Standing in the hot sand the ocean breeze hits my face. The sound of the ocean waves crashing. The sound of laughter people playing in the sand splashing in the water. You touch your toes in the cold water the tide rises to your ankles. The you walk close as the water moves up your leg debating to jump in or walk till the water consumes your body. Water is waist level the worse part is water on your back but once the refreshing water take you in you become immune. The tide pulls you in but will release you. The end of the day the tide tossed and pushed you around feeling drained exhausted but a much needed Beach day so it will talk all the stress and worries away.

Not a big guy but his heart meant well
His love caused hurt due to betrayal
Giving his all running on fumes
Watching them grow on the go
Love from a distance much resistance Rep ruined staying away to keep loved ones safe
Can't force things need time to heal
One day everyone will understand
Instead of conditional love with terms
Tired of being squeezed everyone remains the same

He minded his business so many problems while others Intrude their opinion. He felt provoked and taunted all he did was keep to himself. Some people have nothing going on so they bothered him in his space when all he wanted was to be left alone. He doesn't know these people but they act like he owes them something. They play loud music and throw liter in his area. He cleans it up while they continue to disrespect him he was better than them to lower himself just so they can feel some level of importance. He had a good day and they ruined it for him. He already takes on enough at work hard working determined to move up but stuck in transition. He didn't bother with anyone or need approval. He did what he could but felt so limited like the world was against him. He prayed gave it to god. He was a believer but felt challenged he sacrificed himself he was losing his grip on reality and who he was from who he seen himself becoming. He didn't like to argue because his mouth got him I trouble. His honesty was direct and straight to the point. They called him mean and blunt that's not who he was or wanted to be.

Woke up grabbed a pen, a notebook pad
Trying to come up with inspiration
Anxious to inspire others to be great
Able to relate not everyone is alone
These thoughts hard deep from with
Not sure it should be said
Others think the same hiding within the pain
Letting go, pushing it out, focus on getting out of this situation
Struggle is meant to be conquered
Don't hold onto the past like a trophy
The past is over stop collecting bad moments
Stop holding onto the past make new moments
Not everything, everyone shapes defines a being
All the negativity, can be better without
Not trying to trigger, make anyone mad
Life stuck in transition time for a new position
Scared of the unknown stuck on the past
Attached to what's familiar not fond of change
Change always occurs no say or control anymore

Anxious to succeed but set up to fail
Gave his all always on call done with it all
Use to care got told all my flaws
Wasn't good enough always treated bad
Made it tough burnt out not fun anymore
The positive side still pursuing love and passion
Not you but my own person living my life
Writing takes the away the frustration
Let my negative blow away with the wind
Being me over the gunk and feeling unworthy
Loved my job but it's not what I want to be doing
Cleaned up my act trying to get motivated make a comeback
Tell my stories and create stopped because a fake friend knocked it put pressure on my skills made it feel wrong and *****.

They called him a delusional because he told the truth. Ever since he called them on their lies now they are mad. Trying to talk bad about him like it's justified. What's worse is family he stood tall for them and they wouldn't even look out for him.
Never to his face always behind his back. He had better things going on than wasting time with people who made up their mind about him. He stopped caring walked away. Still talking thinking they are right. He wanted to get away from it all.

Showing them love they ignore you
Making time for them to be forgotten
Reaching out feeling like you're  bugging
Trying to be more stuck with less
Never settling not an option on the side
Wanting more to emotionally invested
Made them a priority invested time
Treated like an option being set aside
Being at your beat getting their worse
Walked into danger to be betrayed
Kept coming back for more seen good
Now staying away got hurt for caring
After all the wicked deceitful love
Feeling defeat taste of rejection

Feeling free coping with emotions
Sober in a toxic world
Honest in a cruel crowd
Being kept out but will shine
Somewhere else fine true love
All the betrayal made him strong
The hatred couldn't be consume him
Overlooked by family shut him down
Made him believe in himself

Dream chasing over the detour
Been trusting in the process
feeling lost going back but it's never the same
With or without you life goes on times change
Turn the page enjoy life act your age
No more suppressed rage vent the truth
Others don't understand so they see you as ruthless
Told the truth got nothing but hate it's never too late to make your dreams come true
They think you're crazy they have no clue
You respect their choices while they know your effort
Instead of hating they could be doing more of what they love.

