere.
even in sleep they wait outside
your windows ready to destroy.
Find a new person with ice blue
in their eyes and cool uncharted skin
hide your fear of sparks from them.
Never think or dream of fire again
even when it's acrid smoke
burns your eyes.

When he leaves you
because you are suffocating
him with your love.
Tell him you warned him
about your intensity.

when you ache to call him
in the sleepless dark hours
don't.

when the walls in your room
close in and you are breaking
into pieces keep the wine corked.

when wanting him makes
your heart lose its softness
daily growing harder until it shrinks
into a dagger just wait.

when he turns up in squalid dreams
seeking your red lips
to play with your needs
offer them to him.
when he embraces you
then use the dagger
that is your heart.

it's been a month
since he packed his bags
and crawled away from me
like a coward.
I know I am wild
drink too much
fight too much
with a penchant for
wine and ****.
He went straight
to her soft breast
and perky hairdo.
her June cleaver pearls.
I hate him.
he owes me my battle of fire.
the blood stains of a final fight.
the war to end all wars.
instead he absolves his sins
by confessing to me like a priest.

dichotomy

sometimes I look at you darling
I want you like the  animals mate
in the dark of the African jungle.
the beating drums beat faster
my hearts in unison with them.
I want us raw and untamed.
teeth and claws tearing flesh.
but other times
I want you like a Victorian Iady.
just a glimpse of your shadowed eyes
or the lift of your skirts
showing ankles.
makes me demented
with need of you.

Cut the date
into my chest.
over my heart
with your knife.
it's the day you
made love to me.
for the very first time.
I want to be scarred
with it for life.

I did not believe in love.
only in movies and romance novels.
I thought I was broken
all the love parts needing replacement.
then she happened
I kissed her
and said I needed her.
she taught me the difference
between making love
and being ******.
I could not remember
what making love was like.
she said I was sweet
like the honey from the bee.
she opened my chest
lifted the broken ribs
tended to my Wounded heart.
it was flowing blood again
no longer hard like leather.
but soft and pliable.
this ******* was her gift
and now when I say
I love you so much honey.
tears of joy flow down my face.

My heart is like a
tumble down shack.
it's shingles are missing
several Windows are broken.
the lights flicker
due to bad wiring.
and the paint is peeling.
An artist would find it quaint
and paint its picture.
but it is so wrecked up
I could not ask
anyone inside
to live in it.

you said to me
it's just because I am pretty.
don't fall in love with me.
but then you breathed
desire and need
with your tongue.
and included me in dreams
that haunt the stars.

My darling
if ever any other woman were to  kiss me
all she would taste is you.

Maybe a nearby star will
supernova
and build a giant black hole.
so powerful
the sun and moon will be swallowed
into its depths.
so fast the earth will disappear
in lightening speed.
perhaps then
I would think of you
for the last time.

I have lay in my bed
weeping and sobbing
for days on end.
there is no respite
only sadness and grief.
I am getting through this
in the best way I can
people say don't be a baby
get up be a man.
but this is me at my bravest.
How the hell do they know
what my tough looks like.

When the night bird
stopped singing.
and the
Spears of sunlight
pierced the last
of the night time.
I looked into her
beautiful eyes.
as blue as a
wild Montana sky.
and I loved her.
this love has
come unheralded.
I did not want it
or seek it.
it landed here
in my bed
like a plane crash.
leaving no survivor
on board.
I will worship
at the temple
of her body
with the spirits
that have
waited inside her heart
for me to join them.
I can no longer feel my body.
perhaps already
I am a ghost.

I have tried to leave you
but you hold me down
under the weight of your
breast and thighs.
I try to function
even for a day without you.
but I am addicted
you my drug of choice.
it should be so easy
to leave just pass
through a door.
I feel you pull my ties
like a dog's leash
you pull me to your
body where I worship
at its altar for one more time.
perhaps if I did not look
into your ice blue eyes.
or
drain my needs and wants
into your softness.
Perhaps if I did not love you
quiet as much as I do.
I could leave you.

