My body shakes
My body aches
I have nothing left to give
I gave my life away
So she could stay
Just one more day
Every cry
The tear that seeps from my eyes
My heart beat slows
My skin no longer glows
My skin is pale
My body is frail
Breaking at the smallest touch
My hair used to be long
Now it's all gone
Long blonde hair
No longer there
Once smooth welcoming skin
Now dry unwelcoming and thin
I'm dying inside
But I stay for her
Not much more energy
Left inside me
I was living just for her
The love of my life now cries at night
Because I couldn't hold on anymore
Now I'm at peace
Died and just slipped away
I just couldn't stay

Self hate is so much more than based off personal looks.
The way your eyes slant downwards or are just a little too squinty, the way your nose takes up a fourth of your face.
The way the kids tease you that your lips are too big or small.
The way that girl called you fat,
ugly,
skinny,
sick.
The way they told you you can never be loved.
Self hate routes from something bigger...
A fire burning deep inside.
Self hate comes from emotion.
It comes from the people closest.
The ones your told to trust.
Mom, dad, sister, brother, aunts and uncles.
Mom and dad used to fight...
Your older sister said it was all your fault.
You blamed yourself for so long.
Then one day you took a blade.
First time you ran it down your arm.
Let out your demons.
They screamed inside.
And now they are free.
Sure the kids at school all play into this.
But it's so much more.
If only you could see.
Within you there is still beauty.
You survived.
Therefore insperation remains alive.
You got past every name you've ever been called.
Every word your parents cursed.
You got through it all.

You might make me feel safe
You might make feel content

but I deserve better,
so much better

I gave you my attention,
I thought of you past midnight in the dark of my room,

and now you've gone back on your word
and all I can think is how ignorant I really am

but

stop it
because I'm not ignorant
I can't let you be the reason I see myself so negatively

you're the one who gave up

I might be left in the dust

but just you wait, I'm going to find the best

He gives me company when I am lonely
He reads to me when I am blue
Holds me close when I am crying
Does all he can to bring me through

He shows me sunshine on the dark days
Holds my hand when I show fear
Gives me his everlasting patience
And provides a listening ear

He builds me up when I falter
Makes me strong when I feel weak
Gives me hope when I feel hopeless
And says he loves that I'm unique

He is the one I wish to be with
For every day yet to be
For he is my soulmate, my true love
And this is our destiny

They promised, my dear you cannot trust anyone
For this world is selfish, surely you know,
It is filled with evil lurking,
That feasts upon your skin and bones

Stay away from all the darkness,
For the monsters show no fear,
They will laugh at all your failures
And whisper nightmares in your ears

But a saviour came striding through the darkness,
Though I had become the monsters prey
He showed me light and love and freedom
And with him I ran away

You simply sit there
A miraculous marvel to my eyes
Every movement fascinates me
And i watch hungrily
Never able to get enough of you
Yet always aching to

I am stuck in a tantalizing perception
That perhaps I could have your entirety
And yet you slip through my fingers like sand
And so I stare, wishing for time to slow
Just enough…
So I can momentarily have a proper dose

You,
with your freckles
and your crazed brown eyes,
you can't help it.
Those longing sighs and
warped sights only for me.
Your breath is a songbird, your voice
a flock of birds all in harmony.
You are like the ocean,
the sky and the hazy,
confused line between them -
endless and effortlessly immense.

So close yet so far, the magnetisation
of atoms is wrenching me halfway across
the world towards you. I can feel your air,
inches from mine, yet time flinches away
from me. I would wish for nothing more than
to be caught in your embrace of fire - two
years of wishing, and now as the days count down,
I wonder if your breath, your voice, your nature...
if it will be the way I always expected.

A balanced boy he was,
the equal of all neutrality,
yet she was enough to make him wild.