hypocritical
metaphysical
muffled words
remain incomprehensible
too nonsensical
always so literal
i can't help myself
from being this cynical

the last time i smiled
it ended it in tears
the last time i cared
must be back a couple years
whatever you have to say
won't change a thing
its awfully late to be trying
to save me

everything i touch
i burn
anyone i love
i hurt
i want to offer more
than pain
but where do i even
begin the change

silence
i know
lonely
i'm so
hardly
i show
hold me
i'm cold

afraid
to die
lack purpose
in life
crying under
streetlights
praying for disasters
in the dead of night

how can i sleep
when i'm this afraid
i won't is the answer
i hate to say

i'm above the whispering
but their tongues keep licking
like a snake
defensively flicking
like a wind up toy
their teeth keep clicking
at the mouth
they're foaming and spitting

there's a lot i never said
and a lot i never will
wanna reach out
but what if it's still
too early
or if it's too late
to say some of the things
i still want to say
there's a lot of time between us now
is it enough
or did the distance break us down
was it too much

i just realized the reason
i am afraid to be loud
is because i feel like
no one wants to hear the things i say
that most just wanna leave
and are waiting till the moment's right

but i'm stubborn
and i still shout
i make myself known
and when people leave
i stare at their backs
and tell myself i told you so

what are your last words
how do you plead
can't change public opinion
already guilty
lay in the bed
you made on your own
until you're called
to pay what you owe
better pray while you can
before midnight comes
because when the blade strikes
what's done is done

why won't death just take me
i'm tired and can't fight anymore
does it bring the universe joy
to know i'm losing things to live for
i don't wanna die but
caring for my wellbeing is just too much
i know it's wrong to not even try
but at this point i just give up

perturbed
by something natural
disturbed
by something factual

i'm more than the hair
on my legs and arms
my beauty is not
discounted by my scars
ugliness is not found in
flaws and marks
people's skin
does not define who they are

what's hideous is
the hatred inside of you
the judgement you pass
the slurs that you use
you think i'm too afraid or weak
to counter your outdated views
if you abhor me for things i can't change
you're the kind if person i'd love to lose

weeks to know
months to loathe
once upon a time
not so long ago
you loved me so
i held your soul
now i have nothing
but i still won't let go

fix one and two more break
quickly running out of tape
temporary arrangements can't undo mistakes
half *** apologies just cause more pain
would i wanna go out you ask
know what i should say
sure let's make a plan
but i'm too fed up to lie today
not tomorrow no time soon
not until everything is okay
if that hurts your feelings
i'm sorry you feel that way
it's 'all about you' until it actually is
and when it is i'll at least explain
because i'm not a *******
who wants to lie to your face
i'm just trying keep a ship
headed towards disaster at bay
i need to worry about my own problems
before i try to be the change
you're so comfortable depending on me
you don't understand the concept of space
feel like you know the ins and outs better than me
of my own ******* brain
if you don't leave me the **** alone
i can't promise your ego will be safe
just stop trying to uncover things
you dont really wanna face
you just wanna be right
but you're so far off of base
this isn't about making life hard
or trying to pin you with blame
but if you can't give me time
or respect the boundaries i've placed
i find it harder and harder
to displace my hate
to finally be in the grasp
of my unrestrained rage
sometimes it's just too late
for things to stay the same

kissing the border of your face
whispering into the space
in your neck right below your ear
reminding you that i'm right here
and i never wanna leave
all i wanna do is be
in your orbit and on your mind
every moment of your available time

you don't get to hurt me anymore
something i never thought i'd say
the thought of you leaving
made me so afraid
a world without you
seemed so plain
a world without you is
free of pain
if i could go back
i'd jump off the plane
you were trying to crash
i thought it was safe
you didn't want love
you wanted to be saved
as i watch you get trapped
in the mess that you've made
i don't feel the need to look back
comfortable just walking away