The people that hurt you
Made you stronger head up
Protect your heart stay truthful
All the betrayal ended it all
Kept you loyal to yourself
Tears wiped away healing
The emotionless cold stare
Recovery is a processes
Setting goals to achieve
Back to grind find a way

In a room find full of liars
The betrayals very uncomfortable
Quick to get away not okay
It's not right not pretending anymore
Being genuine to criticized by decievers
Did the work credit is being stolen
Only nice when a favor is needed
Most of the time being ignored

The fighter within swings back
Crazy enough to comeback for more
After a liver transplant full recovery
Bouncing back stronger than ever
Ego tripping leads power tripping
Can't stop this determination
Staying upbeat and positive

Too many made up rules
Explain without triggering
Making others deal with the conversation
Not able to debate argue with hate
Providing personal feelings
Instead of facts personal bias
Enforce policy do what's right
Laws that changed more crimes
This world is wrong
So much contradiction
Destroying the past try to rewrite
Trying to change history
Everything canceled out
Nothing left even credibility

He was learning the mechanics of the clench hand placement on the elbow and collar. Even cupping the back of the neck so that he could have control while throwing knees.
Going through the drill dishing out working on form. While takin the punishment on a higher tempo while taking knee strikes.
Learning more and more adding to his arsenal. He enjoyed training MMA so much to work on kicks and punches take downs, also ground game that he worked on.

He wasn't scared he didn't care what they did. All they did was ignore him try to make him do and be someone he was not. When he spoke up stood his ground they hated him.
When he went along part of him died inside and he hated himself because he wasn't like then, all the lowering to be like and accepted it all gor old. They never changed most of all never be happy for him. Family hit hard hurt him the most with silly standards they weren't even living up to. He wasn't two faced to pick and choose when to care.

Talking to this screen everything is going to be alright. Life is a fight put this guard down took a beating wasn't ready, things change when you're on defense. Fire back with some offense. Looking in the mirror overcome these fears. Release from these burdens while writing. Free to express it all get it out of this system.

Bearing the heart and soul
Hoping to grow into much more
Baring the heart to be human
Denying emotions is the worse
Being different such a curse
Not meant to fit in striving forward
Found peace in silence solitude
Use to feel stuck slowly moving
Learned from all the betrayal
Working harder to get better
Fell out trying to bounce back
It was over long ago they left me
It was over once I couldn't be me
Busted open heart flowing
Everyday healing and growing

He was a huge sports fanatic when he didn't have a job. Now he barely has time for himself and trying to get back into what he loved. He enjoyed a good book and appreciated comedy he did love to make the people around him laugh and smile but everyone took life too serious.
Anything he did seemed to bother others he did love to train mma but everyone thought he was trying to pick a fight with him. He never claimed to be a badass but did like to fight for the competitiveness of the sport. He did train with people but they would not show up or hold up their end, he would become frustrated eventually he learned to be alone.
He was determined it was an addiction, anything he did he wanted to be the best at it. He had so many crowds and friends. He was never the leader but the mouth piece the voice of reason. He spoke up some loved him for his honesty while others hated him for it. He was straight up that's what good friends do. Most went behind his back bashed him pretending to be loyal to his face. He found out the true friends let go of the fake ones.
He got involved with a film group because he wrote scripts wanting to work behind the scenes because being involved or a lead was overwhelming. He gave them ideas, he was not heard, ignored. He gave them the idea to do a podcast later they would kick him out and act like they were the master minds behind the show. He did object yet again he was not being heard. The podcast had a mild fan base, no longer fun for him. He decided to leave the group since it was no longer fun and it was no longer his dream or vision it did come true but would grow into something more without him.
He had another script he had been working on for years so many characters no faces just dialogue and characters with personas that stood out.
He hung with bands made suggestions but creative juices floating around everyone with their own inspiration and influenced. The creative process such a high stimulating feeling that is hard to get enough of.

They always ask me why are you single? Because I'm not good at relationships. Maybe I love the wrong people because they love someone else with no regards for me or my feelings. Maybe I'm not ready since the wrong people are attached to rather than accept me they try to change me or make me out to be someone I'm not. I'm not quick to give my heart to anyone especially after being hurt and broken many times. When I'm committed they run away when I'm not interested they are quick to force their way. I prefer natural and for it to feel right; I do not like forced or rushed because it fails over that outcome.

