My eyes used to hold rainy skies, where I could do nothing but burst out and cry.
I used to spend my days wanting to die, and now so much time has passed I can't even figure out why.
I guess there's a darkness that follows me around, maybe that's why I try to keep away from the crowds.
Will I ever know what it is to be loved?
It seems like every passerby has just had enough.
Enough of my seemingly silent ways.
But if they could just see that it's only because I'm never okay.
But maybe that's not the problem anymore.
I have no words to share and I've become such a bore.
So now I'm filled with lacklustre eyes.
So lost in this world, mostly wanting to hide.
But I know there's a part of me that wants to get out.
I don't wanna survive, I want to live. But I feel like there's no way out.

And as I watch the cars pass, it makes me wonder if they have a destination, if I have a destination.
With eyes set on the stars where do you start?
Where does anyone start?
They say to be successful means not to reveal everything you know, but I'm an open book.
I guess I'm not broken anymore, but I'm not alive either.
When you feel like your soul is dragging your corpse through life, how do you gain what you lack?
How do you get the spark in your eyes back?
How do you get the fire back that was burning up inside to make you feel complete?
Where did all the good go?
Why do my eyes feel as though they could swallow someone whole just for them to find out that I'm empty...
I don't know if anyone has all these answers.
Maybe I was born to lose.

When hope comes flooding in, you can never help yourself but to drown in it.
Maybe that's what sets you up for failure.
But what is there, if not hope?
Are you just an empty vessel waiting for someone to breathe some life into your soul?
Or are you still stuck looking for all the pieces you so eagerly gave away?
My dear, if it's yourself you seek you must look within.
But what if that doesn't work?
I know you know who you are, the hard part is winning your life back.
Maybe nothing will ever seem carefree again, but you can't calm a storm if you never get wet.
I know your eyes are fixated on the stars, and with a little heart you could go far.
So keep searching for the truest version of you.
Things won't stay cloudy forever, and you deserve a clear view.

Does life really have a purpose?
I always thought it was peace love and happiness.
I know it's cliche, but i think it's all about the experience.
Now i'm not so sure. Everything is more or less a blur.
As the days go by it seems what's left of me and my life is withering away.
And the happiness that's always been fleeting is making it's great escape.
I never thought i would grow so cold and bitter.
At least i managed to make it through winter.
I guess i never found the right people to open up to.
To try to be myself around.
What do you have if the seasons never allow you to grow?
What's left if you're always cast out on your own?
I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but it's also not supposed to constantly knock you down.
Maybe that's why no one ever sticks around.
I guess i was just never strong enough to experience the world alone.
But until i've reached my end i'll continue to find my home.

What is there to do when the world seems to sicken you?
Lately i've been finding myself painting everything blue.
There are no friendly faces here.
Some days my life is filled with fear.
What happened to humanity that now people are growing dark.
If only i had it in me to fix my mangled heart.
It seems that all they're interested in is picking me apart.
So how do i crawl out of here and make my final mark?
I'm not sure i even want to survive because everyone's head is so thick.
Of all the almost friends and family, you really thought out this trick.
I guess that's why it's always problem after problem.
You probably knew that i would always try to solve them.
But i'm in too deep in this catastrophic mess.
It's hard to find anything good locked away inside my chest.  
So as i dream of running away and making it on my own,
I'll do what i can to survive and decode this heart of stone.

Some days i sit around and ponder life.
Is my existence a complete waste of time?
Will i ever feel whole?
Will i ever get so lucky as to love another soul?
It's these things that bring me so close to the other side.
What else am i doing other than wasting valuable time?
The days seem to go by as a blur.
And most of the time i feel unsure.
But it seems the only constant pattern in my life,
Is never feeling good enough.
Friends come and go and sometimes things get rough.
**** what i would give to feel a gentle touch.
When you've been isolated time and time again,
It's hard to feel like you have any friends.
But at least i can say that i had some chance to mend.

