I can see the truth,
You're so needy-
I want to let you go.
I want to let you know-
That I am not alone,
The stars gives me light-
On this path I"ve sown.

Running from the start
don't know what to do
looking deep within the heart
happiness seems to elude
finding the courage to stand
moments clash with one another
lending out a helping hand
finding hope like no other

The truth gets lost in the wind
like a leaf caught in a breeze
flying around and not touching ground
until the wind stops blowing
Sincerity seems like nothing anymore
or was it ever something in our hearts?
Respect comes and goes as we open a door
and the beauty of love gets lost from the start

Sink into the mire-
of one's desire,
venture into the void,
dipping into the fire.
Oh, how alone;
feel like playing the role,
finding out there is no key,
no cure for one's mind,
nothing pure in one's soul.
Making darkness a home,
vividly dreaming of the light.
No one can see,
a crown from the start,
it ends so dramatically,
piercing the heart.

The time melts away
like plastic in a fire
a mentality gone astray
nothing seems worth while
all hope hides its face
from the light that could be within
a distraction in place
not knowing how to begin
there are so many senseless acts
bravery is hard to come by
it's hard to get on track
and make it a wonderful life
the pressure is building up
how much I feel like crying
hardly anyone to trust
and I feel like dying

Is there any hope
with all of society's dirt and grime?
trying to put on another layer
and skip what's important in one's life

Is there any purification
something that holds weight?
can one see the starry sky
and be overwhelmed by it's essence?

The truth is hard to come by
when there isn't any burning bushes
though simplicity comes into the fold
and makes the eyes see in clarity

It isn't very hard to notice
the flowers in full bloom
it isn't very hard to see
an eagle flying high up in the sky

It isn't very hard to conjure up good thoughts
and believe there is good out there
good about one's self and life
good about the direction one is taking

I can't stand the pain
trying to wish it all way
it doesn't go no where
the feeling is still there

the darkness has its grip
it won't release its hold
feeling so tired of all of it
showing weary eyes

where did the joy go?
it was a part of my life
now it seems so dark
no light venturing in

where did the happiness go?
it was once a part of my life
now the battle within cries out
hoping to find the truth

there was peace in the mix of things
but now that's all a dream
there is only the feeling of being sick
existing in the mind of the bewildered one

Searching for the truth
the answer to my soul
what kind of man am I
when life takes it's toll?
I see in the distance
that my life hasn't been my life
always seeking pleasure
something to cure the pain inside
I'm not comfortable in my own skin
wondering who to please this time around
how much I want this to be the end
the water is too deep, I might drown
Living with the heartache
the pain inside won't cease
wondering what's at stake
Living with this disease
The darkness will not let go of me
and let me live my life
Hell is the only thing I can see
killing everything good from the inside

Hello stone...  It's not hard to see
how much we are alike
I see your shape, how rough you are
and I wonder if this is a dream
I pick you up and toss you aside
like any other day
this time it's different
I wonder where you've landed
I try to search for you
but I can't find you no where
So I feel lost without you
the likeness was so strange
how much it's all so clear
that you were meant to be in
my pocket

The days are dark and cold,
filled with a numbness in my soul.
I thought the pressure was behind me,
finding out it was just a dream.

I stare into the sun,
blotting out what I have become.
I stare into your eyes,
hiding the truth with lies.

I sit alone with my thoughts,
having all kinds of doubts.
wondering why I am the way I am.
I have paid the cost,
screaming from the inside out,
hell seems like my only friend.

Life, what is the meaning?
So much pain I have,
so many dreams I've planned,
but I can't seem to move forward-
for inside I feel so bad.

What will I strive for,
when all avenues seem blocked?
I want something more,
a direction of being self-satisfied.
What will it take,
to move upward from this hole?
Having courage seems the way,
to put the desire in my soul.
Can I do this on my own,
or will I fall flat on my face?
There is a will deep inside,
to make things better for my life.
Once done, my family will benefit,
and I will have no regrets.

I can't help but to wonder,
why there is so much pain.
Isn't there a God,
who can take it all away?
I pause,
and question everything.
So much killings,
I want to run away,
hide myself from the insanity.

I wonder why I'm this way,
I want to explode,
but there isn't much to say.
I want peace and harmony,
but that is just a dream.
So much ****** and nonsense,
just because someone couldn't get their way.

Hiding out isn't the answer,
showing peace could be the way.
The insanity is always going to be there,
in every moment, of every day.
Life isn't clear, nothing is,
so much to fear, so much hell within.
It takes us to cry out for change,
to make the wonder a reality today.

It seemed like a good idea to say what I had to say,
only a fool would listen to someone talking under their breath.
I've been out there, not as much as I would like, seeing my face
in the mirror, not a care in the ******* world, buying time until
my ******* death. I've wasted years upon years listening to bull-
****, realizing later down the road I was spitting it out more than
anyone else, trying to puff up my ego, making a complete *******
out of myself. My words fell on deaf ears, it's no wonder with all
the lies I've told, avoiding responsibility from the open door, only to
come up short in the long run. So many fears I had, still have to a certain degree. The darkness wants to tear me down, and I'm running on ******* empty.