From that crazy world so much change
Living in the crazy new mindset
Trying to make sense of everything
Being normal health declining
Loved the church but they shut it down
Walking tall in faith God is great
Believing walking with grace
Telling the truth so much hate floating
Why do people accept lies as the truth
A whole new person once the mask is off
The act fades the personality runs thin
Always grateful to have a job earning it
Not struggling working hard the agenda
Found self love from being selfless
Giving it all expecting nothing in return
Standing alone doing what's right
Living by the moral code years of growth
Years of rejection feeding determination

Down time is weird he felt like he needed to be doing something getting things done. Use to a routine when all he wanted was to be free feeling lost and isolated from things.
His sleep patterns were jacked up over the changes. He didn't like being responsible for others but it all fell on his lap.
All the anger and frustration took its toll on his confidence. He wanted to be there to help they left him hanging. Now that he made other arrangements they decided to need him ruining his plans

He was free from their death grip. They had joined say or control over his life. He was isolated and ignored. He expected nothing from them and gave them nothing to cling onto since they tried to bad mouth him slander his name.
The truth came out on them so they'll got quiet real quick. He didn't care what they did or said. He just wanted his name cleared
He was never a follower, or going to fall into place. Health conditions or not He was always going to be himself. They could never take that away from him He resisted rather than try to understand they tried to make him out to be the compilacated one.
It bugged him but knew they had a it coming back to them. If people believed the lies it was only a matter of time till the truth came. They tried to break his spirit and silence him. He was quiet while feeding his spirit with the word.
He was open to change and listen while their ignorance got the best of them. He made moves and wasn't apologizing for pursuing his goals and dreams.
They called him delusional, but they took and used the people they bad mouth. He was glad to be doing his own thing. All the talk no one felt bad for them and cared because of all the corruption they caused.

Never one to fit in or belong
Kept out for not knowing Spanish
Held to another standard
While everything is in chaos
Said sorry it's never enough
Changed behavior over the years
Haunted by the past not there
Not the same person as before
Forgiving easier than forgetting
Life lessons over regretting

It's hard to sleep this summer heat
My mind is racing so much to write
Another ******* up night with bad sleep patterns
Hard to sleep sharing my thoughts with a pen on the pad
Music makes me feel able to relate
Overall being judged and the hate
Close my eyes trying to rest but wide awake

I finally got cleared to go back to work. Still watching my diet minding my business
Before I was an emotional eater that would stuff my face
Get mad or hurt when people would give me their opinion
I never asked I wasn't going to change I'm not perfect
I don't knock others to feel secure about myself
Thankful and humbled I apologize it use to be hard but I've been practicing.  
People are mean and step all over me because I'm too nice
But when I strike back its cut throat and ribbing is like a free style battle that I aim to **** straight forward to the point and blunt as hell.
I've learned to take the L sometimes my stuff is funny but boarder line personal. Once the filter comes off it all comes out

Before the mind would race everything going crazy then silence everything is calm you feel at peace. The anger no longer consumes you washed away feel at peace.
Would complain and whine but counting my blessings thankful for what I got.
Over come the pain and heal enjoy life live in the moment it's real.
Can't live in the past the imagination can go back but only forward.
No more holding onto bad memories like a trophy.
Tell fun stories make and live in New moments.
Listen to the sound of peace not so much chaos and insanity.
Felt like the world was against you coming at you
Waiting and ready nothing took a beating but won't stay down.
Always working on my feet thankful for my down time.
Time with good people since everyone gets ***** doing their own thing.
Let it go things can't be changed let it be.

He didn't lime to argue
His heart meant well
Trying to be a better person
He'd rather make things right
Than let things fester up within
His plans ruined by others egos
He didn't expect them to change
But didn't like being told anything
When his feelings were ignored
His emotions made things worse
Denying them to keep the peace
Gave too much feeling burned up disrespected
Open to change not limiting things
Once options are limited more could've been done

Always writing wondering, how my words could inspire. Striving and surviving work hard feel alive no more being dead walking numb emotionless.
Thankful full of life feeling alive and revived
Not making the same mistakes or giving in all in for the win. Been going strong pray nothing goes wrong. Stay focused, finish strong.
Overcome many struggles fighting to stay on top
Did it many ways and failed will faith and strong will all prevails.
Clean mind staying sober, being alone and write it feels right. Avoiding negative people focused on my goals and task, no more drama or pain
Healed clear sight, walking strong, no need to fight it will be alright

He had a hard time sleeping music would comfort him. It made work go by faster he love his music it brought back memories. His first dance with the girl he loved. Music while they kissed and got intimate listening to together. Music made road trips feel exciting. His music always made time feel worthy instead of wasted.

He didn't clash with people but some treated him bad he took it. The day he spoke up everyone would try to come at him. He didn't overreact or lose his cool because they came at him acting savage so he stayed civil. They wanted him to make a scene turns out no reaction was the best solution.
He wouldn't let them twist his words or make him feel bad pick at him thinking he was weak. They try to insult you and expect you to be rational you trust them but you feel squeezed you know they wouldn't do the same for you.