As the world keeps turning i can feel it's cold embrace.
I would have never expected it to be such a cruel place.
As the faces come and go, it's yours i can't rid from my mind.
The seasons change and i still can't get myself to have a good time.
So as i stumble around with my mediocre mind.
I'll try to find something worthwhile to help pass the time.
But with little hope for a better start,
I can't help but feel that i might soon fall apart.
But what if this time it really is different?
Knowing my luck i'll still be feeling indifferent.
I guess all i can do is gather my thoughts and run.
Trying my best to keep up with the sun.

As i bleed my soul dry, i wonder if i even had one to begin with.
I know all too well that i lost my heart when you tore it out of my chest.
So how can i bring light into my all too dull world?
Since you left, you've never really left my thoughts.
But i know letting you go has been long overdue.
So why can't i let you escape me?
Maybe it's because when our flame went out, it burnt out the spark in my eyes.
Maybe we weren't supposed to be apart.
Maybe we were never supposed to meet.
But if i could get one thing right, it's that you made me feel complete.

So why do i think it will ever be different?
They come and go bringing with them false hope.
Or maybe i'm just blind to the fact that i'm just another one to add to their list.
Maybe that's why i find it so hard to fall for their kiss.
I guess that's why my heart is filled with doubt.
If only i could find someone who can help me find my way out.
Out of the cycle.
Out of the meaningless encounters.
Out of feeling worthless.
Even though they say nothing is what it seems.
In these shoes you can only dream.
And i guess i'm still on my own, searching for my missing piece.
As i try not to fall apart at the seams.

Wandering around in the deepening void.
What am i doing? Do i even have a choice?
Everyone leaves as soon as they come.
I wish i could just appreciate the rising sun.
What would i do if i could make it on my own?
Maybe i'd give more love than i've been shown.
Sometimes i find myself bearing my bones.
But it gets me no closer to feeling at home.
My mind is a trap always filled with noise.
If only i could handle this with a little more poise.
But i'm drowning in this sinister sea.
I can't find myself, where is the key?
With nothing but waves, it's hard to stay afloat.
Luckily my eyes are more or less filled with hope.
But when you're used to having someone by your side,
you find it hard not to get tossed out in the tide.
It seems i've lost my soul in this mess.
Do i even have anything left in my chest?
As my heart slowly withers away, i'm finding that i guess i'm still okay.
But **** do i wish things were going another way.

It feels like i'm stumbling around in the dark, but sometimes the light manages to shine through.
My feelings are fleeting if i ever seem to have any.
Lately things seem to be getting more or less petty.
But as you crumble you can figure out how to bounce back.
You're in luck if you brought a flask.
So where am i heading you may ask?
The destination is unknown, but the idea is to start to feel more whole and maybe a little less alone.
My eyes are set on the skyline and i want to get far.
Maybe even find my own shooting star.
But with luck like mine you always find that you feel like you're running out of time.
So i'll keep searching for my forever and hope that one day i can shine.

I read the words, but coming from me nothing is ever poetic.
I'm at the bottom, feeling a little less than copacetic.
I'm on the brink of packing up and leaving.
I don't know if it's just me, but this life seems a little too deceiving.
Where do you go when you've lost your hopes and dreams?
Lately my world has been falling apart at the seams.
Hope comes, and just as easily dissipates.
Maybe i'd have more drive if it weren't my life at stake.
So what am i even hoping for?
I'm not sure, there are no open doors.
Maybe it's not hope that's brought into question.
Maybe it's my thoughts or actions or my lack of recollection.
How do i get up when it's all smoke and mirrors?
I guess i'm just inferior because my life seems so unclear.
So i'll keep the bottle close while i gather up my hopes.
As i try to keep on going, hoping i don't choke.

Maybe it's my fate to be all alone.
At least i'm getting better at standing on my own.
The memories of your ghost still creep by swaying me to try.
But i still feel as though i'm at the bottom trying not to cry.
Maybe i was never worth saving.
And now i'm left going back to the cravings,
Of liquor soaked dreams, and sad melodies.
So as the days continue to pass, i'll try to make it one more day and not let this breathe be my last.

