fighting to be an equal being provoked
easier to walk away, no reason to stay
one-sided argument staying silent
done trying to prove myself worthy

Always doing extra it's never enough
Made time for it all can't even ask for a favor
Always giving but can't expect anything in return.
Been fed up with the process
Instead of doing What's right they'll take whatever and settle
Never in mind for a promotion but always the first when something needs to be done
Trying to make it and not stay

He asked for their opinion and all they did was knock him. They showed no interest in his passion. It angered him took it like they did not believe in him. He was always respectful and supportive of others. He know listening and holding back would get him no where so he focused on what he loves and continued to prove them wrong. He had taken way more risks than most.
He didn't get mad but got better. He did the work while they criticised him. He didn't let them bother him he used the negative to write get out this burden they casted upon him.
He always turned a negative into a positive. He would not let their bad attitudes infect his day.

Starring at a blank page trying to see
Thinking what to write find feelings lifeless emotions
Not sure what to say thought of burning critics
So much comes to mind blows away with the wind
Feels blind to the world deep inside the mind safety zone
Tough from the rough times building strength for the soul
Things are right not in the fight up late another night
Never stay down with the struggle strive to survive
From friends to strangers grow apart move onto better
Silence the tongue taste of sourness spit on the phony
Over the lies from the insecure and obsession obsorbed distractions leads to dramatic reactions
Break free focused on success not less
Go forward not back grow into more
Broken truth no more false promises
One finding truth no longer associate with fake
Insecure with harsh judgement try to break the reality
Delusional realities consume like an addiction
Control with no plans, repeating crazy expecting a different outcome

On the beach holding her hand
The wind blowing a refreshing night
Just enough light to see one another the clash of the waves sand soft and cold
Intimate nature with natural vibes
The glowing fire lights up her face
Sitting on a tree log by the fire pit
Flames of fire providing heate
Listening to stories being told
Enjoying one anothers company
Moisture from the ocean giving chills
Close to one another to stay warm
The fog came in with the cold
Time to head in this beach night end

Today was a good day writing it all out so I can have inner peace. All the stress within melts away feel the good vibes increase. Doing better thank goodness summer is almost over this heat was burning me up. Spending time with my loved ones always fighting alone but part of going and trying to make it on your own. My prize possession use to be my phone. Doing my own thing trying to achieve greatness be grown.
Use to love being in the crowd now I'd rather be left alone
Emotions come out through the pen bleeds on the page
Overcome all the rage and hate finished the last page of this notebook so I can start another. New book new chapter same mental madness but not so obsessed not settling for less over all the labels useless protest.

The heart break from love
Sore from fighting through
Burnt out mentally overwhelmed
Pushing through physically
A scar shows healing overtime
Improvement doing better
Life with anger turns to humble
Pain becomes pleasure years of immunity
Free from anguish escaped the past
Released from the struggle free onto new

Feeling the blood rush to my face
We had a cool team turns out you're using me
Only call when you need something
Half the time they don't bother
Tried to be helpful and be resourceful
Now you cut me and not bothering
Went the extra mile, now you're hating my style
Showed up, gave my all; once again drop the ball
I was one to save you but you keep walking into danger
Cut me off treat me like a stranger
Karma burns it will come back to you
Need my college degree all I get is the 3rd degree
Went out of my way, mistreated, no need to stay
Believe in signs, sounds like, I'm being written off
Not interested or the type I'll be alright
Writing to my favorite songs, music gives me power
Music gives me strength, my heart energized, by the soul could light up, grow
That moment time to shine make it happen
Another road block so close
Another detour to arrive
Made it to the end, still have yet to finish
so close yet so far at the end, starting over again
Tired, defeated crazy enough to comeback for me
Not trying to obsess made progress
The result take away from the win
so much for a victory the credit stripped away
Now it's time to start over do it again

Lost in the music feeling the groove
Hitting the notes the fussion
Letting go of anger and frustration
Able to connect with the music
Forgetting about the work nonsense
Making music learning by ear
Trying to memorize the fretboard
Take in chord sounds stay in tune
Keep the tempo get the tone right
Harmonize finger placement

Some days are hard I give my all. I might nudge people because I mean well. It's been a tough week took a beating asked nice while being provoked and taunted. Some days I feel strong other days I feel like glass that can be easily broken but once broken those sharp ends cut and cut deep.
Sometimes it's a fight to be who I am but found change is part of life it will help you grow. I can't keep doing the same stuff moving forward progression.

