Drawing trying to see it feel it in his head. From the pencil on the page letting go of raw emotions that are pent up. Letting go of all the toxic bad people. He wanted to retaliate but realized it was a waste of time. They'll get triggered to justify their actions. They have hate boiling and burning on the back burner. Ready to serve it but not taking it or interested in what's being dished out.

Wired different from everyone
Told to be a tough but sensitive always hiding it
A lover struggle within not sure how to feel.
Always have something to say
Feelings get the best of everything
Told her how I felt she didn't love me back
I held it all in she left and never looked back
Dreaming big barely getting by fighitng to survive
Feels like things are dieing need to be revived
Hard to breathe need to make a move
Praying for love hopeless with romance
Love hate turns into loves to hate
Career not paying out with many more fears
Over the suffering wipping tears still here
Another expression seen like a protest
Standing tall for change things remain the same
Paid dues picked everyone else it's true
Stood talk for the crew all the betrayal
Turned their back treated cruel
Moved on found passion staying loyal pure true

Most hate their job but I'm thankful to be working. On my down time I do what I love which is write. It doesn't feel right to go without it. It takes me away to a better place. I can write stuff I have a hard time saying and express myself without others judging or treating me different because I have an opinion and not a yes man. Writing has got me through tough times and things are only getting better.

Sober living accused of drinking
No longer the decoy or one to blame
Was always loyal and true getting hate
While you lie and cheat, sneaking around finally got caught up
Talking bold while intoxicated now that you sobered up not saying much or anything
Always the scapegoat for those in the wrong
Got use to being alone made it easier to grow
Don't blame others for your mistakes it's your life so own up
Use admire your way of life turns out you are worse off
Knocked me, told me to be someone, I was not and did not agree with
You cheat and play victim once they leave you and move on
Learned from your ways told myself be better
Why are you two faced; one fake to those who care about you acutally looking out
The other bad mouthing to those who don't care about your safety or well being.
Once I walked away you are no longer my problem and no longer my concern
Use to worry but you like to slaunder my name

Appreciating the moment when things become clear so many unanswered questions. Making sense of everything it's a load off. It's cool to collaborate but being told yes and ignored is the worse. Being heard and understood is a breathe of fresh air. I'm not one to impose on others or go out of way to give my opinion when no one asked.
Writing Has been on my mind, asking, "how do I want to say this?" Set a tone where it can help others that want to be helped. It's hard to put yourself out there but once you get out there you won't regret it. You'll experience rejection and ignored but once you connect with the right people it will be worth your time.

Thankful for others concerns but don't agree with their perception of how they feel or think by mistaking my kindness as weakness. Talking about you to get a reaction make you look bad in front of people you value. Trying to make you devalue yourself lowering yourself to their level which is below your standards.
At one point you looked out for them and they came at you making you a target because they have nothing going or things are bad they set themselves up to fail and trying to bring you down with them.
Learning to say NO and not interested not following trends. Lost interest in crowd because they expect and take; it's never enough. More made up rules and standards that go in their favor. Leaving you feeling used and humiliated for trusting them thinking they actually valued you as a person.

When you don't care for the hype
Then a cross over occurs the blurred lines
Making what you love toxic internal struggle
It was already a love hate relationship
Trying to understand but this kept changing
Making it more complicated no longer making sense
Thinking it might get better but keeps getting worse
Being set up to fail trying to grasp success
Trying to heal in a place that cause the illness
The crowds never happy or it's never good enough
Burnt out and frustrated from all the criticism
Giving your all not getting anything in return
All those promises turn out to be lies
Agreeing but no intentions of honoring their word
Saying one thing but doing another
Staying humble while scumbags gloat
Doing the work while complainers Debate for a place than work for it

Over taking the blame when it's none of my business. You take your frustrations out on me but not taking it anymore. I'm always the bad guy, it's never good enough. I meant well trying to make things better in the end you rip me a new one tear me apart. I love and accept you when you are full of flaws. I accept them while you are quick to reject me. Not trying to argue or fight because I've played the game with your bully ways there is no winner you aim to hurt while I walk away.

Getting older over all the cold shoulder
Moved on but you can't pull me back
Over the bad vibes from numb to being alive
Cut out the toxic don't need your negativity
Times are changing doesn't mean it's going to change my ways
Open to change willing to listen but not influence by others and beliefs that have not love or don't accept me

Closer to seeing this event happen going down out of town. Away from home to experience the journey new encounters seeing into that world that culture onto something new hard to read signs to clues. Still feeling like an outcast not belong anywhere. So much haze proving himself. He worked hard gave his own didn't complain glad to be part of something. Even if they prejudged him made him out to be someone he's not. He didn't care for politics all he wanted was to finish and do his job right without burden or frustration. He stopped drinking relapse was the worse idea. Drinking with people who assume and expect the worse for problems they made. He took the blame while they were quick to blame someone else.
He reminded them they were blessed they had someone who loved them and kids that make them out to be the world telling not to ruin or mess that up for themselves. He didn't have much but made the the most of things and thankful for all the blessings. He was grateful and tired of holding back minding his mouth because his honesty usually got him in trouble.

