My identity isn't the same, no, it has been reshaped, molded into a creation it is today. Whether it is bad I couldn't say, it is what it is and life can always make me go insane. I try to live by principles but it isn't always the same, I make mistakes and have to find my way. I look unto the heavens but my feet are planted on the ground, I truly believe what comes around goes around. I think too much, sometimes I haven't had enough and life sure as **** can be rough but all in all the time has been good to me just as long as I live in simplicity

Seeing so much in life
Has me wondering
It has passed the twilight
And reached the pit of my soul

I sit pondering
And try to find
An example of mystery
To listen to the heartbeat
Of society and reach out
Unselfishly...

Why do I even bother?
What is the hold up?

I turn away from the flames
Look into the heart of justice
If there be any love out there
May it find this black heart of mine

Was it just a dream?
Now I am questioning it
So many ******* days
Has gone by without a word
I call you up
But you don't answer
You don't return my calls
Now I'm getting ******
Was it something I've said
Or haven't said?
I thought we'd be together
For a little while longer
But I guess that wasn't so
Now I'm left wondering
Months go by
And I'm still pondering
Beating myself up inside
The ******* I come to realize
It wasn't that all right
Just two lost souls
Trying to make sense out of life

I whisper
Not a sound around
Just my own voice
Carrying into the dark
I can't see
Just a lonely candle
Flame flickering in the wind
Trying to make my way
But the night is playing tricks on me
I come to a stop
The air is cold
The hair on my neck stands up
And my heart begins to race
I hear a sound off in the distance
Ever so slowly moving forward
Step by step it's coming my way
I can hear the breath
I turn around
Nothing is there
I turn around again
Nothing
Where can it be?
I feel a pain
A sharp throbbing ache
In my stomach
I look down
There is a knife sticking out
I fall to the ground
Blood pouring out
I wonder why
I can't see anything
Absolutely nothing
All I am allowed is to hear
A distant groaning sound
The pain is unbearable
The blood won't stop
Getting sleepy
I close my eyes
I die

Enter into the unknown
The desire in your head
It is where the grass grows
And lying with the dead
Look at the starry sky
The wisdom is in the heavens
Mortality attached to death
Just waiting to arise again
Feeling gratitude for each breath
Now the stage is at a close
The actors are all lined up
I choose to find the wind
And always hopeful of enough

Ha, I knew it was you
That said what was said
Nothing much I can do
But it ***** it's the end
No more trust coming your way
I really never liked you all that much
So why the **** should I care?
Though I thought we were becoming
Two civil individuals
Since you want to talk ****
I'll talk ****
You can bet on it
That you'll never be respected again
You don't deserve a ******* thing
I don't owe you ****
So why all the ******* hype?
Are you jealous
Or just want to make a ******* scene?
I know I ain't right
But at least I know this
And am trying to correct my life
All the talking **** ain't affecting me
You're just wasting your ******* breath
So leave it the **** alone

I can't look into your eyes
You know me so well
You know when I lie
And when I don't
Much of me isn't right
But you don't judge
You look at my good qualities
And you want to be a part of my life
I don't deserve you
But you don't care
You tell me you love me
that you'll always be there
To catch me when I stumble
You're such a true friend
I can look into your eyes now
Knowing you'll be with me till the end

It isn't no surprise
That I am  confined
To live in a life
Of misery
I have to break
The chains that bind
And find
The beauty in the sky
Heaven knows why
I play victims to all
Of the lies

There ain't much to ******* see
Just a lot of ******* in me
I can talk a good game
But really I'm ******* scared inside
Not enough ******* pride
Just used to getting stomped on
I feel so ******* torn
How am I suppose to act?
I like to ******* cuss
And is that so ******* bad?
I wasn't always this way
I grew up in a Christian home
But I went a different path
And turned my back on the
Ones who truly mattered
It wasn't an easy road
I chose my destiny
I played the victim
That everyone owed me
What the **** for?
I haven't done much
Worked here and there
I hadn't had enough
Of the ******* I brought
Into my ******* life
I pretty much
Wasted the **** away
Living with no ******* plans
No ******* hope in the day
How must I survive
When I am the one who
Has caused every problem
In my own little world

Evil thoughts
Dead inside
Make believe
Black heart of mine
Conjuring up nothing
Not a pleasant sight
Just a lonely demon
Trying to buy his time
For the waste of life