Cold and alone, when will i find my home?
I guess maybe i've got more love than i've ever really shown.
But that's not the case anymore.
All i see are closed doors.
When fate creeps in i'll most likely see the end.
No one is here, how can i possibly mend?
And maybe mending isn't the problem.
God knows i'm broken beyond repair, and i've already lost them.
So i guess i'll have to pick myself up.
But the way things are going i might have already had enough.
So as i write these words, longing to be heard, i'll continue to roam the earth.
Searching for a soul like mine, who will allow the beauty of this world to shine.
But i fear i'm running out of time, how could i possibly find someone to stay by my side?
So as i continue to mostly hide from the world, i'll try to work up the courage to let something beautiful unfurl.

Here comes the new year,
Does that mean new fears?
I've already lost everything i held so dear.
I just hope that there aren't any coming of tears.
So what am i hoping for?
I guess people see me as more or less of a bore.
Social interactions are sometimes becoming a chore.
I sometimes reminisce in our memories.
But i'm so lost and there is no key.
And you, you're nowhere to be found.
I guess now i'm used to the sound.
Of people waltzing in and out of my life.
I tried my best but i couldn't keep my wrists away from the knife.
Ugh, i wish i could start over my life.
Too often i find myself stumbling around without any direction.
Where i was ever going, i have no recollection.
But with a new year, comes new memories.
But as an outcast i'm finding it hard to make my own history.
What can you do when you struggle to find friends?
I'm more or less okay, but i guess i sometimes still pretend.
But when everything is mediocre, you sometimes want to find someone with whom you can get closer.
I guess i lost before it ever began.
Am i stuck here slowly sinking into quicksand?
But if it were up to me, i'd regain my sanity.
And start climbing the stairs in hopes of finding a key.

If we are born whole, why do i feel as though i've been taken apart piece by piece?
Like a flower whose petals have been torn, just to figure out if he loves you.
Why is my soul still left roaming the earth looking for something real?
When will i find where i fit into this chaos?
When people rearrange your pieces, it's hard to see who you really are.
But should you dwell on who you are?
Or embrace who you are only to mould who you should be?
There is no right answer.
You just need to get up and get out.
What you seek will find you in the end.
You can't sit around waiting for your life to change.
Be the change.

As i'm counting the days, i find myself wondering why i'm still here.
No matter what i try to do, it always ends with me in tears.
If only i could turn a new leaf.
I just want to be able to get rid of all of this grief.
And it's not just me, it's my soul too.
I guess i better keep my head up high and tie my shoes.
Change is around every corner so i might as well try.
No more meaningless conversations and wanting to die.
So as i gather up my hopes, i'll try not to choke.
As i try to find the right road, i'll just hope i don't lose my soul.

Sometimes i'm left pondering the afterlife. Is death a sentence? or a new beginning? Some say your beliefs play a pretty big role. But how will you know when you're about to pay the toll? It feels like i'm already dead. I know i shouldn't give up, but my mind won't give it a rest. **** it's such a mess. For my friends i really did only want the best. Maybe some souls just get lost on their paths, by beggars, liars and thieves making others plea. Plea for the things that should be a natural manifestation. I'm falling apart at the seams, so i guess i'll just stare at the constellations. In a place so full of beauty and wonder, how could i have let them dull me so? I guess i'll never know. So as i try to think of a way to get the twinkle back in my eyes, i'll try to cheer up and stop thinking of ways to die.

Living like a shadow and it feels as though the end is nigh. Your love got me so high, but for years my mind has been trying to die. Who am i now? I guess it's hard to tell. Everything keeps changing back and forth so i'm beginning to dwell. Dwell on the fact that life used to be worth it. Now i'm not so sure i even have a purpose. I used to ask myself why you left. Now i'm so ******* lost i'm more than just a wreck. I can't seem to find any reasons for me to have met you yet. But i'm happy i did, despite what we've been through. So as i sit here and try to gather all of my thoughts. I'll try to think of a reason as to why i don't deserve to rot. I know i've seen better days but to have more seems hopeless. I'm sitting on this hospital bed wondering where the hope is. Yeah i guess my throat still burns from death's cold embrace. But until i can see you again i'll try to keep a smile on my face.

