The cool wind blows and I don’t feel sorrow.
What happened to the woe that was taking over?
I kind of miss it over feeling numb.
A sociopath with nothing in my flask.
So how do I bring myself back to life?
Things went quiet.
Am I through with this strife?
I need to win back my life.
But the winds have been blowing the shards of my former self out of sight.
How will I fix the puzzle of my mind and the shards of my heart that made me once feel so deeply?
My soul is fleeting and I’m stuck in this shell.
A wanderer lost, with nothing but to dwell.
Can I get out of this chaotic web?
I don’t know if I care I just miss being myself and the feelings that were once buried deep in my chest.

What happened to the shards of my fragmented being?
Are they back for good?
Or should I focus on leaving?
I can’t move forward if I’m always being pushed back.
I can’t keep living like this cause it’s me that I need to get back.
So as I try to be the best version of me I can be.
I’ll try to wash away the negativity that consumes me.
And try to find the missing pieces that make me exactly who I need to be.

Find me in acid rain.
I feel nothing, no pain.
At least I seem sane.
But I’ve had it with these games.
How will I ever feel,
When the blood flowing from my veins doesn’t feel real.
Everything is so concealed.
Where is the truth?
When will I heal?
But what’s left when I can no longer handle the sting?
Of the blade carving into my skin.
Is there anything left within?
It’s not me whose condoning these sins.
So how did I end up in the middle of the fire?
There’s no hope for me, no real desires.
Except to find myself, all the fragments and shards.
But I can’t figure out how to handle these cards.
My life has been ripped apart from the heart.
I need to follow the stars and find a new place to start.

The masquerade is growing,
And my fate is unknowing.
**** the masses,
What else is unfolding?
Things are looking grim.
And all I see are sins.
So how do I get out of this web of lies?
They bury the evidence and they even keep me in their disguise.
They never cease to break me down and bury the truth.
I just want to get up and out but things are so misconstrued.
I have no hope to continue on this bleak path.
Will I ever find any sort of happiness with the potential to last?
I have nothing left in this lifeless body that I carry around.
If only I could find a change of pace, as I try to find a happier sound.

I want to dance in the rain.
Forget the shame.
This life is like a game.
And I’m the only one who doesn’t play.
So what if I find my shooting star?
Would it keep me from falling apart?
I think I need my lost heart.
But I can’t find it so I guess I’ll just gaze at the city line from afar.
I want to break free from these chains.
But I can’t figure out this game.
What is it like to be truly free?
If only I could see.
And as I wait to bloom into the person I’ve always wanted to be.
I’ll try to appreciate the scenery, as I try to believe there’s still hope for me.

My thoughts are distorted.
This feels so contorted.
How do I break free?
I still can’t even see.
Why can’t I be free?
I think if I were it would regain my sanity.
But there’s seldom hope for me.
And I can’t figure out the scenes.
It’s like a bad movie reel.
And I can’t even heal.
None of this feels real.
And it’s like I’m trapped under a seal.
Why can’t I get out?
There’s way too much doubt.
This is like a personal hell.
And I’m trapped in this shell.
I know I said I’d try not to dwell.
But I guess it was their plan to make sure I fell.

Fragments of my mind, shattered and scattered in the void.
What’s going on? Do I even have a choice?
I don’t know where am going, and I’ve lost my voice.
I feel misused like an old and abandoned toy.
Is there hope to get up? I don’t know if there’s stable ground.
My life has been collapsing and I can’t get used to the sound.
So what if I could get up, and put myself back together?
Do you think I would have more than these carefully typed out letters?
I don’t know which road to take, but somehow something always goes wrong.
I guess I just need to learn to find comfort in the melodies of the songs.

I want to pull the trigger.
These problems seem to linger.
I can’t just live my whole life in the shadows, always fighting a losing battle.
I guess everyone’s more sick of me than I am of them.
But I still can’t stop thinking of how I want all of this to end.
They never let me break free from their grasp.
I guess that’s why happiness never lasts.
So as I keep pulling through to my merciless demise,
I’ll keep wondering why I wanted more time.

The days are blurring together and I’m finding it hard to withstand the weather.
If only I could pull myself together.
But I have no hope to getting better.
I wish I could just figure this out and be me.
But the masquerade never stops and they’re tearing my life apart at the seams.
It doesn’t matter how much I plea, just let me hide in my unpleasant dreams.
I’m burning under my skin and there’s nothing left within.
It hasn’t taken me long to fall, but I’m stuck against a wall.
So as I try to escape this, I won’t think of whether or not I’ll be missed.
Because no ones life should unfold like this.
And everything is somehow always in remiss.

