lean over
just say
whatever it is
get it out of the way
i'd rather know the truth
than keep being played
is the validation
worth my pain

ring the doorbell
but "no one is home"
peep in the window
call your cellphone
i know your in there
can't tell if you're alone
i don't really care
just wanted to know
if it was the way i kept in touch
you told me it was fine
was i doing too much
didn't wanna make things worse
you're stressed enough
but you told me you liked me
and just like that i was done
couldn't wait to know those eyes
in their hazel glory
looked forward to hearing
all of the crazy stories
but maybe thats not what you want
maybe you were happier before me
if you don't want me too
can't take it sorely
but that's the thing
the reason i'm here
wanna know what you think
cause right now it's unclear
if you want me to keep going
or wish i'd disappear
locked out in the cold
hoping you can hear
afraid to cry
because it might be too intense
i'm invested in this weird connection
but i'll survive if it ends
just feel like i look so stupid
trying to be a friend
can we just talk about it
can you please just let me in

how do i hurt you
when i can't even look your way
the things you've done are unforgivable
and have filled me with a bitter rage
that i can't explain or act on
because i still care about you despite the pain
you caused and i can't comprehend
how i can see you as the same
person who loved and held me
through the nights and cooed my name
i want to believe he's somewhere inside
of that person who seems to occupy your place
i need you to feel they you made me feel
but my feelings won't seem to change

spilling over
the lip of the tub
you want to disappear
but offer a hug
you don't want to be this close
but you feel bad for what you've done
the blood is getting on your sweater
and you're starting to choke up

you don't wanna be here
but feel the need to fix me
wanna be with her
trying not to gag when you kiss me
i'm a dark part of your past
so you can't forget me
beyond moved on
but feel anchored in my misery

the fact that no one will ever love me
is driving me insane
i'm such an ugly person
inside and out
that i don't even wait
for that special person to come along
and show me love
because i know they all hate
me because i talk too much
and act a certain way
i'm sorry
so sorry
i hate me too
sorry for being such a drain

you make it about winnin'
a competition
i'm not here to compete
i'm here to be with you

if you really wanna make it
about who takes first place this
is not going to last
and that's the sad truth

i wanna be your partner
not fight to see who'll go farther
to see the other falter
i don't wanna fight to the death

stop trying to make everything a contest
i'm tired and unimpressed
with your defensive strategies
and this fabricated rivalry in your head

slept with my makeup on
came home and crashed in your arms
woke up head pounding
but hypnotized by the pound of your heart
the way it rumbles from inside your chest
is almost too much for me
i could spend the rest of my life
just watching you sleep
i just wanna get closer
and rest my head on your chest
so overwhelmingly grateful
that you want me despite my mess

a little birdy told me
that you cant keep a promise
i guess im not suprised

my gut told met to walk away
but i didnt
and now im paying the price 

anybody could tell
that your pride
will be your demise

you walk too tall
surely you'll fall
before you get too high

could've been closer
touching or at least in touch
now we're always at odds
can't agree on much
miss the peace
contemplating a truce
you were quite fun to bother
even if i could never stand you

i'm cold
don't let me freeze
without you here
the heat leaves me

                               i can't stay warm
                               please pull me close
                               i know you don't love me
                               but i need you the most

                                                                         you thaw my heart
                                                                         you make me feel alive
                                                                         without you here
                                                                         there's just a blizzard inside

the way i feel is undeniable
i hid it nonetheless
from the way i stand a little straighter
to how my heart starts to pound in my chest
at the sight of you i explode
into a world of color and life
everything i touch sparkles
like the reflection of you in my eyes
can't wait to let you know
but i'm afraid to tell you so
for now i'll just keep it on the low
and just bask in your glow

don't know why i woke up today
and walked my happy little *** here
dragging myself through the motions
but accomplishing nothing great
i'm no where near
where i want to be or dream to go
i'm stuck in this awful place
where i stagnate
no chance to grow
just the same old person
i was two years ago
want to be something different
but change is too scary
so i stick to what i know
but i'm not happy
with the life that i lead
disgusted by my choices
and underwhelmed with
everyone's perception of me

every second spent alone
is one filled with tears
a blubbering mess
when nobody's here
close the door when you leave
i don't want you to hear
i wish i could snap my fingers
and just disappear
and truly its that easy
just the slip of a blade
could take all this
hurt away
in a blink
i'd be free of my pain
but i know that
that is not the way