Why do I say the things I do, I seem to hurt so many people, especially my family and friends? They want the best of me and I choose so many things that aren't good . They want me to do the best in life but I have turned my back on them so many times, gone in a direction they never wanted me to go in the first place. Why am I such a fool? I can't seem to get on track, what the hell is holding me back? I'll look into the mirror, visualize there is a better road to go down, not the path I seem to always turn to- The ******* life. I'll tear down these walls and let others in before I end up dead and never say thank you to all the ones who have helped me along this road
That I am on. I don't want to fall victim to the idea that I can never change and all will be well. What kind of person would I be if I never said, "I love you."  just watched the days pass by without a word of compassion and kindness, not letting others know how much they mean to me, before all have given up on me and I'm left alone?

It came to my attention
How much hard life can be
When I was very young
It was hard to see
All I wanted was to be older
Now that I am older
I want to be younger again
I would of done things differently
I would of enjoyed life better
I would of said better things
Made life simpler
I would of listened better
And done the right things
Instead, I chose the wrong path
Went my separate way
Ended up in trouble
Addicted to so many things

I chose to change my ways
Get a better perspected on life
Change my attitude and outlook
Show others I'm a different man
I no longer want to go back
To the place where I was
It was a dark place
Filled with hate
No love in me
Not for anyone
Now I do really care
For my friends and family
There was a time
When they didn't want
Anything to do with me
Changing is so much wiser
Than living a hallow life

I know a few things
Experience has taught me that
I can be a wonderful act
Only in my ******* up mind
I'm an illussionist
So many faces I wear
I'm not good in public
I put on a fascade
Make the most of it
It isn't what I decided
It just how things are
Trying to be a believer
When all else fails

I want to die
The pain is too much
I want to feel better inside
I ******* had enough
I try and I try
But it seems lost in the wind
No one really gives a ****
They're lying if they say they do
I hear the preaching
Ones standing on mountaintops
Looking down at me
Cringing when I speak
When I share my heart and soul
Laughing at what I say
Cause they think they're ******* special
So much better than me
Can they be so annoying?
Lecturing about my life
What I need to do
How I should be

**** them and the horse they rode on
They don't mean a **** to me
They're nothing but a ******* cockroach
I'll squash them into the ******* ground
Make them see
That they ain't much to me
So much pain I have
So much I internalized
Just because of hearing their ****

No more!
It ain't worth it
They need to back the **** up
shut the **** up
They ain't worth a dime
I'll live my life
And care less and less
Of what others say

It isn't hard to realize
My pride
Is a devious Mr. Hyde
I want to stab death
And find immortality
I want to see through these walls
Tear down  the chains that bind
**** the devil inside
The evil that brings me down
Stops me from living life
Experiencing happiness
No, the hate swells up
I lose my trust
Find no hope in anything
Longing for a way out
Of this nightmare

Finding hope
It wasn't that hard
I didn't have to look that far
It was right there in front of me
The happiness with two little feet
The smile on her face
Put me in place
I realized the day wasn't that bad
as long as I could hear her laugh
When she is sad
I try to calm her nerves
And make her feel better
What do I have to complain about?
as long as I'm taking care of my daughter
It ain't hard to see
That when life seems trying
And it all doesn't make sense
She puts a perspective in place
Making life as simple as can be
She means the world to me

When the day is rough
Think lively thoughts
Look at the day
Nature all around
Breath in the spirit
Of the sun and feel
The course of goodness

The affliction is baffling
Overwhelming thoughts appear
Nothing is sacred
All I can feel is fear

Can't break the cycle in my mind
The soul cries out for relief
Racing thoughts are there all the time
Self-pity hasn't ceased

The intention wasn't strong enough
Ruling myself with self-hatred
Cracking a smile is rough
Wishing there wasn't any dread

Judging myself with tear stained eyes
It just so happens that self-pity reigns
Wishing I can turn back time
And forget about the pain

It's pointless trying to fight
The darkness has a hold of the heart
The hell inside can't reach for the light
And save me from the torture inside

Stress is taking over me
How can I ever be free?
Am I condemned to live this way
Living life on a make believe stage?

