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152 · Mar 2018
don't
jas Mar 2018
bottles on my dresser,
note at the door
sorry if you cant reach me
im not gunna pick up the phone
i just wanna be left alone

pulled up my laptop
saw you on the screen
couldn't stop thinking
about you and me

lasted a minute
with you on my side
but i guess i could never tell time
love had me wired,
love had me blind
love had me losing my mind

now you've moved on
i guess that's great
while im hanging onto your photo
crying tears of pain
guess you already forgot about me..

so don't knock on my door
don't call on my phone
don't wanna hear your voice
just leave me alone

                                                   - a loving heart turned to stone
151 · May 2018
denial
jas May 2018
drink-ing
my
feel-ings
this cant be
real to me
not just yet
can't live with regret
see the past, and forget..
151 · Jan 2018
picture perfect
jas Jan 2018
you can pick me out bc i'm different from the rest
but you may notice i'm quiet so im not what you'd expect

imagine a pretty portait hanging on your wall
it's expensive
so i kno you'd protect it all costs
it would not be so pretty if it should fall
well that's where you got me wrong
because i've fallen at least 12 times but i got back up 10.
although that's less than what i like to pretend
bet you would never notice my life coming to an end

picture perfect
nobody thinks i'm worth it
live everyday to the fullest
how can i do that?
when everything you say shoots right thru me like a bullet
i'm useless
but y'all see me as independent

i know i put on quite a show
tell me , horror story? or fairytale?
just depends if all ends well
but i can't escape my fate
will someone tell me when it's too late?

i've been lost for so long
i've been in a song
it's on repeat
who put this on?

this songs loud
but i never sang
these lyrics came
because of my pain
so call me deranged
or what you must
but a pretty picture is what i am not
nonetheless

so tell me is this what you expected
what'd you learn in this lesson
to not judge a book by its cover
oops a painting by its artist
tell me what you discovered
you being the smartest
of this portrait
it's me
i'm tarnished
by the darkness
but regardless

i'm picture perfect
hanging on the wall
pick me out
am i the fairest of them all?
thought so
now put me back before i fall
day 11 of 365.
150 · Aug 2019
/:
jas Aug 2019
/:
staying up late
i just can’t sleep
can’t resist the thought of me
staying out late
it’s predictable
it’s more than you should know

i’m dying
straight up i can’t breathe
if the world were to end
at least i’d be beneath

my life in ******* cycles
149 · Jul 2019
don't make me
jas Jul 2019
don't make me
go down that road again
i've lost all directions
can you imagine?

the pain...

always knowing I'm no longer the same

you can't make me
you can't break me

the suffering you did in disguise
hidden by lies
i struggled to even put up a fight


..........
to be continued
149 · Jan 2019
quit
jas Jan 2019
Imagine living life on the edge
with no worry
bound to forget
about life's glory's
the hard
hit and miss
do you have a fit
or do you just quit?
148 · Jan 2018
is depression a feeling
jas Jan 2018
idk why i feel like this
every day , it's the same ****
i have no motivation
i guess it's called depression
sleeping
while my feeling  stay creeping
but it almost feels like i'm falling
stuck in a hole
i just can't dig myself out
especially with all of this self doubt
the room so dark
the walls so far
help me please , i'm screaming
but nobody hears me
as i'm leaping
but there is no escaping
funny about this it comes and goes
it overtakes my body from my head to my toes..
day 7 of 365
148 · Mar 2019
fresh prince
jas Mar 2019
this is my life
this is how i learn to get by
if don't have a chance
than i can't survive

I can't seem to recover
one day to another
I don't want to bother
but if it seems like a cover
I swear it's not...