What the hell are these dreams for?, I need to put action behind my words
and let everyone know who knows me that I'm not ******* around this time.  I've had my bouts with practically everything imaginable, don't know what the hell I would be if I didn't hurt inside, conjuring up images of suicide in my mind, I reach for the knife but always something rescues me from doing the same thing I see others do with impunity. Christ, I'm not alone in this ******* world, everyone has a bad day here and there.
Try a lifetime of trying to fool others to believe I'm something when in reality I'm not, just a survivor like those around me, trying our ******* best to exist. Though it's different now, can't play the ******* game like I did before, it's time to grow the **** up and leave the ******* out the door. Who's to say where I'm going to be ten year down the road? I just pray that my family will be with me and will be better off then we are now.

I know it's true,
why the longing face?
I know all about you,
you're a ******* disgrace.
You lied to me,
telling me it's going to be okay.
Now I see,
why you're running away today.
All of it was lies,
how can you be so cruel?
I'm burning inside,
why I ended up the fool.
I just want to tell you off,
let you know how pathetic you are.
You're a ******* joke,
my ears are bleeding,
with the ******* you are spewing.

Sitting by the wayside,
catching a glimmer of hope,
an inner voice, a calling,
telling me to climb this mountain,
and scream, "I want die alone."
It makes it to my lips,
but the clouds roll in,
darkening the morning sky.
Fear of the end,
comes across my mind,
and the words slip back inside.
Why, oh why,
the discretion?
If only I had courage,
like brave soldiers I see,
I would live my life so justly,
and stab the darkness in the heart.
But I can't climb this mountain all alone,
I need help to make it to the top.
I need a sword to stab the darkness,
and never make it a part of my life again.
So I can scream out from the mountaintop,
"This isn't the end of me!"

The day unfolds, bringing lots of tear stained eyes.
I'm out in the cold, wondering what happened this time.
I'm lost for words, nothing is coming to mind
A story I've heard, everyone trying to change my life.

Can't seem to get back the joy,
It seems like only a dream,
A walk into the unknown,
A boat lost out to sea.

Can't seem to get back the happiness,
It seems like only a dream,
A struggle for the truth-
Like a leaf caught in a breeze.

If only I could see the light,
A heart felt distress call going out.
Can't seem to find the foundation,
Don't know what it's all about.

Finding out there are no answer in my mind,
It's more easy to feel contempt,
A road I've traveled to survive,
A journey brought about by emptiness.

I'm searching for the key,
To open up my heart,
To find out where the beauty lies,
And make it a part of my life.

I'm alone with my thoughts,
how many times do I cry?
At what length, at what cost-
do I find a reason for my life?

I put myself here,
the lonely road leading down.
Nothing is clear,
how much I wish I would drown.

Finding out there's no hope,
not for a soul like me.
Nothing really to show
all my dreams are just that-
A dream.

Now I'm dreaming to drown,
what a way to go out.
I've been a fool and a clown,
someone who always has doubt

No legacy to leave behind,
what am I waiting for?
It seems all dark, no sunshine-
the water is calling my name.

So many things that are scary,
I don't think I have the courage.
The world frightens me,
and the people in it irritate me.
So much anger aimed everywhere,
it seems like no one is living in peace.
it seems like no one has a care,
just living life so selfishly.
Oh, how I want change,
but it only happens in fairy-tales.
I see the flaw in my makeup,
just a rotten human being who-
can't have his own way.
I have searched everywhere for-
happiness, only to come up empty-
handed, not realizing until years-
down the road that happiness is a-
by-product of right living. Oh, how-
I have failed numerous of times but-
I keep picking myself up and trying-
again and again. I have to realize that-
I have no control of others, they're going-
to say and do things that I don't like-
likewise,
I'm going to say and do things that they-
don't like.  
But we need more peace than-
what we are giving out, so much mindless-
acts of cruelty that keep us in fear, locked-
up in cages in our own homes. Well, I want-
to break free and shout it out, just like in-
the movie Braveheart, "FREEDOM!" that's-
what it's about. Not our petty differences,
it means more than that. Let us take a stand-
for our nation and wear freedom on our sleeve.

There I lie, broken inside, a shell of a man with tear-
Stained eyes. All hope was just a flicker of light, gone-
As quickly as I cried. Finding out the truth wasn't a-
Relief, I think more of myself than I want to please. It-
Isn't hard to believe, that I curse myself not knowing-
What to believe. What right do I have to sit randomly
By, watching the world in full steam reaching out to-
Me, and all I want to do is scream.