Drowning in my life.
I don’t think I have any more fight.
Fading away.
I guess that’s why no one ever stays.
Sinking in regret.
What’s left in my chest?
I don’t know what’s left.
And I can’t keep living with all of this stress.

Falling.
What happened to my mind?
A rhythm I can’t recognize.
Why can’t I get up?
I keep slipping away.
What about these wounds?
The fight was always unfair.
Now I’m left gasping for air.
Where do I run to?
I feel like I’m losing myself completely and I don’t know who’s left.
So why am I trapped?
They say the truth sets you free.
But the masquerade covers it up and ignores my pleas.
Why can’t I be free?
Why can’t I figure out what I need?
Is death really the only salvation for me?
I want to find someone.
But who could ever love someone like me?

I can’t decipher my life.
No wonder nothing ever seems right.
Maybe I should just leave into the night.
But I’m losing my sights.
And I can’t stop thinking about the knife.
So tell me, what has come out of this fight?

So much hate, will I ever escape?
Why can’t I move past this and be happy for a change?
Have I ever been happy?
I forget what it’s like.
I don’t even feel like sleeping at night.
Trying to get the feeling back with whatever I can stomach.
But I’m a mistake in this existence, and somehow the masquerade loves it.
So what do I do to break off these chains?
I don’t know where I’m going but I know I need to change.

What’s left of me?
Who am I becoming?
It feels as if I’m almost devolving.
A flower whose petals has been picked apart.
Don’t get me started because I don’t know what’s left of my heart.
If only I could learn how to bloom to be truly me.
But this life is deceiving and I’m always lost without a key.
So what’s left in this sequence, I can’t even see.
So I guess I’ll just keep trying to unfurl into a better me.

Stuck with this disorder, I might as well be trapped in a corner.
What would happen if I could change my fate?
Would there be hope for a better day?
I just wish I could find a way for all of this to change.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck being a slave to their game.

Tear my chest open to see if my heart’s beating.
Everyone comes and goes, but they’re always leaving.
Faces are so deceiving, what’s even real? I don’t know what I’m seeing.
will I stay all alone and keep grieving?
Life lost, what’s next?
I’m an unemotional wreck.
I know deep down I have a heart worth saving.
But it’s been stolen or manipulated so it’s not really mine for the taking.
If only I could get myself back.
Maybe then I wouldn’t be stuck on what I lack.
I just wish I could be something real.
But I’m stuck making questionable decisions and making ****** deals.

All this time I’ve been standing alone.
I just wish I could find someone to call home.
But this life is breaking me, and I’m getting such brittle bones.

Why am I always stuck alone?
It gets me no closer to finding my way home.
Isolation at its finest.
But I guess it’s not really one sided.
So as I try to find some meaning in the mess of my life,
I’ll try to stop fearing my demise.

I just want to feel with all of my heart.
But my life has been stolen from me, and I’ve been taken apart.
How do you live when you’re mostly numb?
Most days I feel like a sociopath, how will I overcome?
Some days the feeling comes creeping back in, but I miss the flood when I would just take it all in.
How do I find it in me to grow?
Do I have any hope?
So as I keep my throat away from the rope,
I’ll try not to fall down this slippery *****.

Where do I go to watch the flowers bloom?
Or not feel alone in a crowded room?
Can I reach the stars?
Or is it too far?
Am I getting back some of my lost heart?
I want to find a better piece of mind,
But it always feels like I’m running out of time.
I wish I didn’t spend so much time fearing my demise.
But I can never feel alive unless there’s sunlight.
So why do I spend my time alone with the moon?
It only gives way for more gloom to consume.
I guess I just need to figure out what to do.
Until I can travel among the sunrise into a brighter hue.

Can’t get used to being used.
I have no idea what to do.
Do I even have the strength to continue?
I don’t think my mind can keep me going.
It used to be my feelings that were always showing.
Now it’s the fear that things won’t work out, so how do I keep going?
So as I keep hope close, I’ll try not to choke.
And try not to believe in the lies the masquerade tells, as I try to get out of this subliminal hell.

Its a deceiving plot.
So why am I always distraught?
It’s always ignorance that’s bought.
It’s the truth that I’ve always sought.
And now I can’t tell how much time’s on the clock.
So where do I go in this melancholic ocean?
I don’t know where I am and I’m losing devotion.
It seems like lately everything’s been so scattered.
And I’ve been having trouble climbing the latter.
Every time I stand up I get pushed into a pit.
And I don’t really have any place to sit.