I've been working my way to the top
the adrenaline rush is the way that I got
all the way here
from Texas to the bel- air

tryna get famous
if there is a way
there's a Willis
147 · Aug 2018
love > time
jas Aug 2018
worlds apart
yet
souls never drifted too far
for the one she left behind
perhaps, for a moment in time
yet, if time was measured by love time would not exist.
love has no limit.
much like the universe, circle of life, depends on it.
when reconnected, gain was overruled by loss
reality was better than a dream, till the end of the universe
but that's just it, it never did..
147 · Jan 2018
sometimes
jas Jan 2018
sometimes

sometimes i stay up all night crying
been waiting for you all my life
& i swear i don't even know why
i guess my love never dies
you can tell me lies
& id still be surprised
always seeing the good
that's my outlook on life

do me wrong & i do you better
hurt me more & i love you harder
can't seem to let you go
& so i let my hurt grow

time passes on
days are long
put my feelings in a song
just tryna remain calm

losing myself
can't help how i feel
must let go
& learn how to deal
but i'm so alone
aching in my bones
who do i call
when nobody answers their phone

yeah my heart aches
like an earthquake
how can u be fake
and risk what's at stake
wish you could feel my pain
wish you could take it away

so i don't wanna wait anymore
so i'm gunna walk out the door
take my heart , & let the rain pour
my love never died but my soul was sore
sometimes you just let go.
sometimes you can't hold on.


think i'm sad but i'm not
& im glad we had this talk
146 · May 2019
mother
jas May 2019
two hundred and seventy-three days of being a shelter to the outside world
9 months later out comes your baby girl
the look on your face is anything but surreal
dreaded by society and drenched in tears

eighteen years later
she's all grown
into a fine individual
that you yourself have molded and sewn
together.

guidance and wellness
into a human being
nurture and tenderness
the future is far from foreseeing

another six years
a full-fledged adult
living amongst the youth
the elderly and the kind
everything that is you

no longer a child yet a child to you
forever and always, a love so true

a mother you'll be,
a shelter succumbed to the outside

thank you for being a home from the start
never apart whether in spirit or heart
                                   love, your daughter.
5-12-19
146 · Jan 2020
aging like the moon
jas Jan 2020
i am the moon
that sent you through
it all
cam you imagine?
can you believe?

living together is not what it seems

i wanted you to know
i am capable of learning on my own

if you could imagnie
145 · Feb 2018
january
jas Feb 2018
day thirty one.
the end of a month
it sure has been a long one
lessons of trust , pain and forgiveness

embracing every new beginning.
this is not nearly the end.
enjoy life’s bliss
and the mystery behind it

here’s to you january
love yours , truly.
day 31
143 · May 2020
if i died..
jas May 2020
what if i died today?
who would care?
what if i showed my true colors?
empty and bare
I'm dying on the inside so i guess I'm halfway there
sick and tired of hearing that life isn't fair
it's on my mind all the time
in a war between emotions
im tired of fighting
im tired of crying
so what if?
life would be easier if it didn't exist
i can't keep pretending
but if i don't fantasize how will i get by?
never considered myself a liar
but I lie to people every day
because i am not happy
it's been years and only getting worse
i have myself to blame
bc if not me then who else?
you.
you wouldn't care
you don't
if i died you wouldn't even pick up the phone
would you?
141 · Apr 2018
Untitled
jas Apr 2018
explicit
like bic
high on flames
lit like ****
hard as ****
hard *** fit
looking like a hit
shoot at me and you miss
sad for you ,what a diss
i said hello little miss
tryna get at your sis
haven't met my goal yet
not even  in debt
bet.
141 · Apr 2020
bleed
jas Apr 2020
crying my eyes
they burn red
down the stream
where I can't breathe
drowning
scars burn into my skin
knives feel like velvet
the touch between us
141 · Apr 2018
want or need?
jas Apr 2018
know the difference between wanting and needing
you want him to want you back
you beg for him
and search for ways to impress
but he does not budge

you want attention

need for love and a sense of security
in need of comfort from love itself
a place of stability
trust

you need to not be afraid

accept the knowledge between both
140 · Apr 2018
girl
jas Apr 2018
girl,
your breaking my heart
and im falling apart
i cant seem to go on
this pain has just begun

