I made an idol out of love.
Romanticized
Theorized
But never came out above.
The tumultuous sea
of emotions in me
that waged war
on your shores
Beat continuously against you,
the beach.

I thought that's what love was.
Passion.
Fire.
Dancing.
Idols.

I burnt out bright
smoldering ash in the night.
And when I cooled,
realized I was fooled.
Because the only true love there is,
is Light.

Bluer than the Atlantic
Colder than its depths
Your eyes more or less windows
Closed shutters you've always kept
Swimming inside them I grew gills
I failed to see I evolved too fast
Breathing in nothing but you
But time is needed to make a good love last
Changes like that shouldn't happen over night
Now we're more or less strangers with feelings of deja vu
I loved you many times before
Now you're something new
I couldn't take that step
Afraid to dive from these heights
Your water is inviting
But I can't shake my frights
Fears of creatures in the depths
Or giant sharp rocks
Your ocean is one of brilliance
With tides that don't stop
Maybe I can avoid the plunge
Stick a toe or two in
One thing I am certain
These waters will win

TVs didn't raise us.

You admitted the reason for all that appearance,
is because you feel you have nothing to give.

President Obama told America he's just an actor.

America could quit putting their faith, stock, and money into other people and calling them celebrities.

Anyone influential read my poetry.

My poetry made you realize you ARE that influential person reading my poetry.

Everyone got on the "I'm a spirit with a body" truth.

Everyone realized none of us know what we're doing and we're just making it up.

We all took the sticks out of our ***** and stopped judging one another so much.

We forced parents to actually be parents when they conceive.

George Orwell saw modern day America.

You started paying attention to the signs.
You listened to your intuition.
You directed your life by your moral compass....
**YOU WOKE UP.

" The time has come," she said to me.
Eyes of a child, I could not look at her directly.
She was the sun.
Bright with knowledge and fun.

" I'm not ready." barely audible.
She smiled as if she knew I no longer felt unstoppable.
I wanted to rest in her arms.
Break down my guards, let her shield me from harms.

But she could not pick me up.
Whether she is real or not, thoughts like this had my mind corrupt.

" You know better."
Listen to her to be blessed with better weather.
" Its time, my friend."
She wanted to see me in turmoil? Must my carefree days end?

" Its just a choice."
One that will turn my heart dark, or cause it to rejoice.
I need a voice.
What's hers is mine, except hers never worries about boys.

I love to take in truth,
but act out lies.

I look for all sorts of proof,
but ignore the impending demise.

For someone in their youth,
I have a lot of worry lines.

Beating my head against you,
like a slightly saner Amanda Bynes.

You keep telling me I'm okay,
and maybe we are fine.

But there's something in the way,
I keep saying all my lines.

What is the reason for my dismay?
I believe it comes from a different time.

I keep praying you won't let me push you away.
But I've got a self-destructive rhyme.

Everything in my universe keeps tells me to erase you.
Like an interception, in the form of a phone call
From a minister just before I began writing this.
And I've considered it, tried to...but I keep getting rid of it, that idea.
I could never erase you...even if the desire were truly there.
I have been so dedicated to God lately, every second has been
like open dialogue. Where I'm babbling on to Him like I used
to do to you. I wonder if I haven't been using Him as a distraction,
like I also used to do to you. But that is neither real nor a bad thing. Just a thing I think, I guess.

So they keep telling me to erase you. Teachers, mentors, pastors,
friends, spiritual mothers, and sometimes strangers.
It just makes me feel alone mostly. How could they understand at all
if that's their conclusion? But I guess they see things through better eyes
than mine. After all, my eyes are what caused all this trouble for you and I. I mull what they say over. I really have had a good time, I promise...But there is always this thing. Snapping me back into the world that I exist in...the world you no longer exist in...Like a parachute giving me whiplash when I was floating along beautifully without it.
It's a thing like the sheet music to "What A Wonderful World" appearing out of thin air. Or pulling in to church to find you right there. And I run from these things! Hold them close...shove them in the closet under piles of things I no longer use. But they always surface.
Like someone telling me the first time I meet them about Rebecca's cheek bones. Or Don Draper's face, which I swear will be yours in about ten years or so. Even a dinner with friends can't make you disappear because inevitably they'll ask me about you at some point. Or someone won't know you've gone away. Or I'll walk through the woods...after traveling by boat, after smiling until my heart explodes to hear a whisper on the wind...of your voice. But I can't complain.
Twould be far worse a fate to suffer never hearing, seeing, thinking, or dreaming of you again.

