Drifting into the flood again
The void is right around the bin
So many delusional thoughts
Riding on heaven's wind

Perplexed by all the sights and sounds
The day goes by like a whiper
All I hear are hell's hounds
I can't run away, can't get around
From the darkness that leads me
Into the abyss

You're nothing but a *******
You can't deny it, nor savor it
You're not a savior by the conventional sense
And all these strivings to be high and mighty
Makes you look like a fraud nonetheless
You take advantage of others
Breathe out toxic waste
Fumes of **** coming from every pore
So I don't want to be bothered by you no more
I hope you get what you deserve
Karma has a better way of finding you
Then do these words

Sometimes I can't stand myself
I built up walls so no one can get inside
I hide my face from the mirror
I don't want to see my own reflection
These eyes have seen too much
Nothing right, nothing clear
Trying hard not to give up
But I fall flat on my face nonetheless
And I want to disappear
Disappear from this society
That weighs me down
I can't seem to move forward
And my smiles seem only frowns
I try really hard to be positive
But most of the time I'm negative
Daydreaming, and no beacon of
Hope can rescue me

The world revolves around you
And everyone in it
You talk a good game
But most of the time you're full of ****
Other times you want to decide
Just exactly how other should be
I can see it in your eyes
How much you dislike me
So ******* righteous
But there isn't anything right about it
You want to choose others' friends
Thinking you know what's best
But in the end
Your self-will won't get you no where
I hope you understand
That I'm not going to bow down to you
Kiss your ***
And pretend everything is okay
You're the ******* of the day
Maybe for the whole year
Trying to choose others' way
Not making any sense
Nor are you ever clear
You'll be forever lost
Being the ******* of the day
Maybe the whole ******* year

So much agony,
I feel it over and over again.
The night crashes in around me,
And there's no peace to be had.
I feel a constant eerie feeling,
That something bad is going to happen.
I look around and have no faith in nothing,
So lonely am I with these sins.

I feel like the fool,
Trying hard to impress you,
Trying hard to invite you,
But it's all a lost cause,
The reason being is I have flaws,
And no one really likes that.
I can't see myself any other way,
But you can't understand what I say.
I feel less than, been that way for a while
Through everything, all the fires and trials
I come to a place where I'm in dire need,
Sacrificing **** just to be pleased.
What the **** does that mean?
Am I alone in this ******* daydream?
Does it mean you won't talk to me,
Just because I seem differently?

Hello, I love to write
Way into the night.
I sleep for a little bit,
Then I wake up to it:
The storm inside my head,
I have to get it out on pen.
What is it this time?
I write about life,
I write on how I feel,
Knowing it's all for real.
I try really hard to share,
What others would care.
I shouldn't be so worried
Of what others may see,
To like what I put down,
It's a hundred percent sound.
I don't write much about love,
I can only dream about above.
At least I write what I feel is true,
Think a different way then you.
It's all good up in here,
Pure, uncut, and clear.

I haven't said a ******* word
So many unpleasant things I've heard
I'm one to think the ******* worse
Don't know why, lock me away in a hearse
Crazy as it may seem, life isn't a dream
How my consciousness slips into eternity
Just by looking at nature and it's beauty

I haven't said a ******* thing
Not in any particular direction
It hurts when my words start to sting
And I start to float on these wings
Wishing I was at peace with everything
But there is just too much *******
So much **** I can't seem to get over
So I'm fed up with it,  so ******* tired of it
Can't move forward until I get over it

Smile, it's worth the mile
It isn't that bad.
No reason to get sad,
It's worth while.

So much pain, let it go away
Feel the sunlight of the day.
So many months of worrying sick,
Try really hard to get over it.

Life is full of grace, there is a place
A home to put a smile on your face.
From the dark skies turning bright,
Goodness for all seems worth the fight

See you on the other side,
What's the meaning of life?
Been down a hard road,
Felt indifferent like a toad.

There hasn't been any peace,
No time for love, it's a disease.
So much heartbreak for God's sake,
What the **** is at stake?

I want to float away into the blue sky,
I'm not sure if I want to live or die.
Seeing society the way it truly is,
So much hatred right around the bin.

Everything to me is scary,
Life is nuts and harry.
So many things that are ****** up,
Oh God, I think I've had enough.

Please rescue me from this hell,
Walls are built up from this shell.
I don't want to live in misery no more,
Save me as I walk out of this door.

I crumble beneath
The sea of sorrow
My tears are shed
On the white pillow
I toss and turn
Trying to fall asleep
But my eyes burn
And there seems no relief

Insonomonia plagues my inner being
Days gone by without any peace
What is peace anyway
When I haven't slept in days?

