"the longest i have ever gone without showering,"
i tell the group of pre-teen boys
who are staring up at me,
"is two and a half weeks."
they're old enough to be disgusted
because they're old enough to know how often one should shower
but they're still young enough that it
inspires some awe among them.
i don't tell them anything else,
just let them believe that it was simply
me being good at avoiding a persistent mother's reminding.
and im going to let you
pretend that it has nothing to do with the nights that i
spent staring up and my ceiling
wondering how difficult it would be
to just--

you have my heart,
you left,
so,
give it* 
**back.

Anxiety is
Made by the Space in between
What is and could be

Inside me, there's a void that I've managed to fall through,
Nothing seems to be helping,
No matter what I do.
I try to stay positive,
Always looking on the bright side,
But it's like the darkness always finds me,
No matter where I try to hide.
Despair taints the world around me,
Sadness softly whispers my name,
While all the while madness tells me all I'm doing is going insane.
I'm desperately looking for a way out,
Exploring inside me, the unknown.
But the deeper I go searching,
All I discover is that I'm alone,
They say the good thing about hitting rock bottom, is that up is the only other way,
The problem is, the walls are just too high to climb up, so the bottom is where I stay.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'm buried in too deep,
And about how easy it would be to forever fall asleep,
But I decide to look once more for any way out,
Because that is not the life I planned for myself,
I know this without a doubt.
I want to live a happy life, I truly want something more.
So I peer across the room, and there sits a key, my last chance,
All I have to do now is find the door.