you make me glow with you
shine the light
on my dear heart
this love is something you can't find
they don't teach you in the books
it's real life
defines
its one of a kind
i'm glowing ..

its hard to not wanna fit in with the cool kids
your mom gets mad at you for hanging with them
'if they say c'mon lets go and jump off a bridge"
your going to follow
anything to fit in.

__
the taste of liquor on your lips drives me
insane
goosebumps thrive on the back of my neck
irresistible touch
****
traces of your sultry skin
eating me up inside


i'm drunk

___

my dreams turned to nightmares
and i'm afraid
i'm not getting anywhere
running circles passing myself by

day in , day out
the seasons may change but i never do.
always the same
____
i wake up the next day and its always the ******* same
my life is stuck on repeat like starting over a game
that you lost but i'm getting nowhere
not learning anything to help me repair
its all too much and not enough.
the CD has a scratch that i cannot buff
much like my problems, i'm so fed up.
screaming in my head 'like what the ****'
life goes on, and i'm still messed up.

______
my dreams turned to nightmares
and i'm afraid
i'm not getting anywhere
running circles passing myself by

life is funny , fate misleads
what does it cost to just be free?
the devil is waiting to be unleashed
into a never ending circle

obsessed with wanting to be happy
what is that kinda life?
i question its existence
purely a dream i cannot seem to conceive
happiness
it's not me, i swear it.
perhaps the opposite of my feelings.
i view other people and seek into their minds
yet i never find the key.
I'm searching for a way to get in, if i could just take a peak
maybe its all i need

a ghost i'm chasing


will i die before ever knowing?..

-it's the end-


it was the end of a heartache
it was the end of a nightmare
it was the end of one world
but not of the girl

never knew she was strong
for holding on for so long

heart at the end of the brink
she can barely breathe
trying to escape
aching to be free

-it's the end-

when is the end
and here she's begging
for the message
at the bottom of a bottle
can't find the answers
that's the problem

the end of beginning

my hearts beats for you
never felt something so true
in a million years of getting hurt
who knew you'd be the one
id never want to be apart


its meant to be
its destiny

the look in your eyes
takes me away
a foreign place, yet i feel safe
when im with you
its a dream
together we can face reality

if i had a choice
it would be you
the only way my dreams come true
its always you

your going to wake up and realize this is not the life
this is not the kind
of person you'd ever beg to be
not a chance in this eternity

drugged up and ****** up at least all hours of the day
hiding behind a familiar face
or its just a phase
that's what they like to say

im hiding , or posing behind a name
I've lost myself along the way
cant control this destiny

drowning in my demons
the world on my shoulders
keep my head up
tell me when its over

deep into the abyss
my mind lays with it
to search for ways to escape
is suicide

dancing around the edge
of the devils corner

[ e s c a p e ]

vision into the future
i seek the words so faintly read

the surface seems surreal

her words scream...

agony ,
betrayal,
confusion,
denial,
empathy,
forgiveness
guilt
hope
insecurity
jealousy
kindness
love
maturit­y
negligence
outrage
passion
questions
realism
sarcasm
tears
unit­y
vacancy
warmth
x...
youth
zen

im sorry...

pour a shot
shoot me in the f*kn head
this **** is explicit
im on my knees at the edge of my bed
just prayin
lord save me
from all the sorrow
all the tears
i spent my whole life living in fear

broken hearted
torn apart
limb by mfn limb
if love is a sin
send my *** to hell
every task i try turns to dust and i fckn fail
i keep asking for signs like my *** aint blind
never ever did i learn to read braille

this is the end of the beginning

im sorry..

to put 100% effort into all that was worth it
the future
love doesn't last unless its lust
if just for a moment
my body is just like a catacomb
tore my heart right out of my chest
and now im in debt
for the rest ..of my mfn life
enough is enough
im signing over my got **** rights
of this life

twenty four years
pour a glass , cheers
do you like what you see in the mirror?

