On the mats knee banged up
Caught in a wrist lock
Work on defense to counter
Trying to survive the round
An older body limited rolling
With a younger opponents
Hoping to burn out their energy
Apply the technique use momentum
Be patient experience taking on speed

I remember I enjoyed drinking thinking I was a bad person. I'd share a story or two with my peeps hoping to feel find closure. Never cared to do drugs but a close friend did a line of coke right in front of me. People changed my addiction consumed me. Another friend stole so she could get her fix but it never made things right. The day she stole from me things changed. I needed to clean up. I realized alcohol made me tolerant to people because I didn't always agree or understand it would blind my judgement. I didn't like others speaking on my behalf or representing me. Once I quit drinking times got hard. My friends fall away. I changed but they think I'm that same person no longer that person anymore. Older wiser and never the same sober living has made me alone. I would question everything but I only question my actions and what I want looking for so I can achieve my goals and dreams.

Live life to the fullest
After a brother was executed
It was like living for two
After a liver transplant
You learn to live for you
Stay loyal and true to yourself

Kind of annoyed always straight up and forward open to talk but making me out to be the bad guy because you are overwhelmed. Being two face won't get you anywhere but you make problems and don't deal with them. I help try to provide solutions Im not permanent but work like a fulltimer because it's the right thing to do you knock me down but I'll comeback show you how it's done. You expect too much but never give or make an effort to talk about your concerns. You lash out bark but no bite I respect your calls even if you are wrong. Ive made mistakes and owned up while you act flawless and careless towards others

He realized he was meant for better let go of all the bad and negative. Things around him change didn't care for the toxic vibes put out by those he loved learned the hard way that he wasn't always going to be liked and can't please everyone.
He watched people be fake one way with him and a whole new person with someone else. He had their back and looked out for them. While they knocked him said bad things making everything personal. He knew their ***** secrets but he didn't say anything. He walked away if he spoke up he would be as low as them. He didn't like others reflecting him or trying to make him look bad. He can easily do it himself he didn't need their second hand hatred.
He lost friend people he valued you like but with his family there was already so many critics. He didn't need more. He wanted to be everyone's friend someone their turn to if they needed help but he decided to stay away from everyone's drama avoid all the gossip he never talked about anyone he always said it to their face. He thought they'd appreciate him for it but it got him hated. While others would bad mouth and be fake got loved and praised it never made sense. He was always over looked and never given a chance. He worked didn't brown nose. He worried and prayed his work would stand on its own. He learned on his own while others had guidance. He wanted to make it tired of looking over seeing the grass was green but he did keep trying to make his grass seem just as good maybe better.

He had dreams about kids
Married to someone from the past
No longer associated with anymore
Wondering what they meant
Going forward not going back
Escaped with bad memories
Do better in the next relationship
Heal from the things doing better

Just because its going on doesn't mean you need to get involved. Sometimes you win and they try to discredit you. Once crap hits the fan they want to give you all the credit.

I'd rather do my own thing than clean up another mess I didn't make. People will betrayal you but just keep a distance. I don't care to hold a grudge, but if I don't trust a person. I'd rather not be involved.

I tolerate and forgive realizing things will never change. Some will never take accountability for their actions. When there's no scapegoat that's the person will get caught up. No one to blame but themselves be responsible for your actions.

Growing up with that girl they called your girlfriend because she was around was weird since half the time she showed no interest. She would correct you or check you but it was nothing serious as you get older you don't notice one another other than growing up together.