Sometimes the sting is worse than the wound.
But that doesn't make it any less painful.
I don't know what i'm doing and i don't know why.
But it feels as though i'm running out of time.
Who's to say what each soul is here for.
But i feel like i've overstayed my welcome.
So i guess it's true that every living creature lives and dies alone.

Walking down these staggering roads, and nowhere really feels like home.
If only i could put back my pieces better so i could be more whole.
But i guess it won't work this time.
So numb i don't even cry.
Why do i need someone by my side?
**** this, i think i'll just stay inside and hide.
But when you're as hated as me it's hard to see clearly.
For the ones who never came back, i do miss you dearly.
If only i could just run away.
But i don't think i'm strong enough to make a clean escape.
Can't tell if it's getting better or worse by the day.
Things aren't horrible, so i guess i'm okay.

When the eyes of everyone around you are filled with hate, how do you ever make your escape?
And i guess i'm at fault too, but i know it's not all my fault.
This feels like subliminal assault.
Well i guess all i can do now is try to make an escape.
But i can't help but wonder what's left of my fate.
I just wish i could find friends who can see me for who i am.
Maybe then i wouldn't be stuck in this nightmare, dreaming of other plans.

As the minutes turn to hours, the hours turn to days I'm struggling to find why I can't be okay.
Everything's alright and I mean, I guess I'm safe.
But that doesn't want to make me forget your taste.
And I guess it's true that every living creature on this earth dies alone.
So why am I left sitting here wrung up with all of this hope?
But I guess for now I'm still living, and I shouldn't be consumed by the thought of death.
So why can't my mind just switch gears and give it all a rest?
I guess maybe I've been conditioned to need another's touch.
But it's not time for me, or so it seems, so I'm left feeling pretty rough.
Well, I guess time will tell what's in the cards for my happily never after.
And maybe I can learn to stop being so pessimistic so I can make room for a little laughter.

And maybe it's wrong for me to want you even though you don't notice me.
Maybe you'll never notice me.
And maybe that makes me fell a little bit useless and pathetic.
But I think I can learn to accept it.

As the chaos eats away at my sanity, i'm sitting here losing my dignity.
I think the day has finally come where i've cried all my tears away.
But oddly enough i feel like everything might be okay.
I still wish you would have stayed.
Without you or anyone else by my side, i'm left pondering my life.
But this time i'm afraid to pierce my skin to try to dissolve my fears.
Why can't i just get up the courage to run away, because i don't want to completely disappear.
It seems that when i'm not numb, i'm running on fear.
But my medication is making me sick.
Isn't it ironic how the one thing that's supposed to cure you, is breaking you down?
I don't know how much more of this i can take, i feel like i might drown.
And i know it would be easier if you had some friends.
But maybe you just need a change of scenery because this feels like it could be the end.

As i drag what's left of my soul through what i call life,
I can't help but feel numb to the touch. **** this isn't right.
And i can't help but feel trapped in a world with no friends.
If only i could start over, somewhere new, because there's no hope to mend.
So i keep starting over every day as best as i can.
But nothing ever works, i really need to divise a new plan.
But how can you think of a new plan when you really have nothing?
I don't think it matters how you look at it, and no i was never bluffing.
I guess the only thing i can do is continue to drown my sorrows.
Because in what i call my life, everything so far has been borrowed.

