Always feeling like I’m stuck at the bottom.
I probably should have realized that I need help solving my problems.
I guess I had a chance at a new kind of start.
But it got the best of me cause now I might be falling apart.
I guess I have too much hope.
But if we must you can cut the rope.
Things can’t stay cloudy forever.
Maybe the haze will fade and I’ll be fine by December.
But what now? I feel like I severed our ties.
The last thing I want is for you to run and hide.
Maybe I’ll never be the one you keep by your side.
But what I do know is that I want to push my hazy, darkened thoughts aside.

I don’t blame you for walking away.
But I can’t say it’s not killing me that you couldn’t stay.
I think you’re stronger than you think.
So let your feelings flow with the ink.
I know we had something worth keeping.
It’s just so hard without you so I keep grieving.
But I know you were right in leaving.
Even if it’s not you that I can keep seeing.
I still wonder about you as the days go by.
Even though I sometimes question if it was all just a beautiful lie.
You made me want to break out of my cocoon.
Maybe it all just happened a little too soon.
I’m standing on the edge hoping I don’t drag you down too.
I never wanted anything but the best for you.
And that’s why without you, my world is painted blue.

What’s with all the games?
It’s driving me insane.
I’ve never had any desire to play.
Just let me be free, but with you I’m trapped in a cage.
Petty mischief.
It’s no wonder I’m stuck in remiss.
No ones life should turn out like this.
Go to hell and let me live.

You keep wondering when the pain will end.
Asking yourself how someone can be saddened so deeply.
There isn't always an answer.
But the fact of the matter is that you were never careful with your heart.
With eyes full of hope, and a heart filled with love, all you ever knew were good intentions.
You never expected to get hurt this bad.
To be so damaged.
But how do you heal?
I've heard the only cure for pain is love.
But who could love such a broken soul.
Some might say I'm desperate, and maybe I am.
But if it isn't real then you can count me out.
It took me a while to learn how to feel with all I have, and now nothing compares.
If you ask me, I'm not desperate.
Just a lonely soul looking for someone who wants to feel how beautiful love can be.

It seems my mind won’t stop until I tear my world apart.
If only I would have known this from the start.
So what’s left?
There’s barely any feeling inside my chest.
It makes me wonder if there will ever be a key.
You were all I wanted, all I thought I would ever need.
But I think I have to leave.
If I want to keep my sanity.
I don’t want to hurt you but holding on is hurting me.
Who knew this would cut so deep?
So I’ll hope you get to where you need to go,
As I try not to tie a noose around my throat.

If i could go back and change things maybe i would.
But then i never would have me you.
You changed me for what i thought was the better.
And now i'm stuck in an endless spiral going nowhere.
Yeah i know i'm undeserving.
And for you, i was never worth it.
But you made me feel like i had a purpose.
And your love was simply breathtaking.
If i could have a second chance with you i'd take it in a heartbeat.
But you're not mine and never will be.
And i don't know if that'll every stop my heartache for you.

The cool wind blows and I don’t feel sorrow.
What happened to the woe that was taking over?
I kind of miss it over feeling numb.
A sociopath with nothing in my flask.
So how do I bring myself back to life?
Things went quiet.
Am I through with this strife?
I need to win back my life.
But the winds have been blowing the shards of my former self out of sight.
How will I fix the puzzle of my mind and the shards of my heart that made me once feel so deeply?
My soul is fleeting and I’m stuck in this shell.
A wanderer lost, with nothing but to dwell.
Can I get out of this chaotic web?
I don’t know if I care I just miss being myself and the feelings that were once buried deep in my chest.

Maybe it's my fate to be all alone.
At least i'm getting better at standing on my own.
The memories of your ghost still creep by swaying me to try.
But i still feel as though i'm at the bottom trying not to cry.
Maybe i was never worth saving.
And now i'm left going back to the cravings,
Of liquor soaked dreams, and sad melodies.
So as the days continue to pass, i'll try to make it one more day and not let this breathe be my last.

What is death if not a fresh start?
Do you get a new chance after your body falls apart?
What about your soul?
Does it reach the stars?
Maybe we’ll never know but I want to go far.
If we get reborn will we dance in the rain?
I hope there are more chances because it can be hard to stay sane.
Maybe in each life we’ll be awakened by love.
And from us will eminate the stardust from above.
So as I keep trying to be the best version of me,
I’ll keep on believing in the beauty that is all around me.