He grew up with tough love and knew things didn't always have a happy end. Things went well then all of a sudden his world was turned upside down. Things didn't turn out in his favor so close too bad everything came up short. He wouldn't let detours or setback hold him back. Everyday a new plan, so he could move forward with his life. He'd count his wins but they were short lived, he learned more through the struggle with many life lessons filled with experience.

Not use to hanging out most work and have no social life. While some are married or have kids forced to grow most of all being responsible for their own. Got use to not making plans someone always flakes out or cancels. I was nice to have lunch with a cousin everyone is growing up some more determined than others. While some are just going through the motions. It's good to change it up break the cycle get out of the routine.

Not going back out grew it
They told you NO made it else where
Made it happen without approval
Its your dream don't let them take it
Accepted in one place working hard
Rejected in another for speaking up
Giving your all isn't enough
Taken off treated like an outcast
Sold your soul to evil taking the job
Knew what would happened
Tired of doing everyone's work
Feeling the void trying to help out
Kindness taken for granted
Full of regret now doubting efforts
Once confident now seen as worthless

Just because you talk louder and faster doesn't make you right. It's better to think what your saying and be resourceful than waste everyones time. Of course you come off as smart when you are talking about things no one understands or knows what you are talking about. You like to discredit others but don't like being questioned. When you speak you expect to be praised when I speak I'm surprised my opinion is being valued or heard. You don't take others feeling or have consideration as long as the perks are in your favor. How you treat others says a lot about a person. I grew up respecting my elders sometimes I could correct them but I listen polite since they should know better but that's not always the case. Smile and speak when spoken to.

Breaking free not going back
Didn't talk about anyone
It's okay to disagree and take a stand
When there's no reasoning
One way thinking and twisted logic
Open to listen and understand
Not being told what to do
All these demands not a follower
Just because no one argues
Doesn't make you right
Choosing peace over chaos

He wiped the tears said it will be okay
One bad week months of frustration
Doesn't define the rest of your life
New week new start new beginnings
Putting out god vibes to the universe
Trying to shine not be dull like the rest
Put out more energy not be sluggish
Finish strong take pride in work
All hustle grind no gimmick
The outcast for chasing greatness
Refusing to settle called entitled
Called crazy for having an opinion
Having a dream seen as delusional
Setting goals determined not stopping
A bad attitude for speaking up
Being ignored feeling insulted
Asked for courtesy to prepare
Given last minute notice set up to fail
Treated different from the rest
More double standards excluded

New mind set and way of doing things. He hasn't dated for a while thought about jumping back into it but after a few stressful from the past left him scared. I will get hired on fulltime and will get the courage to ask a girl out not be shy or nervous. Need to get back in shape my body doesn't heal or feel the same. I'm not mad sad or depressed I let that all go. No more trying to convince Megan to love me because she's married and has two kids. Or worrying about my friends because they forgot about me and don't give a **** about me. I ruined ivans relationship I don't blame him for not being my friend. I slept with Casey but she was a huge ***** that's why Jesus hates me. I told the truth looked out for a friend sad how they cut me only when they need something other wise they don't care about me. I love Dave but we can't be friends all he does is talk **** blame everyone for his life and negative I don't need negative and toxic people in my life. I love my family with them or without them I'll be my on person. I'm tired of making people happy and I'm miserable. I don't knock people to feel better about myself or use people I find a way and do it all myself. I miss people but I don't belong there or they don't want me ***** them it will comeback to them I'm not too worried. I mind my business and keep to myself. I'm glad she trusts me she's cute I'm sure she'll figure it out.

Each punch thrown
Every kicked landed
All the chaos fades away
The white noise bring peace
Pushing through the insanity
Pushing yourself to be better
Bring out your best everytime
Bring out the best in others
All the personal growth a gain
The experience with rich lessons
Brings out confidence

Been working strong got another month and half on this assignment. I've grown and learned so much. It's hard to leave I get close to people even though I can be antisocial some allow you to know them while others keep you distant. Being a sub you work hard to be full-time most of the time you get bounced around. I've met so many good people and wonder where I'll end up worked different departments trying to find my place a fit where I belong. I'm in a good place let go of so many things. I wished some people would comeback but it's best I let them go since they don't care to be around. I'm letting go of those tough moments in my head thinking how this happened or how I could've prevented it. The moment has passed getting my head out of work always focused on making it happen or getting it done. Never appreciated what's going on around me. A late bloomer made mistakes learned from them, failed but still trying to achieve my goals. I'm enjoying the blessings that come my way. Thankful to be in a better place I'm not saying next year is my year but I take one day at a time some are great while others are never ending. Talked with a friend about thoughts and ideas after years of writing what I'd like to do with some of the stories. I hope others enjoy them like I enjoy writing them.

