you can't
complain to me
about another's weight
and expect me not to feel worthless.

I don't think you know
how much I think
about everything.

I want to be flawless.

I don't deserve you.

I don't want to give you more than what you're asking for.

I want you to love me from a distance,
because I don't want you to be disgusted by me.

I'm not worth it.
I'm not worth the displeased looks,
or extra work.

I'm gross,

I'm nothing.

I would **** myself,

but I want to die pretty.

money is scarce,
but isn't it always?

space is free,
because you're not here to occupy it.

time is wasted,
    because I mumble, and freeze up.

but I think
  that's okay
    because I don't want us to be      
                          normal.

I don't want to treat you like your next,
or your last.

I want to be someone you remember,

someone you think back to and smile.

I want to spoil you,
  with my words
    and gestures.

with how much
  I think about you,

how much time I have  
lost
in you.

I want you to know that you're my everything,

and I want that to make you feel amazing.

I want to make you feel amazing.

i want to tell you that  
i regret
  meeting you.

i regret how
easily i fell

and how
i can't help but
  want you.

it's selfish,
but i guess that's all you've known.

you don't deserve it.

i don't deserve you.

i don't know if i want you because
you caught me
  as i was coming down from a high

or if it's because
  you're different

you don't talk to me like anybody else has

your words form smiles,
  and flushed cheeks.

when all the words i knew before
formed frowns
  and stress lines.

age isn't just a number

age is a boundary,
a risk.

age is a label,

from 1-10,

worthless to worth it.

age is a story,
your story.

age shows how much you know,

how many troubles you've faced.

age is you,

you are defined by age.

do you know how great it feels
to be able to smile
freely
through just hearing a laugh?

their laugh.
his laugh.

it's different.

it's not like
when you're taking a picture with a relative,
and they say 'cheese'

it's like
  you don't realize you're smiling
until you're not.

until their words have stopped.