Sometimes you have to cut ties
You get tired of lies and stories
They have no respect for you
If they could lie to your face
Trying to BS their way through
Rather than work hard to earn it
Don't borrow money or say you will
If you can pay your debt
Eventually your words mean nothing
Holding no value a lost cause
Stop wasting others time
Trying to make manipulate others
With a bias agenda an evil demeanor
Fueled by hate and anger the ugly side
Not empowering the insanity
Or feeding into passive selective hearing
Not playing those mindgames walked away
Silence is strong focused on being better
Where the weak are loud in protest
Trying to make a camp of followers
To hate a person for having an opinion and being different

Ready to go home over the drama
Ready to leave see my mama
My time is done time to have some fun
Spoke my mind told the truth don't need to run
No need to blame it on the alcohol to make a drunk call
Always the same but the filter breaks under the influence telling the truth everyone gets so defensive
Called them on their shady ways not they made plotting revenge to make me pay
Already honest and modest not putting up with all this taking it all in because you going through some BS sorry you choose to go through and settle for less
The time is up going home don't need to listen to everyone issues get the tissues this is work leave at the at home. Focus on the job your are a mess at least pretend you are grow. Shut up work get paid who knows you might get made paid more so hang in there until next time off the clock got to go

Fell of trying to get back on track feeling distracted trying to stay centered and composed. Working hard barely getting it done trying to stay strong not fall back into bad habits. The sugar calming the nerves becoming a craving every time stress feels high. Anxiety taunting you telling you the opposite of what needs to be done. Being ******* yourself since it feels like it's on you no more passing through filling the void.

As I grow older friends get married
Some have kids and start families
Sad how everyone grows a part
Some find success and achieve greatness
Others get lost and struggle with addiction
So many struggle with loss and change
Sometimes change is good others have a hard time with it
Divorce occur with failed trust or conflict of interest
Some have kids but don't see them and struggle to pride some as a single parent
Heartbreak takes time to heal overcome obstacles
Work is to survive others become workaholics to avoid the change that's hard to cope with
Or some try to drown out their sorrows using alcohol hoping to fill that hole so they can be whole feel complete

All we do is hurt one another
Not a match or meant to be
Hard to shake can't take it anymore
What I thought was right is now wrong
Look of disgust and broken trust
From smiles to smirks the heart turn black
That love turns to hate evil eyes Pierce the soul
From eye contact to hard to look at
From hugs and love to avoiding one another

New year focused on being better
Got close but never broke through
Pushed back made waves
Dealt with the backlash
Usually sit in silence and mindful
Doing things that need to be done
Most try to guilt or tell you your wrong
They'd rather watch you help than succeed
Willing to help but they'll bail on you
Got use to being alone
Enjoying ones company

In the dark trying to rest the sound of chirping birds in the distance. Time to rise and greet the day in return. Nature vibe make the world feel a live. Times have changed full of rage but let go don't be afraid to turn the page. Focused on today fresh start and be more, the past is yesterday which is forgotten.

Not the same anymore
Ppl talking lies not able to trust
Actions that made things personal
Rather than seek revenge cut the cord
Claiming to love you but with another
Wanting to show love selectively
After causing hurt same bad behavior
Not rewarding toxic living with good
Empowering corruption manipulation

Changing things up time management
Making the most of what's given
Wish people would talk to one another
Instead of talking about each other
Over taking on egos that are two faced
Not empowering people condescension
Saying one thing actions cause conflict
Seen through the act left in confusion
Trusted the wrong people left in doubt
Spoke soft to see who's listening
Calm collected maintained
Talked loud many with a lack of interest

New plans and ideas to rise up. From the bottom to the top spoke up tired of being silent. Knowing having an opinion causes enemies instead of bringing gaps. Not taking the crap anymore took a stand even if it meant being alone.
Hard to sleep with "what if" on the mind? Asking "when?" And is it truly worth it. So many ideas the heart dk how to feel or what to think anymore this mind racing on the redline.

Wake up do it all over this routine gets old and time for a change. So much on my mind and needs to be done. I wrote scripts that never go used. I wrote monologues that need to be performed. Writing is fun but I use it to vent always listening to others and have no one to hear my frustrations after I write it takes the anxiety away.
Making sense of these built up thoughts pit on the spot never ready or sure what to expect half the time. The moment passed and was missed so many other things on my mind.