girl
it never ends
i guess i could never get you to commit
tried to be serious
but the shoe didn't fit

girl,
tried so hard to make mine
but i was blind
and i couldn't see the signs
that were right by me the whole time

oh girl,

you made me fall for you
and im left so confused

that's the last time i give my heart away, girl
139 · Jul 2019
senses
jas Jul 2019
blind
to the misfortunate eye
deaf
to the uncovering ear
speechless
to an undeniable story
numb
to skin piercing reality
tasteless
to new upcoming
135 · May 2019
sober or not
jas May 2019
there is a problem that I keep facing
you see, usually, I get drunk and seem to forget the reason why
but here I am sober
and I still remember
the reason I wanted to drink
to stop thinking
I can't help myself
so pretty sure i've gone insane

I know, I know all my poems are so relatable
you can tell this writing is me

but no, this feeling is different
i've liked people before
so no big deal

but this one,.


my breath is taken away
my heart stops a beat
this is a whole movie waiting to happen


--------------------
135 · Sep 2018
Untitled
jas Sep 2018
ripped down the middle
hanging by a thread
a heart that bled
.. to death
133 · May 2020
Untitled
jas May 2020
im broken
im bruised
im cut up
im used
133 · Apr 2020
living hell
jas Apr 2020
tears bleed red
down the stream
where i can’t breathe
gasping
the taste of salt coming into my mouth
burning down my throat
stabbing pains start to feel velvety
as i wither away to numbness
i watch the scars imbed themselves into my skin
and then i wake
i awake the demons lurking in the shadows of my mind
they remain dark unbothered my the sunlight
anonymous to everyone but me
hell becomes reality
133 · Jun 2019
******* day.
jas Jun 2019
how can i be asked to celebrate?
a day for you , i can’t relate
to much of anything anymore
it’s unreal to be branded such a holiday
which you took no part of

imagine a kid calling you dad
because you took part in a role
i still don’t understand

imagine we share that same person
it had to be you, why you?
why me?

i feel sorry for not getting to know me
twenty some years later,
it’s hard to believe
i’ve lived this life so long that it is my reality

i can’t have daddy issues if i never had a dad

i am still out in the world ,  not waiting to be found

a stranger in the rear view mirror
a face in the crowd

this day was not meant for you
you’d be a fool ...
133 · May 2019
gap
jas May 2019
gap
the heart has me wretched
drinking every day
is not the best method

but out of nowhere,
I found a piece I was missing
how could I detect
he was never distant

fulfilling my gap
between my soul and heart
has been a surprise
a work of art

the end is the beginning
so cliche
I know

yet, my heart leads my soul to believe
you could be the one for me
if I just let it happen

or vice versa...
133 · Mar 2019
Untitled
jas Mar 2019
okay
you're tryna hit me up
tryna catch your luck
get in, on just a few bucks
oh ****, I can't complain
when you're making it rain
on top of me

little do you know
I'm focused
getting loaded
lowkey a poet
so I've spoken
as much as I'm vocal
told you to see
what's in front of me
a whole life of instability
133 · Aug 2020
Untitled
jas Aug 2020
life
its passing by
don't you realize

when i open my eyes
i wonder why
another reason to live

here i am
breathing
132 · Apr 2020
grow
jas Apr 2020
I want to be the flower that you pick
it's orange and yellow with a bright green stem,
shouldn't have been picked just yet
but that's what you chose
it was me
I mean it could have been
but there was a time in the past
that I was still seeded in the ground
and wasn't able to allow me to grow
and that's when you picked me
I wasn't ready
or maybe you couldn't nurture me
which is it?
130 · Jan 2019
Untitled
jas Jan 2019
sky, the moon, the stars,
it all takes
to break my heart

into pieces, it goes
each weak and I know
if I didn't before

imagine
a life of happiness
didn't always come from this
in
130 · Sep 2020
i just want to feel good
jas Sep 2020
empty and broken
but you never noticed
how quickly I was falling apart

didn't wanna open my eyes
you couldn't open your heart
was I asking too much?