say less
don't feel the need
to get something off your chest

won't guess
beyond playing into the game
or involving in your mess

it's fine
you can go ahead and leave
say your goodbyes

save time
ain't no more use in pandering
won't listen to your lies

gotta shatter like glass
into a million bits
just to get your attention
and even then
you don't really care
just do what you 'should'
just cause it's your job
don't mean you'll do it good

the wind blows a little colder
let's me know its time
suddenly i know all i need to know
half a year you burrowed in my mind
incapable of just forgetting
how could i
when cemented yourself
into my life
when you went out of your way
to make yourself mine
when you gave me no other option
but your lies

unimpressed
you make me sick
you're not that cool
i know the tricks
you're miserable
we all see it
i've lost interest
in being your friend

forgive you once
forget you twice
need better people
in my life
won't listen to
you this time
don't speak stupid
i read signs
i'll follow those
leave you behind
evict you to
cleanse my mind

shivering with potential
the opportunity has arrived
vibrating with possibilities
knowing there's all these reasons to be alive

you deserve the best things in this world
you're suffering but you put others first
i wish it wasn't like this for you
that i didn't have to say such harsh words
but i wanna be honest
because i've been in your shoes
you either gotta walk away
or force them to respect you
otherwise you'll sit in pain
hoping that they will notice
i really hope it's just a misunderstanding
but i see how you feel so hopeless

all i needed
was you to not say anything at all
you bail on me time and again
but make me feel guilty for thinking it's your fault
if you don't have the means
or you don't care to see me just say it
get it out of the way
my peace of mind is sacred
let me have this one thing
don't ruin it just because you can
don't promise me things
you know you can't
i'm tired of being disappointed
and half heartedly making new plans
knowing you'll forget me
and i'll have to understand
i'm sick of being patient
go the whole way or don't come at all
it's exhausting waiting for you to show
and trying not seem upset when you call

it feels like
two magnets pushing apart from each other
if you use enough force they'll touch
but the second you ease up
they repel one another as before
i'm tired of being that force
for us

wanna see you happy
and i guess you're better off
i'll ignore the feeling in my heart
that tells me that you're not
that tells me that you never will
if you're not with me
i'll go against
every fiber of my being
when i see you across the way
i'll talk to my own friends and stay in my lane
fight the urge to wave
and casually say your name
because the only time i say it anymore
is between tears
i poured myself into you
over the years
no one could know you better
but you got sick of me
wanna see you happy
and i couldn't not let you leave
and even if i feel
like the world is wrong when we're like this
i will let you go as you wanted
thoughts kept behind pursed lips

love to see that nothing has changed
how your actions validate my claims
you said you wouldn't but you did all the same
you're no better from when you begged me to stay

can't trust your intentions because something just doesn't sit right
you seem to want me to revolve around your life
when i was put on this world to worry about mine
how are you able to think any of this is fine

you seem just as unhappy as you were
i hope you find somebody who makes you feel heard
that next time you carefully choose your words
that you think about your choices and the people they hurt

but i also hope you rot in hell for what you did
even if you change you'll never convince
me to regret constructing my fence
i will never be made a fool of again

it's easy to want you
because you want me
but i don't wanna love you
because you love me
you deserve so much
much more than that
you deserve someone
who could love you back

i'm thinking about the nights
that we hid in your car
till one in the morning
not kissing
or *******
we aren't like that
no
we are more
we looked into each other's eyes
and whispered our darkest secrets
and expressing our feelings
with your hand on my cheek
holding me
wiping away my tears
telling me you loved me
and i cooed it back
telling me i was beautiful
even though my mascara had run
and oh
i suddenly believed i was

where did that go?

set out the favors
and put out the snacks
ready to blow out the candles
but no one's called back
family is out of town
and my friends are too busy
to come hang for a while
and celebrate with me
wish i could share the fireworks
and cake with someone else
but i guess i'll fire the victory cannons
all by myself

tell myself people make mistakes
that it's okay to have an off day
but i still feel bad

tell myself you wanted to be my friend
that that has to mean something doesn't it
but i still feel bad

keep telling myself i tried to do the right thing
that i wouldn't take advantage of the fact that you like me
but i still feel bad