Who's left to trust?
Was there anyone there to begin with?
I feel like i'm drifting further and further away into the nothingness that consumes me.
But somehow at the same time i feel as though i'm becoming more whole.
I know there could be far worse things than being alone, but when everyone and everything is so connected it's hard to make it when you really don't have anyone.
So how do i spin my own web?
How do i find where i'm supposed to be?
Maybe i don't belong here.
I can't remember the last time i felt like i was truly home.
I guess i ****** up far before i knew where i was going.
So where to now?
I know i need to get away.
There's nothing for me here, but i've never really been too fond of exploring the world on my own.
And maybe that's why it scares me.

And i'm always left pondering on the illusion of a different life.
Days would be sunny and bright.
No fright, no need to feel the sting of the knife.
Just breathing peace, love and the meaning of life.
And if i could find my way down these staggering roads i would.
But the story's too distorted, it feels like i'm lost in the woods.
Maybe i should try to clean up the mess in my mind.
Instead of wasting all of this precious time.
And finally i'm not here wanting to hide.
I'm just hoping i don't get washed away in the tide,
Lately things have been more or less dim.
Maybe because thoughts of him have been creeping back in.
But I'm finally learning to let things go.
Maybe this time it'll give me room to grow.
So I'll keep my eyes fixated on the sun.
And try not to crash, burn or run.

And it's almost as if you need inebriation to stay sane.
Why do you do it? I thought you were trying to change.
It's hard to get out of these destructive ways.
But it's so easy to do because everything always seems okay.
When you start to realize maybe you're losing yourself.
Maybe now it's time to put the liquor back on the shelf.
I think the tides are settling.
And i know that's what you wanted.
So why can't you still help but feel haunted.
I know the paranoia eats away at you.
I guess that's why you're so detached from everything you do.
Maybe that's why you never feel like you have friends.
I guess the problem was always you and maybe there's no hope to mend.
But don't lose hope, you have to keep trying.
You can't let everything you love start decaying and dying.

So what do you do when life comes crashing down on you?
What do you say when you're never okay?
What do they mean when they say it's not what it seems?
I guess sometimes life doesn't answer all of your questions.
But i'm sure you can figure it out.
I mean, things won't stay dim forever right?
I hope not, because i can barely make it through these nights.
I've been stumbling around and barely making it through life.
Maybe i just need to feel the sting of the knife.
That's not always the answer, and maybe there never is one.
But if this is life, i want to make a change, i can't be the only one.
So i'll keep my eyes fixated on the sky.
Until one day, maybe i can spread my wings and fly.
Until then i'll just hope that the shadows don't get the better of me.

I'm bellowing in the depths of my mind again.
It's times like this that i wish i weren't so numb.
Constantly slipping into numbing depression isn't always the greatest thing when you're tip toeing into the real world.
But all you can do is put on a smile and try your best to believe that everything will be okay.
Well, what if there is that off chance that you can't?
What if you're stuck falling into a pit of despair, only to be dragged out for a few brief moments?
Living this way makes me wish i could change things.
But the reality of it is that most people are so consumed in things that don't matter that it makes it hard to find the good in this harsh reality.
But i'm trying.
Oh god i'm trying.
If only i could just feel.
If only i could find something real.
Yeah sometimes things seem like they're looking up, and that maybe there is hope for finding a real connection with a kind soul.
But it never lasts long.
Maybe it's in my negative mindset.
Never allowing me to bloom the way most do.
Or maybe it's the fact that i let people walk all over me.
So until i find my solace, i'll try my best to grow.