Burning
Turning aside
Finding no reason for life
So depressed
Can't even move
No motivation
No love be true
Crying
Feeling alone
Temptation abiding
No place to call home
I want to curl up in a ball
And sleep the day away
It's dark and gloomy outside
Just can't find hope in the day

Feeling lost
Alone
Afraid of what might be
Trying to find a place
A home
In this ******* world
No turning back
Must find myself
It's hard to get on track
When I wish to be somebody else

I want to be you
Cause you're really smart
I want to be you
Cause you're good looking
I want to be you
Cause you''re rich
Reaching out for answers
Ain't life a *****?


I can't find a clue
I can't answer the riddle
I'm not going much of nowhere
What the **** am I doing here?
What's the use anyhow?

Society has a means
To plow me over
No freedom of speech
Just hiding out in the dark
Waiting to be released
Like an animal locked in a cage

The time has come
To take up my guns
And fight for what is right
The revolution isn't here yet
But I would bet
It ain't going to be much longer
Until we all must band together
And ignite the flame of justice

The night played tricks on me
My neck hair standing up, shivering
The warm air touches my face
I turn and look around at this p!ace
It's as though I've been here before
But I can't remember no more
It's as though something grips me
And I want to run away quickly

I turned back
Wasn't there for you
I was in self  destruction mode
Not even thinking how I could help
But with your love
You wanted to help me
But didn't know how
And now you're gone forever
The cancer swallowed you up
And all you wanted was to see me again
See me through your loving eyes
That would of melted my heart
And made me hold your hand
I wish I was there for you
But all you wanted was to be
There for me

I couldn't help but to say goodbye
It was time for us to part
I went about it the wrong way
I know I left a hate I can't cure

It just made me a ****
To fall for someone else
Thinking I could find happiness
By leaving you behind

I left you out in the cold
Not knowing what would become of you
Karma got me back
Cause my life wasn't the same

It was wrong of me
So very wrong of me
I dreamed about you
Only to wake without your touch

Love lost and love unfound
I wasn't mature enough
An ******* to the extreme
I ended up empty handed

No love for me
Would it of ever happen with us?
I can't answer that question now
Cause I ******* left you out in the cold

He wasn't at all amused
you trying to steal away his day
Bringing negativity to his plate
he turned and walked away

He wanted to see smiles
but all he got was frowns
He contemplated his relationships
and decided to turn you down

No more of the dark interiors
the ones having no fun in life
He adjust his friendships
and leaves behind the ones
who aren't worth his time

It isn't hard to see
the man in the mirror
the boy I still am
watching the world
pass me by so quickly

Once scared
of different things
now I must move onward
despite the fears I have

For years I had a belief
never gave gratitude
a fair share

Always *******
Always complaining
praying for this and that
**** I should of never
been praying for to
begin with

I turned away
I walked away
I found life
seeing it at a
new and strange angle
a whole vibrant level

It's in mother nature
the beauty and chaos
It's in the darkness
It's in the light
It's in living
It's in dying
It's wonderful
and tragic
filled with a lot
of magic

I blamed you
For the way I turned out
My depression
My anxiety
I felt betrayed by you
So many ******* tears
I just wanted to run away
Climb a mountain
And jump off into the deep
I felt worthless
A *******
The hatred seeped in
And I wanted you dead
I prayed again and again
For God to release this pain
But nothing came
I cried for a lot of many days
Years of wallowing in self-pity
Filled with a hate that wouldn't go away

My anger
Brings out the worse in me
I want to punch walls
Break ****
I want to yell
In fact, I've done these things
Acting like a two year old
Throwing fits because I can't
Get my own way

Feeling ******
Jacked
Burnt inside
Hacked
Coming back
Like a lightning bolt
Feel the jolt
The roaring thunder
So many blunders
It makes makes me sick
I can't make a to do list
It makes me mad
Why do I feel so bad
I seldom boast
It's all a ******* joke
I'll just sit here
Drink on this beer
Not knowing what to do
Just coming unglued

It hurts me
to think how much
I got over you
I took everything
your dignity
your pride
tossed you out in the cold
all alone
I wish I could take
it all back
the best thing I could
of done was to stay away
from you

There goes
a crackling sound
the cans exploding
going down the wastepipe
The screams
The yelling
The fighting
What was this to be
it isn't hard to see
the tears from your eyes
wanting a better life
not the one you're in
you could of have never predicted this
it sure as hell wasn't on your wish list
It wasn't your dream
of being with a man like me
hearing the sounds
of cans opening constantly