As the world keeps turning i can feel it's cold embrace.
I would have never expected it to be such a cruel place.
As the faces come and go, it's yours i can't rid from my mind.
The seasons change and i still can't get myself to have a good time.
So as i stumble around with my mediocre mind.
I'll try to find something worthwhile to help pass the time.
But with little hope for a better start,
I can't help but feel that i might soon fall apart.
But what if this time it really is different?
Knowing my luck i'll still be feeling indifferent.
I guess all i can do is gather my thoughts and run.
Trying my best to keep up with the sun.

I guess I ****** it up again this time.
I miss the feeling of your hand in mine.
I’m running out of time.
I guess the gate is shut for good again.
No hope for your touch, no hope to mend.
Why do I do this time and time again?
To see your face would be a godsend.

The ghost of you hides in my closet.
The feeling of you lingers, but I keep thinking I lost it.
So how do I move on and rebuild.
I’m stuck with all the memories and some of the guilt.
You made me a better version of myself.
But I’m left chasing the past and I’m stuck in my personal hell.
I’ll always keep a piece of you in my heart.
But I still can’t believe that you let me tear us apart.
I knew it was me that lost any hope of you being the key.
I just wish you never wanted to leave.
So I’ll keep believing that you really did want me.
And I’ll keep treading through these hopeless waters trying to retain my sanity.

I need a way out.
Any way out.
Always being led astray.
Never seeming to be okay.
Everyone's concerned about their own gain.
I guess i was just too focused on the pain.
But i do have a kind soul, at least i'd like to think.
I just want everyone to be happy, i'll scribble in ink.
So if the curtains closing,
I'll continue hoping.
For things to work out for the best.
And maybe focus a little more on myself, and a little less on the rest.

Who's left to trust?
Was there anyone there to begin with?
I feel like i'm drifting further and further away into the nothingness that consumes me.
But somehow at the same time i feel as though i'm becoming more whole.
I know there could be far worse things than being alone, but when everyone and everything is so connected it's hard to make it when you really don't have anyone.
So how do i spin my own web?
How do i find where i'm supposed to be?
Maybe i don't belong here.
I can't remember the last time i felt like i was truly home.
I guess i ****** up far before i knew where i was going.
So where to now?
I know i need to get away.
There's nothing for me here, but i've never really been too fond of exploring the world on my own.
And maybe that's why it scares me.

There’s such hate in your words.
Tell me, how did you really feel?
I’m lost in this mess, just trying to regain the lost feelings I kept locked in my chest.
Now I’m left feeling numb.
To the darkness will I overcome?
I guess time will tell.
As I try to get out of this personal hell.

With my being constantly rearranging, can I find it in me to make my life change?
I know In life nothing is ever as it seems, but can I please just hide in my dreams?
Because my life for too long has been falling apart at the seams.
I’m losing love and I don’t know if I’ll ever find anything I can keep.
So as I try to overcome the torment.
I’ll hope that soon all of this lies dormant.

What's left in this unfortunate string of events?
It's not only me who knows that nothing is left.
As things keep changing and i still can't see.
I find that i'm becoming less concerned with something i can keep.
So **** finding meaning.
**** everyone who's nothing but deceiving.
It's me who just wants to leave.
Be done with this petty *******, i need new scenery.
I guess i'm speaking with a little hostility.
But i know that's not truly me.
How do i breathe some life into this corpse i've been dragging around?
I'm on my last whim, so i guess i'll just have to get used to the sound.
So as i hope this life can breathe some life into those who feel despair.
I'll hope that the end isn't too brutal while i continue to breathe this last bit of air.

What's to come in these passing days?
Life is despicable I'd rather get slain.
Why the **** can't I get off of this God forsaken page?
You people deserve the absolute worst and there's no way to see it any other way.