Manipulating lives, ignorance in disguise.
What is with all the fuckery?
I think I’m gunna end up losing my sanity.
Why do people care so much about vanity?
I’m slowly becoming more me.
But there will never be a key.
It doesn’t bother me now.
So I’ll try to stay as sane as possible as I try not to take the final bow.

Blackened hues, so misconstrued.
There’s always been hope for you.
You just need to find your shoes.
I’m sorry too.
This feels like hell.
I’m nothing but a shell.
I hope you don’t dwell as you try to live a better life as well.
As I try to get out of this spell.

The storm is here and I’m stuck enduring it.
I want to disappear, but I’m stuck in a pit.
Will I be able to overcome?
At least I’m no longer numb.
But how am I supposed to live with this?
It’s only a matter of time before my palm splits.

I’m at the final bow,
I ask myself wondering how,
Life makes such horrendous sounds.
But my head used to always be caught up in the clouds.
And there’s seldom freedom now.
But I can’t shake this negative energy.
There was never any hope to living my life just for me.
I just got ****** into petty slavery.
And now I don’t know what it is that I need.
I’ve been lost my whole life how could I have ever found a key?
I don’t even know what it is that I need, but the torture of my existence leads me to sometimes grieve.
So I guess this is it cause everyone’s out to get me.
And now I feel like it’s time to take the final leap.

Broken spirit broken eyes.
What happens when you look into my eyes?
It’s sadness underneath their disguise.
And the only thing that’s left is my demise.

Borrowed senses, altered time, what is left? Is it my demise?
It seems that nothing will work out in my lifetime.
So will I ever get to see the beauty in this world shine?
Everyone always acts like everything’s fine.
But I can’t even keep up with the shoreline.
So will I ever see this life refined?
I guess what happens next is left in time.

Living my life as a puppet.
Why does the despicable happen? Why do they love it?
If only I could fix all of my mistakes.
Maybe then I’d be free instead of being locked in a cage.
If only I could fix things and change fate.
But the puppeteers forced me to make such grave mistakes.
Is there a way to fix any of this?
I need to figure out how to fix it because no one should have to live with any of this ****.

Conniving people with deceitful eyes altering my fate.
I’m lost and I don’t know who I am, how will I ever escape?
The serpents are machinating an orchestrated plan.
Why the **** do I care so much? And where is it that I stand?
So as I try to figure out this utterly hell bound plan,
I keep trying to move forward, as I try to deal with this hand.

My mind trails to the depths of all of these problems.
I try so hard but the masquerade makes it impossible to solve them.
What’s with this disorder?
Why isn’t there any order?
It’s subliminally petty torture.
And I’m just locked in a corner.

Why so much stress?
I’m past being a wreck.
Too much mindless games,
But somehow I’m still sane.
How do I pick my self off of the ground?
There’s too much petty torture and I can’t get used to the sound.
Is there any hope for my fate?
I’ll try to escape.
But I feel like a slave.
It’s the little things I crave.

Can’t escape being toyed with.
Why is everything in such remiss?
Will I ever feel bliss?
Everything is coming together and falling apart I can’t live like this.
So how do I get past these burdens they keep throwing my way?
It doesn’t make it easy when no one ever stays.
How can you live a life alone with only the bottle and these words?
I don’t know why but somehow it doesn’t really hurt.
I guess I need to find a little more self worth.
Before things get worse and I’m dragged in the dirt.

Come find me in my dreams,
Cause my life is falling apart at the seams.
And I still can’t figure out what all of this means.
I’m tired of only having nightmares,
But I’m left wondering why I’m not scared.
I want to live, and not be stuck in this shell.
I try to get past this but I still dwell.
I guess I’m just bored of the mundane,
And tired of the fact that no one ever stays.

As things keep unfolding I’m not liking my fate.
Why can’t all of this just be a mistake?
I’m struggling to find the beauty in life.
Only holding onto negativity and strife.
What would it take to gain what I lack?
I’m no longer myself and it’s everything that I lack.
What is it like to love yourself whole?
Enemies everywhere and I’m stuck paying the toll.
I used to ache to love the way I needed to be loved.
Now I’m emotionless and mostly numb.
**** what I would give to get myself back.
But hell knows that’s no easy task.
So as I try to be the best version of me,
I’ll try to focus less on the pettiness happening all around me.

Are things looking up?
Or is it all deceiving?
Where did my feelings go?
I guess they’ll always be fleeting.
Where can I go to find more hope?
I’m not sure I know and I can’t let go.
So what’s next in this chapter of my life?
Whatever happens, I just hope I can get rid of this strife.