A million soft words
existing inside us
hey never spoken or heard.
thier weight attaches to us
like great burdens
keeping us tied to the earth
when our hearts
need to be soaring on the thermals
of the Moon and stars.
A million loving words
unable to escape.
to Convey our love.
the love of eternity's.
never spoken never heard
never needed for
your smile became a glow
in your blue eyes
and then a kiss
from your red lips.
akiss worth a million words.
to any lovers.

Blowing on the wind

where did all the flowers go.
pretty for a day
now thier  petals fall away

I kneel down to tie your shoe
read a rhyme of little boy blue
then find the man that lives in you
when did you grow
I never knew

now your children tap my door
I know there's something
I never saw

that when the flowers
leave thier petals behind
natures sweet natures kind
it cast thier seeds upon the wind

My mother asked me.
Since she left you
all you do is sleep around.
why don't you find a nice lady
and settle down.

I answer her softly
I find comfort
in the lost hours
between today
and yesterday.
I find comfort
in the smell of
Sunday morning
bacon and eggs
being cooked
by a stranger.
in the kind whispers
that drown out
the cacophony
of memories.

sometimes
it's the softness
of a woman's breast
or the melting
of our heartbeats
beating like jungle drums.
or
just the touch of her fingertips.
that defibrillates my lonely heart.
sometimes Mama
spaceship earth fly's way too fast.
and I need to get of it.*

.

I was seven when she left us
just a little boy.
that long ago summer
when the heat
burned upon the earth
and also our passions.

she left us with the handsome
man with the big car.
since then even after all
these years I have looked
and searched for a place
to lose my sadness.

sometimes in the stillness of sleep.
I would hear the songs she
sang as I fell asleep in her comfort.
or feel her lips on my cheek.
I dreamt of her hearing
her  almost forgotten footsteps
coming into my room.
I painted her beautiful face
until time faded it to a blurr.

Now a man no longer
a little boy
with torn jeans and.
***** tee shirt.
people say to me dumb things like.
She is still out there
and thinks of you everyday
with a love in her heart.

I nod in concert with the thought
I whisper sure or maybe.
but inside I know in her heart.
it's something less than love.
yes for sure
something much less than love.

particles of us

*you
soft and sublime.
easy with generosities.
voice of honey
breath of flowers.
so difficult to leave.
I swallow your goodbye
but it sticks in my chest.

me
only footsteps away from you
I look into the yet innocence of earth.
and seek the familiar things.
flavors of my life that I need
elements of you
particles of me
in everything I see.

today I see the shoreline of the lake.
the soft sheathes of the willows
swaying in the light breezes
filling me with tranquil promises
of our life yet to come.
full of the flow of your hair
swaying soft waves on my bare skin.
endless Sunday mornings
with tea and shared newspapers
conversations of confidences.
I hear our whispers
in the branches
like moths .

At Night
the wise moon pours light
onto the silvered pavement.
it tells me of you
and how your love
will be waiting for me
as it waits for the darkness.
patiently and full of forevers.
All I can breathe
in its milky light
are the possibilities of you.
slowly and silently
the world changes
until all that is visible to me.
is something of you
and something of me.

This place has changed over the years
almost as much as we have.
The excitement had traveled on
lost in time and technology.
The seaside town had lost its romance
Its Victorian glamor faded into nothingness.
Perhaps we should not have come back.
Trying to ignite a flame from cold ashes.
Those weekends so long ago
when we came here in love.
The old Victorian hotel now closed
I  think we spent as much time in bed
as we did in the seaside town.
Remember the big hotel across
the road from us.
We made love
on the bed in the afternoon
with the drapes wide open
Not caring who saw us.
Perhaps it was a mistake coming back here.
Even the new photographs
seem to know it.
Snapshots of ashen faces
with loveless smiles.
Someone once said
the camera never lies

Back at work after her honeymoon
she had a radiance
that flowed from her smile.
As she entered the room
we all turned to her shining glow
looking for the door
that would let us inside it.

There was some kind of invisible
golden light that emitted from her heart.
Even the flowers noticed her
and turned to her for her warmth
in their silent curiosity.

And if the those lovebirds the doves
had had been there.
They would have cooed in delight.
Each one of us, even the lonely
have a small fire burning inside.
Hoping that one day it will be
set to a blazing inferno by someone.