And it seems as though everything is smoke and mirrors.
Stumbling through different paths, although the destination is unclear.
Things always seem to get better but is that the reality of it?
Am I climbing or sinking?
There's still hope somewhere in my soul.
But I'm growing so tired, **** this is getting so old.
What do I have to do to get my tainted heart and broken mind whole?
Is there any hope to mend?
I guess I'm waiting for a godsend.
But what is God?
I know I'd like to believe but when all you see is darkness it's hard to be at peace.
So in the meantime I'll try to clean up this mess.
Forget about the bad and put my woes to rest.

My whole existence is in remiss.
Is there a way to get out of this?
Always running away,
Yet my fate gets worse or if I’m lucky stays the same.
But there is no good deep inside this rib cage.
So why so many games?
The light left my eyes far too long ago.
Along with everything else strung together with hope.
So why is this the only thing people ever want to do?
You all won five years ago cause I never had it in me to continue.

I guess it's clear that i have no easy fate.
It's something i'm not sure if i can escape.
At least it seems that there's a change of pace.
But things are so misconstrued i don't think i'll ever get off this page.
There's deception around almost every corner.
And it seems this life of mine will never have much order.
So i guess i'll just have to get used to being alone.
Because it's not part of their plans for me to have a hand to hold.
But **** it's getting so lonely and cold.
And it's getting so hard to decipher this mess, it's like i'm wearing a blindfold.
So as i try to get out of this awful sequence, i'll try not to think about my fate because i know when that day comes i won't be missed.
I just wish it was in the cards to get out of this.

Did people lose the ability to use their brains?
It’s a petty web of lies with their ******* games.
They use logic to lie, and common sense to corrupt.
Wasn’t ruining my life already enough?
But no you have to **** me by any means you see fit.
I’ve had it with you people and all of this contorted *******.
But wait the problem is always me.
How many times are you going to use my soul and disorders for your power tripping greed?
So I guess the problem was always all of you.
You get no satisfaction and only murky hues.
Thanks for the 2 years I thought life was good.
But everything else was torment and now all you want is blood.
Well if I could **** you all to hell and make sure you consecutively rot and burn, for all this demented slavery all taking turns.
I’d torture you all to death and make sure you’d never live again.
Stop bringing me back just to **** me over, or is your ruining the quality of life a trend?
You all deserve the worst, hell wouldn’t even make a dent.
So why are you people so awful?
I guess it’s cause your like a cult.
I could never insult any of you enough, leave me out of your ******* and stop making everything my fault.

When everyone takes you apart piece by piece,
What do you do when you just can't leave?
Maybe it's all part of their plan..
But i just need to figure out where i stand.
When you've been searching so long for another to hold.
You realize that their game is getting old.
But somehow you feel that who you are is fading away.
I feel like i lost my chance to make my escape.
But what happened to all the love locked away inside your heart?
It's been stolen from you, and you can't help but to fall apart.
So what do i do to have a happy ending?
I don't know if i'll ever be happy so i guess i should try to get my love back and start mending.
But life keeps getting me side tracked.
And there's seldom chances to gaining what i lack.
**** what i would give to get all of my heart back..
But until i find someone whom i have a better connection,
I'll try to have a better connection, and try to find a better direction,
For my lost soul to finally stand my reflection, and hope that i can stop getting dissected into a projection of everything i could never be.

It feels like i'm stumbling around in the dark, but sometimes the light manages to shine through.
My feelings are fleeting if i ever seem to have any.
Lately things seem to be getting more or less petty.
But as you crumble you can figure out how to bounce back.
You're in luck if you brought a flask.
So where am i heading you may ask?
The destination is unknown, but the idea is to start to feel more whole and maybe a little less alone.
My eyes are set on the skyline and i want to get far.
Maybe even find my own shooting star.
But with luck like mine you always find that you feel like you're running out of time.
So i'll keep searching for my forever and hope that one day i can shine.

Sadistic ignorance.
How do I get away from you peoples conniving entitlement and belligerence?
All you people want is to be sadists.
But that doesn't keep life going forward it keeps your targets in remiss.
So as I hope you'll all reach an unspeakable demise.
I'll also hope you all unwillingly run out of time.
Because there's no sense anyone could teach any of you.
Its no wonder life is this petty and misconstrued from your bigoted minds in ugly ******* hues.