Journey into the deph of the hollow
Craving to be released by the sorrow
The torment comes at the morrow
When it's perfectly clear not to follow

Seeing the truth demonstrated
Time after time, that he who
Lives love experiences joy,
And he who selfishly begs
For pleasure, karma has
A monopoly on them.

Freedom isn't the way it should be,
So many mother ******* breaking
Their necks for society.

For what,  Just to be drones?
Shut the system down, I'll rather
Be alone.

But I know I can't live up to my potentional,
So many ******* things to do that ain't optional.

It's scary to have a family,
What the hell will it be like
Years down the ******* road?

It's hard not to be mean
To the mother ******* who
Think they're always right.
What is it going to take to
Shovel the **** I ***?

It soothes me to know I'm not
The only one who feels this way.
So much to ******* do in a day,
Don't know if I'll get it all done,
And sometimes the rain is
Welcomed rather seeing the sun.

Trudging onward like a soldier,
So many ******* pain I'd rather
Give in to it then continue fighting.
But I ******* can't, too many people
Depend on me, so I pick myself up
And say goodbye to the ******* rain.

I burned myself because of the pain,
I wanted to feel the physical instead
Of the emotional. I wanted to hide
Away, escape the anger, the frustration
I turned inward and felt the insanity.

I search out my flaws, the make-up in my inner being,
The essence of life, love and liberty. I find so much hope
In what I see, nature's way of telling me all will be well.
I have so much pain, and I wrestle with God in a every-
Day occurrence, wanting this and reaching for that
But knowing in my heart that he has my back. I should
Of been lying in the marble orchid long ago but
What ever the reason I'm not is a blessing, it has
Taught me a valuable lesson of why I should live
By principles and not my selfish means.  I rejoice
In the gift of giving, whatever I can do for someone
Else is freedom in my mind. I only give a little but
Even that makes the darkness that much scared,
Frightened by the goodness in our hearts and when
I look around I can see the joy in people's eyes,
Holding true in the way they live and it makes me
estatic with a great deal of gratitude.

Into the sun, I bathe to proclaim
The beam of rights and liberties
I call out thy name
But all was just a dream

Into the void of desolation
The men are at a stand still
I hear thy proclamation
And it isn't by their will

I feel so alone
No where to call my home
Lost in the wind
I can't explain where I've been

I look up at the stars
Sometimes I wish afar
Oh, how my heart bleeds
Nothing is the way it seems

I come to the threshold a broken man
Trying to find someone who understands
No refuge from this tornado of life
Crying for redemption to take away this strife

It is up to you
If you want to be happy
I know things are tough
And it's hard to see
That at times you make
The decision of how you feel

I've been down that road
Undecided of which way to go
And then the heavens opened
Up to me and I was able to
Understand that most of the
Time I take myself too seriously

I needed just to laugh, even though
It was hard for me at the time
I closed my eyes and let myself
Go and sure enough a burst of
Merriment came across me
Oh, how I felt so much better
Life is too short without any giggles

Journey into another realm
Visions are at the helm
Crossing over to the other side
A being introduced to life

A burning couldron
Cascading a flame of disbelief
Intent on higher premises
Looking onward pass a dream

Here's my brain
It's gone ******* insane
So much ******* pain
I want it all to go away
But I know I'm only dreaming
Life wasn't made without difficulties
It's how I handle it today

Most of the time I want to run
Hide myself away, throw away
The ******* key, build a *******
Castle and a mote around me
Keep everyone out, I hate the
Hypocrisy

I know that's not possible
So how do I handle life today?

I write about this
I write about that
Some of it makes sense
Others are full of crap
I write about the pain
As I have experienced it
I write about the shame
And all of the *******

I grind my teeth
It should of never been that way
Life is a disease
And I'm catching a cold every ******* day

I try hard not to put out the flame
It fuels my pen that feeds upon the
Words I write in a given day

The time creeps on
Nothing is attainable
It all evoperates when we die
Kissed by the darkness through
Moments that we pray are divine
A shooting star is wished upon
The magic of the spheres are like
A new beginning at dawn
A cut, some blood
We are cleansed by the flood
Changing our attitude, our tune
Hoping and praying that death
Won't knock too soon

Buying time
I don't know why
I don't want to tell the truth
Of how I lost my mind
I look at you
And you seem put together
Like nothing bothers you
I on the other hand
Can't accept life
No, can't accept the way
Things are
I try and I try
But it's a useless cause
A useless attempt
I want to be for sure
Though I know I'm not
I feel like the world is on
My shoulders and I can't
Get this monkey off my back

The time has been wasted
So much lies running amuck
It's so hard to live among society
When one doesn't give a ****
Who can give their attention
To everyone who needs it
That one can't decide the truth?
To come to the center of existence
Takes a bite out of me and you