It's not about me
why can't I see?
It's about you today
what can I do
to make you feel better
to put a smile on your face
and wipe the tears away
from your eyes when you're down?
To make you feel alive
and vibrant in life
to hold your hand when
there are struggles and strife
Why can't I see
it's not about me?
It's all about the family

I sent you a text
and you never responded
I waited and ******* waited
nothing
absolutely ******* nothing
just a blank screen
hours went by for me
I felt so ******* stupid inside
why do I even bother
It's a shame, a ******* shame
driving this poor man insane
It really irritates me
how others can ******* off
like I don't even ******* exist
I've had enough
no more of this *******
I'll just have to put others
in their place and watch
them ******* squirm

The heart cries out for relief
but the darkness has a hold of my hand
leading me toward the abyss
The discomfort will never cease
it's written on walls in far away lands
and hell's fury blows me a kiss

I make myself ******* sick
There is much to say and do
I look into the mirror
and I want to break through

Find out the real me
The me I want others to see

I'm so ******* selfish inside
I want to break the chains that bind
Cast away the hopeless pride
And find a new way of life

The world can't stop me now
The time to change is now

I want to be focused
No distraction my way
It feels like forever
Since love came my way

I look into the mirror
Now it has become clear
I was always thinking of myself
Never once did I think of someone else

I want to think about you
what I can do to help
I want to break through
and find my real self

Even though I have lied
I cannot lie no more
I'm trying to escape the fire
and unlock the treasures
behind this door

It's pointless to wallow in my tears
nothing good comes of it
I've been broken a thousand times
and can't seem to get a ******* break
in life

Nothing comes for free
even though I've taken so much
something always tells me that
this world is falling from grace
and I can't see

Falling to pieces
can't seem to cut a ******* break
Falling to pieces
it all fades a **** away

I see my reflection
I want to break the mirror
there is no affection
just love lost and love so unclear

I'm just a ******* low life,
spend my time doing not
much of anything. I smoke
and drink away my time
in the bedroom, while my
woman and daughter are
living life. I spent a year
hiding away, turned my
head for a second and my
daughter turned two. I keep
going back and forth, not
knowing what to do, all
of this is brand new. I'm
going ******* crazy inside,
all of this responsibility is
handed to me so quickly
And it seems like I can't take
It
anymore. I need to pull
the strength out of me,
the chips aren't down
just yet. I'm not giving
up so quickly. I need to
become the boyfriend
and farther I need to be
except a selfish mother
****** that everyone
knows but me.

It hurts
to think why
The days are passing by
there once was life
no cursing the sunshine
Once was hope
a reason to live
but all seems lost
lying down to die
waiting to be judged
by the night

The day whistles in a breeze,
coming in through a crack in the window.
The bright curtains move ever so slightly,
and I'm able to see the snow.

It's a dreary morning,
grey clouds jostling for position.
I turn to look at you,
but you're no where to be found.

Was I dreaming,
and all was well with us?
The yesterdays seems like a distant memory,
and I'm too scared to think about them.

I want to find a rose,
and give it to you.
Let you know how much you mean to me,
but the pedestals just crumble to the ground.

I wonder where you are,
I seemed to have misplaced  my feelings.
My heart beats a loneliness inside,
and the thought of losing you comes to mind.

I hear the whispers inside my head,
reminding me that our relationship turned into clay.
I never thought it was the beginning of the end,
and here I sit crying on valentine's day.

You've been ******* put down,
I can ******* understand.
You don't know when to turn around,
and walk through the fires.

You feel like going insane,
I have to tell you it's not that bad.
You want to run away,
and forget your crazy self.

I've tried the same thing,
it doesn't work out very well.
I've sacrificed my ******* soul,
and gone through ******* hell.

I couldn't forget the ******* pain,
I couldn't come to accept what I was.
There was only darkness in my life,
that even demons couldn't get in the way.

I touched a little of  heaven,
and could stand looking in the mirror.
I lost the attempt to control everything,
and life became more clear.

I gave up hell,
and walked away from negativity.
You have to find your own path,
but it's better than the way it was.