He hates critics he was wild fun over the top. He got hated on stood tall and strong. It all came crashing down. He was self destructive tore himself down to be accepted one thing he truly regrets. He was honest but stopped talking and listened all he heard was bs and excuses. He was one who tried all they did was knock him point out a flaw after all his hard work and effort. He worked harder than most failed. Tried never have up and failed. He was going through all this saying soon my time will come. He took the back burner saying this will get me ready for the next level and it never happened. He took criticism proved them wrong did it because they said it couldn't be done. He was used chewed up spot out. They blew past him and went for someone who ****** up Not because they were qualified. He was denied but kept saying he's meant for something better. They made him out to be someone he was not. He knew who he was but they kept telling him otherwise. Be this way do that but they weren't doing it; who and why do they think, they know better.
Always thankful to be working because know what it's like to lose a job and not have one. How to deal with heartache when someone doesn't appreciate how you feel about them. People always want to change you but don't want to change themselves or make others look bad because they aren't doing anything. Break free reinvent yourself so you are better and happy avoid and cut out What's bad and not making you better. It doesn't happen right away but don't settle or quit kelp trucking. A loss can to a gain take it learn from the weakness and improve. Keep at it something will give in the end you can either get better or be one of the best at it.

He stopped worrying about the scale numbers. He knew what had to be done and did it. Writing was his way of expression a journey with the right people he collaborated began to grow.
He noticed they had the big house and not happy. He didn't have much, but happy for most.
He was tired of trying to be put in a box and labels that had nothing to do with them. He knew some used their platform to manipulate others and take advantage. He stood his grown they hated him for it. He wasn't listening to them because he knew what he had to do, and what had to be done.

There was no going back for him, his ex wanted to start over but they had failed before. Why make the same mistake. He was broken and she was pleading because she didn't want to be alone. The tough love and history was not enough to to keep them together. He preferred to be alone while she couldn't handle being alone clinging to anyone who gave her the time of day.
He was learning to love again most of all love himself through the though times. He gave his all to her it was not enough. He wasn't her type she settled and made him feel unwelcomed. While he tried to make it work the outcome was never good enough.
It was over no going back since he had moved on dated right away and he waited gave himself time to grow and heal after being in a difficult relationship. Coping was all new since he always kept dusting himself off and moving forward not staying in places that made him feel unvalued and no appreciated. If it didn't feel right he kept searching for new a place to call his own but got use to being a drifter.

Not one to complain if it's not in my favor I don't care
Keep working hard going strong do what's right not into empowering evil deeds
Not buying into the wicked not one to cheat to win
Not into the cheaters a bunch of man eaters
Golddigger who claim the prize but did nothing
They don't deserve to be their stealing the credit
No more lies or buying into them
Cut me out talk bad out me you'll regret it
You decided to oppose me don't ask me for a favor forget it
Worked hard and sick still fighting to make it to the end
Someone get praised for doing nothing
While I do as much as possible not even acknowledged

Trying to break this cycle of crazy
Turned away from all those things
What once matter is now worthless
Doing the work struggling alone
Approval now longer required
Reached out now forgotten
Bad memories remain escape the pain

Called ghetto for standing up for myself
Told the truth everyone is mad
The lies continue to fester and pester
Easier to walk away everything lost value
Only in it for the insurance for medication
Called a super hero for bouncing back
Trying to be normal after surgery
Always seen as different standing tall

He was a new person and ran into people from the past they tried to judge him remind of who he was and use to be. He was no longer that person they once knew. He started new made changes cut out the negative and toxic people. He did care for his friends but did not want to compromise who he became to make them happy. He was his own person; he did miss the group, but they did not represent him or speak on his behalf.
They tried to shame him for his bad habits that he no longer did anymore. He walked away because he knew it was no longer the same. He could not go back they tried to replace him. He was no longer part of the tripod. He helped them get started on projects but after being ignored and denied. They claimed he was part of the group but his input was never taken into consideration.
He started his own projects where he found gratification and satisfaction for his efforts.
He learned he couldn't find himself in others and being part of a group would only limit him so he decided to do what he loved and pursued his passion. He cared for people valued them but they did not think highly of him. He wasn't materialistic but they did take his cut of his investment. He let it go found his own way.

