He tried to feel it and see it in his mind. Not let anyone bother or distract him from what he was doing. He'd joke so many got mad took it personal. They held a grudge so anything he said or did made them mad. He didn't like to lie and his truth telling got them caught up. Since they wanted him to lie cover up their flaws and mistakes, instead of owning up.
He was tired of being the middle man, the voice of reason. They would've done, what they wanted anyway.

He was tired of holding back as he watched the girl he was into walk by.
Doing everyone's work when he didn't even want to do his own work. Dealing with his family everyone set in their ways he was over compromising himself for others while they treated others bad and took advantage. He stopped comparing getting involved most of all caring.

Trying to do right be better
Going against the wrong
Taking on crazy being slandered
Not letting it phase this heart
Wanting to be normal
Always looked at treated differently

Times have change things will never be the same or go back to the way they use to be. Need to start fresh he use to date he was young wild and free. He grew up in a Latino community that was with standards and morals he was instilled even thought he didn't agree. So his first crush was a light half and colored girl. His family was not prejudiced but they were only with what was norm to them. The family never left the town or community. This child grew up explored the world been to more place than the rest of the family. He was torn between loving this girl and the tough love his family gave him all he wanted to do was make them proud and be happy. He did want family approval which was an uphill battle but when they didn't approve it was like he went against the family. He didn't get help so he had to do it all himself. It hurt him took its toll but it made him stronger and wiser. He just wanted to be loved and find love with the right person even though he had made mistakes being with the wrong girl. He tolerated stuff to be liked and accepted eventually that didn't matter he was over all the drama. He always pleased others no one was ever happy or dreadful. He eventually learned to do it for himself do what's right. He was over fake and phony people. He gave them his best while they dragged him down with their worse. So many times he feared making the wrong choice and got pushed into stuff he didn't agree on or want to be doing. Once he spoke up he was the bad guy for having moral and standing up for his beliefs. He called them on their wrong doing it lead to these people he thought highly of hating him and treating him like he didn't matter or was one of the worse people you could ever know.
He saw friends like family because with his family denying who you are and ******* up to be accepted was not the life he wanted. He formed brother good with friends that would slander him or fake to his face. He was over these two faced individuals. He was straight forward honest all his life He got criticized eventually he stopped listening and caring what others thought because if they didn't help him or make him better their opinion didn't matter.

Stopped complaining and comparing just living
Not taking on other problems that are ignored
It's okay to be excluded like being alone found peace
Grasped closure within staying clear of drama
Once cared stopped listening to foolish demands
Quit playing others games empowering indecisive behavior
The silent treatment is rewarding not punishment
Out of the loop is better than pretending things are okay
Solo projects doing your own thing is everything

It was always a fight
Be this way do it that way
So many rules enforced against him
Broken or not applied to others
Struggling to fit in usually kept out
Once cared told it doesn't matter
Not a golden child or favorite
Working to matter make a difference
Called a rebel for resisting misconduct
Trying to make it to the end not quit
Working harder no surrender
Keeping his mouth shut was hard
The frustration was real feeling burden

The wild one up all night drinking
Keep the crazy mind from thinking
Told the truth sober going insane
No one is listening spoke up
Under the influence blaming the liquor
From many friends to rolling solo
Years of being alone becoming unknown
Remembered for the past wild child
Living in the moment sober living
From over the edge to straight edge
Long days up all night writing
On the road joy riding cruising the street
Ink pad collecting deep thought emotions
Let ot go before it comes your happiness
Dealing with the stress leaves you restless
While avoiding it causes you to lose peace
Overthinking can run it all down
The vibes are mixed no middle ground

Found some success new goals
Missing family everyone head strong
Chasing a dream no one understands
Everyone has their plans to follow
Trying to share success that's knocked
Lots of imposition be happy for others
Their hatred ruining everything
Not allowing it anymore
Staying away to keep the peace
Ribbing one another as a joke
Everything becomes personal
Everyone talks but can't take it
Not respect expecting sympathy
Running things to the ground
Then have the nerve to complain

Watched from a distance observing the scene taking it all in. Putting the puzzle pieces together. Obsessed with telling the truth so many are angered and mad by it.
Not judging others but others always had something to say when no one asked. After giving his opinion it took others ganging up on him to silence him. Minding his business speaking when spoken to half the time alone minding his own business.

