Today mom is in pain
It feels like my own.

I cry and fret
But she is far away...

When I talk to her
She is happy for my advancements
And prays for
Her grandson's wellbeing...

I yearn
To run to her
Alleviate

And want her to lean
On me again...

When they said
love is blind
That was not a lie
when i reached
Out to you
i shouldn't have tried

Tons of fish in water
the sharks will catch the slow
I wish i could be eaten
but life wont let me go

cotton candy in pink, blue, white
fluffy and fearless before sparkling eyes
I disappear into them
you'll never see me again

clouds of smoke in black, grey, white
I find myself breathing (or so I thought)
the ghost of me lays peacefully in white  
my limbs trapped in toffee (and there I rot)

cotton candy hardens into sticky toffee
when water touches it
when my lips touch it
soft to touch but never mine to hold

sweet candy in carnival colours
neon lights and bubble pop
I didn't believe the shadows in your eyes
or the sweet wrappers you trample on

a poisoned apple you offered me
"It's poisoned," you warned me
so who is to blame for this tragedy?
well, it's always been me, me, me.

The willow's slender, gentle boughs
Extending like so many depressed but welcoming arms
Towards the maiden deep below in dark waters.

This is the willow that grows aslant a brook.
This is the tree who witnessed the mad ravings of a girl,
Who watched as she did pick those flowers
And draped them as a noose about her form.

The tree, the only witness to the young woman's fall
Or perhaps a leap, a jump, into the abyss.
It is for her that the willow weeps.

For a long time
I was angry with her
even trying to get rid of her

She'd pop up
at inappropriate times
with her odd behavior

Later I thought about
integrating and accepting her
making her feel welcome

Now - I ask her advice
After all - she's the one
who felt all the love

My parents were
kind and loving people
She's the one who knew them

She was already 3
when my mother told my father
to get lost

She was already 4
when my mother took off
to pursue another dream

So she knows life
from the perspective of confidence
and self worth

It's good I invited her in
and made friends with her
she helps me

She's the one
who showed me how
to let go

I must enjoy the when,
Not always all the time.
I wish to see you again,
To dance your crazy line,
So call me foolish, dumb or stupid.
Words of hate time after time.
As I know what's really true.
Seeing past the veils of your line,
Perils I set upon my behalf.
As I get close to you.
Growing up and out isn't easy,
But good things can happen too.

Once I had a friend
    and soulmate,
we were dreamin’
we could fly away
    with the wind;
    but knowing
wings are for angels,
we stood transfixed
  beneath the light
  a sky full of stars


hanging onto a dream      
we clutched so tightly,
      perched high
      on the edge
      of the world,
wondering how far
     and how high
the great wide open
     sky blue skies
           abide


believing the power
  of kept promises ―
you said you’d forever
   catch me if I fall ―
letting go of the fears,
 blindfolded hope
clinched so deeply,
    hanging onto
a wing and a prayer


I guess I wanted it
     far too much
     reaching out
  like a thirsty fool
grasping for a mirage ―
teetering on the brink
    unspoken love,
   a vast unknown
  threshold beyond
          wings


with eyes wide open
throwing caution afar ―
   in a leap of faith
I reached ― out of reach
   into the mystic wind ―
    believing in dreams,
      in destiny's tease:
       I’d learn to fly
         before I hit
        the ground


but now I’m perpetually
          free fallin’
  I see the empty space
   all around me pass
a fleeting lifetime lost ―
   still  you’re nowhere
       to be found ―
    and I remember
what’s been forgotten:

       how far down
  rock bottom befalls
  when your spinning
    round and round
      like dust eddies
        in a fog bank
      lost in the wind                             .