You keep calling me.
Into the deep I go.
Thank You, that I know how to swim.
But could You tell me please....
Where is it I will go?
There's no destination here.
No knowledge for me to know.
I wait on you...
I pray to hear.
But sometimes I do doubt what will grow.
You promise so sweetly, everything I hope for...I pray it is so.
You will never leave me.
That alone I can know.

Thought it feels I'm trudging through the desert land
You've never left.
Left to die upon this island.
Still you've never left.
Drowning in a sea of sin.
You threw me a raft.
I left the world you found me in
So the first could become the last.
You never judged my failing ways.
You never ridiculed me or laughed.
When I felt less than deserving
You gave up your Son that I might know you at last.
Closer than the sun rays upon my skin
Closer than my past.
You breathe life into all of me again.
And you never look back.

I'm not shocked
How saddened I can become
Yet the boat isn't rocked.

Sailing out beyond me
Expectations on the shore
I think we will live fully
Everything we want and more.

It wasn't me and you truly
That I could not ignore.
Sails adjusted to me.
Asking for more.
That's what really threw me.
There are no closed doors
Now everything is blooming
Better than before.

If these walls could sing

They should want to sing only of you.

They would harmonize only with your name,

As I've found it makes the sweetest tune.



If these walls could sing for me,

and I have asked them to,

They should sing so free

of the time I first saw you.


When these walls sing

the crooning captivates my mind.

Telling the world how you love me

and how you're all mine.



When these walls sang

I had a heart made of fire

I danced without music

I never felt higher.



Why won't these walls sing?

Why are they so tired.

Walls have never seemed more dreary.

Since you've left and taken my fire.

I went on a date,
that felt like a thousand happy moments in one.
I went on a date,
and a week later I've still only gone on the one.
I went on a date,
and I've learned he doesn't have to be the one.
He isn't the answer to my problems.
Or anything more than a friend, either.

I went on a date,
and I learned some things about myself,
I probably couldn't have learned any other way.

I went on a date,
and a week later
God is chasing all my fears away.

I went on a date,
something I wasn't sure I would ever again get to say.

Oh, dear one-
I write to you from this place,
this place that I don't love...
There are so many things I'm waiting for,
you being but one.
And I often trace the wait back to my character,
my heart, my impatience.
And I have learned this isn't correct.
This is just a guessing game.
An attempt to have all the answers-
Which you, more than anyone, will know some day.
I don't want all the answers.
I want to seek the one with the answers.
And lately I've been distracted.
I've been filled with doing things, watching things, wishing for things.
But it's better than before.
I do these things with God.
Not hide them from Him.
And I'm growing.
It's painful, but free.
And someday, you will get to see...
the beauty of grace
the power of transformation.
The kindness of God.
I cannot wait to be loved by you.
But first, I am still learning to be loved by Him.
And in the end, we'll merge those two loves into One...
as we are one.
What a gloriously sweet day that will be.
See you then.

Just because I write about you,
and sing about you,
doesn't mean I think about you too.

I'm just doing everything I gotta do,
Everything that let's me let go of you.
Everything is turning,
Oceans heated and churning.
Baby, what was I to do?

I loved so hard and long,
everything started turning blue.
and I hate it, man. Stayed faded, man.
Cause I started falling in love with blue, too.

I was crazy, that deep deep kind.
Weak and hazy, lost all of my mind.
Swear I didn't know what went down,
Or some days why we kept one another around.
I just wanted you to know, about the realness I found.
So different now.
So clear and out loud.
But the real me still hates,
how much I let us both down.

Life is the truest paradox,
Go ahead, and give it some thought.

What do they give you at the finish line,
If the race keeps going?
Still killing to get mine,
But the benefits stopped showing.
Use my ears as an escape to disregard what they call fate,
Read the articles online, now a real life I recreate.
Still feels lacking though,
Motions I move through to move on, seems there's nowhere to go

Until I trade my mechanisms,
Fall under the spell of danger but lonely still- that's pessimism.
She feels embarrassed for me,
Everything she breathes in is an attempt to feel free
With lies like those, who needs to participate in riskier behavior?
Walking the equator look to her creator, beg Him to forgive and let her explain later
Invincible kids we refuse to not last,
Grades begin to slip, but life won't let you see it after class.

