Uncertainty bubbles within me
Confusion haunts even my deepest thought
Rejection lingers in my heart and soul
And sadness makes my vision distraught.

Sleep no longer comes easy
Dreams are vivid and whatnot
Questions await their partners in crime
While I try to recall a single moment we fought.

Glances slowly shrink away to peeks
Fingertips curl into anxious knots
A head nod or some symbolizes hello
As we realize that mutualism cannot be bought.

Make up your mind, oh, anytime now
For my heart beats, I don’t know much longer how.

I feel a pounding
Strong, like the beat of a bongo drum
It’s in my ears, my heart, my blood
The feeling pulsing through my veins
And it is burning, it’s scorching my insides.
It’s in my fingers, my bones, my toes
Getting closer, closer, almost there
But where, I don’t know.
My eyes close, the pounding fades, it stops.

It’s lost, that feeling
But still so **** loud
Deafening my every nerve
To the point where I feel nothing
Where, who, why is this sound apparent?
Boom, boom, boom, gone!
I can feel the vibrations now
I sense a new knowledge,
My awareness has peaked –
That sound, that awful ******* sound,
Bashing my heart and my brain into shards
Is coming from Hell,
Which I now find is right inside me.

Look into my eyes, tell me, tell me
Don’t you know? Don’t pretend
The fire, the fury, the pain
Drunken calls for help, all truth
Drugged pleas for you, all real
Help me, you’re the one
Not the one that I want, but I need
Only your savior can release me
Release me from the pain, the AGONY
The terror, the tears, the trials
Everything unpleasant, anything awful
Death, blood, dreams, lies
Lies to myself, to you, to everyone
Lies about me, you, everything
You know the truth, tell me the truth
Why won’t you tell me the truth?
It can save me, it will save me
Because the lies are sending me away
Deeper and deeper into the dark abyss
Where monsters can grab me, strip me
They’ll infiltrate me, my soul
I will be destroyed externally
Almost as destroyed as I am inside.
A destruction so pure, so thorough
That I’ll never be fixed – no, not ever
I’ll be gone forever, forever
And not even your memories, your pleas
Can bring me back, because I’ll be strong
I’ll finally be strong, I’ll be invincible
And you’ll never be able to find me
Never able to bring me back.
Now is your only chance,
Your last chance, for good.

My fingernails, long and sharp
Hover over my skin, gliding over
The nooks and crannies hidden within.


I press down, hot water burning me
As I scratch and scratch the dirt
And the residue that you left.

The ashes on my skin are permanent,
Fixated forever by your touch,
Glued unto me by the adhesive of your name.

No matter the amount of water poured over,
Or the roughness of the washcloth against my body,
I cannot scrub your name off of my heart.

They tell you that running is good for you
Cleanses the body, detoxifies the soul.
But when you are running around and around in your mind
The thoughts lapping one another yet never reaching the finish line

It's tiring

And no matter how supreme your physical stamina
It is incredibly easy to be drained of all the energy
Stored in your thighs
From a few slices of bread.

My body is a temple
So only I can destroy it
And that I do,
With every imaginable resource.
I want to wither away,
To melt, to break
Into a million little pieces
So that one day, a child on the street
Will find a piece of me
And think it’s his lucky day.
Or maybe I could flow in the wind
Weightless, part of a fluffy cumulus cloud
Above everyone whole on the ground,
Traveling on great adventures.
Pieces of me will go to outer space,
Where I can look down on mankind
And explore the lives unknown;
Yet, pieces will stay right at home,
The rightful place where I fell apart,
So that everyone who tried to help,
Tried to keep me together,
Can have a token of an attempt
To prevent the creation of a memory.

They’re back, these ghosts
That haunt my every move,
These demons that massacre
My every living thought.
First they whisper, sweet little melodies
Into my ear, telling me wrongs.
Second they chatter, annoying voices
Back and forth in my brain,
Then they yell, irresistible orders
Straight to my nervous system,
And last they scream, over and over
Unconquerable and invincible.
The voices are killing me,
Slowly but surely and undeniably.
They don’t want me to experience
All the wonderful moments of the future
Or the unchangeable moments of now.
But most of all, the demons want me;
They want me to become one of them,
Destroying good and creating bad
To ****** soulful beings like myself,
Especially myself,
And hurt everyone around me in the process.