The leaves of life, fallen from their homes in the branches, blow through my ribcage (because I feel so empty)

Bid farewell to love, never to feel your thorns on my heart again; being alone is safer in the solitude of madness

Let me swallow the sand from the hourglass of time, so that it can be empty like me (you're on my mind lately)

Words are printed from a machine like they are nothing but a receipt; simple sounds, words, without talking

It was too far to fall away, crashing through the solar system to die a million miles away (you were my star in the sky)

Sometimes I sit like I'm in a tranquil garden and let the memories of our friendship wash the pain from my eyes; I have not forgotten who we once were

I want to hold your hand in the silence of the night and let the static from the TV blanket our ears (I miss our heartbeats, when did we lose them?)

We trusted love to the wrong people who didn't know what it's value was, and it ripped us apart like a bacterial infection

Now I breathe your smell, and I see the bloodied remains I made you, and I'm sorry; I'm so sorry. (This wasn't how it was supposed to end)

I would rather have your heart for just one day
                                  than have a million diamonds and waste away

Air
It moves in an out between my lips
If fills and empties my lungs
It provides oxygen for my blood
And yet I hate the taste of it
It reminds me I'm alive
And I despair in life
Because life is harmful
My soul wrongs itself
So that tears fall from my eyes
If the air were to stop
I might be happy
Then again if the air stopped
I wouldn't have you

A frosted veil
  with haunting voice
Ice shattered
  raining from skies
A world below
  but I know it not
Starlight above
  a longing for love

Everything is crushing me
Silently the world passes by
Onlookers without love
Demons plaguing their lungs

But demons plague me as well
The dust stuck to my lips
Gravel caught in my teeth
The bootheel against my throat

Yes, everything is crushing me
As I try to carry the world
Everything is crushing me
Because I'm under the water

Deep in me, there's this cardboard box,
It's all closed up, put away in a corner,
And I'm afraid to open it up, show it to you,
Because I put my heart in it, sealed it tightly.

I want you to have it, but you can't yet.
Its a fragile thing, yours is too,
I wouldn't want it to be dropped,
Shattered away. It's already cracked up.

My heart is too big for the box,
Bulging at the top, held down by tape.
But it's starting to bleed through,
I'm worried you'll start to see it.

Withering weather clouds all of my minds
   of whispering willows and all of my time.
Someone help me of this pain begone
   or forgotten me is forgone already.

"I’ll always hate my birthday, because it will always be the day I lost my best friend."


Those were the last words said to you,

Passed from my lips to the phone screen,

I didn’t feel the shotgun in my lap anymore,

Just needed a drink to feel okay, okay, again.



Again you’re on my mind like you’re in my life,

Stuck in my heart between anger and love,

Lost between the past and what was the present,

An ocean apart like the seams of my heart,

Pulled at the frayed prayers I once gave God,

God what have You done. . . ? I blamed You.



I blamed You but I made the choices I did,

Justified, rationalized, sweet white lies,

Honey on my lips laying in my coffin I died,

Me myself I focused always on I, I, I,

Self-centered but she was everything to me,

Why’d she hurt me when I just wanted help?



Take a step out of yourself and see it from her eyes,

You pushed her out it doesn’t have to matter why,

You used to be there for her, now all you do is say “hi”

Ask her how she’s doing but never be in her life,

You just criticized her choice in men,

Never asked if she had a choice,

Never asked if she wanted a choice,

You forced it down her throat all the **** time.



Empathy is your greatest gift but you removed her from it,

Couldn’t take the pain, I understand, but you didn’t walk in her shoes,

You loved her til you bled then didn’t touch her with a ten foot pole.



She needed you in her life,

She took me for granted,

I took her for granted,

I needed her in my life.



If I could have talked to you a week ago I would have told you how much I hated you for what you did.



I wish I could talk to you now, tell you how sorry I am that I let you down, tell you I forgive you, and let you know why I did what I did and ended up where I was at.



I’m sorry I hurt you, I have scars you gave me too. It was something we should have overcame together, we just hurt each other too much.

I made a bed of wrong turns and bad choices
  & blankets of regrets and sorrows
I cry myself to sleep in this livid torment
  & dream whilst never awaking...

Crotchety old men reading year-old,
Newspapers and drinking year-old milk,
Suddenly assailed me for some frothy beer;
Jeering I jest that they don't look their best,
Wearing polka dot vests with feathered *******.
(Get those naughty thoughts out your noggins)

Speaking of noggin, I was jogging
With a porch light up Johnson's Hill,
And a dog dug a jig from a neon sign,
That had velvet written on it,
From a German gnome,
Born from a dwarf!
What a lucky find!

I'll index it next to the index finger,
But first I'll clean it with Windex.

Sleep? Sle3p? Sl33p?

a year
in its entirety
since my heart
turned to glass
burned
like a silver comet
plummeting
to drown in the sea
sunk to the depths
lost
as if it were a message
placed in a bottle
it's gone
just a shadow of what was
a single vein
a string
nothing more
just numbered days
that i should have let go of
a long time ago...

