The feeling I get around you is similar to the dropping of my body at 1:08 am when I'm trying to rest my constant headaches and cycles of things I wish I would've said. No one enjoys worries that cloud over their thoughts and you're my precipitation. Each drop trickles down the crevices of my brain and travels down I-90IWishIWould'veNeverLetYouInTheWayIDid and exits out my eyes burdened with the drops, whether it's salted water or paralysis. But just like the weather these memories or maybe lost hopes are unpredictable, but somehow remain constant like the average climate that's recorded each year. But if you were to record the years I've walked upon this planet, my climate dropped to the coldest since decades in 2014.
Funny how everything about me dropped, when you dropped me.

you're everything i want in a nutshell
i want to crush you into the tiniest bits and pieces
and only take the good parts
but i hate being messy
and crumbs in my pockets are the worst
because if i were to take the good parts
every spec i created with my hands
would be traveling with me
in my pockets

you're everything i want in a crumbled mess

I used to have these big dreams and hopes in my eyes,
but after you left they all formed into questions and goodbyes,
And for future reference, ignore all these cheesy rhymes, but remember the message
Because they're all created with these flying times and my confused cries

and I know you didn't lie to me,
but while you stepped out that door,
you took more than a piece of me,
more like the rest of me,
the best of me,
whatever I had left.

My mom said I should write you letters.
She doesn't know I have boxes underneath the clothes in my closet.
All locked up with memories.
But I'm staring at them,
hoping they'd turn into day dreams.
But I could never send them.
I know I had my faults but,
I'm never that childish.

I know I said you deserve so much better.
But you know how my insecurities choke me like my grandmother's favorite sweater.

With the patterns of words I should've never said,
I would've taken it back without hesitation.
I recited this many times before, so listen, and don't fake it:

"You deserve so much more baby, I guess, maybe. But I want you to stick around and build up a wall between my demons and comfort because really I can't imagine my life without you. Everything would be the dullest gray."

Now that you're gone, and miles away, let me put it this way:
I'm seeing everything through a dog's point of view.

i've often been told
that the apple doesn't fall far
from the tree

but if i climbed the highest tree
broke the weakest branches
and picked you with a single touch

would you
could you
distance yourself from the orchard of your old ways

4:14 am
i love hearing your sleepy voice lingering through my speakers into my ear and into my soul as comfort
the drowning of words and slurring of vowels gives me an anchor tied to my chest as it sinks its way down and splashes creating a sense of shivers
those shivers inch the frame of my body and give me the words i need to say the most
i love you