In the present moment
she is the one that cannot hide
her sweetness, her inner beauty.
And we lie before her like
sunbathers on the beach
basking in her sunshine

Its 1965
Sonny and Cher crooned
"I Got You Babe"
They say we're young and we don't know
We won't find out until we grow
Well I don't know if all that's true
'Cause you got me, and baby I got you
"I Got You Babe"

I met  her for the first time
oh she was lovely
her hair wild and free.
wow her figure
it drove me wild.
I called her my baby girl
She called me her wild man.

Its 1968
the Beatles sang
Hey Jude
Hey Jude, don't make it bad
Take a sad song and make it better
Remember to let her into your heart
Then you can start to make it better

we got married that year
we talked about Forevers.
changing the world
and children.
a boy and girl.
Wow I was happy.

Its 1975
Frankie Valli's falsetto voice sang
My eyes adored ya
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me
you couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far

we had three kids
a house and a dog
I still could not wait
to get get home to you.
and your kisses
wow
I still miss that.

1990
Micheal Bolton's
soft voice wailed
When I'm back on my feet again
Soon these tears will all be dryin'
Soon these eyes will see the sun
Might take time, might take time
But I'll see it
When I'm back on my feet again

you left me six months ago
i m not doing too well love.
I miss you and the kids
been drinking too much
lost my job
lost you
and
lost me.

its 2005
Green Day Singing
Boulevard of broken dreams
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I hear you are married again
I can't believe it hurts so much
to know this.
I never found another you
out there darling.
I know I never will.

Its 2009
Sonny and Cher
are playing again
I got you babe.

*We meet by chance in the street.
I am old now as are you.
But I notice the flecks of grey
in your beautiful blue eyes.
The years melt and
I hold back tears.
And Say with a smile.
Hello love
nice to see you again.
Sit and have a cigarette with me.
let's chat about the old times.
you can gaze at the moon
I can gaze into your eyes.
Sit down darling
just for a bit
just for a little while.

Why did my mother
never warn me.
That beautiful girls
with eyes as blue
as a summer sky.
Hair as yellow
as harvest corn.
and softness lighter
than eiderdown.
With breath
that  smells of sweet wine.
Could leave the outline
of thier lipstick on my skin
that is blacker than
the icy kiss of death
in the small night hour.

choices

I know we are too young.
I know we have no home.
How did it get to this?
I think of her as young women.
I hear her whisper.
I love you Daddy.
I see her getting married
dressed in white.
Me older and
a wistful tear falling.
I wait in the car park
of the clinic
you appear out
of the double doors.
Pale and older
your eyes red.
This was to solve
all our problem's.
But the grief hits me
like never before.
and I know this problem
will never leave my heart.

When My time here has faded
look up into the clear night sky.
Find a star that has no name
and give it mine.
Then you will know
I am still here
never forsaking you.
You all were the brightness
of my life shining from
childhood to adults.
Seeking my hand
to guide you through
the rapids of life.
When I am gone
look each night at my star
I will shine my light
down onto you.
Twinkling like the life
in my eyes.
Until you join me
once again
in the great forever.

The book of love
by
Jude Kyrie


The book of love is singing
all of loves sweet songs
it's pages turn so sweetly
the love stories old and long

I watch you by the firelight
reading that book again
lighting up the dark night
reading to me loves flame.

I love it when you read to me
of loves of long ago
with words that fall as softly
as the gentle falling snow.

the book of love has music
singing songs of loves refrain
I love it when you sing to me
oh! sing to me again

Never lose that book of love
your stories never will grow old.
I love it when you read to me.
More than riches wealth or gold

She was not a fresh faced
honey girl from my class.
Nor a woman who
took money to rid
college boys of their virginity.
It did not happen
fumbling in the back of a car.
Or lay in the grass of a meadow
under a moonlit sky.
It was in her small walk up flat
up three flights of dimly lit stairs.
I can still feel my legs weaken
In anticipation of the unknown.
Inside the untidy table
had a full ashtray
A half bottle of red wine.
A Picasso reproduction
Gargoyled from the wall.
She was full of experiences.
That I could only imagine.
She pulls a strip of condoms
from her night table.
The bedroom window
open wide.
The summer breeze
whispered
Hush Hush
It’s your time
It’s your time.
She took me softly.
Gently almost like a dream.
I cried out as my boyhood left me.
Draining into her
in its irrecoverable loss.
Outside the breeze
had turned to a cool wind
Blowing my uncertainty and doubts
far Into the night.
She was my life teacher
and I her avid student.
Later the door closed
as I left her.
Her memory now
Indelibly burned on my soul.