Dying a little more with each passing day.
Where am I headed? How do I escape?
I want to get off this petty ******* page.
It’s like I’m trapped in a cage with fits of rage.
So now that I’m sanely going insane, how do I break free? They keep me in chains.
So crippled in life, but I can’t handle the knife.
How do I rid myself of all of this strife?
I guess this Is now my life. But I wish it weren’t true.
I’m lost in this sequence where most truth is misconstrued.
So how do I get up? I know I’ve had enough.
At least some see that the masquerade does nothing but bluff.

Life has it's turns but I'll always be filled with doubt.
Maybr my dead eyes make it hard to see.
But I don't think there are any points I'm missing in this less than lovely reality.

My whole being is corrupt.
Could things get any more ******?
It seems like the whole ******* universe is out to get me.
All I tried to do was work on myself and be myself but no one really ever lets me.
It’s past the point of fixing.
Everything that’s true they make worse, it’s my whole existence they’ve been nixing.
So why can I only use these typed out letters?
I’m useless and logic never works, common sense just makes them worse.
Why are people so conniving and rude.
I always had the idea of death in my head, because there’s no way to fix this or my life or existence so what the **** is the difference if I end up dead?
Why the **** is so much wrong with my being and what’s going on in my head?
They’re like a ****** up cult that pick apart your weaknesses until you have nothing left.
Weaseling their way in for their own sick gain cause they could care less about who ends up dead, how by now am I not completely insane?
It’s all a hoax, it’s turning into some morbid joke.
I feel like tying theses ***** up with rope, nail their eyeball into the socket and make them bleed out for all the torment.
But I guess I’m completely ******, because these ******* are all somehow loved.
And I’m the one whose always hated.
There’s probably no way to evade it.
I can’t even escape this cesspool of a town or get out of this twisted cycle.

Living with a broken spirit.
I’m left in tears, hoping no one hears it.
How much longer till they rid me of this place?
I can never really keep a genuine smile on my face.
So what’s left of my fate?
Something tells me it’s too late.
I know I need to save myself but I don’t know how.
So I guess when I reach the pit of hell I’ll take my final bow.

Does life really have a purpose?
I always thought it was peace love and happiness.
I know it's cliche, but i think it's all about the experience.
Now i'm not so sure. Everything is more or less a blur.
As the days go by it seems what's left of me and my life is withering away.
And the happiness that's always been fleeting is making it's great escape.
I never thought i would grow so cold and bitter.
At least i managed to make it through winter.
I guess i never found the right people to open up to.
To try to be myself around.
What do you have if the seasons never allow you to grow?
What's left if you're always cast out on your own?
I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but it's also not supposed to constantly knock you down.
Maybe that's why no one ever sticks around.
I guess i was just never strong enough to experience the world alone.
But until i've reached my end i'll continue to find my home.

Some days i sit around and ponder life.
Is my existence a complete waste of time?
Will i ever feel whole?
Will i ever get so lucky as to love another soul?
It's these things that bring me so close to the other side.
What else am i doing other than wasting valuable time?
The days seem to go by as a blur.
And most of the time i feel unsure.
But it seems the only constant pattern in my life,
Is never feeling good enough.
Friends come and go and sometimes things get rough.
**** what i would give to feel a gentle touch.
When you've been isolated time and time again,
It's hard to feel like you have any friends.
But at least i can say that i had some chance to mend.

Where’s the barbed wire I want to tie up your limbs, squeeze till it turns blue and slit open your wrists.
Rip out your veins and shove them in your mouth.
Rip out your tongue like you’re rotting in hell.
Nail your eyeballs into the socket, sew your lips together, cut them off and put them in your pocket.
Get a tile cutter to split apart your feet to your knees,
Get a sledgehammer to shatter your femur because you’ve already brought me to my knees.
Set you ablaze for all of this torment.
You all ****** me over before everyone was for it.
So excuse me for wanting to get revenge.
But you can’t expect to torture someone their whole existence and for them to not turn out like this.

(Directed at the masquerade or whoever the hell is out to get me. Awesome.)