My chains are clasped around my wrists
As a bluebird sings me a song
For so long under this tree
I've been imprisoned

The sun has long since bronzed my skin
And my eyes are used to the glare
So many seasons pass me by
Yet time forgets me still

I am friends with the animals passing by
And this tree shelters me through all
But people left me here all alone
The price for my evil crime

I sometimes believe that I deserve this punishment
But truly, this was far too harsh a judgement
My flesh has scarred from the chains
My mind has snapped in two

Coughing up blood again
This time it's black as ink
So I decide to write in blood
And not wash it down the sink

Covering all my walls in all my failures
Until every last drop leaves my body
Leaving me pale, cold and rigid
And a heart withered in my chest

Suicide by writing
The note is my life
The ink is my blood
The death is alright

And there is the sound I dread to hear:
    Losing the thing I never found.
Seeing love fade to ashes and pebbles,
    Swallowed by a cave, forlorn.
Oh! To never see another sunrise!
    To be at peace with myself.

All of my whimpering cries be ******,
    Turned to a glassy silence, fogged over...

When I see you down and blue
   all I want to do is hug you.

You feel like you're not worth it
   trust me, you're the ****!

I care about you and love you
   because you're a good person.

I've got your back, I mean it, you're fam
   I got you when people don't give a ****.

A day without sleep I finally nap
Awoke at four in the afternoon
And, oh boy, do I need more sleep
As my eyes keep trying to close up
And send me back to violent dreams

Some days I'm finding my heart to be increasingly distanced from my friends and family. I'm feeling so incredibly alone and unable to shake the feeling that I'm not going to find my way out of this maze that is my mind. I mean, most days I'm feeling like my mind is still asleep on my bed and under my sheets.

I'm tired of these trust issues I have slowly tear away at my mind. It makes it hard to open up to people and get the help I know I need but am unwilling to accept... I put my friends through a lot because I'm a total mess inside.

This last year has undone me in ways I didn't even know were possible... I've lost and lost and somehow am still losing more because I'm leaking out of myself as if I'm a broken pipe.

I never expected to struggle with alcoholism. I never expected to not know how to trust my closest friends that have been there for me through thick and thin for years. I don't know how to cope with horrific nightmares, or the paranoia that I'm going to lose somebody else...

All I ever wanted out of this life was for somebody to love. I know I'm a good guy with a lot to offer, but it seems nobody wants that anymore. Maybe everyone is just as ****** up as I am. I don't know.

I just know these empty nights are killing me and empty days are leaving me hopeless. What's a Christian without hope supposed to be? ****...

I write of broken
     t e e t h &
deep wounds
nobody can see
d a r k n e s s
     shadows
agony & pain
     it is my
m u s e
that I feast
     on
but I haven't
picked up the
             p e n
in a week
  because the
m u s e
is gone right now
   I feel
strangely
    *h a p p y

my eyes are open
and it hurts
every time I breathe
the air is a little broken
all my emotions
frozen
yet the pain remains
going through the motions
grasping with fingers
gasping for oxygen
a bitter corrosion
the rain comes
falling
I can't hold on
and refuse to
let go

A pierced spirit remains
Brought low but prideful
Judgement of myself
Without any self-value

Pangs of hatred stir
And of sorrow lost
Execution of soul
A shell without purpose

How utterly I have been broken
Oh! Faith has been vanquished!
An enemy has ravaged my heart
Decrepit and crippled ruins remain

There is no more hope
I am blind with pain
I no longer know my way
Loss is all there is

I
Will
Take
Your
Nothing
And
Turn
It
To
Your
Everything

More distant more cold
The frigid waters freeze your fear
The frothy fog fades the shore
Swing low and stare at the stars
Ice halos around each twinkle
Born of broken wishes
Frost lays her sheet across your bones
There is no worry here for you
Be at peace and sink below
One with the salt and the sea

An arrow points to the
hole in my chest
where my heart
once lived.

Happiness?
Where have I gone?
Cold and darkness
embraces my mind.

The mirror
shows me as
hollow and dead
like I'm a corpse.

I'm totally disconnected
and disjointed in this
reality, this plane
of existence.

Where has the me
that I once was
gone to?
Where am I?

I feel nothing
tasting only the
loneliness and dust
on my lips.

I've become paralyzed
in the waters of despair.

I now know what's best;
I don't know what's worse:
The certainty that I love you,
Or the certainty that you can't know.

I know it's what I must do,
You'll never know my affection.
I would've given you the world,
But our story won't be written.

I'm sorry, so sorry...
Love isn't worth it.
These tears...
I'm sorry.

Rain drizzle drazzle,
Down from a hollow sky,
Droplets merge to a puddle,
Puddle forms a new lake,
Children swim and jump in,
Fish fornicate in what you drink,
Lake returns to the sky,
To be rain drizzle drazzle.