The red gown
by
Jude Kyrie

The red gown
No longer
Clinging to the curves
Of a beautiful lady.
Dressed for the party.
Or
Catching the cascading lights
From a glitter ball at the dance.
Or
Hanging in a special place
Inside her closet.
Just waiting
for the next time.

The red gown
Now lay on top
of the open dumpster.
Catching moonlight
on the red sequins.
The only splash of color
in the monochrome
back alley.

The red gown.
Left unwanted
And forgotten.
On a snowy winters night.
Turning from red to white.
Absorbing all that once was.
A single snowflake
At a time

1970
He sat next to me in Junior school
when I was just a little girl.
Always so sweet to me
I really liked him…
well ….
no much more than that.

1974
At middle school
he carried my books
home from school.
we became best friend's.

1979
At high school
I gave him my pin
he gave me
his friendship ring.
he was my date
for the prom.

1983
we both went away
to college together.
I was lonely and slipped
into his bed he held me safe.
we broke the chains of friendship.
And he became my lover.
my one and only lover.

1988
We married young.
Our  parents were
not surprised.
They were expecting it.

1994
we have three kids now
two girls and a boy.
Our son looks just like him.
when we first met
so long ago.

September 10 2001
He came home from work
just like any other day.
Put burgers on the barbeque.
We got the kids to bed
had a glass of wine.
And went to bed at Ten.
He wanted me
but I was exhausted
the kids had been terrors all day.

September 11 2001

he left early for work
with a cheek kiss
and a see you later Honey.
The kids went to school
I poured a coffee
the phone rang it was my
best friend.
Have you seen the news
she said.?
I put on the TV.
the towers fell to ashes
as did my life at that moment.
No tears came
All I could think was
I wish
I had made love to him last night.

September 11 2015
The kids are all grown now.
he would be so proud of them.
Our son looks just like him.
We all stand
at ground zero
and say a prayer.
I whisper
it was you honey
always you.
He answered me.
At that moment
a huge arc of a rainbow
circled the sky over NewYork.
And I know for sure.
It was for me.

I know it's doomed
she will leave me.
it's only a matter of time.
I once gave her
all the stars in
the milky way.
Pressed them
into her hands.
and whispered
to guide you through
the darkness of life.
follow their pure light
with me my love.
But it is not enough
her heart needs
new adventures.
it will try to settle with me.
but just as a a sailers death
is woven into his sweaters
by his lover.
She will try to settle down
But her heart refuses
to unpack its bags.

The wind has a
wailing heart this night.
I am caught between
yesterday and tommorow.
sleep on nights like this
is impossible.
I sit on the upstairs balcony
watching a candelabra
of moon and stars.
Stars that you look down at now
from that illuminated place
that knows no pain or darkness.
The concert pianist that lives below
is touching her piano keys softly
Chopin joins me with his soulful
Moonlight sonata.
it was your favorite piece my love.
the beautiful gift of his music
and her wonderful talent
send the notes upward to you
on the wings of white doves.
.I fold my heart into a love letter
and attach it a dove
it flutters above the clouds
and high past the knowing moon.
and I know that in the world
of infinity you will read my letter.
And the sound of Chopin's nocturne
will let you know
how I miss you
on this sleepless
windy summer night.

)There’s a peaceful calm river
It flows almost unnoticed.
But we sailed our boat upon it
Ssowly quietly softly.
We charted our way to the island
of hope and beauty.
Reaching its sandy shores
Across the glinting golden light
that danced upon its wavelets.
Afraid we had
used all our moments
but as our feet cooled in its
purest waters.
we realized
that no time had passed at all.

