if i can't have you
then that's too bad
you can try to run
but you're not that fast
hurry up break my heart
right in half

it will make what i am about to do less painful

if you love it
they say let it go
you don't love me
your eyes say so
if i can't be happy
it wont show

i hold my head high but my thoughts are hateful

i see the light
she puts in your eyes
i could be sore
or i could devise
a plan that
makes it a tie

one for one, even and able

you love her don't you
go ahead and choose her
not knowing
the ironic future
that lay ahead
for you sir

if she was never yours, it's not a betrayal

she'll never love you
i made sure of that
hope it saws
your heart in half
hope the sight of me taking her
drives you mad

seeing that look on your face is absolutely shameful

Empty Heart
Empty Days
****** with my mind
In too many ways
Now it’s an empty life
Without me by your side
Want me to fill in
Till you make up your mind
But, babe, catch a hint
Read the signs
Stop wasting my ******* time

something hangs
in the air
like smoke
clings to our clothes
stings in my nose
but thats just how it goes
the lump in my throat
too large to be swallowed
causes me to choke
on the words i've waited to say
was finally ready to be honest today
let you see all of the pain
and stop putting on a brave face
but in the moment my resolves fades
all my vulnerability melts away
my heart cannot afford to break
can not let my strength budge
cannot value any trust
can not ever fall in love
isolation needs to be enough
when you're this afraid to be touched
this regretful of things you've done

getting used to
getting used

ain't that ******* sad?

barely reply as is
but tell me to call
if i feel like crying
swear it's safe to fall
and i wanna trust your words
and if i could relax that'd be great
but my gut is telling me
to push you away
before you get bored
or annoyed or mad
before i get abandoned
or stabbed in the back
i wanna trust you
but the things you do
the people you choose
aren't like the person i knew
or thought i knew
i think i need to bid adieu
don't wanna overstay
or cause issues

i just wish that i could trust you

add one lie
and two people
three more words
two more heartbreaks
one less lie

i see the storm clouds rolling in
should probably head back in
but my afternoon has just begun
and i didn't get to see anyone
i'm being stubborn and careless
just to be out on the terrace
soaking up the last of dancing rays
in the last of my suffering days
i really oughta close the window
but i like how it feels when the wind blows
i didn't feel anything for a long long time
and its selfish but who cares if i die
at least i died free
if it were following my wishes
the last you'd see of me

i used to say
i wanted to pain to go away
but now that it is gone
nothing fills its place

i used to pray
that on some hopeful day
that my worries would vanish
and my sadness could fade

now i seem to crave
the hurt and the heart ache
as opposed to this dullness
this void-inducing haze

even as things seem to change
i notice how they just stay the same
either way i yearn
for a reason to stay

edges begin to fray
the only color i know is gray
i've always had this will
how come i can never find the way

end of disccussion
is this what you wanted
i tell you how it felt
but you swear that it wasn't
the way that i said
or how you remember
falling out of love
in the heart of december
and when push came to shove
you wouldn't care enough
to reach out for me
when i turned away from your touch
i never wanted space
i just wanted you to care
when i walked away
i hoped you'd try to find out where
but you were never gonna look
you were finally free
i cut the chains
and you unwound yourself from me
i knew you were lying when you tried to tell me
i wasn't hard to love or a burden to bear
who did you think you were fooling
what feelings did you really spare

every inch
becomes a mile
i would go the distance
just to see you smile
following the path
x marks the spot
your words are my treasure
your body is not

flood of emotion
causing commotion
there is valid concern
to question my devotion
do i mean what i say
or am i high on the pain
of knowing that you will
never love me the same
maybe it's both
i'll never know
i dream of reconciliation
but ultimately won't
get what i want since
i can't even convince
myself to come to terms
or find acceptable reasons to make amends
i want it with all my heart
but the situation's a little too charged
just wanted to feel something
and now things have been taken too far
i know i've spent too much time dreaming
too far gone to trust my own feelings
in the beginning maybe there was something
but now i'm just creating my own endings

i could cry
but i don't wanna do that to myself
been hurt for a while
been without your help
so don't offer it now
you're too late to fix this issue
past the withdrawal
glad this time to miss you
i spent too much time waiting
feeling wrong for being insecure
you apologized then did it again
you're the one who's unsure
i tried and it killed me
if you wanted to you would
don't want me to leave
but won't do any good
won't meet me in the middle
won't even open the door
when i've closed the distance by myself
you won't be bothered anymore
you can trust me on that

april to june
gone so soon
conversations
into the a.m.
vanished like smoke
the last time we spoke
i realized that we
lost our chemistry
maybe it was about time
or you found a better mind
i shared so much
thought that was enough

but sometimes people just want more

how sorry can you really be
not enough to satiate me
if it is all just an act
be sure to make it persuading
and make it fast
you know i hate waiting

if you really didn't mean it
why did you even do it
accepting your apology
will make me seem weak and stupid
i'm guaranteed safe keeping
if i stay secluded

you're not really worth
dying over and over again
the necessary lies evolve
into your excuses in the end
always my biggest critic
never a true friend

unsure of who i was
but now i am proud of who i am
even if it means alone
and nobody understands
at least i know i gave
every single one of you a chance

told me that you want this
why do i feel unwanted
you make it hard to believe

stop saying that you're coming
i want my time refunded
can't make it worth it to me

if i could give you another chance
if i could feel safe in your hands
wanted you to make me understand
but now i just wanna go