And i don't really think about you anymore.
That's what scares me.
How could someone be your whole universe, only to start to disappear from your mind?
Yeah i guess maybe i haven't seen you in a few years.
But when something burns as bright as our love once did, you can't help but want it to last forever.
If only i could rewind to our best moments.
You were my world, and i find myself wanting to relive our time together.
Yeah i guess if i was poetic i would say something like, every time i was in your presence i couldn't help but want more.
Or your smile never failed to brighten my darkest days.
Maybe even that your kiss was the closest i've ever been to paradise.
But i can't help the fact that i'll never gaze into your deep brown eyes, and know that i'm finally home.
No.
That's the problem with heartache.
Or what's left of it.
You find yourself picking the scabs because it was pure ecstasy.
Only to find yourself slowly bleeding out, and wishing things could somehow go back to what i once thought of as my forever.
And now i'm sitting here wondering if you'll escape my mind for good.
Just know, that you will never leave my heart.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
Would I see the world differently?
Would things be dim?
Or would I see things for what they truly are.
Yeah sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be colour blind.
I'm sure his smile would still shine bright.
But with different hues of gray, would I be happy? Or still searching for a change of pace.
We take things of seemingly little value for granted, but we should realize that they're really the big things.
If I were colour blind I would say to not let the world dim your shine.
Even with dimmer hues instead of vibrant colours, you can find the extraordinary in the ordinary. The light in the dark, and a soul worth staying around for.
No, I'm not colour blind. But if I were, I'd find a way to colour my world.

Maybe sometimes your obstacles are bigger than just a puddle.
Maybe sometimes it really is a greater struggle.
I think it's time to get up.
But that's not always my luck.
Yeah maybe i've been drowning for far too long.
But believe me when i say i've tried to be strong.
God i'm so lonely that i can barely breathe.
I guess it's just my fate for everyone to leave.
Maybe i should stop thinking about the past.
That could give other things a chance to last.
But when you're stuck with permanent heartache.
Every time you get up, it's only a matter of time till you break.

If i could go back and change things maybe i would.
But then i never would have me you.
You changed me for what i thought was the better.
And now i'm stuck in an endless spiral going nowhere.
Yeah i know i'm undeserving.
And for you, i was never worth it.
But you made me feel like i had a purpose.
And your love was simply breathtaking.
If i could have a second chance with you i'd take it in a heartbeat.
But you're not mine and never will be.
And i don't know if that'll every stop my heartache for you.

It seems i have a distorted way of thinking.
No matter how badly i want to be worthy of love,
I just feel so ******* worthless.
I probably am, since you broke me.
I've been trying to be who i was before you tore my heart out of my chest.
But i'm too far gone, past the point of just a mess.
Am i even a person anymore?
I guess biologically speaking, but the depth of my mind is withering away.
No longer caring about the fabric of my own existence.
Instead of my former seemingly carefree days,
I've been going through periods of pure nothingness, wanting to wish myself out of existence.
Periods of pure agony, and crushing grief.
Moments of immense regret.
And times of unspeakable anger.
All the good is being ****** out of me.
Maybe i never had any of my own.
Maybe i was just borrowing theirs.
I know i need a savior.
But it's probably not part of my fate.
I know, i'm always too late.
I just wish i could change my fate.
Or even just have a happy couple of days.
Why does it always have to be about love?
I guess i should have learned to love myself, back when i was almost enough.

And it seems as though everything is smoke and mirrors.
Stumbling through different paths, although the destination is unclear.
Things always seem to get better but is that the reality of it?
Am I climbing or sinking?
There's still hope somewhere in my soul.
But I'm growing so tired, **** this is getting so old.
What do I have to do to get my tainted heart and broken mind whole?
Is there any hope to mend?
I guess I'm waiting for a godsend.
But what is God?
I know I'd like to believe but when all you see is darkness it's hard to be at peace.
So in the meantime I'll try to clean up this mess.
Forget about the bad and put my woes to rest.

Sometimes you know that nothing will ever be the same.
And in times like this you just need to brace yourself, or get up.
It's hard to say what life will throw at you, but it's best to try to stay strong.
Maybe you'll find your way out of the mess you call your life.
But sometimes it's hard to see the light.
Being a pessimist makes times like these rocky.
But if you're ever gunna find your way through the tide, you need to picture the life you want to live and work for it.
Things might not be dark forever.
Maybe you'll rid yourself of the loneliness and uncertainty.
But it's hard to do when you can't find yourself.
Did you ever know who you were?
Or were you just stumbling through a haze day by day?
Well the truth is, you might not figure it out. Or maybe you will.
In the meantime all you can do is try to be you.
Get up.
Get out.
Make your life happen.