late-night talks
wondering what I did wrong
always felt like a **** up
finally thought I found the right one
but I guess I ****** up there too
shoulda known we were too good to be true

all you ever did was ignore me
so i tried to drink the pain away
swear i tried to fix the problem
all it did was turn me into an alcoholic

i just wanted to feel good, with you by my side
but all you ever did was make me cry

you couldn't decide what you wanted
why'd i have to get caught up in all of it?

i don't want to be broken anymore
loving you shouldn't feel like a chore
constantly looking for excuses
didnt help heal the bruises
left on my heart

i just wanna feel good
get you out of my mind
never wanna be that blind
again
130 · Jan 2018
yesterday
jas Jan 2018
well i can’t say much
except that i miss your touch
or the feeling of being in love
over thinking of what once was

a dream
of a bizarre reality
where only i can see
what i begged meant to be

and yet life , passed me by
as i let out a silent cry
reminiscing over yesterday
oh , how the time just flies
129 · Aug 2018
Untitled
jas Aug 2018
i've been alone for a long time
you should know
i've never felt someone's presence like your own
if i should fall..
would you catch me?
at all
i need to know if this is real
just a dream or something unfulfilled.
129 · Jun 2020
Untitled
jas Jun 2020
all of my life
i could never control inside
it was always
in my mind
for the time
being
128 · Nov 2019
;
jas Nov 2019
;
I can't come to terms that this is my life
what I'm living in a day to day scenario
of the ****** disgust and anguish
of the self depleting and small-minded likelihood
company around me
it's atrocious
to say the least,
128 · Jun 2020
to my followers
jas Jun 2020
I know that most of my prompts have been a bit more on the depressed side than usual. That's because I feel myself going down the rabbit hole far too quickly to keep up with my emotions. I can only put them in so many words. Writing is one way to release these pent up emotions that scar me on the inside. But even writing no longer seems to help. Nothing makes sense to me anymore. No, I am not on the verge of killing myself so I guess you can't really call me suicidal. But, I can say I have thought about dying every day for at least a few months. Thank you, to those who spoke up. I am merely from a standpoint frozen in my mind... frozen in bad thoughts.



it never ends.
127 · Nov 2019
im just asking
jas Nov 2019
hell is my favorite place to be
at least here they accept me
tired of bleeding all over the floor
I don't feel wanted anymore


all I do is scream and shout
I'm just asking for some help
how can anyone show up
if they're never around?

all I ever hear is silence
my heartbeats slightly
my memories so fondly
fading away


if you're never around
who am I to call?
whose gonna answer the phone?
before I pass...

"tf out"....
to be continued...
127 · Jan 2019
that's you
jas Jan 2019
can't go on anymore
staring at my phone
thinking of when you'll call
or show up at the door

indecisive
unreliable
disappointing
just an *******

that's you

i'm so sick of dealing
with my heart hurting
can't get rid of this feeling
of not being enough

untruthful
mistakable

that's you
127 · May 2020
Untitled
jas May 2020
chasing after energy can leave you effortlessly tired
you attract what you give out and yet it's never enough
127 · Apr 2020
Untitled
jas Apr 2020
don't want to live
or breathe
or set foot int this world anymore
I think its too much pain
I have to endure
why should I?
why
?
126 · May 2019
u
jas May 2019
u
seeing inside your soul
can hide from everyone but me
i see

through my heart
my soul
my mind
unfolds
when i see the real you
125 · Jul 2019
listen
jas Jul 2019
as I struggle to take this shot of whiskey
I realize this is not the worst thing
being drunk is better than dealing with reality
especially when I have you to bully me

you're the one who told me not to drink
who tried to raise me
yet so effortlessly
it backfired into nothing

I'm tired of trying to follow peoples ways
my elders
those who knew more knew nothing of the sort
most was a lie

not everyone's experience is the same
although there is a line drawn
between knowing and learning
what do you know?

if you do not experience any of the sorts
what have you to offer?