Laying out the pieces like some morbid puzzle,
I have nothing left I may as well be wearing a muzzle.
What is the point of going through all this trouble?
It’s a petty masquerade and I’m in the middle of the war.
Living life is becoming such a chore.
There was never a point to tainting someone’s mind body and soul, let alone their life.
So as I sit here trying to get rid of all of this strife, I’ll continue contemplating my miserable life.

Filled up with hate.
I wish I could escape.
For these horrendous feelings?
I wish I could shake them.
But this is all so deranged,
On the weak they play.
I guess it’ll always be a never ending game.
Cause all anyone does is drive me to going insane.

My whole existence is in remiss.
Is there a way to get out of this?
Always running away,
Yet my fate gets worse or if I’m lucky stays the same.
But there is no good deep inside this rib cage.
So why so many games?
The light left my eyes far too long ago.
Along with everything else strung together with hope.
So why is this the only thing people ever want to do?
You all won five years ago cause I never had it in me to continue.

So much ridicule and hate.
Why can’t I change my fate?
Is there another way?
I don’t get all of these games.
Will the masquerade ever stop?
I can’t tell by these hands on this clock.
So as I try to fix whatever I can fathom,
I’ll try to escape the shadows.

Looking back I know you never deserved that.
Why was I so awful?
You were the light in a dark room.
And I was the gloom.
I wish that wasn’t true.
But there’s nothing I can do but try to make amends.
And hope for you to find a better love than I could have ever been.

This sickness is killing me.
Why can’t this just be a bad dream?
The aching is setting in, and I’m starting to drown.
I’ve been lost for so long, will I ever be found?
It feels like I’m hidden in the depths of the ocean.
Never catching my breath, struggling to be me.
Who am I?
Can I get myself back?
There are far too many things that I lack.
So while I try to keep up with the sun,
I’ll appreciate the stars that still shine in darkness.
And try not to feel so heartless.

Drowning in hate,
If only I could escape.
If I could I’d fix all of my mistakes.
To try to fix my fate.
And maybe feel happy for a change.

Being hated my whole life.
So why do I care?
I don’t care if I succumb to the knife.
Life is too unfair.
I’m done.

Why is this my fate?
I wish I could escape.
I feel like I’m locked in a cage,
Unable to drown my woe in the pouring rain.
Somehow everything’s staying the same while getting worse by the day.
This is a sickening charade.
I’m numb to the touch.
But they can’t get enough.
If only I had more self love.

When everything seems different but somehow stays the same,
How do you find where you’re supposed to stay?
Maybe there are clues in what they talk about,
But I can’t keep living filled with so much doubt.

Too many places colliding with faults.
It’s best to take everything with a grain of salt.
Why won’t the masquerade stop at any cost?
It’s not you or me, but nothing should get lost.

In the beginning I couldn’t mask the screams.
And ever since my life has been falling apart at the seams.
They say nothing in this life is ever as it seems.
But in these shoes you can only dream.
Everything smashed below my feet.
As the pieces kept slowly being taken away and switched but I still couldn’t be free.
Why was I so focused on finding a key?
I can’t even be myself, who would ever want someone like me.
As I kept drowning the melancholy and despair,
I didn’t notice that the fight was always unfair.
But little did they know I knew nothing about the fight, I just found it hard to sleep through the night.
I became overmedicated on pills and whatever I could stomach.
But the masquerade never stopped, they somehow love it.
So as the years went by everything started melting together.
Friends came and went but the only thing that remained were these typed out letters.
Fighting for so long to just be okay.
I never realized why no one ever stayed.
This hoax of a life kept in a cage.
Minute by minute, the good got ****** away.
So now I’m a shell that’s nothing like who I was before,
I thought I was asking too much, they thought I was asking for more.
All I ever wanted was to live a life that’s mine.
If you’re undeserving of yourself what’s left in time?
So as I reflect on the agony of the life I used to live,
I would trade this petty tragedy in for my life back to live.

They turned me into a monster.
Nothing is fimiliar about my bones.
My heart is far past turning to stone.
Why is there so much woe?
So as I try to dodge their bullets that they never cease to fire,
I’ll keep trying to pick myself up, before my life gets too dire.

Reminiscing of the better days.
I know you didn’t want me to stay.
But you were the light of my life, and everything felt right.
Never having a harder night.
I know we haven’t spoken in years,
And I have a whole lot of new fears.
But you made me feel at home,
And now I’m left with a heart of stone.