if you could've waited
had you underestimated
hopes are decimated
my pain isn't for show

are you happy now
that we hate each other's company
uncomfortable this close
wondering what you want from me

ain't no suprise
if i'm being forced to wait
i'll take my time
i'd rather end up alone than bitter

i took it with my chest
i said what i meant
i put it all out on the table
i'm trying not to regret it
or the times we spent together

  i'm gonna fake it
  till i believe
  keep forgiving until
  i'm finally free
  from the bindings of my mind

   when the chains loosen
   and fall from my hands
   when i can feel better
   even though i don't understand
   to finally appreciate this life

i'm not quite there
and you can say what you want
but you can never say i'm not trying

maybe might have broke your heart
jury says guilty as charged
but did you ever care for me
or did you just want company
did i really break your heart
or were you already scarred
you put that pain on me
cause you refuse to see

what she took from you
no one can replace
staring through me
to see her face
you never loved me
i just felt safe
don't hate me for not wanting
to fill her place

**** talking with your group of friends
it's always bittersweet by the end
swear i'll regret leaving
still asking to see me
keep knocking but i won't let you in
keep complaining to all of them
you're the synonym for needy
is this what you call grieving

sorry that she took your love
so all you have is hate
sorry i couldn't live
being second place
you hurt me too
but we only acknowledge your pain
tell them what i did
plead your losing case

i dont wanna be a pastime
a distraction for the nighttime
feels like a waste of time
if not yours at least mine
im too sensitive for you to just say
the words you do without shame
melt at the sound of your voice mumbling my name
i love you the most beautiful kind of pain

the rot resides
in the cage of your heart
rusting the bars
making you its slave
though its not stable
it never falls apart
imprisoning your
will to change
neglectful of the present
chained to the past
spoiling all that is just and right
candles of hope
never seem to last
always burning out
in the night

crack of the door
you don't love me anymore
at first i couldn't take it
but now i see this for what it is
not for what it was
a need for intimacy traded for lust
no wonder i was disappointed

but i got what i asked for didn't i
careful for what you wish for right
i'm learning as i go i guess
just gonna slip out quietly
while you're not thinking about me
which is easy because that's all the ******* time

you won't really miss me at all
just confused by a wall
when you're used to having what you want
you don't miss me like you think you do
at least you'll still be my muse
until i let someone else break me

sure you said you're sorry but you didn't mean it
you apologize when its convenient
when you need something you can't just take
the first time i thought you really changed
after the fifteenth cycle i think its safe
to say you're only accountable when it benefits you

everyone keeps telling me it's sad
and it was

but truly now
it's not even worth bringing up

cause i love you
sure do hate you
and many other things between

but i can't trust you
and i can't save you
from whatever this life might bring

you could have at least closed the door
before you jumped out the window
i'm not so awful and i was too patient
a small part of me still waits out in the cold

you break me 
to fix me
you leave me 
to miss me
you hurt me
and trick me
and lead me on
just to kiss me
just to fight
and to quit me
to come back
and forget me
to remember
and find it fitting
to say you love me
then you're just kidding
all this back and forth
just makes me dizzy
you hate my guts
then call me pretty
i'm so confused
as each wave hits me
you don't want me
but you're with me
why do you stay
if you resent me
all this indecision 
must keep you busy

i cried over you
yes you
i'dve died to be with you
that's true
thought i was right
but i was just confused
that was the last fight
blew my last fuse
no more faking nice
or picking sides
you pulled a knife
threatened my life
at my throat
and for what
you feel entitled
to my trust
like every wall
should fall to dust
melt like ice
beneath your touch
but i have limits
don't ask for much
boundaries
you want none

if one more person
tells me i take things
way too personally
i might lose my ****

crippling anxiety
running its course
don't blame me
or i'll lose my wits

i'm already on edge
i can't take anymore
and even if i know
exploding is not a good fix

i will let it all go
because why the **** not
if i hold it in any longer
i will blow to bits

i get all choked up
and you yell at me
because i can't find the air in my lungs
to vocalize it

i am so upset
i'm frustrated
beyond imagination
feelings become too intense

i'm drowning in words
that won't come out
because my irrational feelings of terror
won't let them

but you don't care
you want an answer
so you'll push my buttons
again and again

not understanding
that i'm shutting down
concerned with my actions
not my intent

everybody's got something to say
everybody's got someone to hate
if i don't agree
if i stand by me
i'm just in the way

everybody's got someone to know
everybody's got something to show
if i hide mine
from prying eyes
i'm asking to be alone

but what if i'm not
what if it's the exact opposite of what you thought
what if it's taken everything i've got
to move on
to be fine

but what if i stop
what if i see his name on my screen and drop
everything to be in the spot
next to him
and he lies

it's easy to forget where i stand
when you whisper in my neck
so lost in your words
i don't remember what to expect
because it feels so warm
like sunshine in my chest
special until you
act different with your friends
golden until
you change at sunset
butterflies stop feeling good
i just feel upset
my alternate reality
shattered by what you've said

just wanna be happy
why is that so bad
i can't care anymore and i am sorry
if that makes you sad
always complaining about something
i tried to have your back
but the negativity gets old
real ******* fast

all i need is a reason
but you can't give me that
because you know i'm right for this
even if it makes you mad
i tried to be there for you
now we're just on different paths
so many things i want to have
can't miss something i never had