one time a year
celebration of all life
and all what you have in sight

a new beginning
a new promise
grab within reach
what is in your sight
or reach for w fight

another year only known of life

twenty four ounces of a glass
pour yourself a drink..


happy birthday to myself

trying too hard to please you
don't you know I want to
just to make you happy
I would do anything
anything
anything...

anything, just to make you happy
I'm so blind in love
I cant see
I cant be free
not unless , you let me

oh you see, love is not always meant to be
but meant to live in the moment
and not in a dream

but once again, ill try anything...

drink-ing
my
feel-ings
this cant be
real to me
not just yet
can't live with regret
see the past, and forget..

****.
oops I mean sorry
haven't wrote in awhile
been MIA, kind of
usually my words are my feelings
my thoughts, actions, throughout life
yet I cannot combine the two
I am misconstrued, definitely
lost between a black hole and space
as if that made quite the difference
HA

oops
I'm doubting my own self
depicting all my faults
limb by limb
until I fall apart

tell me how much more can I resist?
can I handle until I'm done
am I done?

your heart is black
you taste like honey
don’t care about anyone but the money
retrace your steps back to where our paths crossed
went left & that’s where you went wrong
i followed you and your impure thoughts

lick my lips as you taste so sweet
too bad your soul is as dead as can be
but there is no stopping me
from falling in love
with the wrong things

escaping
* hiding
underneath
my true feelings

an urge to escape
what feels like a dream
i open my eyes and i simply can't believe
out of nowhere you appeared to me
from thin air
traveling at the light of speed

yet not quick enough
before i let love in i cut my heart to bleed
amongst the ground into tiny pieces
of me

escaping
im hiding
underneath
my true feelings

idk how much i can take of this anymore
looking for any reason to walk out the door
with love in the air i hold my breath
while fear pushes me to the brink of death

so many different places to hide
if i let you in
where goes my pride
how long till this love thing dies

and honestly
i stop to think
am i strong enough
strong enough for love

watching the sunrise with you
a true beginning of each day
its radiance danced on our skin
goose bumps travel from the tips of our body warming inch by inch into our hearts,
warm bodied and full of life
its your love that drives me insane
day by day
my heart glows into my aura that shines on the outside
much like the sun

living in the present
remembering the past
reminiscing in thoughts of the last glance
in pursuing the future

- past-

you used to live but a few houses down
"together forever", yet you were nowhere to be found
drunk in love nonetheless stuck in a funk
dreamt of a life , where two wrongs make a right
but the future to be deemed was never in sight

- present day -

hearts beating simultaneously
the stars sparkle throughout the night sky
as daylight seems to pass on by
pieces of me were scrambled in the world
but you put me back together and made me your girl


-  contemplating -

this man i met
resembles a part of the past
i cannot seem to fathom
struggling to grasp
the concept of love

-----

imagine the day, a few houses distanced
imagine the day i knew of your existence
imagine love, without resistance

you left me
stranded on the side of the road
like i was someone
you've never known
left me for dead
messed up my mind
im living outside my head

the roads get lonely at night
as i look forward reaching the stop sign
i realize
i was never worth your time

instead, i was left for dead

the road slowly comes to an end
as you look out on the sunrise
final last breaths


as im left for dead

I've been
feeling
lately,
like a disappointment

what can i do?

..if im not enough for you

i try so hard,
daily
to be happy and gracefully
but it never seems to work out
and

im failing fast

any moment and im drowning

sometimes i just wanna die
sometimes i ask myself why do i try?
if im not enough
than it must be pointless
to find reasons to go on..

what a disappointment

looking into the past
wondering why we didn't last
all those chances i gave
all the promises you made

i should have known
all the promises you would break

forever reminiscing
thought it was you i was missing
it was always your *** i was kissing
tell me how i got so caught up

in lies
in what i thought i knew but was disguised
memories, and how i wish that they would die
like our love
so ashamed of how many times i tried

its in the past
how i wish to forget
but my heart doesn't stand a chance