Judes Recurring dreams

The red 64 mustang
Gives it throaty roar.
As it’s 289 cubic inch motor
Reaches 90 mph.
I am 17 again.
Look at my long hair flowing
In the wind as the red convertible
roars in its full power.
Next to me is Ellie Whitehead
Only the hottest girl in my class
Wow! she squeals in joy
as the acceleration hits her
lovely flowing blonde hair.
I have been fantasizing
about her for two years.
And here she is.
Ready to
Well never mind it’s my dream.
I love this dream.
It comes to me
At least  three times a week.
Then the alarm clock brrrrs
Waking me up rudely.
God I hate this part.
Then I turn to the
fifty year old Lady
next to in my bed.
I kiss her softly
On her forehead
And say
Rise and shine
Ellie my love
It’s a brand new day.

The blue sky pales in fading light
the moon moves oceans with invisible might
in space a telescopes clearest view
sees an unknown Galaxy of red and blue
spaceship earth circles the sun one more time
in the dawn light her beauty begins to shine.

Firelight flickers in the night
Spangled starlight my only light
Inside my head dark thoughts ignite
Poetry almost in my sight
  
Distant memories are wrapped in fear
As shadows of a ghost appear
Time no longer exist here
My muse she is my overseer
  
The fire is grey without its glow
A specter’s moon through a dark window
I feel them there they never go
Charcoal shapes in indigo
  
Finding thoughts that chill the soul
Darker than night black as coal
A poem waiting to be born
Coming to me slowly
Like the approaching dawn

In her Easter bonnet

It was so very long ago.
The world was full of hats
in those far off years.
In the spring
the hat maker came to our home.
She pinned her felts and silk
to my mother’s head.
Added feathers and flowers.
My mother would be beautiful
for the Easter parade.
I still can see her lovely smile.
I tried them on when she was out.
Until my head became too big.
One hat in each box
representing one more Easter.
The hat maker came until the end.
Then when the
chemo took her flowing hair.
We sat outside of her bedroom
all of her children.
The hat lady came that year
for the last time.
She left solemn and quiet
her old eyes cast to the floor.
We all went in her bedroom
to see her last creation.
On her head a beautiful
hat with flowers and fruit
and ostrich feathers.
Her head perfectly covered.
Not even a sign of her lost hair.
And that was the last time
I saw my mother smile

In an instance this defeat.
the acid rain pours in victory.
No more sky of blue
or crimson of leaves.
Only bleak and sorrowful grey.
Your warmth is missing.
I seek it in every desolate room.
in every cold crowded Street
you are missing in the crowd.
All that is left  for me is silence.
Only the somber rain falls.
For too long I have been
resonant with the
green pastures.
The white topped
mountain peaks.
The joy of flowers.
But now
this defeat.
This endless rain.

Today the memories of us
hang from the low
tear filled clouds
like spiders webs.
The rain falls silently
burning my eyes
with its acidity .
On the porch table
an old  wedding album.
but I am too afraid
my heart will break
if I look inside it.

A moment in Paris

we walk the rain filled streets
of Paris.
The city shimmers
in the reflection of colors
on the ancient streets.
Her eyes
are wide and excited
full of promises
she will fulfil this night.
The eiffel tower is brilliant
lit up in the colors of the flag
in defiance of those who try
**** the love
in this city of romance.
why do they not understand
lovers are drawn to Paris
like moths to a flame.
it is so now
it has always been so.
we stop below the
bloom of an old lampost.
she kisses me
I feel her softness
pressed against my chest.
I whisper I need you
I want you
and then quietly
I love you
words so long
waiting to be spoken
waiting to be heard.
Paris let's them fall softly
like the night rain.
we are drenched
to the skin in love.

tea leaves

Saying goodbye is never painless.
But today closing up her old house.
Where I spent my childhood so long ago.
It is dragging me into the doldrums.
Each room full of her sweet life.
I find her books her souvenir box.
Locks of her children’s hair.
Christening medals.
I go into my boyhood bedroom
For the last time.
It still contains my magazines
and a book I read as a child.
The box in mom’s room is
full of her clothes.
Ready for the Goodwill.
Then I packed the last of the
old familiar dishes in the kichen.
Solid stoneware that carried
my sustenance for all my younger life.
In the back of the cupboard
Moms china cup and saucer
With English roses on it.
The one she used to  
drink her morning
tea in all of her life.
On the rim a single tea leaf remained.
That had once touched her lips.
That was when the grief hit me
Like never before.