Turned the other cheek and kept his mouth closed. When he spoke up and everyone acts like he doesn't have feelings or emotions. He was silent keeping the peace. They tried to ruin his inner peace take away from him.
He was his own person and didn't belong to anyone.
They told him he was crazy for challenging himself. Pushing his limits he slowed down, but was conserving energy. Stop wasting it on people, who drained him. He didn't care to feed needy insecure egos. He refuse to use people to get ahead or take advantage.

They try to take you down
Working fighting for your own
From a lead to behind the scenes
Took charge up from doing the work
While others steal the credit the glory
They can't save you save yourself
Walked away a lonely road of sobriety
Working like a boss not getting paid like one
Rebuild yourself better hard to trust anyone
Digging down always lost finding something

Been a while since I've posted this site has been acting up so I've been waiting it out. So many thoughts on my mind since I have some down time. Not use to being alone but use to it. Always determined but feels like it got me no where been reconsidering my options. Gave up things and sacrificed fear it might no happen so what else should I do or be doing. Writing has given me inner peace coped and let all those haunting memories that taunted me go. Feeling free finding reasons to live.
Ive given my all and want nothing in return but do hate when broken promises are sent my way. I'm always glad to be doing something now nothing is going on so I'm not sure what to do next. Sometimes I feel like I have time other times I feel like it's running out. Sometimes I'm scared dk where I'll end up. Don't always fit in or belong. I've been striving and surviving to get through.

Almost time to go home
All these ideas in my mind roam
Smiled because we shared a laugh
Keep focused trying to get the job done
Strive to stay alive hearts open to be revived
Some days are okay others overwhelming staying focused
Keep working till you get it right
It becomes natural makes sense

There are times when turning away to keep the peace goes wrong
The internal struggle
Talking and being ignored
Looking for permission
Doing the work right
Another fight in the mind
Anger and rage blinded
Everything such a blur
Keep fighting with scenarios
Keep on writing to calm down
Did wrong trying to make it wrong
Been hurt too many times
Hard to trust after so much betrayal

It was 2003 and it was prom time for the seniors. Everyone had a date pairing off. He asked a few girl but they left him hanging.  He saw potential in them and they wasted his time.
His best friend decided to help him. By asking the girl he has a crush on out for him. Great friend but bad for the relationship.

I love prowrestling I know it's fake but it takes me away from reality sometimes things don't go right. It lets me forget everything. So much action and corny story lines if they are good you follow them if they **** you at least get a decent match out of it. Pro wrestling has characters and gimmicks, the mainstream has lots of marketing promotions. Then there's the indies a smaller promotion that's sometimes better. You have wrestlers you've never seen or heard of but don't let their size full you they can do amazing stuff too. Then there are masked wrestler aka luchadores usually Mexican wrestlers and they are high flyers taking risks like diving of the top rope or through the ropes.
I'd like to write for them it would be awesome to have a build up a back story for the matches to more interesting.

Missing the person that use to be free
Not a care in the world just getting by
Before heartbreak life seem promising
Chasing moments living experiences
New encounters an empowering reward
Breaking away from the boring routine
Cutting off toxic tired of condescension
Called deceivers out demanding the truth
Turned away onto new away with the old

He was the black sheep of the family. He wasn't bad but he wanted more; while the rest of his siblings settled. He had his own unique style and got criticized for it he was the oldest of 6. He didn't follow but he was a trailBlazer. They knocked him but he kept going forward. His family was not rich but family did judge them and looked down on them. He was hard working strived for more. He would not settle for less or lower himself to be accepted. He enjoyed giving his all and bringing out the best in others.
As he got older his mind gathered knowledge and wiser up. He is always battling comparing himself to who he was and who he has become. He asked questions and prepared for the task since its always an obstacle. Things come natural or learned quickly because he doesn't like relying on anyone. He never made excuses but dived in willing to conquer make it his own.
He was motivated to move up and strive to improve.