If we are the same you don't have to fear my past,
Think softly, my peer
Wandering is only peaceful whilst here.
Patience, I have learned
Respect need not be earned.
We owe the other nothing,
But everything we want means giving all your loving.
Trusting myself as well as you,
Summations of things we endured, love rings true.

Combined.
Piece by piece
To form something else

And something else is put
With another creation of
Something else

Which gives something
Else a meaning
Suddenly you have
Painted a picture
Of birds in the wind
Of where you've been
Of ships and pirates and
Princesses and captains

Then you build with these tools
It tells you about that boy
It tells you the state of our troubles
The world's dire need for change
Or how to bake a pie

You wonder what other
Mystical powers these things
Have. Put together on paper
Weaving imaginary battles
Incredible tales of triumph
Demanding action from political figures

A jumping heart in your throat
Remembering how good it feels
To feel you can do anything...
Remembering that doing anything
Isn't just for eight year olds
Who want to be a hero
But for the entire world to
Be reminded every now
And again

Your
          words
                    can
                        change
                                 the
                                            world.

There's happy moments and wonderful cheers!
Drink is plenty and love in the air
Until one carries himself somewhat unfair
Now they turned away and closed their ears.
It's so hard to understand
A modern man's fears
Nothing goes according to plan
And your wasted years
Seem to outweigh the meaning
Of those well spent
You lie awake feeding
On stifled tears.
Because no one likes the truth
But they'll covet their youth
Turn away from proof
As the love and cheers-
*****

It creeps
inside company we keep,
latching on
I beseech
You to reach
forward and teach
me to escape thy leech.
the darkened soul
always on patrol
Looking to take hold
of *souls made of gold.
My dear soul so old.
Filled one thousand forms before me,
and in the morning it may come
A darkened soul  adores me,
Now I spend eternity on the run.
You were never for me
But to me you held a gun,
"Forget any other for me."
"No no, you are not the one."
Even the brightest soul made just for me,
**can not compare to the love of the Sun.

There's nothing I can't face,
Nobody but me decides my fate.

I know it seems my head has been out of place,
But winners always seem to look that way
Right before victory
The whole world seems to trouble me.
Lingering insecurities,
Banish themselves when I just let myself be.  

I know nothing is perfect,
but that means it kind of is.
When you don't give up searching,
You learn what timing is.
You learn to fly within.
You finish fifth but still find ways to win.
Darling, that's the world I'm living in.
It's always worth it, beginning, middle, and end.

I hope wherever you are
You're falling for a new star.
I hope she gives and holds you near,
And never keeps her love too far
Out of reach.
I hope she knows how to teach
you to love again.
She needs to be a fighter
to fix what I broke and couldn't win.


And I know that I changed
your already beautiful heart.
But I hope you get a new love story,
Of which sadness has no part.
I really, really hope you're as happy as me.
You always said this was for us,
thought you were lying, but I just didn't want to believe.
I always lacked that trust
because I couldn't see.
Everything I had then in front of me,
Hopefully finds its way back to you
And sets your heart free.

A midwinter dream,
the land of living betwixt,
I find mostly serene.

There are days, though, it seems
this land is full of conflict
and less of dreams.

This land of death and screams
where children take their last breaths,
and everyone demands to know what it means.

Take solace in the fact one cannot intervene,
a spot is secured with every death
on the better side of things.

And be thankful, in the end, it is not up to us- you see,
The Lord taketh, and he giveth, and so who the hell are we?
I would much rather remember, than be the one to take away another's dream.

It wasn't long before He sent you a helper,
and you knew it right away.
But what if we just made
a mess of the whole thing.
Made just for you,
but you missed the boat
did ya?

Noah said this ride is only for two,
and He left you there.
And boy, I miss ya...
Almost all the time.
But He told me to keep moving,
I just wonder why you're always on my line.
But I don't like this kind of losing...
Maybe that's not my place.
But He and you both see it in my face.
So I try to learn to bite my tongue.
And I'm not sure how it got so deep...
But it isn't up to me,
And no, it never was.

Except when I loved you only for me,
then got stuck loving you because
you set me free...

