why can't i write about happy things?
i want to tell of love,
of breathless nights, and twinkling stars
of soft grass and beautiful sunlight
but the words will not come
the phrases don't string themselves together
all that i can tell of is the hurt
of the days of being lost and forgotten
of the loneliness that overwhelms me
i know this world is beautiful
but it won't reveal itself to me anymore

Sometimes I am unraveling,
slowly coming apart,
at the seams,

Sometimes I am strong,
standing tall,
and acting quickly,

Sometimes I am nice,
helping the others,
being selfless,

Sometimes I am cruel,
hurtful to everyone,
and uncaring,

Sometimes I lose hope,
but that does not,
ever last,

i dreamed i was
making a snow angel.
but the snow was turning
red. i was dying.
drained of my life. i floated
above and saw my creation.
i smiled, for it was the most
beautiful snow angel
i had ever seen.
pale white. bright red.
**sleep

in the middle of the night i'm always alone -
so desperately alone.
there's no one here to catch my tears,
or stop the swirling vortex in my head
from draining me of any happy thoughts.
i feel Guilt
Anger
Sadness
Shame
Regret
but mostly i feel Alone.
i can take the shame and the guilt.
i try to handle the sadness and regret.
even anger can be pushed away.
but the loneliness never fades.
if it were a moth, i'd be a flame.
burning me alive
until there's nothing left..

Late at night I cry so hard I make myself puke.
The tears don't stop until my head is throbbing
my nose is running
I can't see straight.
And I'm crossing my arms in front of my chest, hugging myself tight
to keep my heart together.