Why and what's stopping you. You've done it before what's changed what are you scared of those are questions and ways to reflect during writing to help grow and improve.
Be thankful for what you got some have it all and are not happy. Knocking the people with less but its to help them feel secure since they aren't doing anything worth talking about.
Always thankful for kind people growing up with tough love is not always easy.

Writing in the break room everyone decides to be social on this day. Trying to be social everyone is busy. The day could be so random surprising the out come. Liked his new location the people say hi and know his name. His other job feeling like an outsider looking in trying to relate.
Not always understood a worker someone giving his all. Even if they liked him or not. Plenty of years to work not waiting to retire.
Around bad leads leading by example working every cent nothing is given. Looking out for others being selfless learned to cope with the process what's going on taking situations. Do more than most not settling for less.

Learning to forgive and move on
Never said anything bad to you
Threatened by my differences
Causing conflict trying to feel superior
Not empowering a hungry ego
Not reacting or overreacting to your remarks
Don't have to explain myself your mind is made up
If I gave an opinion it becomes a debate to justify your misconduct
Quick to point out others flaws then notice your own
Failed but learning from it
Made mistakes changed behavior

He didn't want to be like his parents. All he wanted was to be himself and not go through hell just to be accepted. He wasn't in a rush but felt pressured by everyone. Be this do that things they wanted projected on him. He stayed away trying to improve behind the scenes.
He had love for them but they never treated him right or fair. He never has a say or control but did get all the backlash for things that had nothing to do with him. He tried to learn and understand but learned its not his problem and to stay out.
How do they know what's best when they never tried. It was such a handful of drama that made him keep a distances. He called them on it now the bad guy.

Forbidden love that was pure
Somedays she was warm and loving
Other days cold and distant
Failed hard tried to make it work
Lack of communication divided
Lust mistaken for love broken trust
Felt right at the beginning pain free
By the end it was wrong full of pain
Forever damaged never the same
Lovers in the past to future strangers
An idea that was reality ended in diaster

She told him he was the one
Let him go then got married
Talking about marriage for citizenship
Looking for love got lust broken trust
Gave respect with wasted time
Till something better came alone
It was over there was someone else
Quick to move while he regrouped
Messed around on a break kept it over
Can't be mad but did expect loyalty
Talking about getting back together
All these scenarios events playing out

Always wanted to be normal
After a failed relationship its easier to be single
The silent treatment from family because communication is limited
Working hard to better the situation
From many friends preferring to be alone
Change and growth learning those life lessons
Trying not to complain make the most of things
At the bottom moving uo in ranks
Not a lead but helping make progress

Things are well for once all the negative people are gone he was on his path and was determined to make it to the next level. He didn't ask or want others influence because in his mind he had the plan and vision in his head even if the outcome did not come out accordingly. He learned to love himself and put his needs first. Things were better figuring out what he wanted building up confidence and courage to make his decision without others throwing their monkey wrench into his plans. He found passion in what he loves! Not worried if it was cool all that mattered was it made him happy. He had promised himself to be happy and let go of the past that kept surfacing because it was history and no longer mattered. He did change for people some for good and others didn't appreciate the sacrifice so it became for himself. The women that claimed to love him but with someone else he was not one to move on so ****** but did learn they are gone not coming back so no point in waiting around. He had many friends he valued deeply but they bad mouth him or holding a grudge because he called them out he was a good friend that told the truth. He would not be fake or a friend if he did lie.