Living like a shadow and it feels as though the end is nigh. Your love got me so high, but for years my mind has been trying to die. Who am i now? I guess it's hard to tell. Everything keeps changing back and forth so i'm beginning to dwell. Dwell on the fact that life used to be worth it. Now i'm not so sure i even have a purpose. I used to ask myself why you left. Now i'm so ******* lost i'm more than just a wreck. I can't seem to find any reasons for me to have met you yet. But i'm happy i did, despite what we've been through. So as i sit here and try to gather all of my thoughts. I'll try to think of a reason as to why i don't deserve to rot. I know i've seen better days but to have more seems hopeless. I'm sitting on this hospital bed wondering where the hope is. Yeah i guess my throat still burns from death's cold embrace. But until i can see you again i'll try to keep a smile on my face.

Let the blood trickle down my arm, the damage has already been done, so I guess there’s little harm and everyone’s already won.
I’ve been dragging what’s left of me down this winding and dreary path.
I wanted to make the most out of life, I wanted it to last.
But all I see are enemies and I have nowhere left to run.
So I guess I’ll crash and burn until death I will succumb.

Maybe sometimes your obstacles are bigger than just a puddle.
Maybe sometimes it really is a greater struggle.
I think it's time to get up.
But that's not always my luck.
Yeah maybe i've been drowning for far too long.
But believe me when i say i've tried to be strong.
God i'm so lonely that i can barely breathe.
I guess it's just my fate for everyone to leave.
Maybe i should stop thinking about the past.
That could give other things a chance to last.
But when you're stuck with permanent heartache.
Every time you get up, it's only a matter of time till you break.

Creaky floorboards, tapping sounds.
Is anyone here? What’s around?
I keep a light on to keep myself sane.
Why is my life a never ending game?
The days are turning blurry and the nights are hard.
Why can’t I figure out how to deal with these cards?

Trying to find my way out of this endless spiral.
I know i'm at fault too but this isn't denial.
So many people wearing masks.
And i'm still left searching for a happiness with the potential to last.
I know i used to be ready to end it all.
But every time i try to get up it's just a matter of time until i fall.
So what if there was a way to live the life of my dreams?
I try and try, but nothing is ever as it seems.
Faces come into my life but still nothing is clear.
Things might be getting worse, but i'm finding i have less fear.
I still don't know where i'm going but somehow i'm finding clarity.
Having friends in this life somehow feels rare to me.
So as i try my hardest to find some direction,
I'll hope things get better, including my sense of recollection.
And in each passing moment i'll try to get myself back.
Just so i can finally stop taking things for granted, as i try to gain what i lack.

I can't believe I ever had the wits to apologize.
Because all you people ever do is bring peoples demise.
I hope you imbeciles reach an excruciating apocalyptic end.
Because you people take whatever you see fit with no will to let people mend.
So with your daft stolen minds and alter egos, I will never have any mercy to you people to show.
It says something when you people do the very same by your own hands, and single others out because you bigots can't take where you stand.
Because now it's not only you ignorant renegades who want blood.
I wish death upon you all, and there should never be any remorse for you peoples sins because you lie cheat and steal and put the masses through more than what you hide with your tongue. (Just for you brain dead idiots that means you're all lying)

Slowly going from sociopathy to being ruthless.
It doesn't matter to you people what the truth is.
All of these games are despicable stupid.
But you people lie so much that it's just made up to be true confusion.

My eyes used to hold rainy skies, where I could do nothing but burst out and cry.
I used to spend my days wanting to die, and now so much time has passed I can't even figure out why.
I guess there's a darkness that follows me around, maybe that's why I try to keep away from the crowds.
Will I ever know what it is to be loved?
It seems like every passerby has just had enough.
Enough of my seemingly silent ways.
But if they could just see that it's only because I'm never okay.
But maybe that's not the problem anymore.
I have no words to share and I've become such a bore.
So now I'm filled with lacklustre eyes.
So lost in this world, mostly wanting to hide.
But I know there's a part of me that wants to get out.
I don't wanna survive, I want to live. But I feel like there's no way out.

Petty ignorance.
Belligerent hypocrisy.
I'm losing my ******* sanity.
Mentally drained.
And sick of this life.
How long before my skin feels the blade of the knife?
You're an army of despicably tarnished renegades.
Tell me why it has to be this way?
Life holds no meaning.
There's no value anyone holds.
How long before your daft ******* plans are going to cease being unfold?
It's a web of lies.
With your ****** up disguise.
I hope you people reach a mortifying end this time.