Years of shutting off emotions and feelings held on. Feeling numb and depressed because things didn't happen or turn out accordingly. Still in the pursuing a dream, doing what he likes loves trying to bring it together.
Looking for yourself in the work being part of the material. Who he was and what he's becoming in the future.

Spewing off toxic vibes
Seeing out anxiety
Wanting to be there
But need to get away
Not feeling great
0 to 100 with this mood
Happy thoughts feeling upbeat
Mad for no reason sparky remarks
Ready to fight for no reason
Imploding within to not hurt others
Self destruction resistanting temptation
Being around feeling like crap
Not around wanting to be there
Fear of messing up not going back
All the pain is normal become immune
Stayed with love burnt out over the hate

You say funny stuff because it's true. Writing it down being open and awesome with people. They don't always agree but that's opinion. Sleep patterns are jacked. Always seeking inspiration love to create it comes to life before these eyes.
Changes are part of life open to grow learn how to do it and be better at it. Use to tell sad stories wrestle with the struggle don't want to do it anymore. Lots of change for the right for the better. Got over trying to fix the bad seeing beauty in others if they settle that's on them.

After the break up they had a casual ****** encounter. Things were weird. She accused him of being with someone else. He did not move on he needed time for himself. She would confess to having a fling with another guy. They were broken up and he could not get mad but she would blame him for her seeking attention else where. She was an adult responsible for her actions she knew what she was doing. They had broken up because he was not happy she was controlling jealous and insecure. He was opposite very casual and social trying to be accepted. He was not always liked by her. He couldn't go back and things will never be the same. They failed before why make that same mistake they already know the outcome why repeat this unhealthy pattern.

All he wanted was to be alone. Anything he did bothered people. He never talked about people he told them straight up. All the smack talking got personal jokes turned into insults. He stopped seeking and wanting their approval. More critics talking that never did anything worthy of his time. He lost friends some tried to stand in his glory take credit for his work. He was mad that friends became enemies becoming roadblock and detours to his progress. Family never seemed to understand but always talking.

He kept to himself so they assumed the worse.
He has manners and educated they assumed he was gay.
He was hard working didn't ask questions they called him a **** up.
Minded his business and never asked for their opinion but they always had one.
He told the truth while they bad mouth him and spread lies.
He turned away walked away stayed away because he knew their actions would comeback to them and he was not worried for the people who treated him bad, made him feel he didn't belong and didn't matter. Deep down he knew he was destine for greatness meant to be more. He got tired of failing putting others first since all they did was take credit never worked for it.

The first time to Monday night raw. He could feel the energy the hair on his face stood up when he saw the titantron. The ring where all the action took place. This put a huge smile on his face.
All this he had seen on TV but he was excited to be there live and in person.
The bell would ring the lights would shine on the ring while the lights dimmed on the crowd. Watching with amazement so much to take in. It was overwhelming but the best feeling.

Doing what's made mistakes
Hoping to fix the wrong
Moving forward being pulled back
Protecting the heart from hurt
Avoiding the pain caused by others
Trying to be heard usually ignored
Embraced the silent loneliness
Not forcing to be heard
Around the wrong people
Thankful for the right ones
Took a chance came up short
Focused on personal growth
Be better for the next time
Reflection on how to improve
No longer interested to prove
Tired not giving up take a break
Burnt out still going strong
Find balance another outlet