Found peace talking about it able to concentrate. Focus on living things that matter. The past is history you cant change it thinking about it becomes a roadblock detours to get blessings. Its not meant to be a hard connect to grasp process so many obsessions causing confusion. So many distractions others imposing and projecting these bad ideas concepts that you don't agree with. Things that have nothing to do with yo I labels so others will think less of you. All these voices don't matter the only one voice in your head.

He was a big dreamer he knew he can be and do much more. He was tired of taking a back seat to people. He was good and confident too many knocked him. Made his confidence out to be cocky. He told the truth and for years doing what he loved. He felt like coming out of his shell that he loved hiding in but he didn't want to be there anymore. He had put his life on hold waiting for that moment but that's not how it works. He knew he would have to go out take risks make that moment happen. It circled and bounced around in the back of his mind. He read books from inspiration, he stepped up failed but he always told himself be the best even if he came up short. For years he did what he loved despite set back. He loved jujitsu nurturing and injury fear of getting hurt. He worked at his job at the bottom of the pole but he had experience no one seen or cared for because no one liked change stayed the same.
He loved to perform stand up but he didn't have an audience that understood him. He feared change as well always asking "what if" when he thought it "should be" he loved to write it gave him a vocie gave him say he felt in control he always went along but before he was a rebel someone who took risks and felt he had nothing to lose and everything to gain. He got older others told him never settle or get comfortable. It never made sense to him but took those words to thought. He wanted to break the cycle get out of the same routine. He was broke before and never wanted to be that way again. He didn't care for his job but did like the pay. He was thankful to be working always compromised things are never in his favor. He did so much on the down low because it was his way of preparing and prepping himself. He's been working on it for years even though he's not doing anything with it. He had supporters and doubters that made him want it more tired of everyone's way he just wanted to do things his way for once.

Walking through the cemetery
On a cold rainy day soaking it in
Praying for family and friends
Reading books to relax his mind
Not obsessing over writing ideas
Racing the clock at work to finish
They'd rather shut it down
Instead of giving it a chance
They'd rather tell you than listen
Try to punk you out for answers
Not saying anything to fuel this fire
Let it burn out on it's own
Making it personal with insults
Making issues over abandonment
Instead of solving the problem
Being the cause of drams
Mostly in conflict with solution

Finished up the day, it feels late, but it's not
Trying to relax and stay calm
Back is locking up and the body glad to be in bed
Took pills for pain so it could ease up
Release the tension
Need to rest but wide awake deep in thought
Still hasn't happen yet the world feels blocked out
Rise above the people who slander my name
Trying to rest but restless thoughts

Writing has brought clarity
Changing for the better
There's no going back
Growth will continue
The mind racing in silence
Calm down the mind
Relaxing body from tension
Blood boils with frustration
Walked away from crazy
Meant for better not less

Bouncing ideas off others to grow
Some give feed back
While others give look at you like you're weird
Hearing it out loud thinking about the next move
Been around different crowds always their person
But they aren't mine we grew apart seeing friends like family
To be treated like a distant friend

He had to write and post a podcast for his therapy session clear his mind and open his heart. Let all the good vibes energy flow out instead of keeping it in. Living his best life moving on going forward not waiting around just doing not saying mostly all action.
Keeps on writing his story from one level to the next. Encounters socially awkward but just as weird maybe weirder.

Always been into hard work saying it will pay so many road blocks and detours but chasing a dream. Its the worse when you try and it never turns out in my head of accordingly. Building off the experience learning from the encounter. Thought this would work didn't want a boss but a team to make film and get my scripts/sketches made.
Always open to creative ideas trying to make them a reality. Never seen as an equal but working twice as hard.

Burnt out and being flakey
All this energy for a demanding job
Giving more everyone settles for less
Exhausted not wanting to do anything
Trying to rest hard to relax in peace
Taking in the silence able to feel comfort
Able to hear thoughts instead of noise
Doing work a distraction from overthinking
Wanting new bored with the old
Doing things that have never been done

Doing the work going strong
Not looking for approval
Doing it on another level
Don't take credit for my effort
Made it happen liked or not
Went for the promotion
Took one for the team demotion
Not going to find it got robbed
Time for a change feeling rage
Looking else where something new
Where I'm at chase the dream
Shady teammates
Never had my back

Didn't get social cues right away
They opened up or kept him out
Another day working for it
Another way to get it done
Told them he loved them they ran away
Didn't say how he felt heart in conflict
Didn't feel the same way back

Years of living with family has been frustrating. He didn't have kids he had freedom while bad parents left their kids with grandma. He was single not in a pointless power struggle relationship. Working to better his life not have kids that he couldn't afford. Paid his share of rent while everyone piggybacking off grandma.
When they partied they blamed him. If he was to go out he'd get a guilt trip by people that didn't work. Trying to make him seem like the bad guy because he wanted to live life outside of the chaos.