He was always shy till he got to know the person. He admired her smile and appreciated when they talked. They both had their own crowds two world could they coexist in one together. He was use to being alone while she stood out made the crowds seem fun. He was new to dating a late bloomer while she was experienced wise for her age.
He wanted the perfect moment but he had to make it happen. Things never felt right he saw it one way that was not the reality. It played out in his head his confidence was there but when it came to the moment he froze up couldn't speak. The thought of rejection or no froze his body deep in thought millions of ideas coming into the mind.
He didn't want to hurt or hurt her. Thoughts of this crush turning into more that admiration turning to hate. He wanted to grow with her but she had no clue how he felt. He did feel something. Hard to react on these bottled up unexpressed emotions. Never too old to love but always hard to start over mixed emotions mixed signals not sure how to feel.
Every crush he had the girl was taken or not into guys they both usually like the same kind of girls. He didn't expect much but was tired of hearing about their bad relationship giving advice helping them work it out when all he wanted was for it to end over all the games no more pretending to be okay when it's eating him up inside keeping secrets about fading love made him lose interest in relationships. He had a few unhealthy crazy flings those crazy insecure crushes would cause him to protect his heart making it hard to express himself his words would cause them hurt but he was being honest learned about sensitivity even though he grew up with honesty made him insensitive. Always looking for the right words new love old love was there but always came to an end without him being ready to let go had no say. Hated to overthink let go of that pain. Felt like himself normal free even though he's use to being weird and alone.

He went to work and wanted to be left alone. They assumed he was mad and assumed he was mad or upset it would annoy him. He just wanted to get his work done not in the mood to socialize half the time he tried to mingle and got ignored. He always was in good spirit but didn't want to be settle asking where should he be or go if they wouldn't make him full time. He was hard working put in more effort than the hired on full timers. He was willing to make a difference he worked like he was a boss but not paid like one. He acted like an owner to his area and gave his all.
He always did what he loved and made work even when it wasn't. He didn't like cutting corners or half *** the job. He wasn't treated fair but he thought positive he would wake up everyday a new person a better person. He was scared to fail but he came up short. He kept saying tomorrow will be a better day. He was over the lies false promises where they did nothing with him but get his hopes up. He worried ready to walk away find something new so he could add more skills to his talents.
He didn't like to settle deep down he had this urge to break his routine try something new move onto a new chapter in his life. He tried so many things but have found a match. He felt it was right but got proved wrong. He hated being wrong so it was hard for him to make a move. He was more annoyed because when things went well he got no love or perks. If something went wrong everyone was quick to point that and hold that burden over his head thinking they had say or control over his actions.

You trust and respect them they don't value you. You worked for yours while one is juiced in the higher ups gave him everything. The other was a great work but been selective on efforts. He did value his team seen himself as a team player playing a major role.
Took one for the team but not taking the heat for someone with bad instructions. Followed the leads orders to get the job done all the wrong tools were provided.
The lead given his spot with heat because his bad rep is toxic. Sad you can't get ahead or trust anyone. Mistakes were made let's fix them and learn from them. Trying to man up own up do what's right. Outsiders will talk but they don't know they aren't there.

In his mind that moment he seen it
But knew what needed to be done
He loved the sport wanted to add
His influence be part of it of it
The training to make it to the next level
Taking time making them steps
Going through the motions
Slowing it down being smart
Taking calm trying not to over react
Laying on his back trying to see it
Imagine himself doing it with finesse
Doing it right staying focused on the game