He woke up to get his haircut at the shop with the fellas seeing them makes his morning.  he cleans up well so he decided to get his uni brow waxed. He went and heard all the gossip in the salon. Around lovely women made his morning since he's usually shy. As he gets old he knew it was important to take better care of himself. His groom days was his way of socializing even though he did meet people at work. Majority of the time he preferred to be alone. Times has changed and he did as well.

Not everyone you value feels the same
Not willing to think highly of you
You smile and love life to the fullest
They see you as a joke
while they soak in misery
Take advantage abuse your kindness
The mind is blind full of denial
A heart fueled with love
can rise above the wick
Dreaming made it hard to sleep
Lost in the fantasty not the reality

There was more world out there to explore
He has his skills and talent that went unnoticed
He was tired of being trapped when all he wanted was to be free
Always happy no one was happy for him
They only noticed when he made a mistake
He don't like how they tried to shake their heads
Trying working twice as hard to come out even
He prefer classy and sassy over sleezy and easy that usually came his way
Lived and learned grew all this happened shaping and helping him grow
He was already to go while his peeps where a no show so he had to go at it alone
He'd call them but no response their phone was in their hand
He got use to being ignored and not one to give into demands
If he returned the favor he'd be hate so he didn't play games just walked away to focus on what mattered

Going through the motions before the real thing most hate practice but practice is where you develop and grow your skills. Trying to find a new jujitsu gym not into the politics. Just want to train and grow in the sport.
He didn't care for politics, they were never in his favor. Over all the labels others tried placing on him. He was more than the baby sitter since these parents didn't take him serious. He didn't have a job but helped out got involved as he rose they kept him out. He would find his own way back on his own path. He was tried of explaining to people who didn't listen.
Being around people that didn't value him. He was burnt out from it all and lost it all thinking how to get back on track and do it right.

A fan of the sport
Enjoy the moment
Over all the criticism
Negative talk bad behavior
Bounce back from the demotion
More to life than a job
Thought about dating
Traveling to new place
Break the cycle escape routine
Spend time with family
Find love with the right one
Be around the right people
The wrong drain fueling energy
Toxic vibes stay away
Walk away towards greatness

She claims to love you but with someone else. Her touch and time together took the pain away. As time passes you miss those feelings and she's not the one. When you missed her your body ached and didn't want to do anything. Years have passed moving on different girls different face made you feel unworthy to bad they aren't the one. You blame yourself for not living up to their superficial ideals. You are not meant to be labeled they talk about their experience thinking they deserved to be treated bad like going back will make it right or be fixed too bad they are wrong for you.
For years dating has been lies and people sharing who they use to be or explaining why they stopped caring and taking care of themselves like punishment will make them a better person. Years of change coming and go like the seasons new friends can't replace old while giving up on yourself to be accepted. From the mouth to mute so many encounters and experiences that change things events that help you grow become a person with thick skin. Sad how people want to tell you but they don't want to listen or follow their own advice.

The week is up and down but make the most of everything. Working hard and staying focused so the task at hand could be completed. Making work fun playing music so time passes in an up beat manner. Haven't had time to write no excuse make time. Everytime I write it's my way of coping putting life into perspective.
Telling fun stories and making my characters always makes worth while. You see and feel the vibe makes the creative process worth doing. Haven't been feeling like me but letting go of things that don't matter. Living up to my goals and standards.
Being my own person since I'm not a follower. Too many make you out to be someone you're not and expect you to be someone they can't be. Ready for the weekend making the most of my down time. Lock my door listen to music read and write. Everything will be alright because made it and back at it again next week.

Doing it for them
Its not about you anymore
The world sees you as bad
To them you are their joy
They motivate you while burnt out
Wanting to break give up
Staying strong for them
Finding strength body aching

He liked her but didn't feel worthy. It was what he wanted but it didn't feel right. Everything felt rushed or unresolved forced made out to be something it wasn't.  Scared to lose her but he never had her.
She was with someone else and he watched her from a distant. A friend with a crush becoming a distant stranger. From hearing her complain about her relationship to an awkward silence. It was a done deal he didn't know how to fix it or make things right a lost cause.
He let go walked away feeling like he left part of himself behind. It he waited around he'd feel dead inside hating himself more. Never had a chance or made a move he felt the vibe there was chemistry he wanted to believe but there was always a roadblock or conflict of interest that kept them apart.