It was never my intention to bring you pain.
Now I’m left with all this disdain.
Now all I can see is the coming rain.
So tell me, will any of this ever be okay?
You say you feel defeated and I’m sorry that’s how you feel.
You met me at a strange time and I was still trying to heal.
You brought hope into my lifeless world.
This isn’t how I expected everything to unfurl.
So tell me now, will you ever forgive me?
I was so lost and thought you might have been the key.
Now I’m left feeling misery.
I know I’m undeserving just please let me keep my sanity.

You deconstructed my bones and now all that's left is a sorry excuse of a sack of a person.
Desecration never ends.
There's no hope to mend.
Life feels pretend.
Because all I'm left with is your petty excuse of a hand.

It’s an orchaestrated mess and I never had a chance.
Why did I ever think I could have another dance?
I don’t know where to go but I know I can’t stay here.
No matter what happens I know I have to stop running away from fear.
So where can I go in hopes of a better song?
I don’t really know what’s going on but it’s all so ******* wrong.
I guess I’ll see what cards I’m dealt next, because not even I know why this is such a mess.
So as I muster up any ounce of courage or hope that’s still locked away,
I’ll keep just trying to have at least one better day.

Nothing left but a scattered mind and broken soul.
I always hoped that my heart wouldn’t turn back into stone.
I just need to get away and find someplace to call home.
I know I need you but I might have to go.
I try and try but I feel like I need to end it all.
I don’t want to hurt you but I’m losing my grip and beginning to fall.
They always said that the world is a cruel place.
I find myself waiting to see the smile on your face.
So what’s left in the unraveling chapter of my life?
I guess a noose is taking place of the knife.
But that doesn’t stop me from wanting you in what’s left of my life.
With these scattered thoughts it’s hard to tell what to do, I’m starting to lose sight.
I feel like I’m undeserving, does anyone have a clear view?
I do what I can but I can never get used to these shoes.
So as I count the days till I see you next,
I’ll hope that soon I’ll feel my heart beating in my chest.

They turned me into a monster.
Nothing is fimiliar about my bones.
My heart is far past turning to stone.
Why is there so much woe?
So as I try to dodge their bullets that they never cease to fire,
I’ll keep trying to pick myself up, before my life gets too dire.

There no place to go.
There's no staircase.
Not down.
Not up.
Just in a ******* spiral.
It's out of ******* control.
And there's no value or sense this despicable universe holds.
Why the hell did I ever care?
I regret giving a **** because no one was ever ******* there.
So I'm the one always gasping for ******* air.
And dying consecutively because no one will ever care.
You people are undeserving ungrateful and ruthless in every sense.
You take with no regard or remorse and you give to make it seem just.
So **** the universe and almost every living being that's still here.
If anyone else comes back, they'll end up just like you vile ***** or end up gasping for fuckomg air.
So as I hope that I reach my final breath, I'll hope that I can first watch you peoples ruthlessly morbidly and brutally despicable deaths for every person you did this to and would never give it a God damm ******* rest.

It seems as though the stormy days are fading away.
I’m finding that I’m happy because it feels like you want to stay.
Your touch makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.
But I keep feeling like I can’t be what you need day after day.
I don’t know about you but you feel like the missing piece.
I just hope that whatever happens I don’t lose my sanity.
So as the days roll on I’ll keep thoughts of you close, hoping that you won’t let go as I loosen the noose around my throat.

Always trying to find my way out,
I'm finding that there is starting to be less doubt.
I can't say that i'm finding much clarity.
But how much more air do i get to breathe?
I can't say anyone will ever want me back.
It's far too much that i lack.
So why am i always dreaming of a better place?
Sometimes i guess i have a smile on my face.
But everyone in my life always seems to leave.
Or maybe it's the way in which i perceive,
The patterns of life, maybe it's abstract.
Maybe before i run out of time i'll be able to gain my life back.
So in these passing days i'll continue trying to dream.
And make my reality feel better than it seems.

Why am I always stuck alone?
It gets me no closer to finding my way home.
Isolation at its finest.
But I guess it’s not really one sided.
So as I try to find some meaning in the mess of my life,
I’ll try to stop fearing my demise.