Getting a haircut well groom
In the barber chair my turn had come
Venting to the barber
Very impatient about life
Being told "everything will come together"
Doing the hard work people notice
The truth planted deep in the heart
Not one to lie open eyes standing tall

Haven't been posting it's been a while
Not stressed out mind not racing for miles
Always in this routine breaking out
Have fun live life to the fullest for the fallen
Work too much giving my all they don't appreciate all I've done
Ready to walk away no need to stay
Did it because I said I would lots of delays but finally made it not settling on a whole new level
If I'm doing well no one notices; make a mistake everyone is watching
Writing dialog having fun saying the truth most are offended
They dish it out but can't take it
Returned the favor they point out the obvious most of the the time they are oblivious
Just because you did your way doesn't mean it's the only way
Mad at me no surprised what are you going to do ignore me not talk to me stuff I'm already use to.
Spoke up never said anything before, from making me out to be the villian now you're playing the victim

He was not good with others feelings so that made it hard for him to start over. Getting to know people is hard especially when everyone is sensitive or tries to twist his words. He had lost many friends because of a girl. He got along with everyone and was likeable. His friends had a crush but couldn't seal the deal. He accepted the ******* his friends behalf even though he could care less he just wanted his friend to be happy. They made him out to be the scapegoat because the girl they had interest in was not interested in them. He would be the middle man, his friend would hate him over a girl that he no longer associated with or he would befriend the girl losing his original over these failing events. He got tired of being blamed so he went away gave up his place because he didn't belong or like the pressure of others.
He never talked about anyone but everyone always had something to say about him when all he did was mind his business. He cared for his friends but they always got mad held a grudge. He got tired of caring the burdens of people who didn't care about him. He was only good for favors once that stopped everyone disappeared no where to be found. He made mistakes he not perfect nor did he claim to be. He learned if they didn't make him better or allow him to b happy and grow he didn't need them or care to associate with people who wanted him to give up part of himself to be liked or accepted.

Lots of growth after cutting the cord. Not what they said we are not the same. You have your life respect it. Let me live mine. Don't tell me how to interact with my kiddos. Don't attack my personal life because your life is better. I'd think you'd be happy not plowing down others to feel secure. Not in control taking power only for your own self interest. Pushing people out alienating them manipulating others. Not empowering the corruption feeding the toxic behavior

Silent to keep the peace
Causes internal struggle
The war within never ending
Moral code as a shield
Too many people easily influence
Standing alone being a man
Walking solo not into crowd
Too old for hype aged out
Popularity leads to a lonely life
Once it's over still alone
Left with thoughts what if
Different outcomes failed risks
Not able to change the ends

What's on your mind? What's your story? So much to say dk where to start. What aspect of my life are we talking about. Family not close but I do love them. Why am I single been in love been hurt, so many relationships that were pointless and meaningless decided to wait make myself better. Recovering alcoholic staying sober one drink feels like failure consuming me can't go back. A good guy trying to stay good by avoiding bad habits. Working hard to get hired full time but always working harder than the full timers. Giving my all expecting nothing taking pride in my work. Don't care for the credit things needed to be done. Friends will always have a special place in my heart can't replace stuck but need to keep moving forward getting older feels like time is running out. Never too late been waiting it.  All my life working hard for this moment. Get on the next level focused on success once you made it you keep on building on it keep pursuing your dreams even if to others they don't mean anything. All the bad fades away not like my mom or dad but did make the same mistakes learned fast that phase passed.

Taking their insults like bullets
The knife from backstabbing remains
Absorbing all the pain and hurt
Letting it die within rising above hate
Instead of inflicting the toxic on others
Saving the day filling the void
Gave it to god and prayed to survive
Staying strong bouncing back
The fire within burned out
Revived from the chaos not going back

He wanted to make them laugh and smile but they brought him down. He saw good in them but got the worse. He brought his best but it was never enough. He just wanted to belong but never fit in. He hated starting over because it would be from the bottom and only going so far.
He didn't like to flake was always reliable. Even when they tried to make things hard by complicating things. He minded his mouth and kept to himself his loneliness was easy to deal with than complicated people.