I wish i wasn't me most of the time.
Yeah, there are times when i like who i am.
But most of the time i feel inadequate.
Never being anyone's first choice.
Never feeling like my presence matters.
Never feeling like i make a difference.
But what if there is the off chance that i do matter?
Would i feel any different?
Would i be happy with my existence?
Would my life take a change for the better?
Yeah, most of the time i wish i wasn't me.
I know a wise man once said wishing you were someone else is a waste of who you are.
But the truth is, i don't know who i am.

And maybe I'm crazy.
Maybe everything does happen for a reason.
Maybe I've been so oblivious that I keep failing to see what's really going on.
I guess I've always been blinded with false hope for finding love.
But God knows I'll never be enough.
Stumbling through the darkness isn't always easy.
Especially when you don't know which path to take.
Maybe it's hard to tell who's really there for you.
And maybe you feel like no one really is.
But you keep finding light in the darkest places.
Maybe there is a savior on your side.
But when you're this lost and hopeless, it's hard to say if you'll really make it through.
But my advice to you is to just try.
Try to make it.
Try to find the light.
Don't just try.
Don't just survive.
Live.

When all you feel is pain, how do you get up?
I've always contradicted myself between feeling pain and feeling nothing at all.
But now I realize both are equally as horrible.
I can't seem to find anything worth living for anymore, and it feels like I'm cast out on my own.
So how do I rise from the wreckage of my past? Of my present?
Nothing is getting easier, only more lonely.
Will I ever find a place of my own?
Will I ever find what I'm looking for?
In a life where nothing is constant how do you find anything that lasts?
I guess I'll have to keep trying to pick myself up in a world that wants me to fall.
And hope that things start looking up.
Because I've grown so tired of trying to find my place, only to find that I've lost so much that I don't think I can survive.

Trying to escape being "that girl."
I guess after the numbing stops, you begin to feel how empty and alone you are.
How do you let yourself get used time after time?
How do you signify your value, after being devalued for so ******* long?
I guess I've tainted my heart and soul.
But that doesn't stop me from wanting to try it all again.
I know I'm not anyone's first choice.
**** I'm probably nowhere to be found in their thoughts, but being "that girl" can do that to you.
So why do you let them walk all over you?
Stop letting them give you false hope.
Stop feeding into the ******* of one night stands that you know are to come and go.
You may not believe in yourself, but every living soul on this earth has a purpose.
Maybe you'll never find anyone you have a strong connection with.
Maybe your friends will continue to come and go.
But you're worth more than you think.
So get out into the world and make something of yourself, whether it be far or near, you have to try.

Spent so many nights alone and I'm just longing for another's touch.
Not that type of placebo affect when you're stuck in an alcohol fuelled haze.
No.
Although that may be what I'm used to, I'm left here craving something real.
The souls that once made my heart sing have forgotten my touch.
But that's just my fate.
Maybe I was never meant to feel so deeply.
But now that I've had it I'm left trying to find a soul that craves me as much as I crave them.
But when it happens, it never lasts long.
They were my music, nothing was wrong.
Only passion was flowing through my veins, and I hope for them it was the same.
I know it hurts now, but I'd rather feel pain than be numb.
I know I'm nothing special, hell i'm the bottom of the barrel.
But if you feel it too, I promise I would do anything for you.

Just when you thought things were looking up, the feelings you thought you've forgotten come creeping back in.
Were they really gone?
No.
They were just lingering.
Waiting till you were vulnerable again to make an appearance.
But vulnerable or not, this time you're stronger.
Yeah, you're world still feels like its crumbling.
But you can make it through.
The storm won't last forever, and the clouds will come and go, but keep your head up.
Live the life of your dreams.
Do what you said you were gunna do when he left you with bullet wounds in your chest.
You're healing.
Whether or not you know it, you're getting better.
Tame your demons.
Take control.
This is your life.
What are you waiting for?
Now is your time.
Don't waste the best years of your life dwelling on those who take you for granted.
This may not be the chance you've been waiting for, but you should take it and shine on anyway.