Do you see the scar on my wrist, it's proof I'll try to-
Die again? What happened to all of this, into the-
Tunnel I go and nothing can save me from this sin.
Can't you see my pain, it's written all over my face?
The darkness has it's hold on me and I don't want-
To let go, rather I want to fall from grace and take-
A moment to return back home. Crying out again,
The hell I've caused myself seems like it's never-
Enough, I look backwards and there was always-
Something, something to rip at the seems and there-
I sit quietly making myself bleed.

A whisper in the dark, the nighttime is a plague for-
Everyone to see, I look up to the heavens but my-
Heart is stuck in hell. The demons of my past are-
Haunting me, the goodness that once was isn't there-
Like it was in the beginning, just a very long way-
From home and the sunrise burns the spirit. I-
Reach out for help but no one is there, I"ve wasted-
Too much time on the belief that things are the-
Way they're suppose to be. I didn't buy into there-
Was ever hope for the tortured soul, not like I see-
People gaining some self-respect back, a smile-
Coming across their face and a life fulfilled. No,-
Here I sit brooding over my life, where I would be-
If I didn't waste years plungeing into the darkness.-
Now it seems my life will never be on track because-
I keep going down the same road as before. I need-
Direction in my life, wishing upon a star is just a-
Fool's dream, and nothing is the way it's suppose to-
Be.

Nothing is the way it seems, just a dream, trying to-
Run from the darkness but it grabs a hold of my-
Heart and makes me bleed. I hit the floor, it seems-
I'm on my knees, crying out but not being heard.
No one can hear me scream,  I'm making the face-
But no words are coming out of my mouth. The-
Demons in my head are talking to me, wanting me-
To give up the fight. Hell seems like it's following-
Me, I'm blind to see the truth, chaos bringing me-
Down, and it seems like everywhere I go I drown.

Worshiping material things, it's not the way it-
Ought to be. I'm enlightened by the right path-
But end up on the wrong side of the road. There-
I see lists of things I want to buy, taking pleasure-
In the hunt, and 98 percent of the time I get it, just-
Because it's what I want. Why is it that I'm so-
Impulsive? I tend to make matters worse, looking-
At the object and drooling, not to mention most of-
The time I can't afford what I'm after. But it-
Must be mine, oh, so very much mine.

Is it that I am a freak, a ******* fool to believe-
That I can control the future in any way. Whisk-
Me away and don't let the pain ***** my heart.
I want to destroy the past, tear down the walls-
That have stopped my progress on this path.
Seeking what is right but I fall short, down the-
Rabbit hole I go, seeking the reaper to let me know-
What the **** am I fighting for?  It's like he holds-
The keys, to the man I was to be, and there is no-
Escape from the hell I put myself through.

Now the beast comes out, looking to ******* ****-
The shackles that's bringing me down, break free-
From the darkness inside of me, the animal that's-
Trying to come out and make things worse than-
What they ought to be. I fight, I curse, I want it to-
Hurt, and I want you to hurt with me. What a-
******* fool I truly am, to believe that I can-
Sneak away, slither away, like a snake upon the-
Desert floor, letting the beauty in my life just-
Slip away, all because of the beast within.

It wasn't what I wanted to take a look at,
There is fear behind the mask, the walls-
I have built up so you don't see the real me.
I seem to take a breath, something I'm not-
In control of,  my spirit rising up ever so-
Higher, ever so lower, the fire burns ever-
So painfully, and I faint by the wayside.

Life came like a tornado, destroying everything
In my path, leaving behind only my naked body-
To take care of the burns. I was lonely once,
Feeling frightened by seeing your face. I reached-
Out to you but there was only silence, a whisper-
In the dark, trying to find my way but I can't see-
The road. I was reaching for something but finding-
Nothing, only death and the fires of hell.

Watching the world pass by
No words to come to mind
Feeling alone and lost
Don't know where's the cost

Loneliness spoils what's heard
Can't even find not one word
Watching sentiments go down the drain
Feeling a barrier brought on by the day

Simplicity is an art
Stillness hard to repeat
Facing a yearning heart
Quietness hard to release

Lost in the chaos
An image of a confused time
A feeling of misguided trust
Holding onto a verse of one's life

Is it the silence of all remains of civilization,
willowing their thoughts on the threshold-
of humanity, crying to be born out of-
the crest of creation?

Or is it the soft penetrating sounds of-
birds chirping, singing in their-
harmonious tone, nesting on the-
foundation of what is love?

For if you cannot find peace within-
yourself, there is no reason to look-
somewhere else. For to look is like-
a withering flower, crying to be born-
out of the pedestals of society.

The negativity tries to show it's ugly head,
the hatred swells up inside.
Wishing chaos would go away,
lugging around the contempt in my mind.

Neglecting what is right,
disregarding what is true.
Hoping light will dance within,
and rescue the soul from the abyss.

Image a furnace in your mind,
hot coals full of peace.
Put the emotions of negativity in there,
once and for all get rid of the disease.

Unblocking the hatred inside,
the thoughts are now at ease.
Channeling goodness in my mind,
once and for all get rid of the disease.