lately,
i've thought about my anxiety
how it rised to be
never before a few years had happened
before I went through a traumatic experience
no, explanation

yet, it still haunts me to this day
do you remember?
I bet you don't

you see these are my struggles
in my day to day activities

as much as I tried to ignore that part of my life
I can not.
not for the life of me.

years passed and here I am struggling with a form of PTSD..

this is not a poem
but in order for me to write
I must write about my struggles
what's keeping me from achieving certain goals
I cannot continue to live this way
although, every single face
reminds me of that one brief moment

I can't escape

I wish this was only a poem and not real life
I don't know how much more I can take
this kills me
slowly

even if you read this
I know you would never understand


experiencing this is not the same
as when we parted ways
this is not a poem

it's not...

you are the most beautiful person i've ever accepted into my life
my heart tingles sending electrifying waves straight through my veins
drawing ever sense of mine to
your soul

the power of connection that brings two spiritual beings to collide into one is indefinite
your aura annexes the neurons traveling throughout my body

this path appeared without my knowledge of intertwining fate
in where I'd never encounter a most perfect individual
one full of the universe multiplied by years of worth

till the end of time and back, for there is no death of a soul
if I could just freeze this ripple in time where our bodies encounter
with a warm intoxicating embrace
so exhilarating,

in this life that exists today,
I'm delighted to have accompanied your presence
an aesthetically pleasing inner being

one that encourages me to have a better perception of existing
to live life vicariously with a passion

a mentor
beloved friend
one who reads my soul like an open book


you are my soul and I am your mate.
influential in every way
the words that you say
leave me crazy
but in a good way
I swear

i've been putting my actions into words
I cannot compare to observe
so if you, you know


my soulmate

can you imagine?
if life went right for just a minute
a minute that lasts a lifetime
before you could take your next breathe
it all flashes in the blink of an eye
fast forward to yesterday
and the moments that once were
a breath of fresh air
and the smell of your hair
I miss you if only for just a minute
if only a minute could last a lifetime
I'd hear your laugh again
see your smile on your face
my eyes always were drawn to your warm embrace

life is anything but a journey of lessons
that you've taught me
to now carry as a blessing
guiding me as a light through the darkness
if only for a minute
if only for a breathe
just once more

if only

why can't you just leave my mind
exit away
like all of the tears i've cried
it's been too long
these feelings should be
well under control

can you imagine
all of the thoughts
that my brain has concurred

it's been too much

how can you tell if it's lust or love?
how can you tell when

I've been waiting
a long time
for my dreams to come true

and then it happened
when I met you

All of my life
has been a tragedy
I've been blind to follow
what's in front of me

if you only knew...

what I keep, deep inside of me

If I open my eyes
I'd see a loving heart
I'd see the world as it is
and still, believe in love

in miracles
in the way life goes
on and on

and it's hard
hard to want to dream
hard to believe
in you and me

but you gave me everything
how could I not repay
when you were the only one to ever save me

that's how I knew
when I met you
it was a sudden pause of breath
a deep faith into the sea
an everyday daydream

miracles happen
once in a lifetime
so I knew
when I met you
this was a sign

haunted ghosts roam around
in the dark of the night
you might get spooked if you see one in front of your eyes
don’t be scared for halloween only comes but once a night
the dead come alive
giving you chills down your spine
although, if caught by a witch
i suggest you run
she’ll put a spell on you just for fun

left for dead
on the brink of despair
chaos of life, has left me here
an urge to fight is no longer present
trapped inside a four walled prison

ripped down the middle
hanging by a thread
a heart that bled
.. to death

white girl runs through my veins
driving me insane
lost in a moment in time
i can't tell you why
but i'm telling you i'm fine
i'm just doing what i have to do
to take things off my mind

F*
so social anxiety is a real disorder
it affects the best part of us
yes I want to go out
yes I want to see you
I'd love to actually
but you see
the way my anxiety is set up
rain check?

socially comfortable
no
social stability
I need both.
inside my demons fight each other to the core
death match
me vs.me

left in the middle
of a never ending discussion
between me and you

love is not what love is or what love used to be
love grows. and love grew inside of me for the very first time.
true love that is, love that i thought would never exist except in movies or my favorite romance novels.
imagine falling in love with your best friend, unknowingly.
days pass you by and the sun shines on a sun-kissed face,
embracing all of life beauties. without knowing you fell for love of everything.
love of life, the trees, the universe, people and those who inhabit your life.
every small thing became big, within reach was possibility.
for new chances, changes, and that's when it hit you.
HARD.
like a brick, like bricks, like the titanic came and sunk on your heart , on your whole body even
in the most angelic way, your heart was full of life, of peace, unity of the most purest form of love.
seeing their face for the first time after that was mesmerizing.
tiny butterflies filled your stomach, any chance to talk to , to be in their presence, fighting the urge to jump into a full of *** rage.
blood running warm between your veins , melting away deep inside your body.
if only they could notice you...
until the end, is where this story gets better.
perhaps , a fairy tale ending is in store for you, or perhaps the best is saved for last.
perhaps, a few exchanged glances, a small grin at your jokes, a simple brush against the arm, leaves an open discussion of flirtation.
fluttering of the hearts , engaging in more than a friendship, but an assurance.
completely lost from the start, we somehow found ourselves tangled deep into the web of mystery.
so,
when we reach the end, remember it is also the beginning of a love so true,
reciprocating feelings deep inside, where both parties can know longer hide it.
to fight the urge to not love, is torture in the deepest form.
love is what love was, and love grows into something more.
love grew into my soulmate.

                                             with love,
                                                        a soul.

your soul sends me good luck when i endure it
passionately
never ending
much like a disease
forever pending , on accountability
of a sensing...
i know you want to indulge in a certain life
that was made for you
beyond time
nothing could resist
your lips taste of honey
your mind so pure
your body is a temple
a goddess
searched near and far
when i find you ,i won’t let go
imagine when i get there

***** and whiskey
mind gets slippery
uneven slopes down your body of..
hope,
one day, to understand
pessimistic feelings
fading away in the distance of ones thoughts
impaired
for moments of time
moments of life
escape
within the reach of my fingers
i can feel the exit on the tip of my grasp
subzero liquor bottles numb my soul inside
as i take a sip that drips down my spine
chilling
over an uneasy stomach
words ***** as i open my mouth to
express
certain sentiments boiled deep into a gut wrenching void
of living with distant reflections
intoxicated thoughts tangled in the brain.

we all coexist within another.
father time, granting us a constant movement of life
a cloaked, bearded man with the power of an hourglass.
an endless cycle of highs and lows effecting the world
as above so below.
alas, without love, the earth would turn to dust
drawn together, since the beginning of eternity
father time founded mother earth.
intertwined out of chaos, a nurturer was born.
to create out of love,
trees alongside the sea
time never catching up to the speed of light
equality of the unknown, transpiring its purpose to live
granted, the universe aligns in peace
nirvana at its peak
solely, as an individiual
we seek the hidden purpose
beyond ones navigation of life