Need to wake up early can't sleep
Trying to relax everyone needs a favor
Helping others use to bring joy
So many rude and annoy
Hard to trust when it's broken
False promises believed another lie
Did my share too bad no one cares
Open and honest still treated unfairly
Better days sometimes unphased
others amazed not like the rest
I'd fight to stay but they let me go
Not my home best thing to do is disappear
Wandering alone was a fear got use to solitude
Been through so much over time
stayed humble with gratitude
Remain the same over the pain

Let it flow from the heart causing aches
The mindset changes with each line
Writing about the distraction
Taking away from tormenting thoughts
Instead of empowering it letting it grow
All these scenarios made up in the mind
All these possibilities that never happen
Things play out differently due to reality
Never accordingly the mind preps for it

Stared at the phone to see what time it is
Most stare waiting for a text or call
You can be close yet so disconnected
Bad communication leads to misunderstanding
Doing out own things keep us divided
Comeback together be United
Pick up where things left off
Getting older hair turns white and thining
From a wild youth to responsible adult
The dream makes sense while others laugh
See others like an equal but they don't value you
Random thoughts that come to mind
A job that pays well but not permanent
Been with all the wrong people
Some come others go without reason
Life is always changing like the season
Looking something real that feels right
I'd speak the words won't come out
Don't want to make a bad impression

He was always respectful of his friends and their situation. He knew his friend had a crush on this girl. He would get involved but would find out from the girl she was not interested in his friend. The plot twist was the girl liked him over his friend. He could not act on her feelings because he was loyal to his friend and she would try to convince him other wise. The friend would be angry because his plan to date her failed. More inferior when the girl told his friend she wasn't interested but did like his friend. Talk about causing conflict over mixed emotions no one acted on. The girl wanted him but he cared for his friend and didn't want to lose a friend. He was in a weird situation, if he went with the girl he lost a friend. But if he stayed loyal to the friend the girl would hate him because she would see it as he had no regards for her feelings.
Trying to find balance and be fair he chose the friend but the friend was bitter and hostile he would bad mouth the loyal friend. Turns out jealous people can't be friends over doing the right thing. He remained alone both the jealous friend and girl no longer engage with him because he would not give into their ways so he left them to figure it out. He figured why be friends with people that make him feel awkward, he leader to make himself happy not look for it in others and being alone is okay rather than being with the wrong crowd.

Keep trying to come out ahead
Barely ending up even so over the shame
So much internal pain, bad memories remain
Grew up poor trying to move up to the next level
Fixing my car feels like I can only get so far
Showed up to work doing extra, no one take pride in their work
They been there so long just collecting
Waiting to reitre, they BS so much, want to get away
Keep working hard make me out to be a ****
They don't care, mad my efforts make them look bad
Part timer working twice as hard to get hired
All the fulltimer take pride in being a part time worker
Everyone wants a job, no one wants to work
If stuff goes wrong probably be the first one fired
Bite my lip, smile; do what I'm told
All the talk scandalous lies are getting old
Years of looking up while all this is going down
Seen myself there but not going away
Anxious to try somewhere new, pay cuts and more struggle
Keep telling myself; I'll get through it, it's no deal
Some days those tears build up, refuse to shedd them
Asking for help no one is listening
Wondering when my time will come
Use to be fun don't want to do it anymore
So much on my mind I'd like to crack the code
So I can live life, be on the right path
Over being told NO another detour
Taking me no where, no where near, I'd like to be
Fell hard, failed, keep learning from the lesson

Wanted to sleep in but work called me in
Thought about quitting so I can do some living
Soul searching doing what I really want
Haven't felt like me for a while just in this routine
My job doesn't define my full potential
Let the words flow through my heart
Clear my mind pursing what I truly love
Pen or keyboard the feelings and thoughts are pure
Writing has been the cure to help grow and mature
It's been deep since I've had anyone close in life
Someone who I can trust that understands
Always alone a rebel not like the rest clan
Trying to fit in but walked away not settling for less
Forgiving others is the hardest part since you think they'd change too bad things remain the same

Over thinking mind can't rest
Wide awake should be sleeping
Watched movies to pass time
Writing scripts one scene at a time
Inspired by creativity story telling
Give others hope during the struggle
Surviving on all levels rising up
The underdog fighting to make it
Escape poverty for a better life
Dealing with new emotional inventory
Feelings from the past clashing with new
Mind open to change with a numb heart
Sacrifice gone wrong emotionally burned