Woke up tired and sluggish
Working hard to make ppl look bad because they chose to be lazy
That was a bonus they don't try
Or do the work and have the nerve to complain
Venting was hard to do so he wrote
Trying to flip and twist his words
Make him out to be the bad guy in the wrong
Because they wanted him to be less so they could be happy
He wasn't having it

Working with Thai pad is a work out of its own. Taking punches and kicks being able to adapt and adjusted. Doing drills coming up with combos
Coaching and being coached helps put things into perspective. Building confidence being able to take what's taught apply and learn from it.
Doing some extra work is a rewarding feeling pushing the body past its limits. A good sore not over working but going through the motions.

Someday are harder than others; I'm glad I made it through today
People will criticize but not look at themselves first
Trying to understand other mindsets is hard when you cannot make sense of the logic
In a new place mentally out of my comfort zone
Learning to communicate with people
who are set in their ways
I don't expect them to change
They do expect so much from me not always able to please everyone
but they do not accept everything about me feels like I'm being set up to fail

Putting on his favorite playlist
Songs that inspired him to be better
Got him motivated on his walk
He was able to relate and connect
Years of being ignored and excluded
He forgave people but kept a distance
Everything was one sided unfair
All he did was give everyone was hard
Being different was easy to be alone
A struggle fitting in to be pushed out
Felt like shutting down exhausted
Against the grain so much pain
Some days full of energy going well
Other days feeling drained getting by
Time flies by where the day went
Some never ending wanting it to end

He always wanted to fit in or belong even if meant giving up what he loved. He didn't belong and sacrificed but still surpassed those who doubted him and left him out. He never knocked anyone or used anyone he was a worker a team player someone who took pride in his work. He was loyal and true what made him sad was all the people he thought highly of thought nothing of him. He pursued success and got treated like a failure. He failed in his relationship to be with his friends now they are in relationships not making time for anyone. That balance and transition is difficult he worked too much no social life; he had a social life but didn't work too often. He loved to be better while others soaked in their misery he didn't understand. He valued people seen them as more but they settled for worse and blamed others when its their life. He didn't agree but didn't argue because some are set in their ways and won't accept change or refuse to do so.
He didn't bother with anyone but everything he did seem to bother everyone. He worried for their feelings that distracted him while tried to help them come up with a solution turns out it was not his problem. He wanted to help and support others hoping they would do the same. They gave him the 3rd degree left him hanging when he needed them. He learned to not be available to people who made him an option instead of a priority.
He rose above all those who judged him and mocked him. They told them NO but he was already doing it. He always did what made him happy even if it was a secret him doing it in private. He made time for himself because no one else gave him the time of day. In the end he felt accomplished satisfied because he had done it critics or not he was happy doing it that's what made it work while he journey continued while he grew into the person he was destine to become.

He woke up late, and still felt restless. I debated what to have for breakfast. He walked into work knowing his crush would be there but he kept it professional. He never had good luck with the ladies. If he liked them they weren't interested or he never acted on those urges. They had unique conversations that shared a laugh or two. He never got the hit or cues because he was interested. He didn't want his feelings and urges to get the best of him. She was smart and determined to get her degree while he was hard working. They ran with different crowds might cause a conflict of interest.
He over thought and imagined the outcome, but still has yet to act on these thoughts. He has been wrong before.
He once admitted his feelings to a high school crush and she got with his so called best friend. Years later in college he met another girl no label but it did seek the benefits of a relationship. He decided maybe they should make it official turns out she had other plans he was a fling and got hurt in the process.
He always enjoyed his job even if it ****** found good in the people this made his job more tolerable. He was always focused on his career despite setbacks and detours he was determined. The hard part for him was finding balance.

Standing in the hot sand the ocean breeze hits my face. The sound of the ocean waves crashing. The sound of laughter people playing in the sand splashing in the water. You touch your toes in the cold water the tide rises to your ankles. The you walk close as the water moves up your leg debating to jump in or walk till the water consumes your body. Water is waist level the worse part is water on your back but once the refreshing water take you in you become immune. The tide pulls you in but will release you. The end of the day the tide tossed and pushed you around feeling drained exhausted but a much needed Beach day so it will talk all the stress and worries away.

He looked out the window
Wondered about his life
The betrayal he use to be fun
Too bad he's not the one
All the work not credit
Holding the place for someone else
Then quickly replaced by another
Failed friends formal lovers
Hard to trust moving on is a must
Heart crusted now protected
A screening process more selective
Missing everyone pursuing the dream
Over the one way love going forward
Making his own path rolling solo
His goals needed to be done alone
Others don't define him feeling excluded
Made a stand no going back
Didn't want to deny himself
Just to make happy it was sickening
Been rejected doesn't fit in
After adjustments left uncomfortable
Feeling right walking away