The clouds are rolling in
The raindrops start to begin
The sky turns dark, ominous and grey
The lightning flashes and you can hear
The thunder from far away
The wind picks up speed
Blowing fiercely
And the raindrops turn into a massive
Down pour that floods everything so
Violently

I'm lonely for you tonight
But you're not out there
You're only in my mind
A thousand miles away
It has been years since I've seen your face
I wonder what you have been doing
All I can imagine is you in my arms
Why is it nothing is the way it seems
All I have is you in a perfect dream

There was a light shining in
But the darkness had it's way
It smothered the light
And covered the earth with pain
So much of it going around
Just can't seem to get away
From the hell inside these walls
Inside this cage

I come to this place of solitude
The desire is in my mind
I write something about life
Something about you
The words aren't always precise
It's just how I feel at the time
And there stands a thin line
Between what's not Tue and is
Most of my writings are true
But the feeling is different
Not the same as I felt back then
It's like I have a new pair of glasses
And can see clearly in hindsight

You try to bring me down
The words you say are hurtful
What kind of a person are you
When you can't say anything nice?
I don't want to be around you
What's the point anyhow?
The time has come for me to go
And leave behind these hurtful words
Take my things and never look back
It's a life I  don't want to live
Always in constant fear of what might be
I deserve so much better
Thank God today I can see
See you for what you really are
Just someone not worth the time
Who has not a bone of care
It's time for me to escape this trap
And move on from here

Infected with your love
Something I've never felt before
It's only what dreams are made of
Wishing for it more and more
I've seen the other side
Oh, how I don't want to go back there
So much hate lasting a long time
Just swelled up with so much pride
And I wasn't built today to dare

I have the cards of life displayed
On the table, the ace of spades
Has come up many times through
Out the years on this earth. I've
Tried to listen to the wind,
Ever telling me not to go down
A paticular road, but my instincts
Ran wild and I chose the wrong
Path, trying to get away with
Something, ever being the selfish
Martyr. I wanted your attention,
Your pity, hoping that you will
Feel sorry for me and I would
Justify my actions, saying that
It was just "boys being boys"

Hope is the way
It's a brand new day
No tears, no pain
And love is to gain

Goodness eludes me
I wallow in self-pity
The night closes in
As the sun says goodbye
The tears from my eyes
Hurts no one today
Sometimes I wish
The pain would go away
But it's only a dream
To hope for renewal
Where are the rewards
Of doing the right thing?
It's nothing to expect
Just a lost cause
From a moment's notice
To dying for relief
As this veil of darkness
Ceases to be in me

Something enters me
An angel or a demon
I can't be so sure
What kind of person to be
I can't decide the virtue
When all I feel is pain
Soaring high into the blue
I want the worse to go away

Burning
Turning
A blast of the past
Hitting home
Almost nearly alone
Too much pressure
Driving me insane
Can't play the game
When I unlock this door
I let the demons out
Life is full of doubt

Being human
Ain't so perfect
Look into my eyes
And see the pain
I've cried about
I just want to shout
Throw a fit
How can I ever get over this?
The anger rages on
And I feel like I'm running out of time
The days are numbered
And I need to make them count for something

Show a little bit more love
Trying hard not to get frustrated and angry
Life is too short
And I have wasted a lot many hours
Trying to play the actor
Fitting everyone neatly in my own little world

Quiet, stillness, the river flows justly
The waves colliding on the shore
As the ducks fly down to land rightly
Twenty of them floating down river
In sync and quacking for life and liberty

I don't see them waging war
Only a little quarrel for food
One can learn a lot about ducks
Seeing them fly with purpose
As they take off to begin a knew
Elsewhere, the cold weather
Causing them discomfort

I see their heads bopping up
And down in the waters,
Searching for their meal of
The day, making it count, the
Best fishermen of all

Into the realm of the unknown
There we meet what we have sown
Calling upon the angel's throne
Cast aside into the wind that blows

Seeing life in a whole new angle
The serpent's might is there to strangle
Wasting time in the winter's freezing cold
The sun is no more in this dark fold

Why the order of the universe?
Karma has been a melody or chorus
Peace kisses the night sky
And wanting so selfishly subsides

Goodness reaches the heart
Filling the soul with sparks
The past is death's yearning lore
Marching foward forevermore

My will has never been good
I always have a devil on my shoulder
Telling me things to say and do

I want to be kind
But rather would sit on a mountaintop
Judging you

I am so vain
The world is vain
I look into the mirror
And see horns behind my back

I want to love
But insist on hate
The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world

I want to be considerate
But am a selfish man
I would think of myself
Before I would give anything to you

The world is full of hate
And I have become of the world
Might as well join everyone
Before I'm left dying at dawn

