ask me to rate my pain on a scale of 1 to 10,
and i'll give you a crippling number.
an above-10 number.
ask me to look the boy who no longer loves me in the eye
and i'll shy away. i'll avert my own eyes.
i will walk by him as if we are strangers,
and i will feel the seams on my heart pop open,
one by one.
ask me if i feel like breaking
and hurting.
ask me about the emptiness in my chest
and the grey behind my eyes. ask me if it hurts my heart to beat.
ask me if my blood is still in the habit of quickening when he's close.
ask me if i regret anything,
and i'll tell you that i regret everything.
ask me if i love him
and ask me if i want him.
for those, i won't have an answer.
only silence. only thought.
ask me if parts of me hate him,
and i'll tell you about the low burning in my belly,
the hating-blaming-burning
and the ******-up way it makes me feel.
ask me if i miss him.
i'll tell you that i am hollow.
i'll tell you that my whole body, my whole heart, is nothing but missing him.
i'll tell you i might just blow away
without his love to anchor me.
i'll tell you that i feel absolutely empty
and it will be the truth.