They tried to break your spirit
Took the crap not doing it anymore
Smiled at the Haters being genuine
Dk everyone is mad soaked in misery
Took on the burden not doing it
Dropped the nonsense walked away
Use to be disappointed stopped caring
Breaking away feeling free from crazy
Silent to keep the peace alive
Focused on things that need to be done
Do what you love with passion
Get away from those toxic vibes
Meant for better a life outside
Escape these 4 walls out of the dark

The stranger in the mirror
A sign to take better care of yourself
Need to live always at work
Helping more than ones self
Use to be close now it's gone
Now it seems farther away
Smiled at her dk if she's interested
If she feels the same way back
Tired of being changed tossed away
Looking for love with the right one
Fixed for the next trying to be rejected
Need to be accepted for once
Over disrespect tired from arguing
Why fight for the wrong person
Someone living in the past looping
Who's stuck on an ex can't move on
Tired of waiting going crazy debating
Mind refuse to go along with the scam
A loving heart that's ready to settle

A friend would come for him asking for advice. His co-worker was engaged about to call it off. His co-worker asked him; "how do I get my ring back from my ex?" We broke up and I do not want her to have the ring I gave her. His co-worker in such a tough situation. Hard to help when you know nothing about relationships especially engagement. So he gave it a shot doing his best to help come up with a solution so the ring could be returned. He would tell him to tell his ex fiancee that smeagle would like the ring back because she was unworthy of the ring. His co-worker would look at him like he was no help but it was a start to getting the ring

Finding ways to past time not fond of down time always said you can't get in trouble if you're making money. Get lost in yard work and washing cars to get out of this insanity. Listening to music while writing. Finished a book now starting another feeling the mind drift away from all the nonsense that robs the heart of peace.
Being kind to everyone even when they vilify you for being different. Not a follower or a sheep been making another path. always working on something not sure what to do with it but invested in it all.

He wondered being creative
What moment of his life
He could put on the page
Possibly turn it into a scene
It loops in the back of his mind
His wild imagination off the charts
Trying to keep it simple
Not aware of his audience
Older use to being alone
Appreciating the art of story telling
Straight to the point is easy
Too much detail could be wordy
Over thinking tone possibilities

He loved his family they never talked all they did was talk about one another. Instead of building each other up all the hatred knocking on another.
Everyone goes through stuff but you can't tell people what to do or how to live their life. All you could do is warn them they won't listen choosing the hard way sometimes is the eye opener.
Being the oldest watching your siblings grow set in their ways not telling them anything then quick to judge you for not giving them their way. Trying to destroy you because they didn't get things their way

Sometimes people try to make you feel small because you are a threat to their power trip. Not interested in that role not trying to complicate things, but work hard do what's right. Keep striving to improve be better.
People don't always listen because they just want to tell you.
Writing has been therapy you bounce the idea around try to figure it out like a rubix cube. Able to make sense of these temporary feelings and emotions putting them into perspective.

Monty had been wanting to explore the world he was tired of being a hermit and work his life became a routine. Be spontaneous didn't get attached people come and go.
He loved to train MMA but it wasn't gun with all the gym politics they didn't take him serious. He worked with the fighters that would compete when he talked about it with the coach they showed no interest. His team mates made him

Dealing with change part of life
Onto new jobs starting a new
Leaving the old ones behind
A new crowd didn't fit in or belong
Might be easier somewhere new
Will miss the friendships that made work easy
No more taking on the power struggle
Empowering useless leadership
Not able to grow feeling weighed down
All the burden picking up the slack
Filling the void not worth it or fun anymore

He took a chance and failed
Didn't want to disappoint others
Did the business then it went sour
All the favors never returned
Helped a friend it was an act
Manipulated by a two faced fiend
Hard to trust anyone heard all the lies
Actions that spoke otherwise
Not forcing it or pretending it's cool
Tired of listening to tangents
Feeding a useless ego that crushes others

Trying to show love to good people
Eyes with perspectives seeking better
Focused on good doing improving
Always kept out looking in
Holidays a depressing time
Should be with family in comfort
Sharing a meal family function
Bring up old dysfunction causing stress
Made you feel bad for chasing a dream
Pointing out the flaws insecurities
Trying to be one's self without doubt
The tension escalates together
After ignoring one another all year
Breaking from the old family
Starting a new hoping the old would gel
Come together make new memories
Positive vibes instead of the old habits
Create a new book change the traditions

Some people could live a double life
He struggled with living one
Working on self improvement
Personal growth eyes wide open
Seeing straight no more distractions
Rising above the hate not grounded
Too many detours fighting to make it
All the heartbreaking set backs
After all the years of doing the job
Now it's official seen as the real thing
Not being taken seeing as a joke
Things got serious very intense
No one is playing anymore

Saying good bye is hard
Especially when you're not ready
You are tired Id like more time
One more day to share a laugh
Make a moment I've grown
Learned so much taking your advice
Work hard and take the initiative
You served your country and a hero
Thank you for serving our family
Your moral code and ethics will live on
Still in denial cant believe you're gone

He wondered if he'd ever be normal again laying in the dark. Elevating his feet because they'd swell up. Waiting for that call from Arizona that 480 area code for a possible donor.
It's sad but the person signed up for it to help others. The person needs to pass in under 45 minutes once the plug is pulled. The ***** is placed in a simulator to produce bile if that works the person waiting has to race to from CA to AZ. Once the ***** is set the person will get a liver as those calls are exciting but draining.
You tell a few people then feel like a disappointment because it hasn't happened yet. Somethings are beyond your control you have no say. He didn't want to miss work, or leave his coworker because work would pile up. He'd come back to a mess.
The problem was they can't get coverage and some complain trying to get his crew in trouble following procedure. They dk how it works but assume the job is easy. Catering to their needs already isn't enough.
Trying to use the union to manipulate everyone while harassing everyone in their little cliques that don't do anyone any favors out for their selfish gain

In a field where the wind blows quietly with a green fence as he threw his softball at a stump it rolled back. Took in the scene at peace feeling at ease away from all the chaos and insanity. At peace with nature feeling all the insanity fade away no more bad memories and pain the silence empowering gain.