The dark is suffocating,it is pressing down on me and as I reach over to the side of my bed all my fingers meet are stripped sheetsand old blankets.

Yet when the morning light pulls in as though it knows I will need comfort from the impending disappointment,I reach over again calling out to a haven,my haven that I hope will be there in dark brown hair and hooded eyes..I find emptyness and fall back asleep

I wake at noon..my legs all tired and begging to be carried,yet I know the only one who would wish to take this ebony skin is far across saving galaxies and aliens that will never understand.

As the shower touches my body,images flash before my eyes my eyes that have grown used to being tired but still cry at the depravation.The images linger as the water dances across my scars and my back and it does not feel like liquid over my body it feels like you

i honestly never understood how they can say you cannot breathe without someone.Oh you can breathe but the point will be that the breathing will be so painful you may start to wish you lost that ability.Because it will feel like a thousand universes are sitting on your chest yet your eyes are shut too tight to see their beauty,and you are okay with that.And maybe that is where the danger really begins,when you are content with seeing gray,blacks and white and you have put a ban on the colour spectrum threating to rip reds and blow up yellows.Then mountains begin to make homes in your head and their peaks begin to snow on your heart that had already forgotten what a warm ribcage felt like.The stars at that moment that had forged within your eyes over the months start to die out all at once and you are left standing alone in the dark once more,clutching unto the air as though it is a banister that can save you as your knees give in.Finally,finally every part of you gives and you are still awake as the weeds begin to grow on each part of you that their touch always brought to life.

To him,
Who understands me perfectly.

I love you.
And am falling every time we touch.

I wish you could see that.

I am invisible.
I don't mind.
Really.
You'll see me one day.

Is it a crime to want someone to hold my hand,
To kiss me and text me goodnight??

I am afraid of failing, that's what stopped me from taking the solo last year.
I am afraid of letting people down.
I am afraid of letting myself down, that's why I don't take risks.
I fear what people think if I showed them who I really am.
I am afraid.

I have pain.
Don't think I don't.
I do.

I just don't show it...