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JSK Jan 2014
What is happening?
I'm afraid.
I've started crying again
Because I was frustrated
Because of someone else's failed relationship
Because Forrest's moms died
Movies and stupid feelings
They're nothing
Why was I crying?
What's happening to me?
I don't cry.
I cried for two months
All those tears for you
For us
What didn't work
What should have happened
Those were real reasons
A movie is nothing
Being irritated is nothing
Nothing
Nothing is anything compared to how I felt then
After those two months I quit
I quit crying
Forever
Not graduation
Not movies
Not pain
Nothing
Because nothing could hurt as much
As you hurt me
So I stopped crying
Until a month ago
And now I'm scared
I've shed tears
What is wrong?
What's happening to me?

I thought I was strong.
JSK Nov 2013
Kissing you seemed like such good idea
Our faces were close
You were holding me
I was holding you back
You said,
"You have no idea how hard it is to control myself right now."
So I thought,
"Don't."
I threw caution to the wind
And I kissed you
There weren't rockets
No explosions
I wasn't even really nervous
That freaked me out
I pulled away and cried
Partly because I wasn't as confused as I should have been
Partly because it confirmed some things
I'm a horrible person for kissing you
And doing it twice at that
I'm going to ruin you
Break your heart
Not on purpose
But I will
And it will hurt me too
JSK Nov 2013
R
I like you.
But only kinda.

You love me.
With all your heart.

That's a problem.
JSK Oct 2013
I'm an actress
Everyday
I put on my mask and go out in the world
I act like I don't care
Like I'm fine
Like it doesn't really bother me
Like every single couple doesn't get in my head
Like it doesn't hurt me to say your name
On stage, I'm not as good
My "real" emotions don't come across as well
I can't cover up the mask I wear everyday with another one
A fake one
I'm artificial enough as it it
I'm superficial
I don't let people in
They know as much as I want them to and no more
People will never understand
I'm a world class thespian
But no one knows
JSK Oct 2013
There is something about you
There is a deep darkness lurking all too close to the surface
You cut those lines and let it out
Let the blades trace a path for the pain to follow
You let it escape
But the fleeing darkness invites in something worse
Thoughts that say
Deeper
Deeper
It wouldn't be too difficult to end it all
But don't
Don't do it
Know there is brightness waiting for you
Maybe I can be that light
Show Jesus into your life
Just be a friend
A small glimmer of hope in the darkest of nights
I can be that for you
You don't even have to ask
JSK Oct 2013
Your truck knows it all
It contains our whole relationship
It knows the beginning, middle and end

I loved seeing those lights
Knowing you were driving to come pick me up
It made me really happy
And sometimes
Even a little nervous
But in a good way

In the summertime
We had the windows rolled down because it was hot
In the winter it was cold
But we'd find a place to park and make it July warm
I almost lost my innocence in that passenger seat

We did so much in that truck
We talked
Laughed
Shared
Kissed
Argued
Cried
Stressed
Freaked out
Held each other
Loved

That truck knows it all
Those camouflage seat covers still hold our passionate sweat
The drooping brownish red ceiling absorbed all our words, feelings and keeps them there
Even today
The plastic in front of the gas gauge doesn't feel as whole without one of my pictures covering it
The center console probably still holds one of my notes
Saying how much I love about you
Who knows, the glovebox still may hold my garter
The lace with a tear on it from prom
When the truck heard you say you didn't care anymore

That truck holds everything
All the feelings and emotions
Maybe not so close to the surface anymore
But it will never forget the stuff you've let yourself unremember
That maroon Chevy still loves me
Even if you don't.
JSK Oct 2013
Six months ago was prom
Our anniversary
A year and three months
It certainly hadn't been perfect, but it was perfect for me

Six months ago I was happy
You made me grin from ear to ear
I had a permanent smile
Whenever anyone mentioned your name
My heart would fill with pride

Six months ago I was living a lie
You had quit a while ago
You just drug it out because you weren't sure
You weren't sure about her

Six months ago you moved on
You found someone else
You dumped me in your camouflage seat
And that was that

Six months ago you got over it
Six  months later I'm still hanging on
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