I've been down a bumpy road
But it has only made me shine
Knowing how I must live
It's not with the taking but
How I give in life

I would like to feed the hungry
Give lots of money to the poor
I don't get hungry like the next
Guy and could take a meal to
Someone.  I don't have lots of
Money but can I can give away
Some change

I feel it's more so on how I act
Trying hard not to be selfish
Today.  A smile goes a long way
When it's directed at someone
To watch them light up is a
Good feeling

I can give love

Love for my family, love for my friends
Love for nature, and the good things in life
Having positive thoughts for others
And hoping all stays well, whether toil
And strife

The days are like they are brand new
So much hope inside this body of mine
Where did this reality come from
It wasn't this way years ago

I was filled with so much fear
I couldn't step outside
I couldn't talk to you
And explain what was happening

It was like a force had me *******
Gripping my inner being
Stopping me from living happy
Like a veil of darkness was hovering over me

Today isn't the case
It has disappeared for the time being
No more lonely nights
Scared of ever falling asleep

It's like I've been released
The grasp isn't holding tightly around my neck
It has been removed
And positive thoughts are taking its' place

What a relief it is
Now I can explore the world
No more hiding in dark corners
And thinking about dark things

Can it be a miracle?
I can't say
I'm just so happy
That I can live a life today

I see the words right in front of my face
They are calling me to write them down
But I can't put them all together
Too much information all bunched up
I calmly take a breath
And put pen to paper
I start writing
And a flood of emotions come out
I write about my life, about the past
Hoping someone can relate to me
I can see how it all fits together
I look at what I wrote
Surveying the words
They become like magic on paper
And  I am enlightened.

Too many times I've cried
Not knowing where I'm going in life
I wonder if things will get better
But I still remained lazy
I thought the world owed me
Just because I was a victim
An act of total disgrace
I wallowed in it for years
Blaming God for turning his head
I never once let it go and forgave
I swelled up with hate
And drank myself to oblivion
But I still remained lazy
Suffering consequences after consequences

In the midst of an emotional storm
Keep on keeping on
Rise above the depression
And give way to positive thoughts
Like giving hugs to a son or daughter
Making the day count for something
Even if it's just a little bit
Like knowing we have breath

I became complete
When I put away childish things
But I became transcended
When I could play like a child
Have a kid at heart
And speak with complete condor

There is a sound
It's the sweetest sound I know
It's when my baby girl says,
"I love you daddy"
Everything that is going on stops
My heart melts
And I know all will be well

I can't cure the world
If I could I would
But it just isn't so
There are so many "shoulds"

I see the pain in your eyes
And I want to take it away
But I need to let you go
And live my life today

You was once a part of me
And I was a part of you
We traveled this road endlessly
And had all the time to be true

Now the feelings have strayed
And I'm so much hurting inside
But what is best for each other
Might take a lifetime to figure out
And I'm not prepared to stay
Putting us through misery

It ain't so much I don't like you
I once had feelings for you
I know you felt the same way
So why are we at a stand still
At a crossroads in life?
We had our fill
Now it's about ******* time
That we go our own way

It has been days
Since we've said two words to each other
We're not made of stone
Our feelings have changed
Now it's time to go our separate ways
And go down this road alone

I have behold the inner truth
Sick of all the **** I did in my youth
I look back and wonder why
Was it just an experiment in life?

I came to door and knocked
You opened it up wide
We sat down and talked
And you explained the hurt inside

Was I just running away
Trying to find my identity?
It seems like days
Since I felt like me

Living a lie from the start
It was hard to talk to you
You helped me to open up my heart
And the words I spoke were true

You led me down the path
Took me through the steps
Now I can look at the past
And find my true identity

I'm not sure you are proud of me
I'm trying my best I hope you can see
My life isn't the way it used to be
I'm living it as though it's my last
Day alive, it ain't perfect but I'm
Blessed to have what I have,
Knowing full well it can be taken
Away from me in a blink of an
Eye. So many things that happen
In this life that are tragic, it's too
Short to always be in the gloom
Need to rise up and know that
I Can't always change the doom
But I can live my life in the here
And now, smiling a little more,
Grateful for the people that are
In my life.

I can turn back time
With my mind and go
Places that are hurtful
To myself. I choose to try
Not to go there, it only takes
My life and turn it upside down.
I try to think pleasant thoughts,
It's totally different when I write.
I write about the pain in the past,
The heartache in the future and the
Muddane living day to day. I write
Mostly about myself, how much of
A ***** I can be, especially living life
So selfishly. I try to not think of myself
More than I should, it's not very attractive
When all I can talk about is me, me, me.
Karma has a way of supplying the good
Things in life, I just have to hold off and
Be patient with time.