You keep wondering when the pain will end.
Asking yourself how someone can be saddened so deeply.
There isn't always an answer.
But the fact of the matter is that you were never careful with your heart.
With eyes full of hope, and a heart filled with love, all you ever knew were good intentions.
You never expected to get hurt this bad.
To be so damaged.
But how do you heal?
I've heard the only cure for pain is love.
But who could love such a broken soul.
Some might say I'm desperate, and maybe I am.
But if it isn't real then you can count me out.
It took me a while to learn how to feel with all I have, and now nothing compares.
If you ask me, I'm not desperate.
Just a lonely soul looking for someone who wants to feel how beautiful love can be.

Lost in my mind, I'm still running out of time.
Lost in life, and I'm aching to feel the blade of the knife.
Let the warm rush momentarily dissolve my fears.
But that never works, or stops the running tears.
Where do I go from here?
It's not like I have a home.
No one is near.
Maybe I should just pack up and go.
When the aching starts you find yourself wanting to numb the pain.
I'm not picky on how, it's not like I have anything to gain.
"Keep your head up" they'll say. And you do everything you can to believe them.
But when you're so alone they don't realize how much you need them.
Constantly feeling a sense of abandonment.
Maybe things would work out better if I weren't so ******* adamant.

What is it I'm running away from?
It's not like I have anyone to run to anymore.
And maybe that's why everything hurts so much.
Maybe it's my mind.
Always playing tricks on me.
Making me believe there's hope, when I've always just been doomed to rot in this world cold and alone.
And I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm so concerned with finding someone to be my someday.
Yeah I guess I can keep daydreaming about a better life.
But it's not my reality.
And that's why I'm stuck in this pit.
Every time I try to dig myself out, it all comes crashing down.
Baby I'm not good at being alone, I need you here to melt my heart of stone.

Four years later and all I'm left with is a broken smile, lonely eyes, and shattered dreams.
Yeah it's been a while since I've felt your touch.
Since I've gazed into your warm eyes.
But it's my reality, and all I can do is try to make the best of it.
Yeah, sometimes they touch my heart.
But in reality they don't want it.
And I'm left comparing every one of them to you.
Does that make me a bad person?
Four years later and I'm still mesmerized by our fantastical paradise.
Deep down I know I'm undeserving of a love that burns as deep as ours once did.
But that doesn't stop me from searching.
Maybe one day I'll be worth it.
Until then I'll try not to over self medicate to try to feel something more than pain and regret.
But that's my life.
Four years later, and I'm broken and alone.
Just searching for someone or somewhere to call home.

And I'm slipping back into thinking about you again.
It kills me that I can't get you out of my head.
You were a paradise I never thought I'd get a taste of.
Why did it end?
I know you got busy.
Maybe it was all in the timing.
Maybe I was never really good enough for you.
I was lost in you.
And maybe you were just stringing me along.
But I can't get over how perfect we were.
How perfect you were.
Your brown eyes devoured my innocence.
Allowing me to dance in the fire of our burning desire.
How naive I was to think I could have stayed with you longer.
Long nights of love and laughter was the epitome of our essence.
Yeah I guess you ****** me up.
But I'll never forgive myself for staying here without you.
I know you never meant to hurt me, or maybe you did.
But my heart and soul has never craved anything more.
And if I were to cross your path again, I'd simply smile because you were the best of me.

Maybe I just have to accept that feeling constant pain is normal for me.
Maybe it's just in the cards that they never want me like I want them.
I guess I'll just have to find a way to smile through the loneliness.
Breathe on with this weight on my chest.
Forget about the rest.
but it's hard to do when all you wanna do is end it all.
No more wondering if things will work out.
No more wishing for everything to be okay.
No more searching for a soul who can help you forget about your miserable reality.
But I guess that's life.
And even though you may be broken or even shattered, that doesn't mean you should quit.
Even if you do feel hopeless, there will always be hope.