He got tired of social media and picked up books he started. It was time to finish them without any distractions. He reached out to people they left him hanging. He didn't take it personal but realized he was different and not like everyone else. He loved reading he even turned his tv off he loved his shows too but it wasn't stimulating his mind. He didn't always fit in but he always did what made him happy. He learned so much about himself over the past couple of years. He didn't make resolutions but everyday told himself be better don't settle.
He made his world better he always wanted to share it but the world of dating was like a shallow puddle of mud he dared not go there. He was a hopeless romantic but the romance he encountered lately made him feel hopeless. He was a late bloomer but willing to try. He never based the new off the old always seen it as new and a clean slate. He didn't want a movie romance it came close but like all movies it comes to an end.
He had great social skills but so many lost in their phone texting or pretending to be important when you see the reality the internet use to be a place to escape reality but everyone make the social network the reality. People don't communicate and their are so many ways to keep contact.
He loved his family but to lower yourself and be ridiculed to accepted was not the way to go so he learned to go without he wanted to be his own person. He dreamed big and did way more than his siblings but didn't take praise or hang on to a moment but was ready to make it happen in whatever he was doing. He didn't want to like or be like them everything he did they criticized him and it angered him but later everyone else would do the same he was annoyed how the doubled standards made him out to be the bad guy. How his way was wrong but the credit was given when someone else did what he was already doing.

Things changed you'd fight for them to be the same
In the end, it ends up being a huge waste of time.
People come and go like seasons
Some you wish would stay but they go
They abandoned you when you thought highly of them
Once had history the friend over left in mystery
No reason or purpose over all the tough love
Wanted it more, now idk anything about you
Cut me out I always had your back, please take your knife back not sticking around
Helped you when you were down I needed you no where to be found

He got his heart broken over a girl he felt alone turned to alcohol it was hard for him. His first crush was a lust, he thought it was love. All that came to an end and his bother was lost in a tragic accident so much would turn his life upside down. His father was incarcerated and mother lost his siblings because of the tragic loss. He would try to pursue his education but he was too distracted trying to make the wrong right. He fell into the addiction that consumed his father trying to be happy when all was wrong. So much happen he felt ripped apart from all directions.
The people he valued looked through him treated him like she didn't matter. He would go visit his siblings at his aunt's she would have custody of them. She would get on his case regarding his mother getting her life together. His mother was a stubborn woman she didn't have much but did put her kids first. She did have bad habits but would learn to be a responsible person since she was a stay home mother most of her life. The family was there through the tough times but sometimes they are the ones making it much worse than what it needs to be.
The family was ripped apart everyone wanted to be right. Just because you talked loud didn't make you right. He had those uncles that never have you advice but make a point to humiliate you so they can feel secure with themselves.
He never said what he thought because his honesty always got him in trouble. He would ask questions and challenge people bring out the best in them but they couldn't handle the pressure or they'd challenge him and he'd surpass their expectation.

Things are better most of the time whatever
Free from the past no looking back not where I'm at no going back
From young and dumb to older wiser forgave myself no one but me could do that for myself.
Counting my blessings breaking free from misery goodbye to negativity being me who I'm meant to be
Love so many but alone best way to go
Cut me out but I'll be fine doing my thing your opinion don't mean anything if you ain't helping me. I'd be close but you me away now stay better off anyway. Glory hounds taking all the credit don't need to be praised just need to be done.
Not hurting anyone or trying get hurt live in peace not fall back into bad habits. Cleaned up my act not the same sad how bad memories remain

Sometimes writing makes sense and the stuff I feel fades or I'm left asking g myself why do I think this way. I should let it go like that I learn more about myself. Express myself in a healthy manner I usually collect thought. Unexpressed emotions I wish I said or could said because I don't want ppl to think I'm stupid or let's of me because I see things differently. I'm always listening to others problems and never attend to my own. It's different though because before I can be honest and no one would be mad at me. Now everyone easily upset or offended. I tell the truth even though it leads to others hating me because I didn't tell them what they wanted to hear.