Searing, burning
My eyes staring into the dark
With the world turning
Everyone wants to feed on the spark
I kiss goodbye the daylight
And reach out to the night
Finding a home where I go
Realizing I'm never alone

It's 4:00 a.m. in the morning
what the **** am I doing awake
I can't escape what I can't escape
the nightmares inside my head

I hear the ******* *******
it's the same ******* thing as before
telling me how worthless I am
cringing in the living room floor

I try to think positive
but the darkness has its ******* claws on me
negativity bringing me down, so ******* down
and there isn't a ******* thing I can be

I look at the time
two hours have gone by
lost in these racing thoughts I'm having
and suicide is looking pretty good

I just want the pain to end
why is it haunting me?
I feel no life, just dead inside
nothing ******* precious I can see
just a miserable ******* human being

It's just a waste of my ******* time
to be on this earth any much longer
I constantly think of a way to commit suicide
and leave this ******* earth and everyone in it behind

The horizon draws near
a season drinking in the glory of innocence
Perfection seems over-rated
holiness lost in a dream
where is it stated
everything is the way it seems?
There is emptiness deep in the soul
a hollow feeling that won't go away
dealing with which way to go
The madness finds a home
the direction is just a blank slate
starting over once again
wanting to be forever alone
but life has other plans

In the ruins of the night,
the raindrops cover my eyes,
an exchange for what's within,
hiding the tears from my eyes.

There is tranquility in the dark,
hope fading away in the sea,
a hollow soul from the start,
a deadness is a part of me.

Shallowness finds the empty heart,
wallowing in a pool of blood,
a vast realm playing the part,
only there is nothing to dream of.

It's very hard to relax,
stillness seems out of reach,
the lightning and thunder clash,
and love is hard to repeat.

Finding what's right-
Is a very long road to endure,
the haunting past is precise,
taking away values at the door.

Here I stand to defend-
The way it has become,
realizing all will end,
as I stare into the sun.

A hollow soul.
A deadness.

Here comes the pain,
the emotional turmoil inside.
Wishing it would all go away,
all my eyes want to do is cry.

There is no savoring of life,
dreams have disappeared .
Which way is it to unlock peace?
Where is this peace anyway?

Look unto the heavens,
the stars in the night sky.
Peace has a way of finding the yearning heart,
good things will happen for ones down and out.

All the pressures of the day will melt,
the heart is rejuvenated in accordance.
The passage seems to be a rhyme of life,
A praise lifted up into the air.

Contrary to misbelief,
all one needs is a little faith.
The seeds that are planted grow,
it doesn't moves mountains,
but it sure moves with a purpose,
something dreams are made of.

It's hard to say what I have become,
A lot of many days went by where I-
Dreamed away my existence, nothing-
Special I have done. It seekers like I did-
More complaining than anything else,
Wanting more and. more of everything-
That wouldn't come my way, envious of-
Others that seemed like they had it all-
Together. There wasn't a day that went-
By I didn't have a burning hate inside.
I hated you for having a good job. I-
Hated you for having a nice house and-
A car in the garage. I hated you for-
Having a family as I sat alone not doing-
Anything about my life.
It takes a lot of pain to realize a change-
Must take place, glancing into the mirror-
And not liking the look on my face. I just-
Want to break free of the chains holding-
Me down, I see life out there and I want-
Every part of it. I notice how much others-
Are enjoying the day as I wallow in misery.
I see the look in their eyes and I'm ready to-
Give up the hate inside.

It's just another day.
a life filled with glum.
I search for the way,
no shine from the sun.
Ask and it will be done,
no fuss from everyone.
How important is it really,
when there is no fun?
The darkness has it's grip-
on the souls that are lost,
trying to fill the void-
at what expense and cost.
There seems like no hope,
just another soul been bought.
Can't find the right choice,
demons have my lot.

It's been a long time coming,
that we stand together in this revolution,
fight for what is right and true,
no matter what is due,
there will be a new life for me and you,
once we stand up to the oppressors.

What happened to the day,
it seems so dark and gloomy?
Can't seem to get away-
from the pain inside my head.
So much has been said,
so much has been laid to rest,
wishing all was well,
wishing for the best.
Though nothing goes right,
everything is just a nightmare.
Can't have you by my side,
what does it matter anyhow?
Feeling all the pressure,
it's takes place in my mind.
The day turns cold, dark and lonely.
Oh, how I want things to turn out alright.
Though I'm here in my own hell,
where there is no lights.