the day I take your advice
honestly, could be on my death bed and I would never
who are you?

age does not matter
authority does not matter
knowledge does not comply unless wisdom knows the difference

when someone is asked, please listen?
take these thoughts into consideration.

listen.
125 · Feb 2020
demons
jas Feb 2020
idk how to live when all I do is die
every day I'm always someone new
just gives it time
time to realize all the demons in my mind
is anyone even by my side?

time to fall apart
to drown in the dark
can't seem to find the light
that everyone talks about

if only I could find the missing link
what would it take to be free?
standing at death's door
I don't wanna cry anymore

these demons
chasing me
no escape
from reality

I don't wanna cry anymore
my heart never felt so sore
if you listen closely
you can hear it in my voice
the demons they live here
deep inside my head

it would be so easy being dead
based off of falling in reverse - the drug in me is you reimagined
124 · Apr 2020
Untitled
jas Apr 2020
all my life
i've begged for peace
I can't imagine what you'd do with me

all these years
my hearts have been aching
can't you believe it?
124 · May 2020
Untitled
jas May 2020
crying myself to sleep
seems like I got a routine
seems like the worlds against me
fighting for a will to love
is it ever enough?
what else can i do?
what else do i have to prove?
121 · May 2020
??
jas May 2020
??
i met someone
kind of reminded me
of a particular place
although i can't place it
funny
the mind plays tricks on me
or I'm tricking my mind
either could work
between two worlds
there is two more
and i can't seem to find which two are mine
not that they belong to me
but if i belonged
would it be to them?
how can i figure such a question?
i could terribly be in the wrong dimension
but no one eve
r speaks of that
and why is that?
why?
can't answer for myself so how am i expected to know everyone else?
the easy way out is just not listening
noticing
imagining
just not
don't let your thoughts exist
except i do
can't help it
and maybe that's my problem
that's the joke that was so funny
in the beginning

except, i never laughed.
121 · Sep 2019
i can't breathe
jas Sep 2019
fading away into thin memories
why do you still drag on?
attached to me

failing away
struggling to breathe
you take my breath away
suffocating

you're just a stranger now
say goodbye to the past
leave it all behind
away from me
121 · Sep 2020
enough
jas Sep 2020
it's late at night
i've been crying
can't seem to get you out of my mind
got me up all night
wondering why
I was never enough for you

I gave you my all
and then I gave you more
I gave you my heart
but you threw that out the door

I tried to be the girl that you wanted
but I couldn't force you to want me
even after all the tears I shed
I was too blind to see
you weren't the one for me
121 · Mar 2020
Untitled
jas Mar 2020
trying to bring you closer to me is only pushing you farther from my reach
connecting to a ghost is a pale memory of wanting to exist
amongst the rest
an endless cycle of highs and lows
a constant rollercoaster
breaking down in the midst of it all
121 · Apr 2020
Untitled
jas Apr 2020
hurting myself seems fun
the salt in the wound
gives me a run,
for my life
just wanna live enough
to give me that edge
maybe it's all I ever needed
119 · May 2020
love is?
jas May 2020
this feeling inside me devours every inch of my brain
just picks at it until there is nothing left but scattered ashes
left is the remains of what was
absolutely nothing

gravity isn't the thing that weighs me down but it's the thing that keeps me standing upright
I guess that's the one good thing about living here on earth

you know, I have heard a saying "hell is other people", but in this case, hell is living with myself.
living with the idea that once was,
am I to blame myself for not receiving the energy I so wish to deserve
let alone, being enough to deserve anything

love is outer space
enough to view the twinkle in the stars at night
or the moon and all of its phases
it's enough to feel the warmth of the sun glistening on your skin
to embrace the clouds and the sunsets that exist so effortlessly beautiful

yet, far from me to even reach
to want something that is just in the tips of your fingertips but not enough to grasp onto it
fighting for a feeling to live a love that flows carelessly

if I should disappear, would I still exist in your mind?

at the end of the day, what's left to hold on to?
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