Bye Mom
I love you
Jude

The man with a crooked smile and big hands

A long long time ago way
before digital took over the planet.
My grandfather was an airman in WW2.
He never dropped a single bomb
or even fired a weapon in that war..
He was a bit of a pacifist
live and let live was his way.
Instead he aimed camera lenses
at the Germans snapping their country
on his belly lay on the planes belly.

At the american airbase
in the UK he printed his photographs.
enough to cover an airfield.
He met an English lady in the darkroom.
They printed their photographs together
mixing fixer and developer.
working alongside each other
in the dark.
She got used to his crooked smile and big hands
He got used to her being there.

When the war ended he returned to the states
and opened a camera and photography shop.
He built a darkroom by hand
when it was finished he went back to England
on a cargo ship.
And found the lady from in the darkroom.
he asked her to marry him
and she accepted.

when they returned to New York
he showed her the darkroom he built for them.
On the door was a note in his handwriting
held by a thumbtack
It said I fell in love with you
in the dark.
But I want you to follow the light
with me for the rest of our lives.

A year later my dad was born
with a crooked smile and big hands.
And also his love of photography.
He had the eye for
color and shadow and light.
After I was born I did not follow the
love of photography.
But would get into trouble at school
for writing poems in the margins
of my work books.

I cleared out grandmas house the other day.
I found grandmas note that was
pinned on the darkroom door
she kept it in her souvenir box..
she had passed a way a few weeks ago.
And I was moved to tell this story.

So follow the light Grandma love.
look for a big man with a crooked smile
and big hands hes waiting for you.


I miss you Darling
love
Jude

I love you man
A Story From Nam

We were seventeen or eighteen in Nam
we became friends forever.
No more than friends.
Soldiers get closer than wives.
We went to sleep saying
I love you man.
We switched letters
For our girlfriends.
In case… well just in case.

The bullets rained
in the clearing that night.
I can still see the tracer lights.
Guys fell down all around me.
Crying everywhere.
Air power cleared them away.

I looked for Joe he was lay there.
I held him close
like a baby as he left us.
His last words
I love you man.
I whispered to him
Not as much
as I love you Man
.
I did not notice I had been hit.
After six months I returned home.
In West Virginia his beautiful girl
Opened the door of a small trailer.
She had a baby boy in her arms.
Her blue eyes welled with tears.
I passed the unopened letter to her.
I lied and said the blood
on it was mine.

She passed the baby
to me to hold
As she read the letter.
I kissed his tiny forehead.
And said see buddy
You’re not dead at all
I love you Man

I wish for you my love.
Soft feathered nights
that blow gentle dreams
as you sleep.
Bright summer mornings
where the dewdrops
sparkle on gardens
of flowers.
A down soft heart
that opens its doors
for you to abide.
A sweet song of love
that plays gently
in your head all day.
And to share all these gifts
with me forever.

Revenge fail

She was a thing of beauty
almost a heavenly vision.
But she could use words
like a razor blade
they cut the skin
and blood would trickle
from the wounds.
when she left me
she was just as cruel.
I hurt to the soul.
I wanted revenge
To hurt her as she
had hurt me.
I had so much to say
a practiced recitation of hate.
but when I met her
the words
Couldn't flow
from my mouth.
instead they poured
From my eyes
in endless torrents.

you are my sunshine

Joe
The eldest of us all
He would pick me up after work
And sing to me I was his baby sister

You are my sunshine my only sunshine

I loved him so big and solid so good
I used to hug his neck as he lifted me
Like a feather in his arms
I love you Joe
I love you Sweetie

You make me happy when skies are grey

There was a war in far off  land
I do not understand wars
I just wanted my Joe

You never know dear how much I love you

He went away in a soldiers uniform
I waited at the gate for him every day
Come back Joe I miss you

Please don’t take my sunshine away

Two soldiers came today and talked to mom
She wept and held her head in her hands
At night in my sleep I see you Joe
You lift me up in your strong arms
So safe so loving so sweet
In the distance from a long way away
I hear your voice again Joe

You are my sunshine
My only sunshine
You make me happy
when skies are grey

I feel safe again Joe
I know your alright.