I've been given my orders,
but they don't add up.
I want to blame everybody,
and that force called "bad luck".
I've got nothing left to hold onto,
except for the love...
That should be enough...I'll be fine too!
As long as you stop calling my bluff.

I'm just doing what I ought to.
But it is more than just "rough".
My God, what do I do about the thought of you?
I have just about had enough.
Is this something you have even thought through?
I guess we'll find out soon enough.
But if you become someone I never again get to talk to,
I pray that God calls upon your bluff.

What happens to a flower when you choose not to water it? It dies.

*I was just hoping instead of dehydration, we could find some way to compromise.

I can't sit anywhere and not drown out the people
But I turn the beats down just enough to judge whether or not they evil
Why does everything I hear in real life
Go inside my ears and get processed as a sound bite?
How can I know I'm wrong, yet I'm still right?
How these people keep befriending me, but when I contemplated IT I was all alone that night.
Why can God be the only one to judge us?
As your role model snorts ******* off a lost girl's *** in the back of his tour bus.
I thought I already lost everything.
So Sam-I-Am, told me again
Not a fan of H.A.M.
Cause he already tried it.
I denied it.
I don't really own anything, cause one day you wake up and everything isn't enough
You need more (do more), wanna buy more stuff
If I believe what I say I really do
How come everytime I go technocamping I feel like my life is just something I move through?
Why does a retweet make me feel important?
Is a Who still a Who if there is no Horton?
Madness, like the only hat I own is the one you left inside my home
Right before you left me forever alone, so not technically a hatter
No patience for useless, polite chatter
Because I think so much ****, when it comes out I like it to actually matter
I question myself into oblivion
Jack Harper, I'm the hero though I'm part of a whole destorying the home we're living on.
I know I just need to be hapy.
Telling my thoughts to shut up because the lines read too sappy.
I have never been a romantic out loud,
And the truest part of me failed to bloom when you left the sky with just clouds
You were the sunshine, can you understand now?
Cause I'm cryptic, normally optimistic
Threw my pessimism under ornately beautiful shrouds
You should have loved me when I made it impossible
We'd be together today, I'd be okay
But your happiness not probable
Now this goes back to the first line,
I stopped listening cause I fear what they'll do to me in time.

It is like a well has opened up in me
I can sing of your love forever.
I can a song that's never been sung
about the Son.

The winds of Heaven are rushing at my back.
Forward we go
Forward we go.
Hallelujah

With just one look towards You.
I melt inside your peace
I am washed from impurities
I am made new again.

Miracles do happen.
All of the time.
If you open your eyes you'll see them,
you might even notice them in mine.
I know everyday for me is a miracle.
There's so much love...
But that's only because I choose it,
because that's what I choose to be made of.

I don't want you to lose it,
I don't want you to choose pain.
I watched you choose to be alone today,
and many other days much the same.
You say you want to be better,
I just wish you could hear the words...you can.
Because I know you so much...better.
I know you're a great kind of man.
The man that would bring me a glass of water,
or let me use him as a walking stick.
Or let me hold his hand,
even if the thought makes him sick.
The same man who makes me see the future,
and I mean that literally.
The same man who loved me into the woman I always wanted to be.

The same guy who is tender,
the same guy who loves so much.
Is the same guy choosing to be bitter,
but I love him just as much.
I know you will be better.
I know I cannot help.
But all my perfect, God-given happiness just doesn't seem so swell-
when you're spiraling and I know it, straight toward a man made hell.

I just want to tell my best friend,
who calls me a giggling freak,
that right now I really need you
and it isn't because I'm weak.
It's because my cat is dying,
and my ex-boyfriend is confusing
and I don't even know if he's still talking to me.
And I know that you're the same person,
but can we just pretend you're something, sort of in between?
Because last night was all about you,
and sometimes I could use a day like that for me...
But I am so afraid of giving when I ought not to.
Do you even know what I mean?

But another friend of mine told me,
would you rather say something you don't mean?
So I guess I'll just leave with "Please be happy".
That is all I need.

Let's be careful.
Not to wade in our emotions
Not to swim through the past.
Let's be careful.
To **** the memories of moments
That don't need to last.

Let's be careful
To lean into what is brand new.
To focus on our hearing.
To protect our new found view.

Let's be careful.
Love has to be cultivated.
Let's be careful
To love what we once hated.