The day came he got his transplant from Cali to AZ. He prayed for the moment giving the glory and victory to God. Thankful and blessed it finally happened. He got discouraged but never lost faith. He couldn't do this alone He gave it to God. God's speed God's will thankful to be out of the danger zone feeling saved and filled with grace. No more yellow eyes, but a smile on his face.  
He was working hard to keep distracted. Doing pad work now he had to work on his life style changes after the transplant. He set new goals and didn't feel restricted

Hanging by the jacuzzi trying to relax unwind always on the go busy at work no time for a social life. Had a beer or two for a buzz not getting wasted or smashed self destruction isolated pity party.
Having fun socializing with the crowd instead of being antisocial usually anti establishment. Working on being better than losing it over people who don't value or care about you.

The water flows the sound of birds chirping. The rocks beneath water reflection. The clouds and sky beaming off the water. The green trees full of life. The ground full of roots and dirt fresh giving from the rich soil

Once you sober up you see who your true friends are. When you get clean they don't call you anymore. You try to hang but it's not the same. Alcohol was the only way you can bond with this person. They made you feel guilty for not drinking but they felt bad because they were drinking. You respected one another's decisions and departed. Once you get clean you feel empowered not to be self destructive but become more creative not so angry finding other outlets for misplaced aggression.
After while you find courage to do what matters no more liquid courage that gives you false hope no more waking up hung over after a long night of drinking till you black and don't remember what happen or hearing about all the crazy you did while recovering from a hang over.
Stay clean and sober clarity of mind no going back not about that anymore. The right people stay while all the wrong leave you.

Thankful for his mentors polished
Not afraid of the work
Tired of bad communication
Cared more than most
Wishing for change over the drama
Didn't argue the over reaction got twisted
Not speaking up the lies
And rumors continued to grow
Trying not to get triggered
Stayed humble and true
Not talking about anyone
Not saying anything to anyone
Being mindful listening
Minding his sharp tongue
Staying quiet observing

Saying sorry hoping to be forgiven
Made mistakes shouldn't be excluded for them
Some will never forgive stuck in that place
Same old face new behavior altered for the better
Can't live in the past trying to be in the moment
Tomorrow isn't promised treasure it while it lasts

Id open up but people get hurt I hold back but feels like I'm denying part of myself. I can't blame you for some reason I blame myself especially when I catch you at fault. If I make mistakes you are quick to hang me out to dry. Sad how people act how people claim to love but only unless they need something or need a favor. I see good in you but you are at your worse I'd expose you in the end the truth will catch up to you expose you for. Everyone wants to be right; no one makes time to understand.

Hip hop made me strong
Thinking how life use to be easier
From a curious youth to a overwhelmed adult
Dating was fun, an adrenaline rush
Now it's like I end up with the same person
Different body same crazy mind set
Another person I'll probably regret
Moving on is hard full of regret
Might be right for me
Might be wrong for me
Never know since it won't go anywhere
One minute we are talking
Now she's talking to someone new
Can't get mad she's not mine and never belonged to me
She's ****** when she sees me talking to a female friend
She jumps to conclusions but still doing her thing
She don't want me but don't want me with anyone else

Hell prolly get called weird for walking up to a girl. Introducing himself and asking if he could take her out possibly get her number. The rejection would prolly hurt but he'd rather know than keep thinking about it. All the possible factors and outcomes but once it's put into play everything will work itself all those unanswered questions would be answered.

He looked in the mirror see his face had changed. Chubby cheek and wrinkles when he made faces.
He felt the same but things around him changed so many trends so much movement he could not keep up. Things don't happen right away it took time. He compares his youth to today, he didn't have social media. He had to be social, he didn't use date sites he went on dates did ask her out and was a man about it. It's interesting how there is so many ways to communicate and everyone is antisocial. He called a friend and wrote letters to keep contact. He lived in the moment while today everyone streams or videos to get likes or approval from people they dk. Over all these labels don't care if you are vegan, liberal, gay, or any other made up way to stand out just be a good person treat people right. People talk big behind the computer or a front when the camera is recording once it's of they aren't saying anything. With age you grow see old traditions fade but those are the  values that the generation before grew up with and new tradition losing value no one original but exciting online not living a life. Broke free once was consumed with age you see the greats fall and the playing field change hands sometimes for the better other times in fear you may or may not understand. You replaced your elders now the youth will replace your way and your time is up. Live life to the fullest live for those who passed and live for those who chose to have a family because you see the world through different lenses. Your youth is gone those memories bring you a smile while you try to make new ones means starting over with new people because the old moved on and no one is waiting around.

People made up their minds
No need to prover yourself
Over these made-up standards
These false ideals that are pointless
Gave my life to God following his rules
fueled by faith, no time for hate
stopped worrying about what was
Focused on what could be
working for opportunity taking risks
Love over lust survived broken trust

The couple had just broken up she invited him over. He knew it would get ugly and confusing. She wanted to make it work. While he struggled with the idea it didn't make sense. They were in a bad relationships unhealthy for one another. She wanted it to be only them no one else. He was social had friends enjoyed people. At that time he didn't know get it or grasp the concept.

Things are not always what they appear
That loving couple caught in an argument
Friends bad mouthing another to others
A positive mind with personal struggle
Silent during the internal battle
Loud toxic people making problems
The intense silent use to fear it
Now relaxed and embrace it in
Grandma said no one's going to do it for you
It was the flame that got the fire started
Writing to clear the mind not stressing
On borrowed time losing patients
Waiting for a transplant
Hard working compared to before
Proving himself everyday
While others fail to try
Flirting with life and death
Now just trying to love
Have a heart do what's right
Tired of being closed off
Feeling isolated misunderstood

Sad how people claim to hate you but keeping tabs. They tell you, you changed but that's part of life. Be the talked about not the one talking. So many hate you but some how they need a favor. When you're not doing favors they act like you've never done anything. Not trying to argue or fight. They never believed in you once you made it they cling into like if they made you great when all they did was hate riding your coat tail. All you want to do is succeed all they do is set you up to fail but deep down no quit or surrender. Keep doing what needs to be done because it's right. No need to pretend don't like me stay away dealing with your fakeness was of time and waste of the day. Please go away no need for you to stay. Better off with out don't need you or your doubt.

Keeping contact not a memory
Reaching out can't get enough
So she won't forget me move on
Was scared to try didn't want to hurt
Not trying to hurt anyone
Instead of careless dreaming
Worried for others kept out
Things are going well not worries
Someone is dealing with health issues
Out of touch disconnected
Plugged in when times are bad
Working to better the situation
Other things neglected thrown off
Find balance be centered for once

Waking up care free enjoying the day off. So much to do so many adventures to go on. Stuff to read and ideas to write. Most of all rest and recharge compose find balance be centered. Sleep in wake up late that all sounds great my interal clock wakes me up early but realizing no work back to sleep deep slumber back in bed. Wake up recharged full of energy. Clean mind free of bad memories. Doing things that haven't been for a while feels good to laugh and smile. Make time for yourself ask what you really want instead of giving into demands putting others first. You like to help others racing the time, so much building up in the back of the mind. Days off free of a routine you get old see things differently. Friends come and go the true ones stay. You'd like to share the world with all but it's your experiences are for you take it to heart but it's not always going to be a part of you. Learn to go without and recompose and adapt to the new never settle always be ready for change. Never settle or get comfortable be ready for the day. Listen to the body mind and soul make time to heal can't always be on the go. Rest is the best once you're compose back at it again. Be free enjoy life for once do not listen to others but set out for your passion let your heart free be you and who you are meant to be. Cut the bad let go of the negative. Your world your way keep focused do what's right your way do what's right time for rest so good nite.

Living life trying to make things right
Unite the family there's so much division
Pray everyone would get along
I don't care about money
People over material possessions
Wealth helps but doesn't make people happy
Health has more value gives life meaning